Obsession Mainline Releasing softcore cinemax

Obsession (Review)

Obsession

Obsession Mainline Releasing softcore cinemax
2013
Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by Kent Sawyer

Obsession Mainline Releasing softcore cinemax

Possibility. Possibility.


Mainline Releasing Group (aka MRG Entertainment) gives us a softcore take on 50 Shades of Grey in what might be a preview of the style of the film version of same that will hit theaters in 2014. A super rich arrogant guy suddenly is extremely attracted to a freelance writer who did an interview with him and called him out on his crap. As no one has ever done that to Mr. Rich Guy, you can say he had an…..Obsession!

Because that’s the title, yo!

Obsession is at its best when its dissecting what a woman wants in a relationship, and at its worst when things are happening. Kiara Diane just wasn’t up to task to handle some of the emotional scenes, while Jason Sarcinelli is playing the same evil dick character we’ve seen a few times in Mainline Releasing films. He really only breaks out of that mold in his last scene, too bad it took so long to get there. I was totally not surprised to see this was a Tina Hawthorne script. Beyond her being the only writer for MRG, she’s also producing scripts that deal a lot with relationships and how people interact within them in addition to the required sex scenes. Needless to say, I’m a fan, even if she’s hit or miss.

As the Sophie Hammond character is already dating a guy who is a jerk, when she meets hyperjerk Max Berens it is on like Donkey Kong, if Donkey Kong was a softcore movie (probably called Donkey Dong, at least until Nintendo’s army of lawyers drowned everyone involved in cease and desists!)

Obsession Mainline Releasing softcore cinemax

No one interrupts me when I’m playing Candy Crush Saga!

Obsession features another person with a million dollar home while she’s just a freelancer and her boyfriend is a college student who doesn’t even pay his own tuition. I know a lot of writers due to writing my own site for so long, and none of them could afford anything close to that without something else going on. It also lessons the supposed wealth of Max Berens when Sophie’s expensive house looks more fancy than the billionaire’s office. And as Max seems less wealthy, his supposed power and influence go down, decreasing his charm and making him just seem more like a jerk.

Obsession Mainline Releasing softcore cinemax

So I was all like “Who needs an $80,000 job when I can play X-Box for free!”


Then I wondered why I thought he seemed less appealing because he seemed to have less money. Was I willing to give him excuses on being a jerk if he had a fat wad of cash? And if so, am I no better than women/men who date people for wealth? Why is it that rich idiots like our current crop of pop stars can waste tons of money and run around like idiots with no consequence, while the masses never get a break? Wealth just provides so much freedom in society it is obscene. It’s even permeated the subconscious mind, rich people can get away with whatever they want and you just assume it will be so, but the excuses you give to them do not transfer to someone who seems less than wealthy. I’m not saying we should kill the rich and tear down the system to reboot the planet. I’m sure there are one or two rich people who aren’t terrible. But Obession plays on this lifestyle of wealth with Max Berens’ character, while at the same time exposing its fraud by not emphasizing the wealth like it should. In that regards, Obsession fails as a film, and succeeds only in being a delivery method for naked chicks on late night Cinemax. On that hand, Obsession delivers!

Sophie Hammond (Kiara Diane) – A journalist for a local paper whose interview with Max Berens opens a new chapter in her life that involves an affair with said Max Berens.
Max Berens (Jason Sarcinelli) – A famous billionaire who is very obsessive and gets interested in girls who stand up to him. Which seems to have happened only once ever with Sophie. Jason Sarcinelli is also in Sex Tapes and Sexy Assassins.
Jake (Rocco Reed) – Jake is on year 6 of college and doesn’t want to grow up. Which really annoys his girlfriend Sophie. He doesn’t get her hints that she’s unhappy, until she dumps him for a mysterious billionaire. Rocco Reed is also in Dark Fantasies.
Lia (Michelle Lay) – Max’s secretary who has a thing for Max. Thus she hates Sophie. Michelle Lay is also in Cougar School, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, and Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
Monique (Tasha Reign) – A random woman trying to impress Max with her selling techniques. If she sells jets like she was selling herself to Max, then expect Max to be arrested soon for being a pimp.
Obsession Mainline Releasing softcore cinemax

Well, more pizza for me then!

National Geographic Channel NatGeo logo

RiffTrax blasts its way to television with Total Riff Off!

National Geographic Channel NatGeo logo

If you are one of those people who is always talking about how RiffTrax should be on television and making fun of weird and disgusting animals, then your ship has come in and you should play the lottery or something! Dubbed Total Riff Off, Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy will be on your tv screens making fun of our furry friends on National Geographic Channel (or NatGeo if you are one of the cool kids like us! Be a cool kid..or else!)

The three episodes premiere April 1st and are called Demon Bat, Badass Dion Bird, and Pig Love. Prepare your VCRs/DVRs/Google Glass Recording Programs!

No word yet on if the shows will be available on RiffTrax.com or if they are the trial run of a full series (or just an April Fools Day prank!)

achmed saves america jeff dunham

Jeff Dunham goes Family Guy with Achmed Saves America!


Fun Fact: When Wee Tars was little, he enjoyed the comic stylings of Jeff Dunham and his Woozle named Peanut. But as Wee Tars turned into Fully Grown and Embittered Tars, he realized Dunham’s comedic stylings were largely based on weird racial stereotypes.

Speaking of comic stylings based on weird racial stereotypes, Jeff Dunham’s totally not a weird racial stereotype character Achmed the Dead Terrorist now has his own animated movie, because the terrorists were right or something.

Are you ready to see Achmed the Dead Terrorist like he’s never been seen before? Well then get ready for ACHMED SAVES AMERICA, Jeff Dunham’s first animated film starring the beloved dead terrorist, coming in March 2014!

When Achmed visits Americaville, USA, he’s mistaken for a visiting French exchange student as he plots to destroy the town and all of its “infidels”. But once he’s exposed to all the sweet things America has to offer — including all-you-can-eat buffets and frozen yogurt — Achmed’s campaign of hate turns into a patriotic All-American loveliest.

ACHMED SAVES AMERICA arrives on DVD and Blu-ray March 18th, and premieres on CMT March 28th!

Yes, you can watch Achmed Saves America now on DVD (disclaimer: Amazon referral link), or just wait until the end of the month to watch in on Country Music Television. From the trailer above, it’s obviously a film that should be seen by everyone to enjoy! I’m kidding, it looks like weird Family Guy/American Dad slash fiction. If anything, the animated film serves to reinforce the view that Dunham gets away with offensive humor due to it coming out of puppets, because now the offensive humor comes in animated form, which is also usually overlooked by critics at large. Have I mentioned critics who do this are dumb as hell? Because they are.

Achmed Saves America looks like it’s the old “America is totally cool and will win over everyone” story, where even the evilest bad guy becomes all America. And that’s not that off the mark, as even Osama Bin Laden had lots of American porn on his computer. Finally, a source of American pride that both sides of the aisles can agree on. USA! USA! USA!

Hidden Treasures

Hidden Treasures (Review)

Hidden Treasures

Hidden Treasures
2013
Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by David Ashton

Hidden Treasures

Call me Poison Ivy because I basically am Poison Ivy.


Hidden Treasures is an interesting film, because the lead woman Elizabeth is manipulative over her former roommates/lovers, who eagerly go along with whatever weird junk she’s selling. They then drag their girlfriends into the mess, and commit a million sins that would end any relationship immediately. You have to take some of the scenes with a huge iceberg-sized grain of salt that anyone would go along with the shenanigans.

Initial premise aside, Hidden Treasures is an interesting “erotic thriller”, I use thriller because it’s not really any other category. We know Elizabeth is manipulative, but we don’t know how much, or if she’s even the most guilty party.

Hidden Treasures

I’m just gonna dig some shallow graves, nothing suspicious or anything!


Someone does know something about plants (I haven’t determined if Tina Hawthorne is the real name of the writer of the bulk of Mainline Releasing’s films), because in addition to some of the lingo straight out of wikipedia is some actual plant knowledge. Maybe it’s just watching this film while in the middle of reading a book that also has a character who mentions plants by their scientific names all the time (the book is Caliban’s War by James S.A. Corey), but I don’t really do that. But again, I can barely remember the common names for the different heirloom plants I have growing in my garden without saving the seed packets. It’s probably easier when you have someone you can talk plant shop with, but my wife and I are the only people we know who garden.

Sadie Katz’s character Cat is the plant enthusiast here, while Elizabeth Pierce’s father made his fortune in alternative medicine herbal plants and has a lush garden (tended by hunky gardener Jackson, who also knows a lot about plants.) Plants play into the plot with the characters continually talking about them. But there is also a bunch of missing jewels that Elizabeth’s late father somewhere on the property, which is the excuse she uses to bring in her old sex pals Mason and Chris. Judging by what happens next, its as if the characters are convinced the jewels are hidden on one of their bodies, because they keep getting naked and exploring around each other.

Hidden Treasures

Look, buddy, the title is a metaphor about relationships in addition to referring to the stashed away jewels!


It’s hard to break down Hidden Treasures because you have to believe that Cat and Rachel would put up with their idiot boyfriends dropping everything to go help out an old hot friend who they probably had lots of sex with. And neither girl is too pleased, Rachel is openly hostile, while Cat attempts to be positive but runs into interference from everyone, including her boyfriend Mason, but not Jackson. Hmmm…. But basically the lesson is don’t be a manipulative horror and don’t be manipulated by said horror.

Elizabeth Pierce (Michelle Maylene) – Elizabeth’s rich father just died and she gets two of her old lovers to come help her find missing secret jewels. She’s also sleeping with both of them and the gardener Jackson and her dad’s death is very very mysterious. See Michelle Maylene in Sexy Assassins, Cougar School, The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad, and Twilight Vamps Lust At First Bite
Cat (Sadie Katz) – Mason’s girlfriend who is dragged along to Elizabeth’s house, but is soon enthralled by all the rare and medicinal plants in the yard. Is not enthralled by Mason banging Elizabeth. Sadie Katz can also be seen in Birthday Sex. Credited here as Buffy Green.
Jackson (Chad White) – The gardener who has grown most of the rare plants at the house. Is also good at sewing his oats with two of the female cast members.
Mason (Seth Gamble) – Architect who is dating Cat, but is “friends” with Elizabeth from back when they were roomies. He is unfamiliar with common plant names and cares not to learn. Not a faithful man. What do you expect from someone named after a jar? Seth Gamble is also in Booty Hunter.
Chris (Ryan McLane) – Another of Elizabeth’s “friends” who spends his free time cheating on his girlfriend Rachel with Elizabeth. Yet he’s somehow the least worst of the two guys Elizabeth brings in. Ryan McLane is also in Naughty Reunion
Rachel (Alyssa Branch) – Chris’ girlfriend who is not happy with the weird scenario of bringing him and her to his old flame’s house, nor at her getting kicked out of rooms constantly by Elizabeth.
Cop (David Page) – He’s a cop!
Other Cop (???) – He’s also a cop!
Hidden Treasures

How could you take me to a house with a warped funhouse mirror??? Mom was right about you!

Earth Defense Widow Dan Mitsu

Minoru Kawasaki is back with Earth Defense Widow!

Earth Defense Widow Dan Mitsu

Minoru Kawasaki is back with another crazy kaiju adventure with Earth Defense Widow (地球防衛未亡人)! This time, we follow former geisha girl and current member of the Earth Defense Force (and as mentioned, newly widowed) Dan as she battles a new kaiju Bemularsu that killed her husband. The problem is she gets sexually aroused whenever she battles the monster. As you can guess, that’s sort of a problem. And also the plot! Gravure model Dan-Mitsu plays Dan, and Minoru Kawasaki got two tokusatsu veterans with Kohji Moritsugu (Dan Moroboshi of Ultra Seven) and Shunichi Okita (Ichiro Yamanaka of Ultraman Ace) You’ll also recognize some of the cast from Kawasaki’s prior films. This is his third entry in the “Delusional Tokusatsu” series, the prior ones being 1987’s Earth Defense Girl Iko-cahn and 2013’s Earth Defense Girls P9.

Of course the real question is will there be anyone wearing animal costumes? It looks like sadly, no. But maybe one day we’ll get the animal costumes versus kaiju film we’ve all been dreaming of!

Earth Defense Widow came out in February, so hopefully it will make it Statesside soon!

via CrunchyRoll

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cookie monster les miserables

Cookie Monster IS Les Mousserables!

cookie monster les miserables

Sesame Street brings us the latest Cookie Monster movie parody: Les Mousserables! I’m not a big Les Mis fan, but I’m sure all the theater fans will love it.
Jean Bon-Bon is a very sad French guy in pursuit of cookies in the streets of Paris. He must figure out a way to survive and help his fellow Parisians find cookies.

Jean Bon-Bon (Cookie Monster) both learns to identify other people’s feelings and how to take their feelings into consideration and share the wealth. I’m sure Fox News will be condemning this once they learn how to watch videos on their computer. Get it? Fox News is full of old people.

The video is pretty funny, and even has some nice Snuffleupagus-themed French Architecture, something someone needs to build immediately! It’s also a better film than the recent actual Les Misérables film, which was terrible because it was directed by someone who won an Oscar for Best Director and then promptly directed a film that looks worst than what I shot when I left the video camera on when it was in the camera bag. Tom Hooper almost invented an Oscar recall with this crap. Perhaps he should learn a thing or two from this video about learning about feelings.