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InBad, Movie Reviews

Santo y Blue Demon vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo

November 6, 2012By

Santo y Blue Demon vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo

aka Santo and Blue Demon vs. Dracula and the Wolfman

1973
Written by Alfredo Salazar
Directed by Miguel M. Delgado

Santo Blue Demon Dracula Wolfman
We slept so long our clothes are in style again!

Unlike the prior Santo and Blue Demon vs. The Monsters, Santo y Blue Demon vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo is a slower paced and more methodological monster film. Instead of celebrating B movie creatures and having monsters inspired by Universal classics, Dracula and the Wolf Man here are more patterned after the Hammer horror films. The creatures are still deadly, there is still a huge body count, and even major side characters die! Things just go real.

Santo Blue Demon Dracula Wolfman
Rounders: The Lucha Years

The lower budget causes more sets to be noticeably sets and not real locations. Santo y Blue Demon vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo tries to offset this by having more things take place indoors or inside of caves. The few brief outside at night shots feature lighting of an unnatural blue, which eerily mimics to bright blue and red colors of the stadium backgrounds during the wrestling matches (which are also obviously on a stage and not in a real stadium!) The use of bright colors even extends to the opening credits, where bright red is the tone of choice. The atmospheric score is largely piano with some organ parts. The bright colors contrast with the black and white Santo films that gave off a more Gothic horror feel. The bright color but serious tones doesn’t match the campy drive-in approach of Santo and Blue Demon vs. The Monsters, moving vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo in between the camp and the attempts at serious horror. The dichotomy gives an interesting feel to the film, making it just playful enough that you fall into a lull of disarmament, making the deaths of major characters more shocking.

Does Santo y Blue Demon vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo fulfill the required Santo obligations? We have Santo and Blue Demon both wrestling opponents in matches that the movie shows in full. Instead of a mad scientist, we got a mad Satanist (some would argue that’s the same thing, but fuck those people!) Monsters? Check! Santo dating someone whose family is intertwined with the monsters in a complicated revenge plot? Check! Blue Demon knocked unconscious? Check! References to past heroic deeds of Santo and/or Blue Demon that aren’t from any film? Check! Blue Demon captured by the enemy and rescued by Santo? Check!

Santo Blue Demon Dracula Wolfman
When Satanists do the wave…

One thing Santo y Blue Demon vs Drácula y el Hombre Lobo does different is the police don’t believe Santo’s crazy story. In any other film, Santo would be called in to deal with the monsters and the police would give him leeway to do whatever he or Blue Demon want. Here, the police laugh at their outlandish tales of Dracula and the Wolfman. Haven’t they paid attention for the last 20 Santo films???

Santo Blue Demon Dracula Wolfman
When will Blue Demon find…his endless love???

Santo (Santo) – Santo is friend to all…wait, that’s not right. Santo is that famous wrestler you may have heard of. Perhaps. He’s once again dating a girl whose family is cursed with monsters seeking revenge. Heck, one time Santo dated the Swiss Miss girl and had to kill Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, and even Yummy Mummy.
Blue Demon (Blue Demon) – Blue Demon is friend to all Santo. He’s another famous wrestler you may have heard of. Blue Demon once again plays second fiddle to Santo, despite being in the title. Poor Blue Demon…
Drácula (Aldo Monti) – Dracula is in Mexico because that’s what he does and he’s been dead dead for 200 years, but is brought back to life by the power of Satan. And revenge. Now, he’s got the evil eye for Santo and Blue Demon, and anyone who makes fun of his cape!
El Hombre Lobo/Wolfman (Agustín Martínez Solares) – You can’t have Dracula without the Wolfman, so here he is, ready to join his life partner in evil doings.
Rufus Rex (Agustín Martínez Solares) – This wolfman’s got nards, and swagger, as he runs around in human form as Rufus Rex and seduces Laura Cristaldi to her peril.
Lina (Nubia Martí) – Santo’s girlfriend. Professor Luis Cristaldi is her uncle, Laura Cristaldi is her cousin, and Rosita is Laura’s daughter. All are cursed. CURSED!!!
Eric (Alfredo Wally Barrón) – Just your average Satanist who brings Dracula and Wolfman back to life to steal their gold or something.
Santo Blue Demon Dracula Wolfman
All these boxes are filled with more Santo sequels!
Santo Blue Demon vs Monsters
InBad, Movie Reviews

Santo el Enmascarado de Plata y Blue Demon Contra los Monstruos (Review)

November 1, 2012By

Santo el Enmascarado de Plata y Blue Demon Contra los Monstruos

aka Santo and Blue Demon Against the Monsters

1970
Story by Jesús Sotomayor Martínez and Rafael García Travesi
Screenplay by Rafael García Travesi
Directed by Gilberto Martínez Solares

The most popular hair salon in Transylvania…

When it’s night time and fright time, and things are going bump in the night, the monsters come out to play. A whole football team full of monsters! Luckily, the world has Santo and Blue Demon to do what they do best: Kicking monster butt!

Santo films started out like Cerebro Del Mal where they were more low key and just science fiction influenced capers. Santo played more of a supporting role at first. Many of the Santo films that followed would feature influences from horror flicks of the drive in, as Santo battled female vampires, zombies, a spooky wax museum, and stranglers. But by the time Santo fought the Martians, the Santo films were emulating the 1950s and 60s American B movie pictures that were lighting up the night skies at drive ins across North America. Santo would become more science fiction, engaging in spy episodes, running around with famous comedians, and even battling a famous movie monster or two. Influences would continue, and Santo el Enmascarado de Plata y Blue Demon Contra los Monstruos is no exception, the large amount of classic movie monsters present shows a clear influence from the Universal Monster movies.

It’s hard for a super-intelligent brain alien like me to find a girl, what with being an abomination against nature and all…

Even though there are influences, there are differences and odd themes. Wolfman, Vampire, and Cyclops all have big ears for some odd reason. And the Cyclops acts like the Creature from the Black Lagoon, acting as a surrogate for that missing member. Mummy barely appears in the film, wandering around and acting lazy. He also needs to eat a sandwich. Frankenstein looks like he’s tripping on mushrooms, which I think might have been how the film’s concept was dreamed up. The mad scientist Dr. Halder also has some green thugs that are called zombies but some sources, though I just dubbed them Frankenthugs. The large amount of monsters adds energy and a fast pace to the film, as it rushes to try to give everyone enough screentime, and the pace is rather quick for a Santo film.

According to Jim….lives again?!?!?!

Unfortunately there is a lot of cost cutting in this flick, it’s obvious what little budget there was went towards setting up the monster lineup. Most of the sets are sparse, and there is only one real scene that feels like it takes place at an actual place. There is even an extended sequence at that location that is obviously a stage play filmed for some other reason, and added here for padding and flavor. Santo and Blue Demon Against the Monsters features lots of shots that are shot in the daytime but set at night. Normally movies get around that by applying a blue filter to the movie, but that must have cost too much because they didn’t bother to do it all all.

Director Gilberto Martínez Solares was one of the best directors of early Mexican cinema, working often with Tin Tán, but his star began to fade and he soon was directing schlock like this and even worse things after. Though I think the Santo films and Santo el Enmascarado de Plata y Blue Demon Contra los Monstruos in particular are important features on the Mexican cinema landscape, they aren’t considered quality work, and Solares must have been phoning it in as his trajectory waned.

The Vampire is too cheap to turn the AC on during July!

Despite the budget woes and quality issues, Santo and Blue Demon vs the Monsters still ends up being a fun flick, and is among the Santo films you should see first just to get your toes wet. If you can handle Santo and Blue Demon punching their way through a castle filled with people in bad masks, you are ready to expand your journey. This is one of the easier titles to get, and is visual enough that even if your copy is minus subtitles, it won’t be a big loss.

No, keep your eye on the BALL, not the bat! Ball, BALL!!

Santo (Santo) – Santo the great hero braves all the evils that threaten the good people of Mexico. And also threaten relatives of his girlfriend, which happens far too often to be a coincidence. Santo must be seeking these girls out just so he can beat up monsters! What a freak…
Blue Demon (Blue Demon) – Santo’s best buddy in fiction if not reality, Blue Demon is captured early on in Santo el Enmascarado de Plata y Blue Demon Contra los Monstruos and replaced by an evil double.
Otto Halder and Gloria Halder (Jorge Rado and Hedi Blue) – The brother of the evil Dr. Bruno Halder and his daughter, Gloria, who Santo is dating.
Dr. Bruno Halder (Carlos Ancira) – A mad scientist who has gone crazy with rage and unleashes monsters upon the world, because he’s a jerk or something. He doesn’t really have any motivation besides being evil. But isn’t that motivation enough?
Waldo (Santanón) – Loyal servant of Dr. Halder and also a hunchbacked little fellow, like every film needs. Famed actor Santanón is best known for being Stinky the Skunk in another Monstruos flick. Maybe not really best known, but I declare it so now.
The Mummy/La Momia (Fernando Rosales) – A very lazy mummy who is just there for most of the flick.
The Cyclops/El Ciclope (Gerardo Zepeda) – Cyclops acts like a Gillman, but with big ears! This suit is left over from La Nave de los Monstruos (Ship of Monsters). Gerardo Zepeda also played one of the three zombies/Frankenthugs. He played goons and thugs in dozens of movies, including Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Mummy
Frankenstein/Franquestain (Manuel Leal) – Even Frankenstein (or Frankenstein’s Monster for you purists!) joins the fun of getting punched by Santo and Blue Demon! Manuel Leal played the lead evil zombie Satan in The Mummies of Guanajuato
The Wolfman/El Hombre Lobo (Vicente Lara) – The Wolfman took time off from begging for change at a highway offramp to menace Santo and Blue Demon.
El Vampiro (David Alvizu) – Even vampires are trying to get into the fun, especially vampires with big Spock ears like someone “borrowed” just that element from Nosferatu.
Sonia the Vampire Woman/La Mujer Vampiro (Elsa María Tako) – The Vampire spends his time making vampire babes like Sonia here, who always walks around in her bra and panties and also tries to seduce Santo. There is another briefly seen vampire lady named Fabiola (Yolanda Ponce) but she does nothing important.
Evil Blue Demon (Alejandro Cruz/Black Shadow) – Blue Demon is captured and replaced by an evil duplicate who does evil stuff that is evil. Until Santo kills him! Spoiler… Though the credits are a bit hazy, it is believed that Alejandro Cruz/Black Shadow played the Evil Blue Demon duplicate.
Ship of Monsters Saucer Man (???) – This Invasion of the Saucer Men-style brain alien is another refuge from from Ship of Monsters, though all he does in this film is stand around in Dr. Halder’s lab and look weird. An important job!
Will Santo and Blue Demon defeat the monsters? I’m on the edge of my seat!!!
InBad, Movie Reviews

Tuesday Never Comes (1993)

October 14, 2012By

Tuesday Never Comes

Directed by Jason Holt
This is going to be a review that begs for the angry comment. Once I misinterpreted a character’s inflection in Beauty and The Boss (1932) over at my blog and I got a three paragraph response which basically called me an Obama/Bush-loving atrocity-condoning socialist.

I need that here. I need someone to point out to me what actually happens in Tuesday Never Comes and I need them to do it quick because this may be a wholly inaccurate review and I’ll never know about it. Then again, anyone else watching may come across a different interpretation by design; maybe this movie is whatever you want it to be.

The reason for the confusion is that a good three quarters of the dialogue in this film is muffled beyond recognition. The other quarter is either screamed or comes from a man who has what can generously be called ‘the fakest Irish accent in the world’. By comparison he makes Chief O’Hara sound vaguely Russian.

Zack (Jason Holt) – You know the leprechaun who shills for Lucky Charms cereal? Now imagine someone made a movie about him where he’s an assassin who’s into dirty sex and crack cocaine. Not enough for you? Now imagine he’s played by the guy who directed the film, so his performance is completely uninhibited. Scary, right?
Mecelli (Erik Estrada) – Estrada is in full scenery chewing mode as he pretty much plays Robert DeNiro in The Untouchables; hell, he even kills a goon with a sporting implement, though here it’s a golf club. He also enjoys the company of women, running drugs, rubbing guns up and down, and laughing maniacally.
Michelle (Karen Black) – Cross eyed, Academy Award nominee Karen Black needs some money to satisfy her crack habit, so she sleeps around to get it. And I presume that’s what her character is doing in the film as well.
InBad, Movie Reviews

Aladdin and the Death Lamp (Review)

October 8, 2012By

Aladdin and the Death Lamp


2012
Written by Joe Morganella, Angela Mancuso, and Kevin Commins
Directed by Mario Azzopardi

Mister Aladdin Sir…BAAAAAAARRRRFFFF!!!

With the thematic elements of a heroic swashbuckling adventure in a faraway land, Aladdin and the Death Lamp swoops in and turns out to be an entertaining monster flick. Aladdin and the Death Lamp’s heroes are treasure hunters, the stakes are huge, and the evil monster runs around killing people regardless. Aladdin and the Death Lamp uses the plot to help keep the budget low, the treasure hunting lets them run around empty sets that don’t require a lot of extras running around to make it realistic. The quests keep you following along the story instead of questioning the plot direction. And everyone looks like they’re enjoying themselves, which is always fun.

Much as I liked how scenery chewing everyone was in Pegasus vs. Chimera, Aladdin and the Death Lamp has the opposite flavor, with all of the heroes playing their roles earnestly and seriously. This also works, and makes Aladdin and the Death Lamp a better film. And it helps that there is an evil guy being ridiculously evil as well. Aladdin is the most heroic man who ever lived, Khalil is the wisest man who ever lived, Shifa will deliver lines about nobility that would make you groan if they were delivered any less earnestly, Luca plays off his charmy and tempted halves well, and Sharira would threaten his own mother with death if she tried to ground him.

I’m a Death Eater! And now that Voldemort is back, we’re in charge!

The main problem is the unevenness of the monster. The Jinn is specifically stated to be trying to open a portal to let all the other Jinn into our world to cause trouble. But it’s also slaved to a lamp and must grant the wishes of the owner. And it also grants wishes to random people. And it is supposed to do so in an effort to kill the people by their own wishes, in a “careful what you wish for” type lesson. But the Jinn also just straight up murders people. All of these things sort of loose the focus of the monster’s motivation. And that is very important to me, a weirdo.

It’s an age of danger because it’s the age of Jinns!! Science and logic is ruled by magic. It’s the age of Insane Clown Posse??? Fucking magnets, I knew they’d cause trouble! Each of the heroes has a different element symbol: Earth, Wind, Water, Fire. But there is no Bruce Willis or Milla Jovovich running around. Only evil Genies!

You don’t want to know what word you say on You Can’t Do That on Television to make this happen!

Aladdin (Darren Shahlavi) – The heroic hero who is the best person on the planet. Aladdin robs graves for money for orphans. Darren Shahlavi plays him so amazingly heroic in a way that you rarely see outside of pulp novels. Which is sort of awesome, as these films are pulp cinema.
Luca (Noam Jenkins) – Luca is Aladdin’s best friend and fellow orphan brother. He’s sort of a lovable rogue, but he has high gambling debts and a greedy streak that leads to his downfall.
Shifa (Kandyse McClure) – The little sister of the orphan crew, Shifa is left behind, but returns with Khalil to save Aladdin and Luca when they get into trouble. She’s also crafty and thinks on her feet.
Khalil (Eugene Clark) – The wise old orphanage runner who knows the secret histories of the three main characters and what happened with the Jinn long ago. Plays the wise elder role.
Sharira (George Ghali) – Corrupt merchant trader who is also seeking ultimate power through controlling a Jinn. Uses debt leverage over Luca to worm his way into the adventure, but pays for his greed.
Jinn (CGI) – The evil Jinn looks like a smoke dinosaur alien. Trapped in a lamp for decade and now free to sucks on souls and turn into a tiger and unlock doors. This Jinn has some odd hobbies.
I’m not worthless! And I don’t have fleas!
InBad, Movie Reviews

Pegasus vs. Chimera (Review)

October 6, 2012By

Pegasus vs. Chimera

aka The Blood of Pegasus

2012
Written by Jeremy Levy, Angela Mancuso, and Kevin Commins
Directed by John Bradshaw

Mom! My toys broke again!

Pegasus vs. Chimera actually has the Pegasus and Chimera fight, and not just for three seconds at the end of the film. Sure, the fighting isn’t really spectacular, and is rather irregular, but it exists enough to justify the renaming of The Blood of Pegasus into Pegasus vs. Chimera. The SyFy name change designed to get the ratings juices flowing is not the only thing Pegasus vs. Chimera has going for it. Nazneen Contractor is a great standout as the tough Princess Philony, while Carlo Rota and James Kidnie have a contest to see who can be the most scene-chewingly evil.

The CGI for the Chimera is actually pretty good, the only drawback is I don’t like the red scars in the face as it distracts from the realism. The cat models they used for the movement are far more polished than I’ve seen in similar films, Chimera moved like a real cat would. Pegasus spent much of the film as an actual horse, which was also a smart move as the horse becomes one of the actors. CGI wings are added when the creature flies, otherwise it is “in disguise” as a normal horse, as that frees up money to pay for more extras to get wasted. There is even a bonus monster in the beginning of the film, the Dracanine! It’s a crocodile/dog mix with a name straight out of a SyFy flick. So if we ever needed a spinoff film….

This dagger will be perfect on my quest to buy homemade leather clothes at the Ren Faire!

The evil king sends the Chimera out to kill off his rivals. What’s a ragtag band of rebels to do? Tet their own monster! Thus, the Pegasus comes. Pegasus as a white horse allows us to bond with the creature more as a real being. You even feel for Pegasus later when the pure white horse has a bloody wound thanks to his capture.

Pegasus vs. Chimera is a pretty fun SyFy flick, it kept me entertained and wasn’t awful. The strengths outweigh the weaknesses, and for free entertainment that follows a strict formula, Pegasus vs. Chimera tried to have some fun. While not my favorite SyFy flicks, it is in the top 20% easily. If you are a fan of the creature features, then you shouldn’t miss Pegasus vs. Chimera.

Horse vs. Cat, the movie!

Belleros (Sebastian Roché) – A blacksmith who’s getting his Liam Neeson on, using that veteran acting style to guide his character. Belleros’s father was killed while they were out hunting together and Belleros was young. He spent the next twenty years keeping a low profile and waiting for it to finally be time to rebel against the evil king for justice.
Princess Philony (Nazneen Contractor) – A Tieran Princess, her father is killed and her kingdom sacked when they refuse to join King Orthos’ quest to become an Emperor. She’s tough as nails and wants revenge.
King Orthos (Carlo Rota) – Evil king and would be emperor of Argus, kept alive and young for decades thanks to the magic of General Actae. Is seeking immortality both via power and via actual immortality.
General Actae (James Kidnie) – Evil magician who uses spells to extend Orthos’ life and is second in command of the kingdom, but he desires his own realm. Conducts the magic spell that brings the Chimera to this world, and killed Belleros’ father.
Mayda (Rae Dawn Chong) – A witch who hides in the forest and summons the Pegasus after Queen Caria and Philony as for her help.
Chimera (CGI) – A beast from the underworld that agrees to come to Earth to kill and devour souls.
Pegasus (a real horse and occasionally CGI) – A constellation brought to life to fight against the Chimera. It’s blood grants immortality, it heals its riders, and if the Pegasus dies, the world ends. No pressure, but there is no room for failure.
Chimera has Sith tattoos all over his face!
InBad, Movie Reviews

Arachnoquake (Review)

September 25, 2012By

Arachnoquake


2012
Written by Paul A. Birkett and Eric Forsberg
Directed by Griff Furst

Prepare to get ARACHNOQUAKED!!! That’s when there is an earthquake, and GIANT FIRE-BREATHING ALBINO SPIDERS attack! It’s two disasters in one, crawling on eight legs and ready to roast and chomp you! Griff Furst directs this SyFy creature feature, and he has a pretty good track record of delivering an entertaining flick. Once again, a Furst knocks it out of the park, giving us some fun monster mayhem. The flaws in the flick are easily overlooked in the face of giant white spider death!

Now, a common theme for monster flicks is that the monsters were always there, just chilling in a closed off area that recently comes exposed thanks to mankind doing something awful like being greedy. SyFy flicks such as Caved In: Prehistoric Terror, Malibu Shark Attack, and Jersey Shore Shark Attack all feature a similar scenario. And so does Arachnoquake. The twist is, the earthquakes exposing the spider den were caused by fracking, the controversial process of injecting pressurized liquid into shale beds in order to extract hydrocarbons (aka oil), which has been blamed for everything from earthquakes to contaminating groundwater and making it flammable. Despite the big hubbub, fracking is barely mentioned in media. And while I don’t think it will lead to giant flame-breathing albino spiders destroying the American south, I do think it sucks.

Arachnoquake is more fun than a barrel of spiders. Parts are high energy, though it will veer off as we enter zones of plot development. The action is focused closer to the ground so we don’t really see the scope of the giant spider menace, but it would appear multiple states are in for a lot of problems. Arachnoquake does a good balance of not taking itself too seriously, but still being serious enough you feel the characters are in danger.

Paul (Bug Hall) – Paul is a drunken slacker who is down on his luck and doesn’t really want to do the bus tour he has to host. Driving the bus turns him into a de facto leader, which gives him a sense of responsibility he didn’t know he had or wanted. They have a guy named Bug Hall in a giant bug movie? Yes, spiders aren’t technically bugs, but then my joke is ruined. Don’t take that away from me!
Katelynn (Tracey Gold) – A science teacher who is just on a tour and didn’t sign up for this giant spider nonsense! But now she must protect her kids. She also needs a new inhaler. Her asthma attack becomes a phantom plotline, coming and going whenever it is convenient.
Charlie Blackwell (Edward Furlong) – The most realistic girls softball coach of all time! I don’t know what happened to Edward Furlong, he looked semi-okay just a year earlier, but now he looks like he is possessed by the ghost of Brad Dourif’s father. He spends most of the film in his own plotline.
Roy (Ethan Phillips) – Paul’s dad, who spends most of the film either yelling at Paul or blaming Paul for everything ever.
Petra (Olivia Hardt) – Paul’s sister, who is eager to help her dad and prove responsible, but besides wearing short shorts she does little after that.
Anabell (Megan Adelle) – Charlie’s daughter who does more to help her mom despite her past issues than her brother.
Spiders (CGI) – White albino spiders that breath fire and live underground in the darkness, until fracking causes them to be released to destroy New Orleans. They don’t have much of a brain.
Queen Spider (CGI) – The boss spider, uses her massive brain to control all the other spiders and likes to cocoon people up for dinner.

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