One Buck Horror Volume 1 – Books I Done Been Reading!

One Buck Horror Volume 1
edited by
Christopher Hawkins and Kris M. Hawkins
featuring stories by
Ada Hoffmann
Julie Jansen
Mark Onspaugh
Mike Trier
Elizabeth Twist
cover art by Shawn Conn

Hey, it’s a bunch of short stories for a dollar? That sounds cool and cheap (EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m reviewing a copy gotten for free thanks to a coupon. Yes, say what you will!) because with the cost of printing, small anthologies would be considerably more than that. And though it is true that thanks to the internet, eReaders, eBooks, eMagazines, and Amazon and the like, there has been an explosion in self-published works of all genres. Following that, the 90% rule is in effect (90% of everything is crap!), and one must walk carefully to keep from hitting the dog poop mines.

But with 90% being terrible, 10% is good, and the volume of One Buck Horror reviewed here is in that top 10%. The various stories vary in tone and technique. This is the part of the review where I give short synopses, so here they are:

Jenny’s House by Ada Hoffmann – written first person in the voice of a child, an interesting choice for the first story presented to the public. It sets the mood for a somewhat playful, somewhat dangerous tone that One Buck Horror seems to be going after. Pretty neat, the foreshadowing not overwhelming, and the kid sounds like that kid we all knew on the playground growing up. Though in my generation he was probably talking about how he got to a super secret level of Super Mario Bros where everyone is naked.

A Lullaby for Caliban by Mark Onspaugh – My favorite of the stories, probably due to the setting at a traveling carnival and with the weird artifacts therein. The ending is a little unclear on if the character actually responded to the sales ad.

The Last Nephew by Elizabeth Twist – This one sounds like it could have been part of a grander story, but instead we just get a few pages near a climactic conclusion. Even with the brief visit, we’re drawn into the world. Probably a good choice to keep as a shorter story, because just what the “uncle” is doing would be hard to keep as a full story without it getting dragged out.

The Cornfield by Mike Trier – As someone who grew up in the midwest and has much experience walking around cornfields at night, the imagination going wild in the dark is a familiar element. And though what happens here never happened to me….it maybe could have. Okay, it couldn’t…..could it?

The Ginger Men by Julie Jansen – Another child point of view story, but written more mature even with the limitations of a child’s understanding in place. Some horrible voodoo things are going on that will make you swear off baking forever…unless you become one of the body snatched!

Overall, was pretty good, and I did not regret my purchase of $0. I would even not regret a purchase of $1. If you like creative horror stories, One Buck Horror is a good source. Available in multiple places such as Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords. For a rundown of links, visit the official site.
One Buck Horror

Books I Done Been Reading! name shamelessly stolen from Vault of Buncheness

Executive Koala

Executive Koala (Review)

Executive Koala

aka Koara kacho

2006
Directed by Minoru Kawasaki
Written by Minoru Kawasaki and Masakazu Migita


Executive Koala is a animal-suited joint from Japanese cult director Minoru Kawasak. His start in movies begane with low budget direct to video junk, but his genius became apparent even with some of the trash, as good jobs on manga films such as Maboroshi panty vs. Henchin pokoider lead to him getting financing for The Calamari Wrestler. He also gained fame with kaiju fans for The Monster X Strikes Back: Attack the G8 Summit, even if most didn’t like it. One of Minoru Kawasaki’s favorite themes seems to be putting anthropomorphic animals in human settings, be it wrestling squids, goalkeeper crabs, or wrestling beetles, Minoru Kawasaki just loves it. And so must someone, as the films kept making money for a while, but by Neko Ramen Taisho things had slowed down and he’s been less active recently with wacky fun films. I guess the market for animal suit films is the first to go when the economy implodes.

The focus here is on Executive Koala, the film about a koala who is an executive, as the title states, quite clearly. He also might be a murderer, and there is a lot of weird memory things going on. It’s a pretty good memory loss thriller, with a mystery that slowly unravels as we go along. The presence of the animal suits turn what is a Lifetime movie level script and elevate it into something memorable. We can all agree that Cyber Seduction would have been ten times better had the lead character been a wallaby.

Kawasaki’s exploration of genres with his unique convention of both parodying them with visuals, but playing it mostly straight, give his film an added quality that gave him a deserved cult following in the US. So let’s get going, shall we? Mustn’t keep the cult followers waiting…

Keiichi Tamura (???) – Just your regular desk job koala stuck in middle management of a pickle company. Spends most of his day being sweaty, shy, guilty, and weak-willed. His wife Yukari is long missing, and his new girlfriend Yoko is said to be murdered. Keiichi may also have a dark side coming out. We shall see!
Yukari (Elli-Rose) – Yukari is Keiichi’s missing wife. But Keiichi has begun to move on, even as rumors swirl that he murdered her. Then things happen… Elli-Rose (エリローズ/Eri Roozu) is a Japanese model/actress who also does DJ work.
Yoko Abe (Elli-Rose) – Yoko Abe is Keiichi’s new girlfriend. She totally doesn’t look like Yukari, just what are you implying? And it definitely isn’t a plot point!
Detective Ono (Hironobu Nomura) – A suspicious detective who follows around and harasses Keiichi, while his partner Kita seems less interested.
Mr. Kim (???) – Keiichi is given the job to babysit/keep happy the owner of Korean company Bae Foods, to help with a business deal. Mr. Kim has an assistant named Yu and owns Momo the flying squirrel. Practices Sinanju, a Korean martial art that’s actually the fake marital art from The Destroyer novels.
Convenience Store Frog (???) – Yes, even frogs are forced to be register jockeys in Japan. Luckily, this frog knows a thing or two about everything, and slips helpful notes into Keiichi’s bags.
The CEO of Rubbles Pickles Co. Ltd. (???) – Great, every time I invest in a company, they elect a rabbit as CEO! It’s crazy. And they squander the company profits in an attempt to get their hands on Trix!

The Worst Movie EVER breaks record

The Worst Movie EVER! is a film no one heard of until it made a staggering $11 on opening weekend. $11. That’s one ticket. Thus, it became the lowest opening weekend figure ever on BoxOfficeMojo! And internet fame was born. Thus, the producer of The Worst Movie EVER! is quick to jump on the gravy train, and you can now download the film for $5 from the official site. The official synopsis:

A robot alien. Angst-ridden teens. Cleavage-wielding soul takers. A dark overlord. A cross-dressing retard. A pregnant 14-year-old cougar. Macho scientists. Santa Claus. Yeah, this movie has it all.

Amazingly enough, director/writer/star Glenn Berggoetz is claiming he wasn’t the one ticket purchased, and has even started a search to find out who the unlucky bastard is. Shameless publicity stunt, or actual search? You be the judge!

Now, we’re normally not too keen on bad movies that try to be bad movies, because the best bad movies are serious efforts. But maybe, just maybe, we’ll watch this. Maybe.

The Worst Movie Ever

33D Invader stills and trailer – 蜜桃成熟時33D

UPDATE: Click here for a FULL REVIEW of 33D Invader!

33D Invader aka 蜜桃成熟時33D aka The Fruit is Ripe 33D has put out some stills and a trailer ahead of its September 22 release. And it looks like 33D Invader will be the official overseas title, but these titles change more often than a chameleon in a crayon factory. We got alien dudes, goofy effects, naked time travel, Macy Wu Qing-Qing, and a lot of getting it on, alien time traveling special powers girl style. Honestly…this looks more fun than 3D Sex and Zen. More stupid, but more fun.
Stills:
33D Invader
33D Invader
33D Invader
33D Invader
##D Invader

Trailer – Copy and past because there are butts and badly blurred boobage:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjLscVpff-c

Warrior

Warrior (Review)

Warrior


2011
Directed by Gavin O’Connor

Warrior is an MMA film about a family torn apart by alcoholism and abuse by their father, and the consequences on the family. It is also about brother against brother, with father against both sons as he seeks redemption. The film doesn’t father the traditional narrative, there is no real villain, both brothers have their motivations to fight and both makes sense in their own way.

Tommy (Tom Hardy) – The abuse from Paddy led to Tommy disappearing with their mother, who soon after died of cancer. Tommy has become jaded, bitter, and doubly so after other revelations are revealed. Tommy spends most of the film using his mother’s maiden name, preventing most people from realizing he’s brothers with Brendan
Brendan Conlon (Joel Edgerton) – Brendan is the brother who stayed behind with his father, mostly due to being in love. After eventually marrying Tess and having a family, Brendan has also cut off his father, the relationship limited to telephone and letters. Uncle Owen! No wonder he didn’t want Luke to go off to fight in war…
Paddy Conlon (Nick Nolte) – Patriarch of the Conlon clan and recovering alcholoic and abuser. The only thing he was ever good at was coaching Tommy at wrestling, which is why Tommy returns to him for training for an upcoming MMA tournament.
Tess Conlon (Jennifer Morrison) – Brendan’s wife, who through she watched Brendan fight for years has tried to leave that life when they had children. But life gets in the way sometimes…

Legendary Amazons

Legendary Amazons – 杨门女将之军令如山 – Posters!

Legendary Amazons (杨门女将之军令如山 AKA Lady Generals of the Yang Family) is an upcoming Frankie Chan Fan-Kei film about the real life story of the Yang family women generals, who took up fighting after the men in their family were slaughtered (some info here) Jackie Chan produces. This is a retelling of the same story from the Shaw Brothers classic 14 Amazons, and a 1960 film Women Generals of the Yang Family, plus probably others and several Peking Operas and tv series. If it is half as good as these awesome posters, it will be awesome.

Starring:
Cecilia Cheung
Cheng Pei-Pei
Yu Na
Jin Qiaoqiao
Chen Zihan
Liu Xiaoqing
Kathy Chow Hoi-Mei
Yukari Oshima (!!!)
Liu Dong
Simon Yam Tat-Wah

Here are a bunch of beautiful posters
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons
Legendary Amazons

Sina via FilmSmash