Towers of Terror has many smart things to say about the War on Terror

Towers of Terror

I’m seeing double…four Krustys!

I’m kidding, of course, Towers of Terror looks terrible and has only succeeded to get my attention because of the gimmick poster. But don’t fret, this movie involves the planes hitting the towers and the heroic firefighters who then have to fight the zombified terrorists because why the fuck not, right?

Two groups decide to race to the top of each of the World Trade Center buildings on September 11, 2001. The towers are hit by terrorist attacks, but the terrorists don’t die in the plane crash; they resurrect as zombies hell-bent on their mission to destroy America. As these undead jihadists continue on their path of destruction armed with box-cutters and nail-clippers, the Americans must learn to stand united in their patriotism or else face gruesome death in twin 110 story bloodbaths!

Cool, a film that will make Osombie seem dignified and nuanced. I’m sure the producers are proud of their film being so offensive that they get articles like this one complaining about the film. I thought about not bothering to get them press, but, it’s not like this site is a major player or anything! And often, it’s more fun to make fun of dumb stuff like this, because it’s not going to go anywhere, it’s going to be stupid and fall into obscurity. Not because it’s “offensive”, but because the quality looks terrible. Just look at this trailer:

I couldn’t watch the full movie if I tried, and I’ve seen Foodfight. America will be united, in not bothering to watch this movie. So enjoy going nowhere fast, Towers of Terror, your flight is arriving!

Dead Sushi

Dead Sushi

Dead Sushi

aka デッド寿司 aka Deddo Sushi
Dead Sushi
2012
Written by Noboru Iguchi, Makiko Iguchi, and Jun Tsugita
Directed by Noboru Iguchi

Dead Sushi

Summing up Dead Sushi in one picture!


Dead Sushi combines two of my favorite things from low budget Japanese cinema – Rina Takeda and Noboru Iguchi! While I wish these two combined to make something amazing, Dead Sushi turns out to just be above average. While certainly a lot better than either of the prior Iguchi and Takeda films I have seen (Zombie Ass and Kunoichi), Dead Sushi suffers from trying to be too many things. Sure, it’s got zombies, killer sushi, and face kicking, but there is also a big lecture on the proper way to make, eat, and appreciate sushi. Dead Sushi takes as much from Jiro Dreams of Sushi as it does from Machine Girl or High-Kick Girl! Unfortunately, they drag the movie down to a more average range.
Dead Sushi

Finally a movie that isn’t afraid to spit the truth!


The two main attractions to Dead Sushi are the gore effects and the choreography. First – the gore effects are okay, but not so different from what we’ve seen before. The humor comes from the instigators of this gore, living sushi pieces that talk gibberish and fly through the air, skeletonizing people. After the gimmick wears off, Dead Sushi gives us zombies to allow for some actual fighting against something other than CGI and puppets. While zombies are overused and boring (despite these zombies spitting up rice!), the occasional fights against CGI sushi have their fun, and remind me of Birdemic.
Dead Sushi

Why you should never eat cheap take-out rice!


The choreography is less disappointing, and is what you should seek out Dead Sushi for. Rina Takeda’s Keiko is a sushi apprentice to her father, the sushi chef skills giving her karate skills because that’s just how it works. There is some kicking and punching of sushi pieces out of the air, and later some battles against ineffectual zombies. Dead Sushi then shakes things up with Kentaro Shimazu running around with a giant fish head and a gianter axe to battle Rina Takeda, while the one good piece of sushi – Eggy – does battle with a giant CGI sushi battleship. The fights keep you entertained, whoever the stunt guy for Kentaro Shimazu is matches well with Rina Takeda’s moves, giving us nice fighting to entertain the people. Bread and circuses. Or Sushi and Zombies.
Dead Sushi

Shaming the shameless


Keiko (Rina Takeda) – Daughter of a great sushi master, who is angry that she was a girl and thus inferior at making sushi. She runs away in anger, taking a job as a hostess at a hotel. The years of practice at making sushi has honed her skills at fighting, and also given her admirable sushi skills that are recognized by Mr. Sawada. Keiko is also known to lecture on proper sushi etiquette, showing she was paying attention to all her father’s teachings.
Yamada (Kentaro Shimazu) – What seems to be just a homeless guy is actually the former head of new medicine development at Komatsu Pharmaceutical, the company that comes to dine at the hotel for their famous sushi. His project on bringing dead sea life back to life was cancelled, but not without the side effects of turning him into a zombie lord, and he unleashes the infection at the hotel. Evolves into a fishhead form.
Nosaka (Takamasa Suga) – A good guy who isn’t that good, secretly knows what’s going on as the whole outbreak is part of his own sick experiments for Komatsu Pharmaceutical. But the worm will turn…
Yumi Hanamaki (Asami Sugiura) – Hostess at the hotel who worked hard to gain her position, and also married the new owner. Is cheating on her husband Mr. Hanamaki (Takashi Nishina) with arrogant sushi chef Tsuchida.
Mr. Sawada (???) – Nice guy at work, was an arrogant sushi chef at the inn until he accidentally stabbed his wife and became knifephobic.
Eggy (himself) – an egg sushi that is spurned by all the seafood-based sushi, Eggy turns good and uses his acid egg juice squirting ability to aid Keiko and Mr. Sawada.
Dead Sushi

Better than the movie Battleship!

Godzilla Marvel 22

Sharktopus hits trilogy! – Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda and Sharktopus vs. Mermantula!

Sharktopus roared to life on SyFy and really kicked the animal combination movies into high gear. And now, Sharktopus is back! Okay, Sharktopus’s baby, Sharktopus, is back. For the first time. I bet they often get the wrong mail… Sharktopus the baby does battle with Pteracuda in Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda! Pteracuda is yet another creature created by scientists to do stuff, and you can probably guess which two creatures it is a combination of. Robert Carradine stars.

Never fret, as Sharktopus will soon return with Sharktopus vs. Mermantula! I helped vote to name this one on Twitter, and Roger Corman is awesome and responds to his fans. The plot of SvM:

In order to take down Sharktopus, Ray Brady, a former basketball player is injected with a transformation serum that alters his genetic make-up to become part man, part piranha and part tarantula. Though, unsuccessful at his first attempt to bring down Sharktopus, Ray injects himself with a growth hormone, increasing his strength ten fold and has a final showdown with Sharktopus in a baseball stadium.

Casper Van Dien and Catherine Oxenberg star, and a clip from the dailies is the video at the top of this article.

Matt Yamashita writes both films, and Kevin O’Neill directs. Both films will undoubtedly be on SyFy, and we will be watching! But will Sharktopus fight a Sharknado? And will we get a SyFy film that combines every animal ever?

sharktopus

Godzilla Marvel 22

Muppets Most Wanted teaser


YAAAAAAY!! More Muppets is good Muppets! Bring on the parade of parody trailers and cool puns with Muppets Most Wanted!

Disney’s “Muppets Most Wanted” takes the entire Muppets gang on a global tour, selling out grand theaters in some of Europe’s most exciting destinations, including Berlin, Madrid and London. But mayhem follows the Muppets overseas, as they find themselves unwittingly entangled in an international crime caper headed by Constantine—the World’s Number One Criminal and a dead ringer for Kermit—and his dastardly sidekick Dominic, aka Number Two, portrayed by Ricky Gervais. The film stars Tina Fey as Nadya, a feisty prison guard, and Ty Burrell as Interpol agent Jean Pierre Napoleon. Disney’s “Muppets Most Wanted” is directed by James Bobin and produced by David Hoberman and Todd Lieberman. Bobin co-wrote the screenplay with Nicholas Stoller, who is also executive producer with John G. Scotti. Featuring music from Academy Award®-winning songwriter Bret McKenzie, “Muppets Most Wanted” hits the big screen March 21, 2014

Muppets Most Wanted

Muppets Most Wanted Jagger

Library Wars

Library Wars

Library Wars

aka 図書館戦争 aka Toshokan Senso
Library Wars
2013
Written by Akiko Nogi
Based on the novel by Hiro Arikawa
Directed by Shinsuke Sato

Library Wars
In a near-future, the battle between censorship and free speech has become a literal war, with bullets flying and blood being shed. As a news stories montage in the beginning explains, censorship laws were passed that became more and more expanded (the Media Betterment Act), with a government agency called the Media Betterment Committee set up to enforce the laws. They begin raiding bookstores and burning books, censoring the internet, and the list of forbidden books balloons and balloons. Eventually, local governments form a Library Defense Force to protect libraries, who are able to keep the forbidden books thanks to other laws. Over time, the two sides grow more militarized and come into violent conflict.
Library Wars
This is the world of Library Wars. Just think of Fahrenheit 451, except this time everyone has lots of guns. But it’s more than just a parable about censorship, Library Wars weaves its way through several genres, even becoming a comedic romance! The Library Defense Force is a true defense force. They do not fire first, and they do not shoot to kill. As you can imagine, the Media Betterment Force does not abide by the same rules (though they do manage to not kill anyone on camera in the course of the film, deaths being shown are provided by “unaffiliated groups” that Media Betterment leaders just happen to have on speed dial!)
Library Wars
The opening sequence of a library being shot up by masked goons and then torched sets the stage for the stakes in the brutal censorship battle. Both sides are empowered by the various national and local laws, and follow them to the letter. This leads to absurd situations like the leaders of the two sides meeting to discuss terms and quote passages, then setting the time and length of the battle.
Library Wars