If you can’t wait for Sharknado, don’t fret, there is another tornado combo-pun title film popping up on SyFy April 27th with Stonados! Stonados is a disaster flick about a giant tornado that throws stones at everything in its path. Finally the true story of the tornadoes that haven’t sinned and thus can begin the stone-throwing armageddon Jesus talked about in the Bible! Experienced disaster film helmer Jason Bourque directs (Seattle Superstorm, Wildfire 7: The Inferno, The Two Coreys) and SyFy movie writer superstar Rafael Jordan wrote the script. You know his work: Dragon Wasps, Frost Giant, Star Runners, Hammer of the Gods, and the upcoming masterpieces Poseidon Rex, Jurassic Attack, and the new classic I just heard about, Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators!
It stars Paul Johansson (One Tree Hill) as Joe, a widowed ex-storm chaser; Sebastian Spence (First Wave) as his former partner; Thea Gill (Queer as Folk) as a tough bureaucrat; and William B. Davis (The X-Files), as a lighthouse keeper.
Also featured are rising local stars Jessica McLeod (The Christmas Consultant) as Megan, Joe’s rebellious teenage daughter; Dylan Schmid (Once Upon a Time) as Jackson, her younger brother; and Grace Vukovic (Mulligans) as their friend Julie.
Everyone had a great time on set and many got to experience movie magic with huge wind machines simulating the storm and big chunks of Styrofoam “stones” flying around set! Here are a few snapshots of some of our members on set!
How powerful can the Stonado be if it can’t shut down Dave’s Java Hut?
One film that has been burning up the charts (the Internet charts, on the Internet!) is Spring Breakers, largely because it features several former Disney pop princesses turning bad girl and robbing a bank, in addition to James Franco being completely nuts. James Franco is basically playing MTV reality star Riff Raff, who says
“I sent him a few things. But all you gotta do [to see how I dress] is search through my videos. I got a pretty distinct style, with the braids, the jewelry.”
The plot:
Brit, Candy, Cotty, and Faith have been best friends since grade school. They live together in a boring college dorm and are hungry for adventure. All they have to do is save enough money for spring break to get their shot at having some real fun. A serendipitous encounter with rapper “Alien” promises to provide the girls with all the thrill and excitement they could hope for. With the encouragement of their new friend, it soon becomes unclear how far the girls are willing to go to experience a spring break they will never forget.
Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, and Rachel Korine play the law-breaking foursome.
Spring Breakers is written and directed by Harmony Korine (of Kids and Trash Humpers fame.) Those I know who saw it during one of the festival screenings raved. In fact, I’ve not seen a single negative review yet, and this is one of those films where if it was bad it would become a critical train wreck very fast.
2008 Written by April White and Edward Gorsuch
Directed by Dante Giove
The name’s Sessions. Lust Sessions.
You ever have one of those friends who always has relationship advice, but couldn’t hold a partner for more than a few weeks? Well, what if that friend was also a sex therapist? That’s the premise of Lust Sessions, where your lustiest desires don’t really fit into the rather straightforward plot. Unless your desires have to due with therapy sessions, hence the title.
What does happen is therapist Kate Williams has problems of her own. She even knows she has problems, even though she doesn’t really do anything about them except run away. But Kate is about to make a huge mistake, which could cost her everything – her relationship, her career, her sweet parking spot – and she must face her problems. And it doesn’t hurt to have people who are about you who are willing to seek out their own revenge!
People Watching Big Bang Theory: The Movie
Lust Sessions gets some props for having a female lead with problems, but also for dealing with some of the fallout that would happen in many of these softcore films where fidelity is a naughty word and boning happens at the drop of a hat. There is actual character development here! The major drawback is the whole concept does seem like a film that would be on Lifetime Channel. That’s the complete opposite target audience, but it also recognizes the reality that an increasing number of women watch these films, and many couples watch them together. While that is not a majority of the viewers, it is no longer a rare unicorn.
Kate Williams (Amy Lindsay as Leah Riley) – A Love Coach who helps couples find what they are missing. Which is usually just something simple…or so it seems! But just like them, Kate has her own problems that seem simple to solve, but are anything but. And they lead to the big problems that are at the root of the plot. Amy Lindsay is also in Insatiable Obsession
Ann (Cassie Young) – A lady who has problems being assertive. She was dating Drake despite him being married, but breaks up with him early in the film as she’s practicing standing up for herself. When Drake causes problems for Kate, Ann stands up even more. Cassie Young is also in Bikini Pirates.
Brian (Justin Magnum) – Kate’s boyfriend, who she has problems committing to due to her own issues. Brian is just a cool guy with an accent.
Drake (Danny Pape as Danny Dagger) – Married, but seeing Ann. A compelte arrogant jerk. Danny Pape was channeling Tom Cruise in his performance, which made things seem cooler.
Carrie (Jezebelle Bond) – Kate’s client who likes to be in control of relationships. Helps Kate when she has problems.
Jenna (Katrina Isis) – Kate’s friend who helps her deal with her problems in a sort of problem trade. She’s dating a guy named Nick (Roger Stanford) who commits the crime of liking her, and enjoying sex with her more than jogging. The freak!
Reminder that Chupacabra vs. The Alamo has two synopses:
Over the course of one night in the historical fort, an unlikely band of heroes will form a defense against an onslaught of vicious monsters.
A mysterious creature devours citizens in a suburb of San Antonio, Texas. Could it be the fabled “Chupacabra.” As the attacks increase, police officer, CARLOS SEGUIN must stop the creature before its appetite grows.
Erik Estrada and Vanesa Tomasino Rodriguez star. We will be watching. There better be no basement in the Alamo! And will Ozzy Osbourne make an appearance to give the Chupacabra the ol’ firehose?
Silver Circle is destined to be one of those films that makes Foodfight! look like a slightly better version of Foodfight! Hold on to your bitcoins and Ron Paul body pillows, because this movie’s gonna be crazy!
Luckily, the Free Market demands this film, and it came fully backed by titans of industry…. And by that, I mean they were begging for handouts on Kickstarter! Expanding on that, they claim a $1.6 million overall budget with a mix of donations and self-funding. How much is what, I did not find on a quick read through on the site or on the video interview I watched.
When the dollar loses its place as the world’s reserve currency, the Federal Reserve steps in to “protect” the nation.
Inflation has skyrocketed and families are suffering everywhere. With prices 20 times the prices of today (2013), the economy is quickly sinking, and leaders are taking advantage of the vulnerability of their citizens.
The Fed creates the Department of Housing Stability which is suppose to “stabilize” home prices; it expands and contracts the housing supply by force, leaving people homeless. The question keeps resurfacing: Can the very reason we got here be the answer to get us out? Join the Rebels in this film to find the answers.
At the center of corruption is the Federal Reserve who has gained enormous amounts of control over America’s economy, with disastrous effects beginning to show.
Standing opposite, is the band of Rebels who have vowed to take back the freedom they once knew…and they won’t go down without a fight.
Monetary mayhem. Explosions. Romance. Silver Circle plans to take indie animation to a whole other level.
The rebels fight the power by making their own alternative currency out of silver, hence all that silver stuff. Further things are explained in this interview with the filmmaker which is filled with the usual Libertarian paranoia. Pasha Roberts is the guy pulling things all together. While I applaud indie animation and the fact this film was finished and didn’t end in a pile of rubble and lawsuits, that’s about all the praise I’m willing to spare on a philosophy that would turn the world into Ethiopia.
Somewhere you can donate to sponsor a screening in your home town, but it’s not on the link provided so I don’t know how much it costs. Hopefully that gets fixed and a screening will show up in a theater near you! Remember, they only accept silver, gold, and electrum.
Gimme a silver doggie dish or your pants get the “hose”!
aka Lady Chatterley’s Ghost 2011 Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Juan Medina)
Look, it’s a magical butterfly! Flap flap flap!
Despite a few interesting touches, Lady Chatterley’s Daughter is slow going and takes too long to get to the plot, what little plot their is. It’s not absolutely terrible, but it’s part of a pedigree of of Bikini films that everyone admires, so higher standards must be held. In that end, Lady Chatterley’s Daughter fails to deliver an interesting story, and will more likely end up with late night Cinemax watchers asleep on the couch.
This ain’t how you bust ghosts!
As the well-worn tome shown during the opening credits attests, D.H. Lawrence’s 1928 book Lady Chatterley’s Lover has had quite an influence on erotic literature (and other erotica!) And now it will vaguely influence this film! Senator Reed Smoot said of the original work: “I’ve not taken ten minutes on Lady Chatterley’s Lover, outside of looking at its opening pages. It is most damnable! It is written by a man with a diseased mind and a soul so black that he would obscure even the darkness of hell!” Needless to say, it’s import was banned before being fought over in the courts (where the book and others like it prevailed in 1959 and was allowed to both be imported without censor and published in the US.)
Lady Chatterley’s Daughter marks some of the transition between Retromedia and Synthetic Filmwerx, as Retromedia still has the opening production company clip, but Synthetic Filmwerx’s name appears as well in the title credits.
Talk to the hand, because the face is busy boning a ghost actress who haunts a book to save my marriage!
Sandra (Holly Sampson) – Lonely housewife married to Charles. Spends her days reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover over and over again. Holly Sampson is also in the Emmanuelle 2000 series, including Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise, as well as the whole Tiger Woods scandal thing.
Charles Maitlin (Randy Spears) – Successful estate lawyer married to Sandra, but also getting some side action with Connie. Which he doesn’t know is part of a larger plan. Randy Spears is a Bikini movie regular in addition to his other softcore and hardcore work.
Connie (Jessie Lunderby) – Constance goes by Connie, and shows up as a live-in maid, but is also Charles’ mistress. And she’s a ghost! Spoilers. Jessie Lunderby reads all her lines like they’re a run-on sentence. Which sort of works in giving her an other-worldly feel. Constance is also Lady Chatterley’s first name in the novel.
Sophia (Cassandra Cruz as Vanessa Brink) – Sandra’s friend who both does not believe in tarot cards but also constantly does tarot card readings. It is a mystery! Cassandra Cruz is the star of Bigger the Pole, the Tighter the Hole; Gov Love: The Eliot Splitz-her Story; and Club Satan: The Witches Sabbath.
Keith (Nick Manning) – The handyman/gardener for the Maitlin household, and Sandra’s fantasy lover probably because he’s the only other male around. In real life they are good friends, but not good enough for Keith to warn Sandra fishy things are happening after having sex with Connie. Nick Manning is also in The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad
Windows 8 requires a constant wifi connection to your post-it notes!
