Terror at Tenkiller RiffTrax VOD

Terror at Tenkiller – new RiffTrax VOD!

If announcing Sharknado as a RiffTrax Live is not enough, RiffTrax also dropped a new VOD feature today! Terror at Tenkiller is the story of a guy named Tor who kills people. Shocking, I know. It’s ridiculous and there is terror as the title implies. Or is there? The only way to know for sure is to get a copy of Terror at Tenkiller now from RiffTrax.com!

Follow-up to the rarely seen, totally imaginary films Ennui at Eightkiller and Nausea at Ninekiller, Terror at Tenkiller really brings the goods! And by “the goods” we mostly mean there’s a character named Tor in it. Seriously, at this point the Venn diagram of “movies featuring a character or actor named Tor” and “movies we have riffed” must be approaching a perfect circle. Why does this keep happening? We don’t know, but you can be sure an insane scientist in some B movie is hard at work on the answer, and that his name is Tor!

This particular Tor lives at a lake called Tenkiller, where his hobbies include boat maintenance, wearing upsettingly tiny shorts, and purifying the world of unclean people with murder. Oh, that Tor! He works with Preacher, an old creep whose voice seems to have been dubbed in a bathroom stall by a sleepy hillbilly. When two cute college coeds show up at the lake to get away from an overbearing boyfriend, and the fact that they’re somehow roommates despite a 15 year age difference, it’s time for terror! And phone calls. And long conversations about restaurant management. And naps. And people waking up from naps. And peaceful walks to the dock. But mostly, the first thing! What was it again? Oh yeah, TERROR!

Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and Tor for a relaxing spa murder weekend to Terror at Tenkiller!

The real question is: “How far behind is Tars in the RiffTrax VODs?” Answer: Very! But I like that they’re there for when I do have time in the future. Keep pumping this stuff out so I have lots to watch and love whenever I do have free time!

Terror at Tenkiller RiffTrax VOD

Sharknado RiffTrax Live

Sharknado will be the latest RiffTrax Live!

Sharknado RiffTrax Live

In case you missed the special announcement today, the latest RiffTrax Life event will be Thursday July 10th, 2014 and feature the magical shark weather movie Sharknado! One of the better (but not the best) SyFy flicks from last year, Sharknado took social media by storm even if it took a few tries to get good ratings. Now you can watch Sharknado on the silver screen with color commentary from the RiffTrax guys, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett. July will be just in time for Sharknado 2 to be airing on SyFy, so it’s an amazing cross-promotion celebration. So buy your tickets now and crap!

But where is my Ghost Shark RiffTrax????

More info on RiffTrax.com

The super special announcement video:

Zoe Gone Lifetime

Zoe Gone – get stole away on Lifetime!

Zoe Gone Lifetime

No one steals babies on MY LIFETIME!!


Saturday’s not a good day to be a baby named Zoe who is born to a 16 year old girl, because according to Zoe Gone, that means you’re gonna get kidnapped! Luckily, this is Lifetime, and Zoe’s teenage mom Jennifer turns into Liam Neeson and goes after those kidnapping bastards! Never fear, teenage dad Randy is too lame to help, because he sucks. Shame on Randy! Maybe Jennifer can use her baby tracking skills and get a 16 and Pregnant show on MTV that isn’t filled with embarrassing idiots furthering their gene pool more than you ever will. Yeah, right! This is the realm of fantasy, but let’s just go with it, because reality sucks sometimes.

Sixteen-year-old Jennifer Lynn’s life is turned upside down when she gives birth to baby Zoe. Being a teen mom is not what she had planned for high school. Her boyfriend Randy refuses to step up and her mother Alicia is not interested in raising another child. But when Zoe is kidnapped, Jennifer’s maternal instincts kick in and she will stop at nothing to find her baby

Sammi Hanratty is Jennifer Lynn, teenage baby savior! Zoe Gone also stars Alexandra Holden, Andrea Bowen, Jean Louisa Kelly, and Samantha Boscarino. Zoe Gone premieres March 29th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

Bermuda Tentacles SyFy Asylum

Get grabbed by Bermuda Tentacles on SyFy!

Bermuda Tentacles SyFy Asylum

Holy guacamole, SyFy Saturday Creature Features are returning! You might have noticed how we haven’t mentioned a SyFy Original Movie premiere at all in 2014, and that’s not because we’ve just been too darn lazy to write about them. It’s because there hasn’t been any! Until now! April 12th will be the first of the year, with Bermuda Tentacles! Asylum are the people to thank for this masterpiece, starring Linda Hamilton.

When Air Force One goes down over the Bermuda Triangle, the Navy sends its best rescue team. But in saving the President, the team awakens a monster which threatens America’s entire Eastern Seaboard and, ultimately, the world.

A nice return to the monster mayhem. The only image so far of the monster make it look like Doctor Octopus’ tentacles have come alive! I’ll also make the required “Why isn’t this tentacle monster near Japan?” joke that everyone is thinking. Now you have to come up with an all-new joke, buddy! Never fear, Jamie Kennedy will be in the film as well. I’m not sure if he’s the monster or the president or a tentacle, but Kennedy is a master of disguise and will probably play all three roles.

Hopefully this will lead to more SyFy Original Movies airing, or else I’ll be stuck writing about Lifetime Channel (which isn’t that bad…) The ratings for original movies last year were not spectacular (though you could argue moving them to Thursdays also didn’t help!), even Sharknado didn’t get killer ratings until the second of third time it aired, despite huge social media awareness. The solution is to be a Nielsen family and get the ratings for SyFy. Or, find someone who is a Nielsen family, and then eat them to become them, and then watch Bermuda Tentacles. It’s really the same thing, because us average Joes don’t count.

via SyFy

Bigfoot vs DB Cooper

Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper – from the mind of David DeCoteau!

What happened to DB Cooper? Besides being Jimmy James in NewsRadio and exposed on Leverage, White Collar, and Prison Break, no one knows who he really was. But now we’ll know who he really is, he’s a guy who fought Bigfoot!

In Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper, Linnea Quigley plays a flight attendant, and Eric Roberts is the older DB Cooper. Stunt actor Nils Allen Stewart plays the mythological Bigfoot, who turns out to be less of a myth than suspected. Or maybe DB Cooper is now more of a myth than suspected, and will soon battle Pecos Bill and Paul Bunyan.

David DeCoteau will direct Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper in between making a bunch of films with “666” in the title and 90210 Shark Attack. It must be all that A Talking Cat!?! money!

The poster was put on David’s blog. No other information is available besides the brief imdb listing with some of the cast. But the title alone will draw in a lot of viewers because both names are popular enough people will be like “Let’s check this out!” Here’s hoping Bigfoot steals the money and uses it to live large.

Bigfoot vs DB Cooper

Doggie B Doggie Boogie

Doggie B (Review)

Doggie B

aka Doggie Boogie
Doggie B Doggie Boogie
2011
Written and directed by Romanus Wolter

Suck on this, Travolta!

Doggie B (Or Doggie Boogie, the title I first heard of it under) is a unique film experience that is a highlight of independent film. Doggie B is the result of the creative vision of Romanus Wolter, and exhibits both the positive and negative aspects of a singular force driven independent feature. While I enjoyed Doggie B immensely, it’s ultimate place will be a cult film that retains a sizable following, but that doesn’t appeal to everyone.

Doggie B Doggie Boogie

Don’t look at the dirty doggie dancing! Someone get Doggie Patrick Swayze off the floor!


Doggie B is Bay Area weird, and I can say that having lived in the region for over a decade. I’ve walked the same streets as the dogs and humans in Doggie B. I’ve encountered people who spend tons of money on Eastern medicinal practices for their animals. Even with that, the world of Doggie B is beyond bizarre. At one point a chase is interrupted by a random bongo parade. Several scenes during the montages and competitions are designed to showcase all the entertainers who are friends of the director and crew, and feature all sorts of interesting things going on. It makes San Francisco look more magical and weird than the reality.

Doggie B‘s inventive costumes and characters cause it to stand out from much of the bland children’s entertainment involving animals, much of which is an exercise in boredom. Here, actors are eager to dig into their roles and turn them into something special. Gertrude is a cartoon villain come alive, relishing her villainous reputation as her family’s legacy. Her only disappointment is her grandson isn’t a ruthless as her.

Doggie B Doggie Boogie

We need a spinoff movie about Hang 10 Cat!


The world of competitive dog dancing (an actual world, before Doggie B the best known representation was an episode of King of the Hill) is the setting for a tale of redemption and finding your place in the world. Doggie B begins as the rivalry between Peter Wolfe and Gertrude Spinner is about to hit another stage. Peter is desperate to defeat Gertrude, who has reigned supreme for a decade, and has his dog perform a dangerous stunt to disastrous results.

Cassie Barbizon (Jesse Draper) – Owner of Pijo and future law student, despite not being interested in law. But Pijo’s fainting spells and Uncle Peter’s funk lead her into a world of dog meditation and dog dancing championships that ends up saving the day.
Peter Wolfe (Scott Cox) – Famous dog dancing competitor who constantly comes in second place to his rival, Gertrude Spinner. His dog Kompis is injured in competition doing a tricky move, and Peter lapses into a funk that threatens his business unless his niece Cassie can help.
Gertrude Spinner (Bettina Devin) – Multiple-time dog dancing champion along with her faithful canine pal Chaos, Gertrude Spinner will do whatever it takes to remain on top. Even cheat! Her family owns the secret Dog Dance Bible. She has the desire to take over Peter’s studio just to shut it down. Is a recipient of ironic punishment.
Roman Spinner (Patrick Alan Davis) – Black sheep grandson of Gertrude Spinner who doesn’t have what it takes to hold up to the family legacy of dog dancing champions. Except maybe he does, he just doesn’t do it the traditional family legacy way. Takes a shine to Cassie Barbizon.
Karen Barbizon (Barbara Tintori) – Cassie’s mom who is forcing her into taking up the family legacy of female lawyers. Also agrees to watch Pijo and promptly loses track of the dog, thus spends much of the film trying to find Pijo.
Pijo (Pijo) – A Bichon that uses the power of fainting spells and doggie yoga to speak with owner Cassie Barbizon so Cassie will find her way in life and save Peter’s dog dancing studio.
Rachelle (Erica Gerard) – An employee of Shangrrrla who helps recruit Cassie into joining the team.
Dottie (Jane Wiedlin) – Owner of Shangrrrla and obsessive Peter Wolfe fan. Jane Wiedlin is a member of the Go-Gos, and also the singing telegram girl from Clue and had a bit part in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
Doggie B Doggie Boogie

You can do it!