Cerebro Del Mal

Cerebro Del Mal (Review)

Cerebro Del Mal

aka Santo contra cerebro del mal

1959
Written by Fernando Osés and Enrique Zambrano
Directed by Joselito Rodríguez

After three weeks of decorating, Santo finally got his bedroom the way he wanted it. Now to sit back and enjoy.

Before Santo el Enmascarado de Plata became the international super star that punched every monster who ever monsted, he has to start in the beginning of the movie world. Already an established wrestler, by 1952 Santo was now featured in a comic book (which ran for 35 years) and was offered a role in the serial El Enmascarado de Plata. Santo turned down the role (sources vary, but him believing the film wasn’t going to be a hit is the most common reason given.) The serial featured another actor in a silver mask (who became the villain to a white-masked wrestler hero) and was released in an edited into a movie form. But by 1958, the time was ripe for Santo to actually jump into movies himself.

If I catch that drunk Incognito passed out on the job again, he’s fired!

Cerebro Del Mal and Hombres Infernales were both filmed in Cuba in 1958 just before the revolution. They feature the same Mexican director (Joselito Rodríguez) and main cast (Santo, Joaquín Cordero, and Fernando Osés), with Cuban supporting actors and crew. Because this is an early Santo flick, it doesn’t feature many of the common lucha libre film tropes that we’ve all grown to love. Heck, Santo isn’t even the focus of the picture! The plot is more of a crime caper with science fiction elements. Santo barely talks, he’s usually called “the Masked One” by most of the bad guy crew, and both he and the other wrestler El Incognito are the best agents of the police force (while also being citizens of the world or something…) There are no shots of Santo driving around in his convertible, and Santo is even easily defeated by random thugs. Santo isn’t dating a girl, nor do any women even find him or El Incognito desirable.

Of Santo’s 52 films, these first two are the most unlike any of the others. But even still, the seeds of future efforts are planted here. Santo is a figure of justice, this time even working for the police force that will often call on him in later films. There is a mad scientist, hence the title of the film, Cerebro Del Mar. People are hypnotized/mind controlled, which happens a lot in subsequent Santo flicks. And masked people running around Mexico is not considered odd enough for anyone to make comments about it. Cerebro Del Mal is an interesting quaint film, and though it doesn’t achieve the crazed excesses of its progeny, it does hold the promise of more to come.

Breaking Bad: The Lucha Years

Santo (Santo) – Usually referred to as El Enmascarado, Santo is one of the masked police agents. He’s captured in the beginning of the film and brainwashed. He’s then rescued, and continues to play brainwashed to help bring down Dr. Campos. Santo is billed as as “Santo” el Enmascarado de Plata.
El Incognito (Fernando Osés) – Fellow masked wrestling police agent who helps save Santo and gets a bullet in the gut for his trouble. A bullet that only grazes him. In the gut. Fernando Osés would go on to costar in dozens of lucha libre and other Mexican cult cinema, usually as henchmen or goons of the main villain. He helped write the film along with fellow costar Enrique Zambrano.
Dr. Campos (Joaquín Cordero) – Mad scientist who develops the power of brainwashing and decides he’s going to do whatever he wants now, which is sort of bad because he becomes a complete jerk, kidnapping and murdering people.
Elisa (Norma Suárez) – The lovely Elisa is dating Gerardo, but she catches the eye of Dr. Campos, who sets out to kidnap her to brainwash so he can have his way with her.
Gerardo (as Alberto Inzúa) – New assistant to Dr. Campos, and boy does he have the worst boss ever! No only is Dr. Campos a super villain, but he kidnaps Gerardo’s girlfriend Elisa!
Evil scientist and Hallmark store patron!

Angel Force

Angel Force

aka 天使特警 aka Tian shi te jing

1991
Written by Johnny Lee Gwing-Gaai
Directed by Hua Shan

Angel Force
Angel Force gives us what we want, tons and tons of action. Sure, there’s a plot in there, a half-baked rescue mission in the jungle that for some reason is done by cops, and some corrupt cops angle, but mostly it is just tons and tons of action. Shooting, kicking, knifing, punching, ridiculous stunts…Hong Kong action at its finest. These are the types of videos guys like me seeked out like crack at rental stores because nothing like this was coming out of US studios. Angel Force just brings back so many memories of renting anything I could from the woefully undersupplied Foreign section of the local video stores, at least until I got to a town with an awesome video store, and then the rise of cheap DVDs.
Angel Force
One thing about Angel Force is the film randomly leaves the Hong Kong cop setting for the middle of the film to do a jungle commando rescue mission, a la the beginning of Predator. This sets Angel Force enough different from the competition without it becoming one of several jungle commando pictures that were also out at the time. I do love all these girls with guns flicks, the danger is with most having similar plots and featuring the same core of actresses, without ridiculous stunts the films will begin to blur. So anything that helps a picture stand out is good in my book.
Angel Force

May (Moon Lee Choi-Fung) – Cop who is sent to the jungle to take down a terorist general and rescue hostages, because you want cops doing that, not the army. Even though she brings army guys. Moon Lee can also be seen in Angels, Fatal Termination, and Tomb Raiders/Avenging Quartet
Peter Lung and Helen Lung (Wilson Lam Jun-Yin and ???) – Peter is a hardworking cop who keeps getting called back to work and thus having no time for vacations, which upsets his wife Helen. Peter gets shot halfway through the movie and misses out on the jungle battle. Their son is Yaya, who gets giant ninja turtle toy and quizzes everyone on what “make love” is.
Benny (Hugo Ng Doi-Yung) – Crazy guy brought in on the commando team because he’s awesome at commando stuff. But he’s also a jerk and likes to rape women, so up yours, Benny!

Angel Force

50 Links of Grey

Okay, maybe not 50 links, but here are a bunch of either stories that I never finished or links to cool crap from around the web:

  • If you like HUUUUUUUUUGE images and video game movies, this folder filled with giant Wreck-It Ralph images will make your day!
  • Assassins Creed is getting a flick! Ubisoft formed Ubisoft Motion Pictures to coproduce with New Regency and Fox (and to better buffer if this bombs!)

    the film will follow the adventures of a guy who learns that his ancestors were once deadly assassins. After he’s kidnapped by a shady organization with ties to the Knights Templar, he is forced to travel back through time to collect artifacts.

  • An awesome article about the Super Mario Brothers movie and how it became the awesome disasterpiece we all love!
  • I do not want to know how much disgusting stuff was all over this thief who would crawl around on theater floors stealing credit cards from purses.
  • In case you missed it, the 50 Shades of Grey movie will be written by Kelly Marcel. Thumbs up for having a woman scriptwriter!
  • Whatever the heck the comic Insurrection is, it will now be a film. The plot has something to do with clones who fight wars lead a rebellion. But it’s not a prequel to Star Trek: Insurrection, which had the same theme with the Remans and Picard clone. This is a totally original space clone future war Insurrection movie.
  • Douglas Sain and Dinesh D’Souza arguing over money from 2016: Obama’s America? Couldn’t happen to nicer people!
  • Ninja Dixon fights The Amazing Bulk!
  • beyondasophilia gets some Vulgaria!
  • Danny at Can’t Stop The Movies gets sent to Stalag 17!
  • Beth Loves Bollywood, but she doesn’t love Jimmy!
  • Todd wonders why Shahenshah has so little Shahenshah in it!
  • BlueprintReviews maps out South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut!
  • Here is a kickass video breakdown of Goldeneye from David DeMoss
  • Some Kickstarters to fund or flee from:
  • Finding Kukan is a neat documentary about Robin Lung locating a lost copy of Kukan, an Oscar-winning documentary that was developed by Li Ling-Ai and Rey Scott. Kukan detailed China’s struggle against Japan during the Pacific War. The film is being restored and Robin Lung is detailing the restoration and a lot of history about the film, Li Ling-Ai, and Rey Scott with Finding Kukan. This chapter of forgotten history looks to be very interesting, and I am hopeful that this will be funded so the final product arrives sooner than later. Official site for Finding Kukan.
  • Another film restoration project is Different from the Others (Anders als die Andern), a 1919 silent film that is probably the earliest surviving work about LGBT people. It was directed by Richard Oswald and cowritten by Magnus Hirshfeld. Other LGBT friendly movies of the era were destroyed by the Nazis. The film needs to be restored and then will be archived as part of the Legacy Collection at the UCLA Film & Television Archive, (the world’s largest collection of LGBT moving images with over 20,000 pieces) and prints will be struck for distribution around the country. Different from the Others is another important piece of film history that needs to be preserved for future generations.
  • Let’s leave film history for a moment and go to films about history that didn’t really happen. Helen Keller vs Nightwolves sounds ridiculous at first, but then you realize it’s the latest film proposal from the team that brought you FDR: American Badass and other fine films. They even have a cast lined up. Though the historical characters fighting random monsters category is beginning to get overplayed, there is still a place for entertaining and ridiculous fare like this. And Kevin Sorbo is attached, so how can you lose? You can’t.
  • And finally, here is some Pacific Rim porn:

Pacific Rim

Sexual Quest

Sexual Quest


2011
Written by Who Knows? No one is credited
Directed by Austin Brooks

Sexual Quest
You cashed out our 401k’s to buy WHAT???!

One thing you don’t see at all in softcore films are minority men. While the women may be every color under the sun (though black women are far less common), the men are almost always white, and the leads are always white. Not only does Sexual Quest break the mold, but it does it in the most smashing way by having an Asian male as the lead. And beyond that, an Asian male in a stable relationship with an Asian female who has multiple sex scenes. I can literally count on two fingers the amount of Asian males I’ve seen in softcore flicks in sex scenes (and both of them were villains with a lone sex scene!) Asian males get the short shift in general in media when it comes to sexuality, so it is good to see that they are making strides into all areas, even if it is one film at a time.

Sexual Quest
Who says I have a drinking problem??

Beyond the breaking ground of casting, Sexual Quest isn’t even written to be progressive racially. It’s just a normal couple film, the couple just happens to be Asian. The couple Jamie and Adam are normal people in a normal relationship, and they have normal feelings and emotions. They act like a real couple, with interactions involving spats and those little arguments you have from time to time. The naturalistic dialogue isn’t improvised (which is painfully obvious from time to time), which makes the lack of a credited writer upsetting. Sexual Quest is a great couple’s flick, the couple in the film cares for each other and their feelings, and work together to make their marriage work. As much fun as it is to watch the softcores involving alien chicks collecting milk jugs full of sperm for their home planet, sometimes it’s good to watch a film that can appeal to a larger demographic. And it gives enough sex scenes that even those who are watching for just one thing late at night on Cinemax won’t have to wait long for the action to start.

Sexual Quest is a journey. Yes, a sexual journey, but not one where people just start having sex with anything that crosses their path. This is a journey of a couple, as they work to explore their relationship and both expand their areas sexual experience and discovery while still respecting the boundaries of the other member of the couple. They work as a team, doing things that is slightly outside their comfort zones to try to please the other person. Often, they find they like the new experiences, but even as this couple has a lot of sex, they aren’t total freaks or anything. They could be any random couple. The vanilla background makes the quest more believable, and makes the eventual conclusion on what their fantasies lead too all the more real.

Sexual Quest
These Cosmo sex tips are just a list of menu items from Denny’s!

Jamie (Charmane Star) – Wife of Adam who helps come up with the idea of the sexual bucket list in order to spice up their sex life. Charmane Star is an adult actress that you may have seen in Wicked Fourgy of Whorror, Baby Doll Lesbian Orgies, or Operation Just Cooze.
Adam (James Kwong) – Jamie’s husband and co-conspirator of the sexual bucket list. James Kwong does nightclub work.
Kerry (Ann Marie Rios) – Kerry is Jamie’s friend who is going through relationship problems as her boyfriend is busy having sex with other women. You may have seen Ann Marie Rios in such fine adult fare as Lesbian Halfway House, Pretty Prisoners of Chloro Conspiracies, or Battle of the Hogtied Maids
Grant (Duane Carter) – Adam’s friend who becomes a tag-along on the fantasy list so he can live vicariously through his married friend. Isn’t it usually the opposite in these films?
Mike (Dean Black) – Bartender, lover, husband…Mike wears many hats, even though he doesn’t wear a hat in the actual film. Married to Cheryl, but the marriage is more open than arms in a Creed song.
Cheryl (Victoria White) – Blonde woman who is married to Mike, but has sex with many people who aren’t Mike, as their relationship is open. That’s about the extent of her personality. Adult actress Victoria White is also in the fine films This Ain’t Hollywood Squares XXX, Sexy! Naked!, Bound!, and Naked Tickle Passion.
Sexual Quest
Distort-o-arms!

The Starving Games gets its Katniss!

Hunger Games Snow Shirt

As we reported before, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are gearing up for their Hunger Games “spoof”, The Starving Games. Casting has been announced and the film begins shooting next week. Hey, isn’t the end of the world supposed to happen soon? Naw, couldn’t be related.

Cast as Kantmiss Evershot is Maiara Walsh, who grew up too poor to afford the surgery require to remove the extra vowels from her name. Brant Daugherty will play the fake Gale. No words on the other cast members at this time. I do applaud Seltzerberg for not going with the easy “Katpiss” joke name, but fully expect an even worse parody film to use that one in the near future.

I’m sure this Seltzerberg joint will live up to the high marks of quality set by the predecessors Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie.

via THR
Shirt image via mockingjay.net

Empires of the Deep hits trailer, and what a glorious trailer it is…


For me to POOP ON! Empires of the Deep is a $130 million China coproduction that looked like it would be a turd from their overblown “3D” press junket announcing the fiasco to the inexperienced Chinese new rich investors looking to buy their own under the sea Avatar to the parade of directors the film went through (Jonathan Lawrence, then Catwoman director Pitof, and finally Michael French, unless he got replaced because I stopped caring who is in charge now), the whole thing has been a giant megadisaster of SyFy original movie proportions.

Empires of the Deep is the ego trip of Jon Jiang, one of the richest men in China thanks to his real estate deals that you can be assured are 100% on the up and up. Reality cannot stand in the way of realty, thus Jon Jiang decided he wanted to be the best movie maker ever! Thus, he dreamed up the ultimate movie adventure, a Greek tale about a dude who falls in love with a mermaid and also there is a giant fish war. In spectacular 3-D!

The fantasy adventure, set in ancient Greece, tells about a young man’s adventure in the undersea mermaid kingdom in order to save his father, while encountering ferocious sea monsters and gets involved in large-scale battles in the seabed between mermaids, monsters and demons. Kurylenko plays the Queen of the Mermaid Empire and stars opposite lead actor Steve Polites and Chinese actress Yanfei Shi.

Maxx Maulion is also in this flick, he’s familiar to the citizens of SomethingAwful’s Cinema Discusso forum when he popped in to promote his flick Tony Tango, which makes this film even weirder.

As you can see from the trailer, they totally got their $130 million worth! I hope whoever stole the $115 million that wasn’t spent on the effects is enjoying his vacation on the tropical island.

Empires of the Deep
Empires of the Deep
That sounds Unawesome!