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InMovie News

Foodfight! will make you hate animation, food

June 1, 2012By


Look at that! Just look at it.

Foodfight! is a name animation fans hear about once every two years, get confused about where they heard it, see and remember the images and promo trailer, and then laugh and laugh until the film news disappears for another two years. But the joke will finally be on us, as Foodfight! inches closer to getting a legitimate release. On DVD. In Europe.

For those of you who might be unfamiliar with Foodfight! (which is probably a lot of you as Foodfight! is really obscure), here is the story. In 2000, Larry Kasanoff decided he could do animated movies better than Pixar. So he got in a car with his buddy and drove around until they found an idea. I guess his wife also had him pick up some milk, because the idea turned out to be a supermarket, and all the products coming alive during the night. It was a detective story where Dex Dogtective and friends like to dance and have fun at the Copbanana club, until the mysterious Brand X moves next door. Kasanoff got a bunch of companies to pay for product placement (Charlie the Tuna, Mr. Clean, Cap’n Crunch, Chester Cheetah, Twinkie the Kid, the Energizer Bunny, the Brawny paper towel guy, and many more) and Threshold Entertainment was born! Foodfight! was targeted for a 2005 release (with distribution by Lions Gate), and Kasanoff was quoted bragging about how his animators were networked from all over the globe. There was also going to be a 3D animated prequel series called Foodfight!: The Adventures of Dex Dogtective.

But 2005 came and went with no release. 2006 came and went with no release. Fall 2007 was announced as the release time, but that also came and went with no Foodfight! In 2010, merchandise for Foodfight! was found at a store, but the film was still AWOL and no one had heard a peep since 2007. That article is also great because some of the animators show up to describe their experiences and about how little of the film was completed. According to the stories, the hard drives containing the film’s files were stolen in Christmas 2002.

Eventually, things fell apart even more, and in 2011 you could purchase what was completed of the film at auction! It looks like Boulevard Entertainment was the lucky winner, paying around $2.5 million (for a film rumored to have $50 million production costs) and dumping this thing on DVD. With a website that says “©2012 Fireman’s Fund Insurance Company.” Surely, quality, quality stuff.
Foodfight
Quality.

So let’s quote the official site to bloat up this article even longer:

Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff, Eva Longoria and Christopher Lloyd lend their unmistakable voices
to this computer-animated tale of a supermarket that ‘springs to life’ after the doors have been locked
and the workers have all gone home. When the lights are turned out chaos reigns for the ‘products’ in
this grocery store. The grocery store transforms into a city, and from every door of this city comes
two types of characters: well-known marketing icons and new characters…

This full-length CGI Movie features character/products including; Dex Dogtective (Charlie Sheen),
Sunshine Goodness (Hilary Duff) and Daredevil Dan (Wayne Brady). They all hang out at the Copa-
Banana in the produce section, but trouble is brewing within this bustling metropolis. When the villainous
Lady X (Eva Longoria) arrives in town with her Brand X minions, the brand-named products start to get
a little hot under the label. As sleuthing U.S.D.A. (United Supermarkets Defense Association) –
Dex Dogtective teams up with flying stunt squirrel Daredevil Dan and the beautiful Sunshine Goodness
to uncover the truth about these unmarked invaders, it begins to appear that the only way to fend off
the dreaded Brand X is to engage them in an all-out, no-holds-barred FoodFight!…

(please note that this is the second official site, as Threshold Entertainment’s original site is as dead as the dream to make Pixar 2.0 is.)

One thing that is weird is seeing who was hot way back in 2000, and knowing what their careers have done since then. Some have had almost as crazy a ride as Foodfight! I do think that Sunshine Goodness will become a cult figure among crazed furries, so they got that going for them.

Stories about Foodfight! dating back to 2000!
AWN
FastCompany
AnimationMagazine
CartoonBrew

Foodfight

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Snow White and the Huntsman

May 31, 2012By

Snow White and the Huntsman


2012
Written by Evan Daugherty, John Lee Hancock, and Hossein Amini
Directed by Rupert Sanders

Snow White and the Movie That Was Far Too Epic!

No film has ever wanted to be Lord of the Rings more than Snow White and the Huntsman. And I say this as someone who has seen dozens of the LOTR ripoffs that sprang up like weeds in the direct to DVD market in the wake of the Rings trilogy sweeping the box office. From the exact same aerial shots in increasingly less-majestic lands, to elves and orcs and crap arguing about magic swords, to Dragon and Eragon and Curse of the Ring, to Dungeon Siege and any fantasy film that dared to try to copy shots and themes, we were awash in their wake. And now, years later, just before Peter Jackson brings us two Hobbit movies, Snow White gets her Lord of the Rings treatment. And it is bland.

Now the Queen is trapped in that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Frame of Mind!

In a year where two Snow White films raced to the box office, Snow White and the Huntsman strayed behind Mirror Mirror in an attempt to cash in on that sweet summer money. And while Mirror Mirror was targeting 8 year old girls, Snow White and the Huntsman is trying to cast a wider net, aiming to get teens and tweens of both genders. With Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth bringing their box office clout, you would think this is a natural mid-range blockbuster. But thanks to the originality and just weird story editing, we’re left with a more vanilla adventure that seems like a script from fanfiction.net.

What happens when you don’t eat Granny Smith!

Snow White (Kristen Stewart) – The most beautiful person in all the lands, and palace tower jailbird. She escapes to lead the rebellion against the evil Queen, if only she can keep from eating apples. Johnny Appleseed was later indicted in her murder. Kristen Stewart is starting to have a thing in movies where she dies and is brought back to life via magic.
The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) – The only person who can hunt down Snow White is Thor, a widower drunk who owes money to dwarfs. So of course that makes him the love interest. I hope you like deciphering accents!
Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) – This Queen in the magical witch version of the aliens from Independence Day. Luckily, Snow White is Will Smith/Bill Pullman/Jeff Goldblum, so her days are numbered. I guess that makes The Huntsman Judd Hirsch. There are worse fates.
William (Sam Claflin) – What? Get outta here, Team Legolas! You’re just in the way. At least you keep your shirt on.
50 Shades of Grey was originally WHAT???
InMovie News

Starship Troopers: Invasion trailer says Kill ’em All!

May 29, 2012By


The CGI flick Starship Troopers: Invasion has hit full trailer form (but only in Japan, land of Starship Trooper trailers), and it proves to both dump all prior sequels and also be a sequel, while also giving us plenty of bugs getting shot action! Stupid bugs, think they own the universe! Don’t they know that’s our job? excuse me, the relentless propaganda has cause me to become a bugophobe. I even dream about being from Buenos Aires! Jake Busey plays neon fiddles for me. It’s weird, WEIRD!

Carmen Ibanez, who flew the Rodger Young in the first movie, is now captain of the John A. Warden (the battleship I introduced in previous blogs). Carl Jenkins, now Minister of Paranormal Warfare, takes over the John A. Warden for a deep space experiment – leaving Carmen livid and ship-less. Carl brushes off her vehement objections and disappears with the ship off into the vast nebula. When Carl and the ship go radio-silent, guess who orders a rescue mission? Yep…it’s big-time general/war-hero Johnny Rico.

As our film is set almost 10 years after the first movie, the big 3 are now in their mid-30’s and have somehow kept their relationships intact despite deployments millions of miles apart. You will see their fragile yet strangely resilient relationship evolve in this movie, especially with Rico still a little soft on Carmen…and a familiar uncertainty about whether Carmen still reciprocates those feelings. We definitely paid homage to the original movie (in all sorts of ways), so we can’t wait to see how fans of the original respond to an awesome mix of nostalgia and “franchise update.”

That’s a bit more complex that the prior plot:

A distant Federation outpost Fort Casey comes under attack by bugs. The team on the fast attack ship Alesia is assigned to help the Starship John A. Warden stationed in Fort Casey evacuate along with the survivors and bring military intelligence safely back to Earth. Carl Jenkins, now ministry of Paranormal Warfare, takes the starship on a clandestine mission before its rendezvous with the Alesia and goes missing in the nebula. Now, the battle-hardened troopers are charged with a rescue mission that may lead to a much more sinister consequence than they ever could have imagined….

If you want to see what the big 3 look like now, they’re in the blog as well as the trailer above.

Shinji Aramaki directs and Edward Neumeier and Capser Van Dien are executive producing.

Starship Troopers Invasion trooper

InMovie News

The Asylum gives us an Atlantic Rim to go with Pacific Rim

May 29, 2012By

But when will we get an Indian Rim?

Notice how hard I’m trying to not do “rim job” jokes in these posts. So mockbuster masters the Asylum have announced their Pacific Rim mockbuster, and it’s Atlantic Rim. The plot seems pretty similar, just a bit lower in scope:

When giant monsters crawl out of the Atlantic Ocean and attack the Eastern Seaboard, the US Government is forced to trust A.I. robots to defend the country.

Asylum’s flicks have been getting progressively better, and hopefully Atlantic Rim will be a cheesetastic good time where giant robots fight giant monsters. Maybe one of the giant robots can transform into Titanic 2 or something.

via DreadCentral

Atlantic Rim

Rimformers! More than meets the...I'm sure you can figure out the joke!

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Morlocks (Review)

May 28, 2012By

Morlocks


2011
Written by Adam J. Karp and Royal McGraw
“Based” on The Time Machine by H.G. Wells
Directed by Matt Codd

Welcome to Florida!

SciFi Channel (now known as SyFy for years despite that name sucking) goes all H.G. Wells on us again to give us Morlocks, a SciFi Original Movie version of the classic time travel tale, that dumps the entire story in favor of having people trapped in time with crazy killer Morlocks. Though I applaud them taking familiar elements and doing something original with them, the original thing they do is just the same old basic creature feature plot where a team of people are killed off bit by bit until they kill all the monsters. And if you stop to think about it, little that happens makes any sense. But there are a few moments of goofy WTF that will get some praise.

The Budweiser Frogs, 2020 A.D.

Director Matt Codd also helmed the SciFi classic Dragon Dynasty. The keyboard theme blaring out reminds me of the Space Mutiny theme, which is always great.

Sure we’re untextured enough that you can’t tell what we look like, but you can’t see our cool CGI shading until THE FUTURE!

Dr. James Radnor (David Hewlett) – Former time travel project head, who quit his top secret job and wrote a book called Time Travels’s Strife that is pretty much a description of what he did in the top secret lab. No one cares. David Hewlett is also in the SciFi Channel classic Boa vs. Python
Dr. Angela Kelley (Christina Cole) – Angela still works for the secret government project, and is James’s exwife. Figures out what Colonel Wichita is up too, but a bit too late to not get tossed into THE FUTURE!
Colonel Wichita (Robert Picardo) – Military man in charge of the time travel project, his son John has cancer so he goes nuts in pursuit of Morlock DNA in the belief that it will cure his son. The time travel works sort of like Stargate, which is good that Stargate alums Picardo and Hewlett are starring.
Tyrell (???) – Thanks to squashed credits and an awful IMDB page, I have no clue who played Tyrell, one of the main soldiers sent with Radnor into THE FUTURE. Starts out as a stereotype but becomes a full-fledged character kicking Morlock butt.
Vera Cortez (Marem Hassler) – One of the prior team members who was lost in THE FUTURE, she helps Radnor and his team get back to the present. My favorite character.
Dr. Felix Watkins (Jim Fyfe) – Holy crap, Jim Fyfe from Encyclopedia! That show was awesome, Jim Fyfe is awesome, and I hope he pops up in more SyFy films! This time, he’s the rival scientist to Radnor who takes over after he quit, and every time the two are on the screen together they argue argue argue. Which is pretty funny.
Morlocks (CGI) – Green jerks from the future who are almost invincible unless the plot demands they be easily killed by a slight breeze.
Dinobirds (CGI) – For some reason there are dinobirds in THE FUTURE. Why? They never explain why. It makes no damn sense. It’s completely crazy. Just go with it, dudes! Dinobirds! I guess the CG house had an extra model lying around.
The most unreal tournament of them all!
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Fox Ghost (Review)

May 27, 2012By

Fox Ghost

aka Erotic Ghost Story: Flirtatious Pairs aka 聊齋誌異之孽慾孤鬼 aka Liáo zhai zhì yì zhi niè yù gu xian

2002
Directed by Stanley Tong Man-Hong

This is what happens when you don’t use dryer sheets and the static cling goes to overload!

From 2002 we have a Category III film of the sexual kind, Fox Ghost. And we must ask one question: Is it any good? No. Actually, two questions: Does it deliver the goods? Not really. If you want a cheap Cat III flick, it does okay, but the film isn’t erotic, is barely entertaining, and much of the film is boring filler. There are a few moments of glory, but other films have done much better, and are far more worth your time. But if you must watch the film, you might as well be prepared. I guess Sophie Ngan fans will be happy, as will fans of Hong Kong films that import Japanese talent to provide extra nudity. 1.3 billion Chinese, and they can’t find more than one to get naked in Fox Ghost? Actually, these two girls are Japanese AV stars, so maybe it is more of a ploy for extra sales overseas. Our version has 100% no subtitles, but when has that ever stopped us? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles! Fox Ghost blatantly advertises the fact it stars Sophie Ngan, the star of My Secret Private Virgin and The Peeper’s Story 2 – The Escape Partner. I will get right on that.

Despite the fact as ghosts we can be intangible and have all dirt fall to the floor through us, let us now engage in pseudo-lesbian bathing practices to satisfy the 100% male audience!

As you’ve probably figured out, the story loosely based on tales from The Carnal Prayer Mat (aka Rouputuan aka 肉蒲團) and Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio (aka Liaozhai Zhiyi aka Strange Tales of Liaozhai.) It is sort of a combined version of the tales. The Carnal Prayer Mat was written by author Li Yu in 1657 during the Qing Dynasty. The Sex and Zen films originate from this tale. Liaozhai Zhiyi was written by Pu Songling (1640-1715) during the early Qing Dynasty, first known to be published in 1766 (but probably was published before then.) It is a collection of 431 stories written in classical Chinese, most featuring scholars and female spirits (the Liaozhai, which are female ghosts.) Erotic Ghost Story is one of many other films to spring from that source.

Boy, you sure are over-thinking this bathing scene!

Ma Jia/Jiang Xiao-You (Sophie Ngan Chin-Man) – A woman who becomes liberated in the arts of pleasure, and keeps wanting more and more and more from her husband. Eventually he just leaves for a while so she’s gone until the end of the film. Almost as if they couldn’t afford to pay her for the entire length of filming… She is the daughter of a big tycoon named Keung. See Sophie Ngan also in Sex and the Central.
Tao Wang San (Matthew Ng Ting) – Scholar who is adept at getting women to drop their panties (or whatever they wore in Ancient China) whereever he goes. Marries Ma Jia, daughter of tycoon Keung. Also manages to bed two female ghosts and some random girls along the way. Faithfulness isn’t a trait Tao has.
Qui Rong (Hourai Miyuki) – One of two sexy ghosts who come to grab butts, have sex, and basically do whatever they can now that they have escaped from Hell. But someone is after them….
Xiao Xie (Akeno Junko) – The other of two sexy ghosts who come to grab butts, have sex, and basically do whatever they can now that they have escaped from Hell. But someone is after them…. Actress also in Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
Falun the Monk (Patrick Keung Hiu-Man) – A monk who doesn’t put up with Judges from Hell running around in his backyard.
Judge From Hell (????) – And you thought the judge that wouldn’t overturn your parking ticket was bad! This Judge from Hell goes to hunt down escapees, in this case the two ghost sisters.
Princess Leia (????) – Daughter of Darth Vader secretly hidden from him at birth in Ancient China. A leader in the Rebel Alliance against the Galactic Empire. Not adverse to kissing her brother.
Look, I’d like to help, but thanks to this hat I can’t walk through doorways anymore!
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