Untitled Dinosaurs Attack LA Movie

Hey, when Warner Brothers buys the concept for a film where dinosaurs attack downtown LA, you can count me in! It was originally going to be a webseries from Break Media, until WB’s Greg Silverman and Sarah Schechter saw early testshots and bought it to make into a film. John Clisham will direct and write (with Mike Bayman). We got no title, and the only plot details released so far is the dinosaurs are rapidly evolving and they attack Los Angeles. Here’s hoping!
Deadline via DreadCentral
Qwantz
And some random Dadasaurus Rex

A new Mulan film is coming again!

Mulan fans rejoice, because there will be yet another version of Mulan coming from Chinese cinema! I know what you are thinking: “Wasn’t there just a new Mulan film a few years ago?” Yes, there was! Zhao Wei was Mulan in 2009’s Mulan! And let’s not forget Jan de Bont filmed a Mulan in 2011 starring Zhang Ziyi that seems to have disappeared from the face of the Earth. But the world needs yet another Mulan, and so a Mainland China production company has stepped up and recruited Yang Mi to be the new Mulan for Mulan Ji Qian (木兰奇缘) which appears to translate into Mulan’s Romance. So now Mulan is a love story, unless it’s talking about Mulan’s love for duty to her country. Or, since Yang Mi likes to pretend to kiss Liu Shishi in photos, maybe it is something else.

The director will be Barbara Wong Chun-Chun – she codirected Protege de la Rose Noire along with Donnie Yen as well as other films in recent years.

Since you will be Googling it, here is Yang Mi pretending to kiss Liu Shishi many times…
Yang Mi Liu Shishi
Yang Mi Liu Shishi
Yang Mi Liu Shishi
Yang Mi Liu Shishi
Yang Mi Liu Shishi

via ChineseFilms
Yang Mi pretending to kiss Liu Shishi via cfensi

Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book coming from Disney

Neil Gaiman’s acclaimed children’s fantasy novel The Graveyard Book will be turned into an animated feature by Disney. As The Graveyard Book is a take on The Jungle Book (where instead of a baby being raised by jungle animals, he’s raised by ghosts and named Nobody Owens.) It won the Newbery Award and a bunch of other stuff, because it’s good, not because it slept with John Newbery. That was a one night stand that happened after the award, so stop reporting on it, TMZ!

The Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach director Henry Selick is attached, and he’ll begin production after his top-secret Pixar film is finished. The film is so top-secret I now have to murder you for reading about it. Sorry about that, let’s just make this quick…

Deadline via SFX

The Graveyard Book

Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot (Review)

Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot


2011
Written and directed by William Burke

I must go, but you can always catch my lone movie role in Robot Monster!

Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot gives us what we want – Bigfoot running around a nudist camp! Also we got UFOs, crazy dudes, the Loch Ness Monster, and goofy fun. It all rolls up into a Sasquatchtacular adventure and some fun late night viewing.

The overall plot is fun and quick paced, there never seems to be a point where things drag out, which can be a problem with some of the softcore films. The actors are all energetic, and most put on a naturalistic approach to acting, feeling like real friends that you are hanging out with rather than characters. Albina Nahar is the standout actress who almost steals the show, she’s having a lot of fun. But everyone does their jobs very well, the chemistry is great, even the chemistry of everyone hating Dirk! The Sasquatch costume is well built, though it looks a tad familiar. There are a few technical problems, some of the outdoor scenes are a bit overexposed. There is also an editing problem, where there are a few shots that seem to be focusing on an item (for either a joke or an emotional punch) but we either don’t get a clear view of the item or a shot of it wasn’t edited in in post. A notable examples is the floating tarot card of The Lovers at the end of Veruca and Flower’s sex scene, the card is not seen clearly and I only recognize it because I’ve seen a copy of the tarot deck they are using. This actually made me sad, because that stuff made the scenes more creative. William Burke obviously had fun setting up the many many many many weird positions for some of the sex scenes, and several other examples of having fun with sex scenes (i.e. the speed up sequence that explains why Mike is tired) show care was taken in every part of the film.

Prudence and Veruca watch the funniest episode of 2 Broke Girls ever!

Let’s talk about Bigfoot! Longtime readers will probably not be surprised to know this is not the first film I’ve seen with Bigfoot sexing up a girl and with Bigfoot raping a dude. I’ve even seen Ape Canyon in a theater with the director there! There is a whole subgenre of films with Bigfoot sexing up women or raping them, and let’s not even get into the books/fan fiction. Just look up Sasquatchploitation for more info than you ever want to know. Another common Bigfoot trope is UFOs, both in films and in real life Bigfoot sightings. It’s just cooler to say you saw Bigfoot and UFOs instead of just one.

Where did you find a waiter in the middle of the swamp??

The Sasquatch in Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot is not mean spirited or Bigfoot being overly perverted, he just seems to get aroused when the women are already running around naked for various reasons, though he’s perfectly willing to do the deed when offered (or not offered!) The opening credits take form of comic book cover and panels by Aaron Lane and help give us the feel that the whole thing is too pulpy to take serious. And will we see a whole series of Sweet Prudence dealing with erotic paranormal encounters? Maybe we will, if you buy enough DVDs/watch it on Cinemax/Maxgo!

Hey, that UFO has a “Mystery Spot” bumper sticker!

Prudence (Angie Bates) – Former cryptozoology major looking to regain her reputation and degree by capturing photos of Bigfoot. Innocent and sweet, incapable of lying, and incapable of lying in wait without pleasuring herself. Best friends with her roommate Veruca.
Veruca (Albina Hussain as Albina Nahar) – An erotic blogwriter under the pen name Salimae, Veruca is more interesting in looking for thrills instead of looking for Bigfoot. But she supports her friend Prudence and dreams of lumberjacks to help spice up her writing. Instead, she finds commune girls, but that’s just as good or even better…
Flower (Heather O’Donnell) – A hippie tarot zen master guru in charge of the local naturalist retreat where Bigfoot has been spotted recently. A big believer in visualizing good thoughts and manifesting them into reality.
Mike (Michael Slade) – Prudence’s friend and schoolmate who was unjustly dragged into the loss of his degree due to her shenanigans. Helps her track down Bigfoot thanks to some convincing, and finds love while doing so.
Ginger (Lynzey Patterson) – Freespirit worker at the naturist retreat who is the first to spot Bigfoot. Is practically insatiable.
Dr. Dirk (Luke Gallo) – A Bigfoot hunter who also came to the resort in secret. Is abrasive, loud, obnoxious, foulmouthed, and seems totally out of place from the rest of the cast and their granola free love attitudes.
The Creature (Daniel Moshe Johnson) – He’s Big! He’s got a foot! Okay, he’s got TWO feet! It’s Bigfoot, and he’s trapped on Earth and naked women are everywhere! What’s an ape to do?
Nothing can go wrong with this plan!

Watch Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck bomb France!


Here is some awesome WW2 Propaganda for you! Authentic Vichy France propaganda against the allies. You all remember Vichy France was basically a puppet state for the Nazis after France was defeated in 1940, existing from 1940-1944 under Marshal Philippe Pétain, correct? Good. So like any good state during the age of war, lots of propaganda was created. This clip above is from one of the cartoon shorts trying to convince everyone the Allies were bad because they are bombing France. The clip itself (with the translations) is taken from the 1993 documentary film The Eye of Vichy (L’Œil de Vichy) directed by Claude Chabrol. It is packed to the gills with propaganda produced by Nazi-occupied France. And don’t despair, the whole thing is on YouTube. I do not know the name of the original Vichy cartoon, though. Besides Mickey and Donald, Goofy, Felix the Cat, and Popeye participate in the air raid.
Donald Duck Vichy

Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (Review)

Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros


2010
Written and Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Hey! Zip it while I’m translating ancient ruins, buddy!

We’re back in black and back in bikinis for yet another entry in the ever-growing Fred Olen Ray Bikini Movie Madness! This time, the world of Indiana Jones gets bikinied a Bikini Jones! Join that ever-sexy science field of archeology as Bikini Jones seduces her hands onto the Idol so she can unlock its secrets before the never-do-wells get their mitts on it and on Bikini Jones’s own golden idol. Bikini Jones features many of the regular cast members circa 2010, most of which have appeared in enough films it’s simpler just to link to their tags than to list all the films over and over again for each actor. Fred Olen Ray reuses the talent because they can get the job done, and done right, and done quickly. But mostly done right.

The later seasons of The Dog Whisperer started to throw in gimmicks for ratings…

Bikini Jones is fun, has fun things going on, and is worth your time. But don’t take my word for it, read the review and then take my word for it! Wait a minute…

Olsen Twin Cop! She’s a cop, and an Olsen Twin.

Dr. Bikini Jones (Christine Nguyen) – A famous archeologist and expert in translating ancient languages. And at having lots of sex. What do you expect when you name your daughter Bikini? The Jones family should be banned from handing out names…
Evilla Cruella (Heather Vandeven) – Again with the names that force their owners into a life out of their control. Evilla Cruella was doomed from the start. She’s from Hobokin, but comes from a long line of Morons. Wants to be ruler of Moronica.
Carol Summers (Rebecca Love) – An excellent cypher from the Department of National Antiquities…or is she????
Drago (Frankie Cullen) – Frankie Cullen shows up playing what probably would have been the Evan Stone role, as Evilla’s main henchman. Does the dirty work and the dirty deeds.
Mr. Martin (Ted Newsom) – The CIA boss who hires Bikini Jones so they can stop Evilla from getting her hands on Moronica.
Mark X (Billy Chappell as Tony Marino) – Oh….THAT GUY.
Janette the Security guard (Brynn Tyler) – A security guard straight from that school from the Armed and Dangerous movie… Brynn Tyler is the only newcomer in this flick.
Sacred Idol of Eros (himself) – The most famous idol from Eros….ever!
The Guardian of Moronica (CGI) – Moronica is full of rocks, Morons, and this guy, who eats everyone. No wonder Moronica’s economy is in the toilet…
What do you call a tyrannosaurus that talks and talks and talks? A dinobore! I’ll be here all week, folks.