The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure


Did you click on that trailer for The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure? Because if you did, you probably lost all your marbles at seeing these Teletubbies/Garbage Pail Kids things running around! But never fear, this is an actual film coming to actual theaters on August 29th (or as the marketing says, Oogust 29th!) Toni Braxton, Cloris Leachman, Christopher Lloyd, Chazz Palminteri, Cary Elwes, and Jamie Pressly all make appearances, along with you if you have kids under 5. Sorry, that’s just how it works. But if you’re going to have to go, you might as well get educated.

Find out about the Oogieloves:

Goobie Oogieloves

The Glo Worms have mutated and gained legs!

Goobie – Goobie is the most lovable inventor on the planet. Science is his passion, and he’s always got a creative and soundly engineered solution for practically any problem. Who else is able to make a refracting telescope from cereal boxes! He’s a lover of pickles, and not just because they taste so delectably good – they also inspire his most ingenious ideas. He’s always looking out for Zoozie and Toofie with endless patience and love. Goobie plays the guitar, and his favorite word is “scientastic”.

Goobie proves that the Professor from Gilligan’s Island got off the island at some point because he sired this guy!

Zoozie Oogieloves

She's come to eat the flowers

Zoozie – Zoozie is a lover of language – all language. She’s fluent in every single dialect that exists in the entire world, including both human and animal languages. This comes in handy when she, Goobie and Toofie need to ask directions from a gaggle of geese, or have a question for a chimpanzee. And she may be a fan of pink, sparkles and all things girlie, but she’s every bit the adventurer as the boys. Zoozie plays the keyboard, and her favorite word is “sparkeliciousness”.

Anyone find it weird she speaks all languages, but her favorite word isn’t a real word in any language?

Toofie Oogieloves

A rare photo of Toofie wearing pants...

Toofie – Toofie is fearless – he faces each and every obstacle with excitement and abandon. The youngest of the Oogieloves, he’s also the one most likely to get into…predicaments – like that time he tried to play catch, with a beehive! Toofie is the very best climber in all of LovelyLoveville. He’s able to climb absolutely anything he puts his mind to, no matter how tall. It’s no wonder that J. Edgar is always certain to say, “be careful, Toofie” whenever Toofie leaves the house. Toofie plays the drums, and his favorite word is “adventurific”.

Toofie spends much time with his pants down. Just think about that! I bet J. Edgar is always beating up that no good Toofie and throwing him in jail and wearing dresses and all that stuff.

Don’t worry, like Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, there are plenty of living objects: Ruffy the goldfish, Schluufy the pillow, Wendy Window, J. Edgar the vacuum cleaner, and probably others who don’t rate an about page on the website..

SO what’s the plot? I’m glad you asked because it obviously makes logical sense:

It’s Schluufy’s birthday, and the Oogieloves (Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie), along with their friends J. Edgar, Windy Window and Ruffy, are organizing a party. (Shh! It’s a secret.) Everything is going along just perfectly until J. Edgar trips and loses the last five magical balloons in all of Lovelyloveville–OH NO! The Oogiloves set out to find the magical balloons in time to save their friend’s party. Along the way, they meet some very interesting characters indeed, including Dotty Rounder (Cloris Leachman), Bobby Wobbly (Carey Elwes), Milky Marvin (Chazz Palminteri), Rosalie Rosebud (Toni Braxton) and Lola and Lero Sombero (Christopher Lloyd and Jaime Pressly). Can these new friends help them recover the magical balloons and get back to the cottage in time to celebrate Schluufy’s surprise birthday?

There is more on the Official Oogieloves website, with an embedded, repeating audio file that will eventually drive you mad and make you kill everyone you love. Carving “Oogieloves” into their chests.

Oogieloves

One, two, Oogies coming for you...

8 Years of TarsTarkas.NET

Break out the cake, because TarsTarkas.NET is 8 years old! And we actually got a cake this year:

cake

8 Oreos for 8 years!


Yes, that’s right, we know how to party on TarsTarkas.NET! This cake tasted exceptionally awesome because I’m getting over a cold and my taste buds were returning. Nature may try to stop TarsTarkas.NET, but it cannot be stopped. Nature will just have to get out of the way!

Don't be walking in the Suicide Forest!

Read the comic or watch it in theaters instead! Don’t you know nature sucks? Okay, it doesn’t suck, except when it’s a patch of forest haunted by suicide victims, which is the plot of Suicide Forest. The comic series takes place in a patch of Aokigahara forest, which is a popular place to kill yourself. So many people have done so, their spirits roam the place and search for new victims. An American ex-pat and a forest ranger get pulled into the drama and things happen, presumably (I’ve not read the comics, so maybe nothing happens, but I doubt it since this is getting greenlighted!) The film version will be directed by Hideo Nakata, the guy who brought us Ringu, Chaos, and The Ring 2. That directing choice is pretty much perfect. The original comics from IDW were written by El Torres with artwork by Gabriel Hernandez.

via Deadline

Suicide forest

Cue the M*A*S*H song!

Dark Lady of Kung Fu (Review)

Dark Lady of Kung Fu

aka 蝶無影 aka Di wu ying aka Butterfly Pearl aka Dark Lady of Butterfly

1983
Written and directed by Pearl Cheung Ling

What happens when you buy cheap drugstore makeup!

When evil dudes with bad ‘tudes are up to no goods, the Dark Lady of Kung Fu will fly in and rob the crap out of them, and then go all Robin Hood with their money! Yes, Pearl Cheung Ling has the director’s chair and the writing chair, and the world will never be the same! Dark Lady of Kung Fu is a remake of the Shaw Brothers’ film The Black Butterfly, which is a sort of remake of Black Rose and other female noble thief flicks. It’s all about the connections, man!

Goth Zorro vs the Spray Paint Kid!

This is one of several films written and directed by Pearl Cheung Ling, one of the few female directors out of Taiwan, who became an auteur force directing and writing three films and being heavily involved in the production of a few more, as well as television series and music. She has a very distinct fantasy style that has garnered her many loyal fans and many shared clips on YouTube. Because this is a Pearl Cheung Ling flick, you can expect lots of goofy things going on. Morons in positions of authority will be humiliated by Pearl Cheung Ling’s character’s brilliance. Pearl will wear crazy elaborate pre-gothic lolita costumes. There will be wirework.

Someone gave those hands from Labyrinth their own show!

The worst part of Dark Lady of Kung Fu is I own two versions of it, and they both are either fullscreen or fake widescreen where it’s obvious there is things going on just off camera. Both copies also suffer from the same awful English dubbing. How many of the puns are native to the script vs. made up by the dubbers is a mystery that won’t be solved until we get a proper subtitled verison. So we’ll not know if henchmen Laurel and Hardy are really named those names. Not to mention the guy named Cool Han Look. Come to think of it, there is no way those names are native to the script.

More Batman than Batman

Butterfly Bandit (Pearl Cheung Ling) – She’s a mystery and robbin’ from the rich to give to the neighborhood! Look out, evil rich dudes, you’re about to join the 99%!
Monkey G (Pearl Cheung Ling) – The leader of the beggar group known as the Monkeys, and master thief. She used to be a lower case g, but now she’s full capital Monkey G. She’s totally not Butterfly Bandit, why would you ever think of such a thing? Just because she’s never in the same place at the same time is just a coincidence! Have YOU ever been at the same place as Hitler? I rest my case….HITLER!!!!!
Shadow (Tien Peng) – A mysterious fighter searching for his missing mad father and he gets very angry when people disrespect his shadow. Way to take that Me and My Shadow song waaaaaaay too seriously, dude! He is the handsome love interest for Monkey G.
Madam Kim Simon (???) – A crossdressing lady who owns the fighting club. Her father is evil and planning a rebellion, but Madam Kim doesn’t stand for his evil ways.
Sheriff Feng (???) – A goofy guy with a fake mustache is ordered to track him down (at this point they think Butterfly is a dude) and recover all the stolen gold – or he’ll be killed and deducted the amount of missing gold.
Houdini (???) – I knew that Magician was a jerk! Now he’s stopped his humbug quest and is trying to fund rebellions in China! Luckily for China, the Butterfly Bandit is on the case!
How dare you say this movie is hard to follow! Only I may say that!

You got Joe Dirt in my Tonka Trucks!

A cry of sorrow filled the lands as Sony and Happy Madison Productions announced they were bringing a Tonka Trucks movie to the masses. parents wept, children cried out but were not comforted, the adults moved to a catatonic state as memories of Jack and Jill and Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star filled their minds and emptied their souls. Somewhere in the distance, bells began to chime, as the Doom Clock’s hands inched closer to midnight. The Seventh Seal was opened, prophesying that Candy Land will be the harbinger, and Tonka the last doom upon mankind. Make peace with whatever beings you worship, the Traveler has come, and this time he isn’t a giant marshmallow man!
Tonka Truck

Now this is a Tonka Truck movie I would watch!

CULVER CITY, Calif., June 11, 2012 – TONKA, the Hasbro brand that for 65 years has stood for its line of toy trucks for children, will bring its TONKA toughness to the big screen in a fully animated motion picture to be produced by Sony Pictures Animation, Hasbro and Happy Madison Productions. The announcement was made today by Bob Osher, president, Sony Pictures Digital Productions, Michelle Raimo-Kouyate, president of Production for Sony Pictures Animation and Brian Goldner, president and CEO of Hasbro. The film will also be produced and developed by Goldner and Hasbro’s senior vice president and managing director of motion pictures, Bennett Schneir and will be written by Fred Wolf.

The new TONKA project strengthens the growing ties between Sony Pictures and Hasbro, following the announcements that Sony Pictures is developing motion pictures based on Hasbro’s RISK and CANDY LAND brands. CANDY LAND is also a Happy Madison project.

Commenting on the announcement, Osher said, “In its 65 years, TONKA has become more than a toy or a brand – TONKA trucks are a rite of passage for kids all around the world. Time spent with these toys creates memories that last a lifetime as kids are inspired to play using the boundaries of their imagination. We look forward to creating a family friendly motion picture that brings the TONKA experience to life.”

Raimo-Kouyate added, “Fred and our friends at Happy Madison and Hasbro have a truly inventive take on what it means to be ‘TONKA tough’ that will translate the multi-generational appeal of this world-renowned brand into a fun animated adventure for the whole family.”

“We’re thrilled to be working with Bob, Michelle, and the amazing team of artists and storytellers at Sony Pictures Animation,” said Schneir. “Together with Happy Madison, we’re excited to bring TONKA trucks to life in a terrific story for audiences around the world.”

One of the most recognized brands in Hasbro’s portfolio, TONKA has been the bestselling toy truck globally since 1947. Giving children real-life, relatable experiences, TONKA trucks help kids learn the confidence to get the job done.

via Collider
Album cover

Wreck It Ralph Q*Bert

Wreck Wreck-It Ralph yourself with the Fix-It Felix Jr. video game!

Wreck-It Ralph looks awesome and helped fill a void in the land of upcoming animated films I’m excited about (Sorry Shrek 16, I don’t care…) The video game world with cameos from all sorts of actual video game characters is the magical movie stuff that only Disney can pull off (as they are the only studio that has pulled it off before, with Roger Rabbit!) And thanks to the influence from the Pixar group, the increase in quality of the storytelling will be there. So barring an unforeseen disaster, Wreck-It Ralph will be at least entertaining, if not totally awesome. That’s just me speculating, but it will be true because I’m always right. And Q*Bert is awesome, and always has been.

If you can’t wait for the flick to be released, you can play the Fix-It Felix Jr. video game yourself thanks to the magic of Disney website Flash. And, yes, it is very Donkey Kong. Expect to documentary King of Ralph (starring John Goodman) to come out in 25 years!

The worst analysis I’ve seen of Wreck-It Ralph are people who seem to think kids won’t like it because Ralph is an old 8-bit character. Yes, because children totally get turned off by old video game sprites and will ignore the other 99% of the movie done in modern animation. My only conclusion is this concern is brought up by internet nerds insecure that they’ll like a film that 3-year-olds will also like, and thus are trying to drive the children away so it becomes their movie and not everyone’s film. To that I say go check yourself before you wreck yourself!

Do you think Wreck-It Ralph and Fix-It Felix Jr. will end up being related? They both have It in their names! Or maybe they’re named after Pennywise from Stephen King’s It! (which is getting its (Its?) own 2 movies!)

Director: Rich Moore
Cast: John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer and Jane Lynch

Wreck-It Ralph Q*Bert

Damn Coily invested all of Q*Bert's money in Bitcoins!