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Golden Nun
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Golden Nun (Review)

February 6, 2010By

Golden Nun


1977HKMDB Link
Directed and written by Tyrone Hsu Tien-Yung

Golden Nun is another in a long line of Taiwanese flicks that are pretty much unknown here and filled with goofy things. In this instance, we got a bald headed lady monk who fights a ghost girl, and at one point this bald nun becomes golden. Thus, the title. Does it make sense? Hell no! But why let that stop you? Taiwanese films are like…films…that….stuff. Yeah. Uh. Okay, maybe I need an actual metaphor and should stop winging it. So there have been more Taiwanese films than usual reviewed here recently, largely due to the fact I got a hold of a bunch of odd ones and am cranking them out slowly but surely.

What is weirdest about Golden Nun is that it is a musical! Inspired by Chinese opera stuff so there are a few random songs. The first one comes out of nowhere, but you get used to them.

Names are best guesses based on dialogue, they might be completely wrong, but too bad! Since this review is about it for English language mentions of Golden Nun, you are going to take what you can get and like it! We have no subtitles and no patience. But at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles!

Sai Yu-Chan (Lam Dai) – golden nun Lam Dai actually shaved her head for this role (or a few other roles, it looks like she is bald in a few movies.) In addition to starring in Golden Nun, Lam Dai also had a role in 13 Golden Nuns, released the same year but probably unrelated. She is also in a movie called Wolf Girl
Sing Wei-a (Lee Tao Hung) – Main guy who gets involved in all the wacky adventures with his bald girlfriend and ghost wife. Wacky wacky wacky. Too bad he is so boring.
Shiu Jiu-wa (Hu Chin) – Is she or isn’t she? Only her mortician knows for sure! Hu Chin was in The Fate of Lee Khan, so she gets forgiven for the fact the rest of her career looks like it was nothing but trash like this.
Taoist Priest (Tien Feng) – Tien Feng was Lee Khan in The Fate of Lee Khan, and also plays bad dudes in many other films, so he rules, even if he isn’t Lam Ching-Ying and therefore not the best Taoist Priest ever. Thus, he gets killed.
Pervy Guy (Lor Tok) – Lor Tok from James Band 007? What are you doing here? I guess his popularity in Thai films translated to making the big money in Taiwan. He basically has an extended cameo as a pervy guy who gets offed by the ghostly Shiu Jiu-wa.

InWingnut Web

2010 Can'tidates – Carly Fiorina has a habit of running shit into the ground

February 4, 2010By

Carly Fiorina is many things. She’s a God-fearing Christian woman who was once regarded as one of the most powerful women in the business world. She’s a fierce blond who leads with a “my way or the highway” attitude, a stubborn and callous leadership quality that has not always worked out in her favor. She’s one of the few Conservatives running for an elected position in 2010 who was actually called out by the Wall Street Journal for her horrendous 3 1/2 demon sheep campaign ad which Tars Tarkas featured yesterday. She also likes to refer to herself in the third person a lot when she tweets.

Speaking of bad decisions, Carly’s campaign slogan used to be “Carlyfornia Dreamin’!” which I guess is supposed to tap into that 20-35 male demographic of “dudes who love MILFs”. More recently, with her sheep ad, the slogan has changed to “FCINO“, which for obvious reason doesn’t make for that great of a slogan (considering that upon first reference no one knows what the fuck you’re talking about), but poor decision making has never gotten in the way of Carly Fiorina’s ability to run her operation (in a downward direction).

One of the best ways to illustrate Carly’s lack of proper leadership skills and ability to govern can be taken by example of how she ran her propsering Silicon Valley company, which she became CEO of in 1999, straight out to pasture (ha!). As the acting chief financial officer of Hewlitt-Packard, Carly quickly became one of the most loathed parts of the company for insisting that HP buy failing computer manufacturer Compaq. Her decision to go through with the aquisition, despite moans and groans from her board of directors as well as her employees, earned her the title of “worst CEO in Silicon Valley history“. Her reputation and leadership was so bad in fact that when she was booted from HP in 2005 the stock price of the company shot way up. Calbuzz also made reference to some dubious business she was behind with Iran, selling tens of millions of dollars worth of HP equipment to a country that was on the Axis of Evil list, while still seated as CEO.

Besides her horrible attack ad, there isn’t much to discuss when it comes to Carly Fiorina and politics. This is mostly due to the fact that she has had no real career in politics, yet she’s running for a senate seat in the most populous and biggest economic state in the Union. Otherwise this article would be chock full of political punditry. It makes you think though, if Fiorina was so hated and despised as CEO of HP for her awful business decisions, how much more ire would she draw from the citizens, or employees if you will, of California if and when elected? I just hope that she doesn’t send her army of techno-killer sheep after us when she loses the primary.

The Twilight Saga New Moon
InMovie News

2009 Razzies

February 4, 2010By

The 2009 golden Raspberry Awards (their 30th Anniversary year) has been posted. The regular nominations are just another blast at low hanging fruit, but the real fun is the worst of the decade nominations. And kudos to the Razzies for not doing like the Oscars and nominating everything that moves for Best (Worst) Picture. 2009 was an awful year for film, with only a few bright spots mixed between a lot of terrible trash and downright nuclear garbage.

Worst Picture of 2009
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Old Dogs
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen (AKA TRANNIES, TOO)
Wow, Trannies, Too? Way to make jokes I made when I was 6! Although I don’t think GI Joe was absolutely awful (it was just stupid), Transformers 2 is above and beyond the worst thing released last year. It should be an easy winner.

Worst Actor of 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers – JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Will Ferrell – LAND OF THE LOST
Steve Martin – PINK PANTHER 2
Eddie Murphy – IMAGINE THAT
John Travolta – OLD DOGS
I guess the stab at the Jonas Brothers is an attempt for the Razzies to try to stay relevant. Except it fails and just looks desperate. I can’t imagine who will win this one, so I’m voting for Steve Martin.

Worst Actress of 2009
Beyonce – OBSESSED
Sandra Bullock – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Miley Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Megan Fox – JENNIFER’S BODY AND TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Sarah Jessica Parker – DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS?
Bullock manages to get an Oscar nom and a Razzie nom in the same week. She also said she’d go if she wins the Razzie. So as much as I would love to see that (I like good humor in people) Megan Fox will probably have this wrapped up. And Beyonce and Miley Cyrus are just more desperate relevance noms. Bleh.

Worst Supporting Actor of 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Hugh Hefner (as Himself) – MISS MARCH
Robert Pattinson – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka) – LAND OF THE LOST
Marlon Wayans – G.I. JOE
I haven’t seen some of these, but the winner will be Pattinson because he’s hip to hate now, though Billy Ray deserves it for whoring out his daughter as a giant cash cow.

Worst Supporting Actress of 2009
Candice Bergen – BRIDE WARS
Ali Larter – OBSESSED
Sienna Miller – G.I. JOE
Kelly Preston – OLD DOGS
Julie White (as Mom) – TRANNIES, TOO
Transformers 2 is awful, and Mom acting like she’s tripping on acid after eating a pot brownie is embarrassing.

Worst Screen Couple of 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers – THE JONAS BROTHERS 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Sandra Bullock & Bradley Cooper – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Will Ferrell & Any Co-Star, Creature or “Comic Riff” – LAND OF THE LOST
Shia LaBeouf & EITHER Megan Fox OR Any Transformer – TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Robert Pattinson OR Taylor Whatz-His-Fang – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
this is why Boolean string operators should not be writing awards nominations. What is with all the EITHER/OR crap? And the complete lack of the two racist Transformer brothers makes this category a joke.

Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (Combined Category for 2009)
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Pink Panther 2 (A RIP-OFF OF A SEQUEL TO A REMAKE)
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon
Transformers 2 deserves to win again, but New Moon might pull this out (even though it is better than the first one)

Worst Director of 2009
Michael Bay – TRANNIES, TOO
Walt Becker – OLD DOGS
Brad Silberling – LAND OF THE LOST
Stephen Sommers – G.I. JOE
Phil Traill – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Michael Bay, no contest.

Worst Screenplay of 2009
All About Steve – SCREENPLAY BY KIM BARKER
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – SCREENPLAY BY STUART BEATTIE AND DAVID ELLIOT & PAUL LOVETT
Land of The Lost – WRITTEN BY CHRIS HENCHY & DENNIS MCNICHOLAS
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen – WRITTEN BY EHREN KRUGER & ROBERTO ORCI & ALEX KURTZMAN
Twilight Saga: New Moon – SCREENPLAY BY MELISSA ROSENBERG
Kurtzman and Orci deserve to win, amazing how adding a third writer somehow made their writing worse!

Now the fun begins!

Worst Picture of the Decade
Battlefield Earth (2000)
NOMINATED FOR 10 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 8
(INCLUDING WORST DRAMA OF OUR FIRST 25 YRS)
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 5
Gigli (2003)
NOMINATED FOR 10 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 7
(INCLUDING WORST COMEDY OF OUR FIRST 25 YRS)
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 8
Swept Away (2002)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 5
Gigli already got a special award, so it should be out. But, we got a category where it is hard to pick a winner because they are all so awful. I have to put my money on Battlefield Earth because then the Razzies can stick it to everyone in Hollywood who worships Lord Xenu and Thetans.

Worst Actor of the Decade
Ben Affleck
NOMINATED FOR 9 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
DAREDEVIL, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, PAYCHECK,
PEARL HARBOR, SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Eddie Murphy
NOMINATED FOR 12 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH, I SPY, IMAGINE THAT,
MEET DAVE, NORBIT, SHOWTIME
Mike Myers
NOMINATED FOR 4 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
CAT IN THE HAT, THE LOVE GURU
Rob Schneider
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 1 RAZZIE®
THE ANIMAL, BENCHWARMERS, DEUCE BIGALO: EUROPEAN GIGOLO,
GRANDMA’S BOY, THE HOT CHICK,
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY, LITTLE MAN, LITTLE NICKY
John Travolta
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
BATTLEFIELD EARTH, DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE, LUCKY NUMBERS,
OLD DOGS, SWORDFISH
Hating Ben Affleck seems passe at this point, so the award will probably go to Eddie Murphy, unless Rob Schneider’s Carrot movie opens soon…

Worst Actress of the Decade
Mariah Carey
THE SINGLE BIGGEST INDIVIDUAL VOTE GETTER OF THE DECADE:
70+% OF ALL VOTES FOR WORST ACTRESS OF 2001
GLITTER
Paris Hilton
NOMINATED FOR 5 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 4 RAZZIES®
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE, HOUSE OF WHACKS, REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA
Lindsay Lohan
NOMINATED FOR 5 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
HERBIE FULLY LOADED, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME, JUST MY LUCK
Jennifer Lopez
NOMINATED FOR 9 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
ANGEL EYES, ENOUGH, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, MAID IN MANHATTAN,
MONSTER-IN-LAW, THE WEDDING PLANNER
Madonna
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,”“WINNER” OF 4 RAZZIES®
DIE ANOTHER DAY, THE NEXT BEST THING, SWEPT AWAY
Hmmm… The Razzies love to hate on Madonna (but she’s done nothing at all lately), Lindsay, and Paris. As J-Lo, Paris, and Mariah have sort of disappeared from the movie star land lately, Lindsay Lohan will probably snag this one.

Well, we shall see who wins and who doesn’t. Maybe I’ll bother to try to vote this year, but probably not.

The Twilight Saga New Moon

InPoliticians and Pundits, Wingnut Web

2010 Can'tidates – Rosanna Pulido is back!

February 3, 2010By

Rosanna Pulido – aka chicagolady – who we met last year and helped expose as a radical Minuteman and FreeRepublic message board poster of naughty statements (thus getting our names in Chicagoe newspaper websites) – returned to run for the same Illinois 5th Congressional seat in 2010 that she lost in 2009. Despite branding herself a 9-12 Candidate (which confused me because I wasn’t sure if she was even running as a Republican this time) she managed to be in the Republican primary for IL-5 and got beat down:

Ratowitz 5,527 39.6%
Pulido 4,601 33.0%
Lad 3,819 27.4%

I don’t know who Lad is, but good job getting less votes than the FreeRepublic candidate!

Pulido’s official site is http://www.rosannapulido2010.com/

And she hasn’t learned to stop making hateful posts on FreeRepublic.com!

RINO no-no!
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Rosanna loves her home city!
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Woman Found Dead at McDonald’s Food Processing Plant
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2298513/posts
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http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2271961/posts
Pulido posts a thread insulting the guy who kicked her butt in the special election (Congressman Mike Quigley) for daring to support gay rights and not wanting them all to die in a ditch!
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2310769/posts
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No guns for Negroes????
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It’s a conspiracy among Whites newspaper people to go bankrupt!
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2334408/posts
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More NY-23 victory delusions
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/gop/2392772/posts
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Sheriff Joe for gov
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2392648/posts
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RINOs for Illionois Gov – Republican Andy McKenna
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/gop/2388175/posts
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Thanks to Brown Moses, POTUShead, Keels, and the rest of the Jeepers Freepers LF crew! Sorry this didn’t get put up until after she lost, but better late than never (and maybe she’ll show up as a third party candidate anyway!)

InCulture Wars, Politicians and Pundits, Wingnut Web

2010 Can'tidates – Ernest Huber

February 2, 2010By

So we’re going to have a little fun as we enter the 2010 election season. TarsTarkas.NET will be profiling some of the minor candidates running for office, most of which have absolutely no chance of winning, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t awful.

First up is Ernest Huber – Official Site
Ernest is a Republican candidate for the 8th Congressional District in Washington State, trying to primary incumbent Rep. Dave Reichert, who is accused of being a RINO.

Let’s take a look at Ernest’s website:

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Looks like a standard right wing guy so far, with enough kids to get a TLC show, but then we go into the section of his website that is nothing but giant wall of text essays.

Ernest Huber actively believes Barack Obama is a grave threat to America and wants to break out the Red Scare witch hunts! And if you object, you must be guilty guilty guilty! Then I guess Ernest Huber won’t object to me going through his wife’s underwear drawer. Because if he does, he’s a commie!
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Ernest Huber thinks the entire point of the War on Terror is to just kill more of them than they kill of us. Like deaths are a score. So war is a video game. Who cares about lose of life or not hurting innocents or even having a war justified by facts, it is nothing except a giant scoreboard. Like Frogger. Hey, Napoleon Huber, what happens with the US and China each kill 300 million of the other side? They win, because we have nothing left.
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As a biologist, this is among the dumbest thing I have ever read about how speciation works. But good luck declaring war on nature, Ernest Huber. Bonus Al Gore is Evil action!
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One of several times Huber goes off on pedophilia and necrophilia and other things to try to smear gays. Squeaky wheels.
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What the frak? If you ever organize anything, you are a communist! Huber would be perfectly happy putting every Democrat into camps. Tell me more about how I am very bad, Huber!
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If you are gay, you are committing a hate crime! That’s a new one.
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Now, this is where it gets creepy. Just who is projected to be going into extinction by 2050? White America. Yes, white people. And not extinct, just a minority, but Huber is wrong about everything so why start now? Huber continues with talking about brown slaves and Mexican invaders in case you didn’t get his not-so-coded racism.
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Atheists, Communists, and Gamaliels, Oh My!
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Jesus loves you, but he also hates you.
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Lonely? It’s because of feminism. It’s also why you are metrosexual!
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I think the first thing that will happen to you on the floor will be getting arrested for trespassing what with you having no chance ever of getting elected.
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Huber is also so lazy he’s not even going to bother to do any work, requiring YOU to do all the work to get him elected! So get off your lazy butt, maggots!
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And Ernest Huber posts on Resistnet.com!

Here he is calling for the overthrow of the US government…
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Yeah, that will work…
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Thanks to the magic of the internet, we got lots more terrible can’tidates to profile, so until next time, remember that it’s your job to get this racist wackjob elected, as he’s too busy ranting on the internet to bother to campaign!

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