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The Murder Pact lifetime

The Murder Pact makes a killer deal on Lifetime!

The Murder Pact lifetime

Finally the Eyes Wide Shut/Little Red Riding Hood cinematic universe pays off!

Yes, blackmail a bunch of murderers and don’t expect to get murdered. Great plan, genius! But then the killers begin turning on each other and soon everyone is trying to kill each other. Also there is weird masked ball stuff because I guess rich people still do that somehow. The Murder Pact joins The Cheating Pact in meaning we’re going to have a Pact franchise on Lifetime, and I’m okay with that. Eventually they have to get to a movie called Pact Man, right?

After witnessing the accidental death of their classmate Heidi, a group of friends – four rich socialites – flee the scene, not realizing that Heidi’s roommate Lisa witnessed everything. When Lisa starts to drop hints that she knows about the “accident,” the friends decide they can’t trust her to stay quiet, and plot to kill Lisa before she rats them out, burying her body beneath the floorboards in one of their basements. Before long, though, the guilt and paranoia starts to consume them, and they become convinced that Lisa may actually be alive and looking for revenge.

The Murder Pact stars Alexa Vega, Beau Mirchoff, Renee Olstead, Michael J. Willett, and Sean Patrick Thomas. It’s written by John Doolan and directed by Colin Theys, the team that brought us Wally Lambs’ Wishin’ and Hopin’. This is an interesting followup, which I don’t think will be so Christmasy and sweet. But maybe I’m wrong and The Murder Pact will jingle our bells. Only one way to find out!

The Murder Pact premieres Saturday, September 12th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!

River Raft Nightmare Lifetime

River Raft Nightmare cascades down Lifetime!

River Raft Nightmare Lifetime

River Raft Tip #1: Leap out of the boat randomly in shallow, rocky water!


River Raft Nightmare (aka Eyewitness) brings the excitement of being chased by killer convicts while river rafting to your living room! This is why you should never go river rafting, and instead stay inside and watch tv movies on Lifetime all day. Has anyone on Lifetime ever been attacked while watching a Lifetime movie? Of course not, I rest my case. Anyway, a mom and daughter get attacked by evil evil men, can this mother and daughter team defeat these evil evil men before their do more evil evil things? I sure hope so, otherwise this will be very depressing!

A mother and daughter’s white-water rafting trip becomes a nightmare when they encounter three escaped convicts searching for a hidden satchel of stolen cash. Separated from their rafting party, alone on an isolated river, they must struggle to survive against overwhelming odds.

Maybe Meryl Streep with show up with some advice about dealing with crazy killers while river rafting!

River Raft Nightmare is written and directed by Fred Olen Ray, which shows he’s still out there making movies like a champ, and gives me hope that RRN (that’s what us cool people call the film) is something great and fun.

RRN stars Bridgit Brannaugh, Ivan Sergei, Tim Abell, Leah Bateman, Daniel Booko, Perry King, Stephanie C. Allen, and Ted Monte. It premieres Saturday, September 5th on Lifetime!

Here is a trailer that for some reason has several seconds of black screen before the trailer actually starts!

via Lifetime!

Fatal Flip Lifetime

Fatal Flip is a Lifetime housing crash!

Fatal Flip Lifetime

If this movie doesn’t end with a house literally being flipped on someone, demand your money back!


Just when you thought it was safe to watch those shows about awful people flipping houses with cheap construction and selling to gullible fools for ridiculous prices, now Lifetime has turned them into a Fatal Attraction situation! Fatal Flip has some first time flippers find out that they should have used Angie’s List when vetting their contractor, leading to probable fatal consequences! Someone call Mike Holmes to fix this housing mess, stat!

Jeff and Alex had a simple plan: buy a rundown house, make some repairs, sell it for a profit. But house-flipping can be expensive, and when the young couple partner with Nate, a handsome contractor with a dark past, they get more than they bargained for.

Fatal Flip stars Dominique Swain, Mike Faiola, Michael Steger, and Tatyana Ali, who is the only character I will care about as Ashley Banks rules. The film is directed by Maureen Bharoocha, and written by her and Ellen Huggins. This is Bharoocha’s first feature directing job and the first feature either women have written.

Fatal Flip premieres Saturday, August 29th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

The Unauthorized Full House Story Lifetime

The Unauthorized Full House Story spoils the secrets on Lifetime!

The Unauthorized Full House Story Lifetime

The Shocking Truth of what happened to Comet!!!


The most legally defensible word in the English languages is “Unauthorized”, and Lifetime is on a mission to turn that into a film franchise of 90s nostalgia mixed with the drama we never knew we needed to know, no matter how ridiculous and made up it may be. On that note, the next entry is The Unauthorized Full House Story, and that premieres this weekend in what will surely be a bunch of people making jokes on Twitter, a few of which will actually be watching the film!

Prepare to return to the world of Danny Tanny, Jesse Kastopolis, and Joey the Guy in the Basement along with all the kids and random neighbor children only months before the actual Full House sequel series premieres, where DJ Tanner continues the Tanner Spouse Death Curse. Will we learn shocking truths about how Bob Saget and John Stamos are mortal enemies? Will we learn what happened to the secret Olson Triplet? I expect a full expose about which cast member stole Dave Coulier’s career after the show ended! And if Full House ain’t your thing, Lifetime has upcoming Unauthorized Melrose Place and Unauthorized 90210 films on the way, with probably many more. I’m still waiting for their Unauthorized Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Power Rangers shows.

Lifetime’s Unauthorized film franchise continues this summer with the original movie “The Unauthorized Full House Story.” From its start as an unassuming family comedy in 1987 to its eventual wildly popular 192-episode run, the film centers on the rise of the cast of one of America’s most beloved family sitcoms and the pressures they faced in balancing their television personas with their real lives.

The iconic roles include:

DANNY TANNER: Garrett Brawith (“Rolling”) as Bob Saget

JOEY GLADSTONE: Justin Mader (“Death Race”) as Dave Coulier

JESSE KATSOPOLIS: Justin Gaston (“Days of Our Lives”) as John Stamos

REBECCA DONALDSON: Stephanie Bennett (“Big Eyes”) as Lori Loughlin

D.J. TANNER: Shelby Armstrong and Brittney Wilson (“Rogue”) as the younger and older versions of Candace Cameron

STEPHANIE TANNER: Dakota Guppy (“The Returned”) and Jordyn Olson (“The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story”) as the younger and older versions of Jodie Sweetin

MICHELLE TANNER: Blaise and Kinslea Todd as the toddler versions of twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen; Calla and Tyla Jones playing them at age six and Kylie and Jordan Armstrong as the twins at nine years of age

KIMMY GIBBLER: Aislyn Watson (“Finding Mrs. Claus”) and Jaime Schneider (“Twisted Tales of My 9 to 5”) as the younger and older versions of Andrea Barber

“The Unauthorized Full House Story” is produced by Front Street Pictures and Bay Road Productions Ltd. for broadcast on Lifetime. The movie is executive produced by Harvey Kahn (“Flowers in the Attic”) and Stephen Bulka (“The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story”). The film is directed by Brian K. Roberts (“An En Vogue Christmas”), and the teleplay is written by Ron McGee (“Rizzoli & Isles”).

The Unauthorized Full House Story premieres Saturday, August 22nd on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!

The Unauthorized Full House Story Lifetime

What did happen predictability?

The Unauthorized Full House Story Lifetime

Everywhere you look, Unauthorized Lifetime adaptations are coming for YOU!

Sugar Babies Lifetime

Sugar Babies brings more old men buying sugar to Lifetime!

Sugar Babies Lifetime

There would be less moral qualms if she just shoplifted the expensive textbooks! But then there would be no Lifetime movie…


The new Lifetime original movie Sugar Babies may be a bit of deja vu, because it is almost identical in plot to Sugar Daddies! But never fear, it is a completely different movie with completely different actresses selling themselves for money, and then consequences will never be the same!

Katie Woods just transferred from community college to Montlake University for their renowned art history program, but campus life is proving more expensive than Katie anticipated. In class, she meets Tessa and is introduced to Tessa’s high-class, expensive lifestyle… all paid for by her older, and richer, boyfriend Leo. While impressed by Tessa’s cultured tastes, Katie is skeptical about the relationships Tessa and her friends pursue– until Katie gets the opportunity of a lifetime to study in Florence, but realizes there is no way she can afford to go. She agrees to Tessa’s suggestion to join her on a double date and, against her better instincts, finds herself falling for Giles, a British businessman who is handsome, successful, and able to write a check to make Katie’s dreams of Florence come true. But Katie soon realizes that having a Sugar Daddy comes at its own price.

With all this sugar floating around, I predict we’ll soon see a Lifetime movie called Sugar Dentists. Okay, that joke was terrible. But at least we can be spared Sugar Babies being about actual babies made of sugar. Even if they make their dreams come true.

It is interesting that this is at least the 3rd Lifetime movie this year dealing with expensive tuition and girls doing things against their better judgement to pay for college. Maybe someone should hand out DVDs of these movies as protests the next time their local college tries to raise tuition again!

Sugar Babies stars Alyson Stoner (Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam), Tiera Skovbye (The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story), and Sarah Dugdale (Stolen Daughter). It is directed by Monika Mitchell (upcoming Pretty Little Addict), and written by David DeCrane (Guilty at 17), with the screenplay by Becca Topol (The Ramen Girl)

Sugar Babies premieres Saturday, August 15th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!

Fatal Memories Lifetime

With Fatal Memories on Lifetime, remembering can be killer!

Fatal Memories Lifetime

Hello, who is this? I told you I drink to forget, don’t you know what movie I’m in??!


We got repressed memories, hypnosis, murder, trauma, drama, broken pots, people being shoved onto a bed, and people screaming at the camera. Fatal Memories is Lifetime at its most drama intense, and from the trailer, it sure looks like a fun cornball of a feature! Super Serious Cop Lady sure looks serious, so I hope Concerned Sister figures out Crazy Sister isn’t the killer soon, because it’s obvious from the trailer that someone else is involved at least partially. But were they working with Crazy Sister?

Sutton’s life is turned upside down when her mother is stabbed to death and her sister April is the leading suspect in the murder case. Suffering from severe emotional trauma, with no memory of the events surrounding the murder, April is sent to an asylum. Upon April’s release, Sutton is certain of her sister’s innocence and is determined to put the past behind them, despite the police department’s lingering suspicions. But as the past resurfaces and events start to put her family in danger, Sutton begins to question her sister’s innocence and realizes that she has to get April to recover her memory to stop the killer from striking again.

Fatal Memories stars Italia Ricci, Magda Apanowicz, Shauna Johannesen, and Kevin McNulty. It is directed by Farhad Mann (Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace) and written by Crystal Verge (her first feature)

Fatal Memories premieres, Saturday, August 8th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!