Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead

aka ゾンビアス Zonbiasu

2011
Written by Noboru Iguchi, Ao Murata, and Jun Tsugita
Story by Tadayoshi Kubo
Directed by Noboru Iguchi

Zombie Ass Toilet of the Dead
The horrible secret of Bush’s Baked Beans…

While normally a fan of the Japanese ultra-gore films and Noboru Iguchin in general, Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead ends up sucking ass! What is should be a bunch of fun and ridiculous scenes instead gets bogged down by far too much melodrama, and the replacement of poo for the blood splatter scenes. Which isn’t done in a creative way, and instead rely on the fact that there is lots of poo around for the laughs. Poo may be funny in concept, but in practice it gets boring really fast. While other films like Helldriver and Mutant Girls Squad mix their films with a greater theme, Zombie Ass fails to successfully do that, either. There is a vague theme of bullying that rarely comes in to play, and doesn’t parallel with the zombie tapeworm invasion tale going on. The obvious subtext of body image is barely addressed and would have resulted in a much better film. The ending battle with a flying girl versus a monster is nothing we haven’t seen before, either. It took four people to write something so bland!

Zombie Ass Toilet of the Dead
Funnily enough, this method of transportation has begun to catch on in crowded Tokyo

Zombie Ass‘s few pluses include the design of the tapeworm parasites, they have a brain on them that make them look like the creatures from Fiend Without a Face. I do not know how intentional this homage is, but I hope it was very. I will also score a point for the final monster looking like a sock puppet Jar Jar Binks, because that effect is bad enough it became funny. But besides that, I do not need a heroine who is sad all the time because she didn’t bother to save her bullied sister, nor every other character either being horrible or dating someone horrible. Most of the cast are the type of people who die first or second in a movie, and it was annoying seeing them continue to live beyond their expiration date. I was rooting for the poo to drown them!

Zombie Ass Toilet of the Dead
Meesa mutant butt zombie, okeyday!

Even the appearance by regulars Asami Sugiura, Demo Tanaka, Yuya Ishikawa, and gratuitous nudity don’t save Zombie Ass from going down the drain. You’re gonna want to flush this load as soon as it’s dropped off at the pool. This film doesn’t have much to go on, and this is no smear campaign. Zombie Ass could be more Charmin, and that’s the bottom line. Despite the brown-nosing, Zombie Ass is only a #2. You might want to log off now, these puns sure are on a roll!

Megumi (Arisa Nakamura) – Our heroine. Her younger sister Ai died due to bullying, and Megumi was unable to act to stop it. So now she studies karate all day to be strong to make up for failing to save her sister. She’s also very introspective.
Aya (Mayu Sugano) – Megumi’s good girl friend, and the only non-annoying character in the film. So you know she’s going to die. She’s dating scuzzy guy Take, whose main hobby is cheating on her with other girls.
Maki (Asana Mamoru) – Megumi’s controlling and vain friend, whose idea it is to go find some tapeworms so she can look thinner. Has no problem with getting it on with Aya’s boyfriend. Is entitled and spoiled, the perfect host for the Queen Parasite. Asana Mamoru is a Gravure model also known as Asana Kouno.
Sachi (???) – Young sick daughter of the mad scientist who is raising the tapeworms and feeding them to her to help keep her leukemia in remission. Is deranged and has a fondness for knives and for killing people. Can communicate with the Nekurogedoro due to the large amount of their chemicals in her body.
Sachi’s Dad (Kentaro Shimazu) – Sachi’s mad father who set up this crazed scheme to help her live longer. Cares about nothing but having his daughter live longer, no matter how many lives it costs.
Queen Nekurogedoro (A puppet) – The boss of the mutant parasite tapeworms dubbed nekurogedoro, the Queen resides inside of Maki until such time that she pops free to battle Megumi. Can fly, and teams up with Sachi. This puppet is my favorite part of the film. Yep.
Zombie Ass Toilet of the Dead
Okay, Star Wars Prequel Abomination, I got the cure!
Ghost Cat of Otama Pond

Ghost Cat of Otama Pond

Ghost Cat of Otama Pond

aka 怪猫 お玉が池 aka Kaibyo Otama-ga-Ike
Ghost Cat of Otama Pond
1960
Written by Jiro Fujishima and Yoshihiro Ishikawa
Directed by Yoshihiro Ishikawa

One of the oft-repeated tales of Japanese ghost stories (or kaidan if you’re nasty) is the haunted cat tales. Possibly dating back to Segawa Joko III’s 1853 kabuki play “The Story of the Cat Monster of Fair Saga” (Hana Saga neko mata zoshi), a depiction of which can be seen here. These tales are called kaibyo, and generally feature cats that drink the blood of their murdered masters, return for revenge in a ghost story manner. Many kaibyo films feature lakes and haunted mansions, and some borrow other elements from similar famous Japanese ghost tales, like Yotsuya Kaidan. The amount of kaibyo films is in dispute (at least one source quotes over 100, though how correct that is I don’t know, and how many of the older kaibyo films are lost to time I also don’t know. Thanks to a great overview of some of the films by Spectacular Optical, I can tell you that the first known screen adaptation was 1910’s The Night Cherry Blossoms of Saga. Enough of the kaibyo films were made that actresses sprung up who specialized in playing the roles of the vengeful cat spirits.

Kaibyo films can seem repetitive, and the many films are less of a lesson in having a story than about telling it well. Director Yoshihiro Ishikawa filmed at least one other kaibyo film, The Ghost-Cat Cursed Pond, and besides writing that one also wrote Black Cat Mansion and Yotsuya film The Ghost of Yotsuya, so he is familiar with the classical tales. I hope to track those other kaibyo films of his down and compare them to see how he made each one different and how he didn’t. Ghost Cat of Otama Pond is based on a tale by Sotoo Tachibana. Ghost Cat of Otama Pond was screened as part of a Shintoho Film Festival that is making the rounds in the US, it was screened in San Francisco on a double bill with Vampire Bride at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, and I attended the screening along with duriandave of SoftFilm.

Ghost Cat of Otama Pond is a color production (rare for a first-time Shintoho director), and really makes use of the colors for atmospheric effects. The lighting and design borrow from the kabuki roots of the ghost tales, with green being the most prominent color for supernatural elements. The ghosts are all let with a spectral green, and green lighting on the wall denotes when something creepy is going on. There is also a shadow of a cat’s head that is projected on the walls repeatedly as the ghost cat is enacting its vengeance. The ghost cat’s greatest weapon is the evilness of its targets, who begin to turn on each other while the cat pulls the strings.
Ghost Cat of Otama Pond

Lifetime's Anna Nicole Smith biopic airs June 29

As I’m sure all of you are eagerly awaiting, the premiere of the Lifetime Network Anna Nicole Smith movie Anna Nicole (formerly The Anna Nicole Story) will air June 29th. Then you can go back to not remembering who Anna Nicole Smith is, like everyone else in the universe. Not that’s I’m saying this is pointless, too late, derivative dreck that has been done before. I even made a joke about the 2007 Anna Nicole Smith biopic Anna Nicole the last time we wrote about this one. That film is awful, this film will maybe be less awful, but the message is:

Uh….

Let me get back to you on the message!

In other Lifetime exploitation news, the Jody Arias film Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret premieres June 22! This is exciting news for Nancy Grace fans and people who have their tv stuck on Lifetime and can’t find the remote.

Based on the disturbing murder trial that has captivated the nation, “Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret” tells the story of Jodi Arias (Tania Raymonde, “Lost”), a seductive 28-year-old aspiring photographer recently found guilty of killing her former lover Travis Alexander (Jesse Lee Soffer, “The Mob Doctor”), who was found nude in his apartment shower with a slit throat, 27 additional stab wounds and a bullet to the head. While investigating the violent killing, Mesa, Arizona, police retrieved a digital camera from Travis’ washing machine, revealing shocking images authorities claim Jodi took of their sexual escapades, as well as during and after his murder. While Jodi pled not guilty and contends she killed Travis in self-defense, police concluded that when Travis broke off his relationship with Jodi, she became a real life “Alex Forrest” (portrayed by Glenn Close) from the film “Fatal Attraction.” Jodi, they say, stalked her ex-boyfriend, who she successfully seduced one final time before murdering him and then attempted to cover her tracks. Her subsequent trial has been grand theater, dominating the cable news networks, with Jodi testifying in her own defense, offering insight into the sex, lies and obsession that led up to Travis’ murder — beguiling media and onlookers, alike.

Remember: this film was finished before she was found guilty of murder, which is the current MO for Lifetime films.

Lifetime

Godzilla Marvel 11 cover

Godzilla #11 (June 1978)


Godzilla Marvel 11

Red Ronin is in the Choom Gang!


Godzilla #11 – Arena for Three! (June 1978)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin

When last we left Godzilla, a rumble was afoot between Big G, Yetrigar, and Red Ronin. And now the rumble will happen! If you need a reminder of the cast, stop by the Godzilla Marvel Splash Page, and check in on everything with March of Godzilla 2013!

The three monsters (Godzilla, Red Ronin, Yetrigar) battle, with Robert trying to help Godzilla, but Yetrigar is good at fighting them both. Some river rafters get caught in the crossfire, while Robert in Red Ronin is oblivious to their plight.

Dum Dum and Gabe get in a fighter and fly after the monsters, while the crashed Behemoth begins repairs.

Robert also doesn’t want to kill Yetrigar because the yetrigar of legend are supposed to be related to men. Even though this one has clearly lost it and is a danger to everyone. Of course, Robert also doesn’t try any real nonlethal attacks, either.

Robert eventually sees the Yetrigar is mad with rage and can’t be reasoned with, and will kill them both if he doesn’t kill it first. Robert has learned that sometimes the world is shades of grey. An important lesson. Robert buries Yetrigar under the side of the canyon (where he will remain until he pops up some time later in the West Coast Avengers!?!!) Dum Dum and Gabriel Jones end up saving the river rafters, if you were worried about the safety of these random one-issue flavor characters.

Godzilla Marvel 11

Red Ronin is just making excuses now…


Godzilla then wanders off, his work done. His work being to start a fight and then watch someone else end it. Robert flies away in shame that he had to take a life and is a fugitive from SHIELD.

Now that Robert is a murderer, will he come to grips with the fact that Godzilla might have to be put down like a foaming mouth dog? Or will Robert have learned an important lesson about monster morality, and which monster is good and bad? More likely, Robert learned that being an adult means you have to sometimes make adult decisions that you don’t like, but have no other choice.

And just wait until you find out what he learns next month!

Newcomers – filmed in space, but also private space company propaganda!

USS Poop Shield

There is a new film being planned called Newcomers, and it will feature footage shot in outer space filmed on the commercial spacecraft The Lynx (owned by XCOR Aerospace). This space mission will be led by former NASA astronaut Colonel Richard A. Searfoss. The plot details are lacking, but what has been discussed is that Newcomers will be about an alien invasion that is thwarted thanks to the help of a former NASA astronaut and the commercial space industry.

That sounds cool until you remember that it is the commercial space industry that is helping to film the movie! So I gotta call it for what it is, PROPAGANDA! Now, I don’t have any moral conviction against private space missions or vehicles. I do support the government doing space missions and think the switch to contracting out rides to space is a big mistake. And I’m also not the kind of guy who will sit idly by and not call this out for what it is. Newcomers may be a good movie, it may be terrible, it doesn’t even matter at this point. Product placement is not a stranger to big budget films, and there is even times when they drive the plot. There was even a whole slew of right wing agenda-driven films last year, and there will be more this year.

And I will call them out. So Newcomers, consider your cover blown!

via THR
Image is from this so-called privately funded Mars mission, which claims it will use poop for radiation shielding.

RiffTrax will riff Starship Troopers in theaters nationwide!

Denise Richards Starship Troopers

Remember that RiffTrax Kickstarter that attempted to get the rights to Twilight? (Disclaimer: I donated to that Kickstarter) Well, it didn’t get the rights to Twilight. It did get the rights to Starship Troopers, so on Thursday, August 15th, there will be bugs. Would you like to know more?

Uh… That’s about all the details the email had at this point. Like usual, it will be done live in Nashville and broadcasted throughout the country via the magic of Fanthom Events. There is also no certainty that there will be a digital download available for the broadcast, because the rights for that haven’t been approved yet. But who knows what the future will hold.

It will be interesting seeing the big budget bonanza cheese that is also satire against fascism e dealt with by guys who used to voice robots watching bad movies. Because that is the world we live in, reality!

Remember: The only good bug, is a dead bug!

via RiffTrax