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Tarantula
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Tarantula (Review)

January 8, 2005By

Tarantula


1955
Starring
John Agar as Dr. Matt Hastings
Mara Corday as Steve (Stephanie) Clayton
Leo G. Carroll as Prof. Gerald Deemer
Clint Eastwood as Jet Squadron Leader

Tarantula immediately sets the tone for it’s 1950’s sci-fi-ness by a bleak opening involving a dying mutant in the desert. Over the course of this movie the White Hero and Cold Female Scientist will work together to defeat the Monster Menace caused by the Old Mad Scientist in what would be a cookie cutter movie. It came out in 1955, one year after Gojira but one year before Godzilla with Steve Martin hit the US shores. How much that movie influenced this is unknown to me, but this is a pretty well made for the time giant monster movie on par with some of the earlier movies in the daikaiju genre. It even features a young Clint Eastwood as the leader of a jet squadron that is sent to send the spider to Spider Hell. This movie does differ in the spider is a real spider blown up to enormous size as opposed to a man in suit, so it is similar to other classics such as Giant Gila Monster.

Seytan
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Seytan aka Turkish Exorcist (Review)

January 8, 2005By

Seytan

aka Turkish Exorcist

1974

Starring

Canan Perver as Gul
Agah Hun as The exorcist (Father Amish here)
Meral Taygun as Gul’s mother Ayten


Another Turkish rip-off in the fine tradition of Turkish rip-offs. This time it’s a scene for scene remake of The Exorcist, except since the Turkish people are Muslims a few changes were made, and it’s not that scene for scene. Because it follows the American version closely it doesn’t delve into plotical weirdness that other Turkish greats such as Turkish Star Wars and 3 Dev Adam do. But fear not, this is an effort in pain. I managed to get a subtitled version so I have actual character’s names (for the most part) and a vague memory of seeing The Exorcist 15 years ago as a point of comparison. As we can’t get to the end unless I get started, off we go!

Turkish Star Wars
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Turkish Star Wars (Review)

November 21, 2004By

Turkish Star Wars

aka Dunyayi kurtaran adam

1982

Starring

Cuneyt Arkin as ??? (Never Caught his name)
Aytekin Akkaya as Ali
??? as The Wizard

Star Wars. One of the greatest movies ever made. It inspired an entire generation of film makers. An icon. And now, a low budget Turkish Rip-off! Yes, the Turkish have gotten a hold of Star Wars and yanked scenes for their own space fantasy extravaganza. As you may expect, it is quite a different movie, full of bad costumes and nonsensical plot. Imagine the biggest trainwreck you can possibly imagine. This is so…so…so Turkish Star Wars that you will ignore the gigantic trainwreck to catch a glimpse of this feature. I managed to get a subtitled version, and yet most of the plot still makes little or no sense. This is a long one, as a lot happens, and many things are confusing, frustrating, or just insane. But it’s a Hell of a ride.


Glitch
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Glitch! (Review)

November 13, 2004By

Glitch!


1988

Starring

Will Egan as T.C.
Steve Donmyer as Bo
Julia Nickson as Michelle
Directed by Nico Mastorakis


What should be a run of the mill lame sex comedy is instead a very bad sex comedy, thanks to Nico Mastorakis flubbing up what should be easy territory. Not surprising, in two years time he pulled off an even worse film with Ninja Academy. But we can cross that Grand Canyon of despair another day, for today we tackle Glitch!, a movie that has an exclamation point in it’s name. And Julia Nickson. That’s about the limit of the praise here, this is a trip of pure pain, for certain. Bring it on!


InMovie Reviews, Ugly

3 Dev Adam aka Turkish Spiderman

August 12, 2004By

3 Dev Adam

aka 3 Mighty Men aka Turkish Spiderman
3 Dev Adam
1973
Starring
Aytekin Akkaya as Captain America
Yavuz Selekman as El Santo

From deep in the bowels of Turkey comes this instant winner of insanity! The Turkish film industry has an obsession with making low budget rip offs of American films, and in this case, they’ve pilfered Spiderman, and threw in Captain America, and even El Santo! Direct from bootleg tape to your computer. Subtitles? Who needs them! It’s not like this movie was long on plot anyway. Knowing what was going on would probably make it unwatchable.

3 Dev Adam
3 Dev Adam

Starman Atomic Rulers
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Starman – Atomic Rulers (Review)

July 29, 2004By

Atomic Rulers


1964
Starring
Ken Utsui as Starman (Super Giant)

Finally, our journey through the Starman saga is coming to a close, as we come to the last of the films made by editing episodes of the Super Giant serials of the 1950s. This one, Atomic Rulers, is the worst of the lot, if that is believable. Not only is it a Starman movie, but he doesn’t even fight aliens, but humans from the fictional country of Magolia (not Magnolia or Mongolia, though either would have sounded better). Basically it is on par with the “Superman vs. random guy” stories where “why is this even a challenge?” repeats in your head as you read. But nevertheless we must press on to complete the series and have closure.


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