Do you want Search?
Random Post
Random Post
Search
Search
My PS Partner
InMovie News

The Huntresses gets trailerized!

March 4, 2013By


A lot of news happened while we were on break. One thing was The Huntresses (조선미녀 삼총사 – Joseonminyeo Samchongsa, which translates to The Joseon Beautiful Three Musketeers) picked up a trailer that popped up on AsianWiki, which was then reblogged on every site that gets it’s news from AsianWiki (or from sites that copy news from sites that get news from AsianWiki. But take it from Tars, it’s much better to get the water directly from the source!) As we’ve been covering this flick since filming began, it’s only fair that the trailer get a view here as well!

Set in the Joseon Period, three beautiful musketeers fight against a powerful group who tries to overturn the royal family and gain absolute power. The leader of the Beautiful Three Musketeers is Jin-Ok (Ha Ji-Won), a smart and righteous woman. Hong-Dan (Kang Ye-Won) is the only married woman among the three women. Ga-Bi (Son Ga-In from Brown Eyed Girls) is the youngest among the musketeers and excels at fighting.

The Huntresses

InCinema Articles, Movie Reviews

A Field Guide to Cantonese Fantasy Monsters and Creatures

February 25, 2013By

A Field Guide to Cantonese Fantasy Monsters and Creatures

Just imagine: One day in ancient China, you are wandering around the forest while on a quest to find 1000 Iron Fist Li, when suddenly you spot an unknown creature in the distance. Is it a friendly face that will bestow ancient knowledge? A pet of a mad monk sent to destroy you? Or a fearsome warrior guarding a passage to valuable treasure? Now, you can easily find out what creature you spotted and learn the information you will need to return to the Golden Swallow Tea House to tell tales to impress Jade Phoenix, the Purple Warrior of Fire Mountain.

This Field Guide to Cantonese Fantasy Monsters and Creatures will provide you with the identification information you need to make an informed decision as what to do when encountering a fantasy monster or creature. You will learn what the ancient masters know, with facts culled from ancient tombs and recent scientific expeditions.

The ever-growing Field Guide to Cantonese Fantasy Monsters and Creatures will be updated as more fantasy creatures are discovered upon watching more old wuxia flicks. Names and scientific names are often conjecture or assigned by the guide. The guide is not responsible for inaccurate information that results in injury or death. Do not let this guide fall into the hands of the Spider Clan or Master Liu Fan-bei of Lohan Peak by order of the Emperor.

Name:Condor
Scientific Name:Gymnogyps giganticus
Appearances:Buddha’s Palm Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4
Height:6′
Weight:155 lbs
Description:The magical Condor of Master Ku Hon-wan, the Wicked God of Fiery Cloud, is Master Ku’s loyal companion in the four Buddha’s Palm movies. Condor also saves two of the main characters from assailants, both of which Master Ku adopts as his own children. After Master Ku’s death, Condor refuses to leave his grave. He’s probably still there now.



InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Pleasure Spa

February 24, 2013By

Pleasure Spa


2013
Written by Tim Sabo
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)

Pleasure Spa
This ain’t how you meditate!

Jim Wynorski gives us another Cinemax softcore role in the hay with Pleasure Spa! While sometimes Wynorski’s softcore films are creative (Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders), other times we get what looks to be a film scrambled together with funds leftover from other films (also known as this film!) For Pleasure Spa, the usual small budget is even tinier, and every location is at the same house, though there is the occasional effort made to try to make us think we’re somewhere else. Let’s just ignore that the front desk scenes are obviously shot in the kitchen. And police captains have offices that resemble a home office in a spare bedroom. Luckily it’s a pretty nice house, allowing for a lot of room variety, and has a pool, a waterfall feature, and a tennis court! I wonder if this was rented from the owner, or if it is a place you can pick up relatively cheap in the aftermath of the housing crash. Heck, maybe it’s Jim’s house!

As an odd feature, there is a random scene in Pleasure Spa that cranks up the creativity and hints more could be going on. But it’s not dwelt on at all, so in the end it just becomes a random aside that makes the rest of the film look even poorer. There are the classic Jim Wynorski camera angles that emphasize certain characters’ ample…gifts. We do have the familiar Wynorski music by Roobie Breastnut, including fan favorite PuSSy PuSSy BaNG BaNG (capitalization according to YouTube standards.)

Pleasure Spa
And suddenly everyone watching at home forgives the lack of budget…

But, you say, who watches these films for the plots? It’s all about the skin game. While I agree that is the case for 99% of the audience, sometimes I want a little meat with my potatoes. And though some of these softcore films have a surprising amount to say, Pleasure Spa doesn’t expand from its small boundaries. What little it does say has been said many times before by better speakers. It also keeps me from typing up eight paragraphs about how this is an allegory about the Spanish Civil War. It turns out the only advantage is the skin game. Speaking of which, let’s go to the Roll Call:

Dusty (Cynthia Lucas) – The boss of the Happy Endings spa, which is not only a massage parlor, but a massage parlor where everyone gets a happy ending. It’s called truth in advertising, people!
Shelly (Brandin Rackley) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings. A sadist at heart. Not too fond of doing desk duty.
Lucky (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings.
Cammi (Raven Alexis) – The receptionist at Happy Endings, but not adverse to putting on her work uniform and massaging clients herself. Her work uniform being no clothes.
Anita (Reena Sky) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings.
Candy Conners (Heather Vandeven) – The new girl who is hired during the course of the film. Her uncle is Mayor Carl Sloane.
Mike Mathis (Frankie Cullen) – Cop who frequents Happy Endings, and gets his partner Tommy Hall hooked on the parlor as well. This is bad, as it’s their job to bust the place! Frankie Cullen appears in this “new” film because it was filmed before he retired from these films in 2011.
Tommy Hall (Tony Marino) – Oh. That guy.
Client Number 1 (T.J. Cummings) – Client of Happy Endings who comes pretty regularly, and doesn’t seem to understand police tape. Has no real name so I just made one up.
Captain Crane (Michael Swan) – Police captain who just wants to bust that darn Happy Endings because he hates them. Hates hates hates hates hates them!
Mayor Carl Sloane (???) – Mayor Sloane has an unusually close relationship with his niece, which seems to result from his rather liberal views on sexuality.
Pleasure Spa
It’s true, island biogeography can be applied to mountain tops, isolated valleys, even fenced off yards!
InBad, Cinema Articles, Good, Movie Reviews, Ugly

The Great Movie Ride: Pirates of the Caribbean (Part 2)

February 19, 2013By

In July of 2003, the unthinkable happened. Disney Pictures released a film based on a theme park ride that was not only a smash hit, it was also pretty darn good. Telling a fanciful tale of cursed Aztec gold, wicked undead pirate scallywags, a reluctant hero straight out of Joseph Campbell, the love of his life, and Johnny Depp wearing eyeliner, this was a movie that captured the imaginations of audiences around the world. Being a young impressionable high school student at the time of its release, I found myself returning to the theaters to see it numerous times. I was living in a beach town for the summer, working a shit job, and the old moviehouse that showed one movie a night kept bringing it back due to its popularity. It was the first movie I can recall going to over and over because of how much fun it was. It had set out to turn a theme park ride into a movie, but in reality they had just made a movie that was like a theme park ride in how it moved. It had ups and downs, twists and turns, and at the end left you wanting to do it all over again.

Disney is no dummy when it comes to making money, so when the film was clearly a huge success; it was clear what had to be done. Sequels, and plenty of them. Disney green lit two sequels almost immediately, and after some discussion, it was decided that these two entries in what would be a trilogy would be shot back to back. This would be one of the few Hollywood franchises to do this (along with Back to the Future and The Matrix)

InBad, Movie Reviews

Buddha’s Palm (Part 4)

February 16, 2013By

Buddha’s Palm (Part 4)

aka 如來神掌(四集) aka The Young Swordsman Lung Kim Fei Part 4 aka 如來神掌(四集大結局)

1964HKMDB Link
Written by Sze-To On
Story by Shangguan Hong
Directed by Ling Yun
Buddha's Palm
Hey, it’s Buddha’s Palm Part 4! As you recall from the introductions to Buddha’s Palm Part 1, Buddha’s Palm Part 2, and Buddha’s Palm Part 3, we’re sort of getting burnt out introducing the same thing over again. So let’s pretend this introduction has more exciting information than it actually does. But, seriously, if I did suddenly find new information, I would probably be editing it into the relevant Buddha’s Palm movie.
Buddha's Palm
The adventured we got “To be continued!” on in the last time comes to a close. And it’s really the close of the whole story, except for that whole several more sequels produced years later by different production companies thing. Let’s just forget about that for now, and focus on the current installment. Do we got cool new monsters? YES! Two brand new cool monsters show up for battle. Do they die a horrible death, murdered by our bloodlusting protagonists who can’t let innocent monsters who are minding their own business live? Yes! So “BOOOOOO!!!” to monster murder! Is there magic drawn on effects that show the super wuxia forces at battle? Yes! Is there no stinking subtitles, of which TarsTarkas.NET does not need? Yes! Yes as in no subtitles.
Buddha's Palm
Though this is the end of the Buddha’s Palm Quadrology, don’t worry. There is one more article coming up, and it will be something special. A celebration. But until then, let’s get on with the show!
Buddha's Palm

Lung Kim-fei (Walter Tso Tat-Wah) – The Buddha’s Palm hero must find a way to stop the Three Devils from taking over the world of kung fu, and also unlock the secret of the ninth style of the Buddha’s Palm.
Kau Yuk-wah (Yu So-Chau) – Kung fu sister who has to help save the day from evil jerks who want to take everything over.
Kau Yuk-kuen (Patricia Lam Fung) – Kung fu sister who also has to help save the day from evil jerks who want to take everything over.
Master Ku Hon-wan (Ling Mung) – How many tripod jars can you levitate with a sword in your back? Probably not as many as Master Ku, though that doesn’t stop him from dying.
Condor (Man in suit) – Master Ku Hon-wan’s magic condor is still giving rides and rescuing people, though he refuses to leave the grave of Master Ku, so he won’t be in the rest of the film.
But Ku (Ko Lo-Chuen) – The helmsman of the Cheung Lei Sect doesn’t let evil jerks trying to take everything over stop him from loudly yelling before he enters a room. But that may be the death of him…
Luk Yu (Kwan Hoi-San) – Friend of the Kau sisters, a guy who gets captured a lot and Lung Kim-fei keeps saving. Does he get captured in this movie? No!
Suen Bik-ling (Yung Yuk-Yi) – Matriarch of the Kau’s clan. She died in the last movie, but shows up in flashback here for another example of how she wasn’t very nice.
Auyeung Ho (Siu Chung-Kwan) – A jerk guy who bullied Lung, and now pals around with the Three Devils. Except they aren’t pals any more, if you know what I mean…
Three Devils (Cheung Seng-Fai, Hoh Siu-Hung, Lee Sau-Kei) – Three evil dudes who conspire to cause trouble in the land of kung fu while solidifying their power. Will use the palm-imprinted tripods to figure out the secret of the Buddha’s Palm technique, but they don’t have all the tripods!
Lau Piu-piu (Chan Wai-Yue) – The helmswoman of Heavenly Fragrance Sect, she’s reluctant to help stop the Three Devils because Suen scarred her face long long ago. But a magic face cream cures everything, so she agrees to help. But it may be the death of her…

Buddha's Palm

InBad, Movie Reviews

Buddha’s Palm (Part 3)

February 15, 2013By

Buddha’s Palm (Part 3)

aka 如來神掌(三集) aka The Young Swordsman Lung Kim Fei Part 3 aka 如來神掌(三集大結局)

1964HKMDB Link
Written by Sze-To On
Story by Shangguan Hong
Directed by Ling Yun
Buddha's Palm
It’s a whole new chapter in the Buddha’s Palm saga as Part 3 takes us into new intrigue and adventures. A joyous celebration becomes a tragedy when murder is the special guest. Lung Kim-fei and his new bride Kau Yuk-wah must find out who killed Suen. The rest of the crew is also searching for answers, and we run across arrogant martial arts masters and evil jerks causing trouble. But most excitedly, there is a brand new monster!
Buddha's Palm
Buddha’s Palm (Part 3) goes more into the details of the world we were introduced to in Part 1 and Part 2. We meet some new schools, and find out that part of the reason there are so many problems in the martial world is a mix of rash accusations and arrogant school heads. Of course, everyone stopping to chat around some tea doesn’t make good cinema. Unless you’re really good at writing dialogue…
Buddha's Palm
Once again, the effects and monster costumes are what make the Buddha’s Palm films. Though we only get one new monster, there are a lot of new martial arts effects – waves, blasts, explosions, giant bells. The increase in effects in Parts 3 and 4 is very evident. Once again, there are not subtitles, but at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
Buddha's Palm

Lung Kim-fei (Walter Tso Tat-Wah) – The Buddha’s Palm hero is set to be wed, but an untimely murder ruins everything, including his honeymoon! Now he has to hunt down murderers.
Kau Yuk-wah (Yu So-Chau) – Kung fu sister whose marriage is marred by the murder of her matriarch. Spends her time with Lung hunting down clues. They are much more polite about accusing everyone they meet of murder than her sister’s group.
Kau Yuk-kuen (Patricia Lam Fung) – Kau Yuk-wah’s younger sister who sets out to find out what happened to her matriarch. Is kidnapped twice during this film. Also finds the most best clues. And causes the most trouble with people who aren’t keen on being accused of killing people.
Master Ku Hon-wan (Ling Mung) – Is gone for most of the film, but returns to Earth to find out about the murder and surmises who is responsible rather quickly. But it may be the death of him…
Condor (Man in suit) – Master Ku Hon-wan’s magic condor is still giving rides and rescuing people!
But Ku (Ko Lo-Chuen) – The helmsman of the Cheung Lei Sect doesn’t let a murder investigation stop him from loudly yelling before he enters a room.
Luk Yu (Kwan Hoi-San) – Friend of the Kau sisters, a guy who gets captured a lot and Lung Kim-fei keeps saving. Does he get captured in this movie? Yes!
Suen Bik-ling (Yung Yuk-Yi) – Matriarch of the Kau’s clan. No longer hides her disfigured face, which is beginning to heal. Is murdered by a mysterious weapon, and much of the film is spent trying to figure out who did it.
Auyeung Ho (Siu Chung-Kwan) – A jerk guy who bullied Lung, and now pals around with the Three Devils. He’s graduated to being more evil than before!
Ten Thousand-hand Lohan (???) – Just a guy who can identify rare weapons, which makes him a target of friends and foes. Gets foed. Despite having ten thousand hands, this is one Lohan who never goes to jail!
Three Devils (Cheung Seng-Fai, Hoh Siu-Hung, Lee Sau-Kei) – Three evil dudes who conspire to cause trouble in the land of kung fu while solidifying their power.
Lau Piu-piu (Chan Wai-Yue) – The helmswoman of Heavenly Fragrance Sect, she’s initially suspected of Suen Bik-ling’s murder, but is cleared when she claims to be a sworn sister of Suen.

Buddha's Palm

Older 
172173174175176
 Newer