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The Extra-Terrestrial Cat In Boots (Review)

The Extra-terrestrial Cat In Boots

aka O Gato de Botas Extraterrestre

1990
Directed by Wilson Rodrigues
Written by Rubens Francisco Luchetti

O Gato de Botas Extraterrestre
Ladies and Gentlemen, TarsTarkas.NET was served. We were served by Todd at Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill, in his review of the Mexican Puss in Boots, and he danced a deadly dance of death while everyone hooted an hollered and yelled “Damn” at the backflips and foreflips and flips that were made up of tiny flips with cream filling and cherries on top. When the dust was settled and TarsTarkas.NET was critically wounded by the serving, there was but one choice. Never backing down, TarsTarkas.NET is going to serve back! The gauntlet is thrown…and by gauntlet, I mean the boot! The boot-let, if you will. Yes, we’re serving FourDK with our own live action Puss in Boots! And this time…there’s spaceships!
O Gato de Botas Extraterrestre
Yes, it’s true, The Extra-Terrestrial Cat In Boots (O Gato de Botas Extraterrestre) features a spaceship. And a robot. And other weirdo things. But most of all, it features a guy in a cat suit running around doing things. That’s weird enough by itself. The Extra-Terrestrial Cat In Boots largely follows the plot of the original Puss in Boots story by Charles Perrault (though the film erroneously credits it to the Brothers Grimm!), except for the few random goofy things that make this Puss in Boots freaking crazy. The last time we went to Brazil, TarsTarkas.NET was tortured by Os Trapalhões’ Brazilian Star Wars (Os Trapalhões na Guerra dos Planetas). We haven’t been back since, despite an ever-growing pile of Os Trapalhões and Xuxa films preparing to destroy my body and mind. But I’m back, and this time, there is a case of cat litter and a laser light acting as backup. So, Puss, get your boots…it’s dance-off time!

WR-Filmes brings us this Brazilian take, and the credits are primed to tell us that Burman Studios created the cat makeup, while Dr. D. Wes Wheadon did the visual effects of the cat’s eyes. This cat is complicated! And yet, it still looks creepy as hell.
O Gato de Botas Extraterrestre
To add more weirdness to things, director/writer/actor Wilson Rodrigues is well known for directing a bunch of softcore Brazilian productions in the early 1980s. He even brings along a pack of the stars of those films, including Puss himself, Heitor Gaiotti! This was Wilson Rodrigues’s last film.
O Gato de Botas Extraterrestre

Puss in Boots (Heitor Gaiotti) – Puss spends much of his timerunning and cheering and “whoo-hoo”ing This Puss in Boots. Puss looks like a refuge from that 1980s Beauty and the Beast tv series that starred Linda Hamilton Heitor Gaiotti is known for the softcore films Anarquia Sexual, O Guarani, and A Vida Quis Assim.
Guy (Maurício Mattar) – The third son who gets nothing from an inheritance except a cat. Because he’s a lazy bum, he does nothing while his poor cat does all the work to make him rich and famous. The lazy bum is passed off as the Marquis de Carabas, and he even scores the hand of the princess in marriage.
Princess Belina (Flávia Monteiro) – The young princess of the royal family of the land who is conned into thinking the youngest son has tons of money, so of course she falls in love with him. Flávia Monteiro is a Brazilian actress who originally gained fame being naked at age 14 in A Menina do Lado. She is also an author and had done a lot of television work.
Coffin Joe (José Mojica Marins) – Holy crapaholy! It’s Coffin Joe! For no reason! This is the greatest movie ever. We’ll give a Coffin Joe bio when we get around to a Coffin Joe flick.
The Wizard (???) – Instead of an ogre, we have a crazy wizard who looks like a homeless man cosplaying Harry Potter! Meets the same fate as the ogre in the tale.
Darth Vader (???) – Darth Vader here is the man who built Puss in Boots and returns to change his creation’s batteries. He has a gun. This is the second Brazilian film I’ve seen with a dimestore Darth Vader.

O Gato de Botas Extraterrestre

Abro Ne Bayie 2 (Review)

Abro Ne Bayie 2


2007
Directed by C’emeka Uba (Don)
Written by Samuel Nyamekye, Fred Asanti Kotoko, and C’emeka Uba (Don)


Abro Ne Bayie 2 is the sequel to the original Abro Ne Bayie, filmed at the same time and featuring most of the same cast (except for characters who were witched away in the last film!) It is the same quality of script and special effects that we had last time, except now the plot moves forward a tad bit more. Hooray for that! But it is still badly written, badly subtitled, and a bunch of rambling crazy stuff instead of a coherent story. Don’t expect character development or answers to the question “Why?” You will never know why, because there isn’t a why. It just is. It’s just Ghana, man. Go with it.

For now, we’ve exhausted our supply of Ghanaian films, but we’ve still got the Ghanaian documentary Ghanaian Video Tales coming soon, and that’s like watching 50 Ghanaian films at once. For now, enjoy this next entry in the MOSS Theme Month!


Dufie (Mercy Asiedu) – The evil mom is still being evil…because! There is no reason to her evilness, she’s just bed because she’s bad!!
Mr. Owusu (Kofi Adu) – The hapless Owusu is helpless as witchcraft unknowingly happens all around him. But imagine what would happen if he found out his wife was a witch!
Vincent (Bernard Aduse-Poku) – Vincent is marrying Natasha, no matter what people say, which almost kills him. Because of the whole witch thing you may know about because I keep bringing it up.
Queen Eva (Babara Amayah A. Amantey) – The Queen Witch takes a more active role, appearing to menace people and yelling at Dufie more. She also has an alternate form…
Sunsum (Yaw Adu) – Sunsum is back, sharing his jawesomeness with the rest of the world. Thrill as Sunsum lives in a pot! Get the chills as he holds a cat! More kid in a skeleton suit with a horn on his head action than you’ll ever know!
Natasha (Benny A. Sowah) – Natasha married Vincent, and the destruction of Vincent begins. Until she’s totally de-witched by faith healers! Bu Dufie has something to say about that…
Drools McGee (???) – Drools still has no real name or credits, and he’s barely in this film. But he is, so he rates a Roll Call entry.
Basheba (Anita Acheampong) – Basheba is a new woman sent to destroy Vincent. Jay-Z may have 99 problems, but Vincent has 99 women sent to destroy him.
Queen Eva Monster Form (Babara Amayah A. Amantey) – Queen Eva’s alternate form that is stolen from Shaitani Dracula.

Abro Ne Bayie

Abro Ne Bayie (Review)

Abro Ne Bayie


2007
Directed by C’emeka Uba (Don)
Written by Samuel Nyamekye, Fred Asanti Kotoko, and C’emeka Uba (Don)


Africa is a hotbed for cinema, but little is paid attention to their massive film output outside of their native continent. But with a growing visibility at film festivals and overseas markets, the time is coming where African cinema becomes a major player on the world market. Nigeria producing the second most amount of films a year, behind only India. This movie making bug has spill over to nearby countries, and now Ghana has started to get a reputation as a cinematic powerhouse as well (even though they technically produced films first!) Ghana is aided by production companies that have offices based in Europe, run by Ghanaian ex-pats who return to Ghana with big money and movie star dreams. Abro Ne Bayie itself is an example of a local film company (Miracle Films Sudios) with a large connection to a distribution company in Europe (Q-Music out of Amsterdam). But before we look into Abro Ne Bayie, we need to look into where Abro Ne Bayie and the Ghanaian film industry comes from. Prepare for the infodump!

Ghana’s film industry started during colonization, with a colonial film unit of the government. It was later replaced by the Ghana Film Industry Corporation (GFIC) after independence, which was still state run by the Nkrumah regime (and the parade of military dictators afterwards.) The GFIC got some actual competition in the 1980s, as films made on video began to spring up. The military rulers were instantly concerned, and attempted to control the entire burgeoning industry with a Ministry of Information and a censorship board. Even after the transition to democracy in 1992, the Ministry of Information continued to come out with film guidelines through the 1990s. The Ministry is often concerned with Ghanaian film not being up to the technical or moral standards that they decree, but their influence is nil in recent years.

The video boom of the 1980s and 90s was largely associated with the Pentecostal Christian movement, which experienced a boom in membership at the same time. The membership was partially a response to the government at the time, as people rejected their support and turned to other support mechanisms. Once against Christianity in favor of local religions, the military rulers (at the time, the Rawlings regime) began embracing the church do its increased influence in an effort to use the power for themselves. The Pentecostal movement in Africa incorporates local religions, but revamps them so creatures of legend are all branded as demons or working for the Devil.

Another connection to the movie industry is that a number of theaters hold worship services during Sunday, as an effort to compensate for lack of available films. The Pentecostal movement also has lots of money, due to their emphasis of tithing and church donation, and it was a natural evolution to throw those piles of cash into media to convert more people for more piles of cash. Aside from television and radio time, movies became a big industry of church spending. The church-going audience is a big one in Ghana, as Ghana is mostly Christian (70% – most of which are Pentecostals) with a large Muslim population (15%). Movie producers had a formula for a successful film, which was marketed directly to female churchgoing audiences. Notorious for many reasons director Socrate Safo went outside the comfort zones with his film Chronicles of Africa, which gave a not-to-rosy assessment of Christian missionaries. Chronicles did well at gaining foreign critical praise and won awards at FESPACO (the Pan-African Film Festival of Ouagadougou), but failed to find an audience at home and lost money.

By the time Ghana became a democracy in 1992, the increase in media freedom caused the Ghanaian film industry to explode, increasing to over 50 films a year. Though attempts were made to create truly Ghanaian cinema, the influence of American, Hong Kong, Indian, Malaysian, and Nigeria films are felt to the point of Ghanaian cinema’s voice being less distinct. But still, Ghallywood (sometimes spelled Ghollywood) soldiers on, and in the past few years, the films have become more risque and more prolific. The industry is also modernizing in the face of overseas immigrants returning with handfuls of cash. The documentary Ghanaian Video Tales show films being filmed and distributed by vhs tapes, most of the distribution tapes patched together from discarded videos and tape, and sold from the back of moving musical party vans advertising each new film. A modern film like Abro Ne Bayie (which came out just two years after the documentary was released) is shot on digital cameras and sold on DVDs/vcds overseas. (I honestly don’t know how it was released in Ghana, but probably a mix of VHS and vcd/dvd. One can hope they had their own party van as well!) Our review of Ghanaian Video Tales will cover the early years of Ghanaian horror, and these Abro Ne Bayie reviews will look at a modern example.

Abro Ne Bayie is a mix of English and Twi, the local dominant dialect. The Twi is subtitled whenever the subtitle guy feels like it, which is less often then you would think. Because no one here is likely to grab copies of this off of Netflix, we’ll do a long and complicated plot explanation complete with the patented lame jokes as we go.

And, because we’re extra awesome, this is one of TarsTarkas.NET’s entries in the MOSS (Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit) inaugural Conspiracy (theme month) – Skeletons in the Closet. Check out other MOSS member’s entries on the splash page! Every entry features either dudes in skeleton suits or skeletons/skulls featuring in the plots of films and comics. If you don’t click the link, I’ll break every bone in your body in alphabetical order.

There is lots of setup in these films that go nowhere, and more loose ends than a loose ends factory. It’s almost as if the films’ scripts where more general ideas, written as they went to outline what should be happening. Just when you think there might be epic conclusions, resolutions to plot arcs, or just a sense of things going somewhere, whole chunks of the film are dropped and forgotten. If we’re lucky, we get an offhanded statement that clears things up, but oftentimes opening just as many questions as it answers. But in reality, we might as well put some of the characters on milk cartons, because they’ll vanish without a trace.

From watching lots of films from lots of countries, both epic in scope and ridiculously on the cheap, I am well familiar with different narrative forms in different cultures. But I’m also familiar with films from countries that doesn’t even line up to what is considered good movie structure in those countries. You don’t have to be an expert in world cinema to recognize cheap film production with no script and no clue. The Abro Ne Bayie films are pumped out quick and cheap to get sales as soon as possible, in order to churn out more quick and cheap films. It’s a vicious cycle of cinema torture, and it happens everywhere people don’t demand better.

In fact, from some interviews and articles I’ve read about other Ghanaian film productions, I’m convinced that the same happened here, in that much of the dialogue (especially the arguing between Kofi Adu and Mercy Asiedu) was ad-libbed, and the script was as bare-boned as you’d expect.

Is Abro Ne Bayie a comedy? Comedy Horror? There is certainly attempts to be comedic. The bickering between the mom and dad is definitely supposed to be funny, too bad most of it is in Twi and unsubtitled. So the jury is still out there. It looks like the brother I’ve dubbed Drools McGee is supposed to be comedic. Drools seems to enjoy causing trouble and defying his parents, who want to keep him hidden. But Vincent refuses to treat his brother like crap and isn’t embarrassed about him. When Vincent is bringing heart to the situation, those scenes come off more tragic than comedic. It’s an odd dichotomy that is among the best parts of the film, even if it looks like it was completely unintentional.

Dufie (Mercy Asiedu) – Evil secret witch who conspires to destroy her son….because. We’re never given a reason, but who cares about motivation when a character is evil? That’s the kind of thinking that turned Darth Vader into a whiny crybaby. Arguments between Dufie and her husband Owusu fill up time and pad the film out, while her witch antics also pad the time out and drive the plot. Mercy Asiedu has costarred with Kofi Adu so often rumors of them being married continue to spring up, despite it being not true.
Mr. Owusu (Kofi Adu) – Owusu is the father of Vincent and Dufie’s husband. He spends most of the film not knowing what is going on and arguing with his wife. In fact, his character is pretty useless, and only does something slightly useful in the second film. Actor/comedian Kofi Adu (also known as Agya Koo) has appeared in over 100 films (some articles list that number as high as 400) and is one of the most popular entertainers in Ghana. He originally planned to be a stand up comedian, does comedic roles, but has also branched into dramatic roles and is a prolific singer as well. Married with two daughters, the Ghanaian film industry is so small that he regularly gets calls on his cell phone from fans. Kofi Adu was honored by Ghana’s former president John Agyekum Kufuor in 2008.
Vincent (Bernard Aduse-Poku) – Vincent is the healthy son of Dufie that she promised to her witch coven. Vincent believes in the power of Jesus, so Dufie’s witchcraft has no effect on him. She’s resorted to disrupting his lovelife and conspiring to set him up to marry a woman employed by the witches to destroy him. Vincent spends most of the film unaware of what is really going on around him.
Rosemary (Shasha Opoku) – Vincent’s fiancee, who is immediately disliked by Dufie because she’s not evil. Dufie and the rest of the witches must destroy her.
Queen Eva (Babara Amayah A. Amantey) – The Queen Witch, Eva wears a blonde wig and dirty, filthy clothes like all witches. Her group of followers are each dressed spookily, but only a few are named, including the black painted faced Kpongbo, and the star of our witch coven….
Sunsum (Yaw Adu) – Sunsum is the star of the movie, a crazy kid in a skeleton suit with a horn who dances and freaks out and does general witchery. He can transform into a full grown man and seduce women! How many kids do you know who can do that? Maybe 15. Sunsum is awesome, he’s so awesome he’s jawesome!
Natasha (Benny A. Sowah) – The new woman in Vincent’s life after Rosemary leaves him. She is working for the witches, and vows revenge on Pastor Joseph because he dares to stand in her way.
Pastor Joseph (Gottfred Opoku-Mensah) – Local church leader who unwittingly gets involved in the witchcraft conspiracies because he has marriage advice.
Drools McGee (???) – What is this character’s name? He’s not even listed in the credits or subtitles despite being the focus of several scenes. So we just named him Drools McGee. I guess his full name would be Drools McGee Owusu, as he’s also the son of Dufie and Mr. Owusu, and Vincent’s brother. Dufie and her husband are sort of ashamed of their son, but Vincent is not ashamed and likes spending time with his brother. I think he’s supposed to be comic relief, but he’ll disappear with no explanation in Part 2.

Erotibot (Review)

Erotibot

aka Karei naru erogami-ke no ichizoku: Shinsô reijô wa denki shitsuji no yume o miru ka aka The Great Ero-gami Family – Do Sheltered Young Ladies Dream of Electric Butlers? aka 華麗なるエロ神家の一族

2011
Directed by Naoyuki Tomomatsu

Erotibot is the story of a girl and her robots, and also a cautionary tale of why you should never share an inheritance.

Erotibot is one of the scores of direct to video junk Japan films each year. It probably wouldn’t even leave the land of the rising sun were it not for the presence of Asami Sugiura and Maria Ozawa in the cast. As Asami Suguira gained fame in the West after appearing in many of the Noboru Iguchi ultragore films, and Maria Ozawa is one of the most downloaded AV stars, overseas sales are assured.

Despite the “star” power, Erotibot isn’t really a star vehicle for either of them. It also doesn’t fit well into the genre Asami Sugiura is known for. And while Maria Ozawa is well known for being a most prolific star of pornography ranging for normal to beyond frakked up, her more serious acting turns are not that well known. Besides appearing in the most recent batch of Kekko Kamen flicks, she’s also popped up in a horror movie or three. But that’s about it. Erotibot is not exactly a feather for her cap, if you know what I mean. It’s interesting (sort of), but it isn’t good.

Sukekiyo (???) – Sukekiyo is your average goofy robot butler who daydreams about his mistress loving him. Is fiercely loyal to Tamayo. The only waterproof robot. Android 0.3.
Suketomo (???) – Suketomo is the perfect robot butler who does everything right and shows up Sukekiyo at every chance he can get, including banging Tamayo. But he gets reprogrammed and goes evil. Just like your Macbook Pro will next week! Android 0.1.
Suketake (???) – A silent robot with beastlike strength and a crazy head. The least developed of the three robots. Android 0.2.
Tamayo (Mahiro Aine) – Tamayo is the illegitimate daughter of a rich businessman who keeps her isolated from the rest of society and is given robot servants. This has made her curious about sex, which the internet cannot answer. She must have the parental controls still active or something…. Mahiro Aine enjoys playing piano, eating strawberry shortcake, and having sex on film for money.
Tsukiyo (Maria Ozawa) – The legitimate granddaughter of the rich businessman who is upset that she won’t be getting any money. So it’s time for murder. MURDER!!!! Also murder. A crazed psychopath who likes handsome guys. Maria Ozawa exploded onto the AV world several years ago and became one of the most obsessed over stars.
Azami (Asami Sugiura) – The imaginatively-named sidekick to Tsukiyo who accompanies her on her quest to claim the inheritance. Asami is the former AV star who has appeared in many spaltter films and gained a cult following in the US. She’s been on TarsTarkas.NET in The Machine Girl, RoboGeisha, Mutant Girls Squad, Gothic & Lolita Psycho, and Horny House of Horror

Pachinko Queen Explosion (Review)

Pachinko Queen Explosion


2007
Directed by ???

There are lots of shots of pachinko in the film. If you love pachinko, then Pachinko Queen Explosion is the film for you! If you have no idea what the frak pachinko is, you will be fast-forwarding or surfing the web until the sex action happens.

While trying to find more information about this film than just one actress’s name, I discovered that there are a lot of gambling-themed softcore flicks in Japan. It’s like a whole subgenre. And they’re films you will feel better about watching than Train Molester 9 or something similar.

Like me, you’re probably already familiar with pachinko and all the terminology and controversy around it. But for those one or two readers who aren’t down with the kakuhen system, koatari, or even senpuku kakuhen, let’s do a quick pachinko terminology lesson:

Pachinko – Pachinko is a game of chance played at machines similar to a slot/pinball machine, or the Plinko game on The Price is Right. Balls go down a peg board, and if they hit the center a slot machine type mechanism is activated. Players attempt to win more balls, which are exchanged for prizes or tokens. Tokens can then be exchanged for cash at a different location (direct trading for cash is illegal in Japan!) A pachinko establishment is called a parlor. Pachinko is also popular in Taiwan.

Payout mode – If the pachinko machine hits the jackpot on the slot machine portion, payout mode begins, where a slot opens and the player must get as many balls into the slot as possible, because they win tons of balls for each one.

Kakuhen system – After hitting jackpot, many machines use the kakuhen system, which makes the chances of hitting another jackpot much more likely. A string of jackpots is known as fever mode. Another type of kakuhen system is the special time (or ST) kakuhen, where the player automatically gets the next jackpot, but you don’t get a payout unless you hit certain odds.

Jitan mode – If the player fails to get kakuhen, the player enters jitan mode, where the speed of spins increases and the slot size increases.

Koatari – Koatari became popular in 2007, it is where the jackpot slot opens randomly, even when no balls are in play. It is possible to have jackpots that pay nothing. Use primarily to bump up the displayed payout stats.

Battle-type machines – Type of Kaotari that when opening randomly, causes a player to have to “battle” and “defeat” enemies (aka reach specific goals) in order to get the jackpot and reach the next kakuhen. When you fail battle mode, the machine reverts to jitan mode. The excitement from battling has caused this type to be very addictive.

Senpuku Kakuhen – A hidden kakuhen that happens in koatari, the player unaware of the timing, but usually knowing the approximate odds of getting it. Experienced players can score swooping in on machines that have had consecutive loses without a payout, and the senpuku kakuhen encourages players to stay at one machine for a long time to win the payout.

Now that everyone is a pachinko expert…too bad, because you don’t really need to know much of anything about pachinko for the plot! Just know that you win balls. So let’s get started!

Mari (Karen Kisaragi) – Pachinko employee who works at the Pachinko center Seven, as her father that she only saw when she was little was fond of playing pachinko at that location. Karen Kisaragi is an AV star whose films you can find easily online.
Hiroshi (???) – Mari’s boyfriend and an expert pachinko player. He earns enough that they make a living off of it.
Yamazaki (???) – Businessman who buys places and tears them down to build better places. His latest target is the run down pachinko joint Seven, which he wants to replace with a gourmet amusement center. One thing he doesn’t buy is condoms, which is why he has a daughter running around. You may have heard of her, her name is Mari.
Mika (???) – Yamazaki’s Trophy girlfriend, whose life is an utter bore except for when she’s given expensive gifts or winning at Pachinko (thanks to the power of cheating!) Not particularly faithful, as she has no qualms boning Mr. Kitamura.
Mr. Kitamura (???) – Boss of the Pachinko place SEVEN. and looking for a sellout.
Buddy Referee Guy (???) – His small but pivotal role is the most important of the whole film. He’s the scorekeeper-referee of the final match! And he’s sort of friends with Hiroshi and works at SEVEN along with Mari. He’s my favorite character.

New Manager of the Sumo Club (Review)

New Manager of the Sumo Club

aka Sumobeya Shinjin Manager

2004
Directed by Katsumi Nojiri
New Manager of the Sumo Club
There is a new manager at the Sumo Club. A girl! Time to freak out! GAAAAAAAAH! Okay, all better now. So let’s have an adventure in the erotic world of Sumo Club management, a subject that demands hundreds of cinema entries a month. People just can’t get enough. They’re weird like that. So let’s give people what they want: stories about female coaches of sumo squads.
New Manager of the Sumo Club

Mai Umino (Azumi Suzuki) – Mai Umino is a senior at Johoku University who is doing extra credit with one of her professors. This gets them into trouble, so she has to coach the sumo club to save the day. She learns to laugh, to love, and to sumo, becoming the best sumo coach ever by the end of the film.
Hiromi Shiro (???) – Mai’s roommate, lifelong friend, and virgin. She decides to take care of that last one thus giving us more sex scenes.
Professor Tazawa (???) – Professor at Johoku University who enjoys his students in an ethically dishonorable way. He gets sent back to the farm.
Kazu (???) – Kazu is a guy Hiromi likes, but Mai also likes him. DRAMA!! Mai gets him to join the Sumo Club.
Captain Mototaka Tokita (???) – A scrawny sumo dude doesn’t want to compete because he lacks confidence. He also lacks any body fat or muscle.
Nishi Hanada (???) – The only member of the sumo club who is the correct weight for sumo. Too bad he’s awful at it!

New Manager of the Sumo Club