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Jim Wynorski lands on Kickstarter for Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre!

Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

In our continuing quest to post some Kickstarters I bookmarked while making fun of a certain uncool news site’s Kickstarter, up comes Jim Wynorski and Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre, coproduced by Polyscope Media Group out of Indiana. The title is something that seems destined to trend on Twitter when it airs on SyFy. Not only that, but Sharkansas features one of the top ten freakiest sharks, Helicoprion! Oddly enough, Jim and Fred Olen Ray did not conspire to both be on Kickstarter at the same time, it’s just an amazing coincidence!

Sharks on land! Hunting victims from just below the earth’s surface! Yes, you heard that right….prehistoric sharks are on the attack in Arkansas. And a shapely work gang from the women’s prison there suddenly find themselves at the center of the terrifying situation. A local fracking crew has accidently cracked open a section of the earth’s mantle, allowing a swarm of prehistoric land sharks to head upwards from an underground ocean in search of new victims. So after a suspenseful escape, the five gorgeous prisoners find themselves not only on the run from the law…but a horde of blood thirsty hell bent creatures as well. Trapped in a remote fishing cabin hundreds of miles from civilization, the curvy quintet must use both their wits and wiles to elude the jaws of death swimming just outside in the front yard. You’ll meet Honey, a fiery spinner armed with a smokin’ pair of .38s. Standing close by is her lover Anita, at once both sexy and psychotic. Shannon is the sweet, girl-next-door type…that is if you happen to live next door to a mental institution. Michelle is the girl from the ghetto, street-wise and savvy beyond her years. And finally there’s Sarah, the demolition expert; she’ll blow your mind if you get too close!

Sounds like much of the process is already figured out, they just need some moolah to finance the production. So if you are a fan of women prisoners battling prehistoric sharks, then you know what to do!

Official Site
Kickstarter

Na Cha Seven Devils

Spidora – Fred Olen Ray takes to Kickstarter for freak show short film!

Spidora

Browsing Kickstarter through the Movies category is its own measure of pain, what with the endless “dark” fan films and nerd convention documentaries seeking funding, drowning out the actual interesting projects. So it’s time to salute things that may be of interest to longtime readers of TarsTarkas.NET.

Illustrious filmmaker Fred Olen Ray has taken to Kickstarter to raise funds for a short film called Spidora. Now, we have reviewed a Fred Olen Ray movie or two (or 20), so you might say we are a fan. This will be Fred Olen Ray’s first short film, and the aim is for it to be theatrically released.

In a strange twilight world that exists between the light of day and the enveloping darkness a young drifter falls in love with a Freak Show Lobster Girl who believes that Spidora, the Spider Girl, is trying to kill her.

SPIDORA is a dark journey inside the world of Dr. Graves’ Palace of Illusions; a Museum of Human Oddities where mysterious creatures like Electra, Spidora and Mora, the Lobster Girl, command the stage. It is a world trapped between light and shadow where anything can happen… and does.

Yes, circus sideshows, Spider Girls, and Lobster Girls. Sounds fantastic. Ray is a big fan of circuses and sideshow (which has a long and interesting past association with B-movies and roadshow/drive-in cinema, another thing that Ray is very much a huge fan of!) Jerry Lacy is attached so far. So check out the project if you are so inclined. And hope it does better than “the darkest Joker Trilogy ever!!!”, an actual Kickstarter project I refuse to link to.

Official Site
Facebook
Kickstarter

Na Cha Seven Devils

RIP Giant Spider from The Giant Spider Invasion

Giant Spider Invasion

An American treasure =(


RIP Giant Spider from The Giant Spider Invasion. The historic movie icon, made from scrap metal welded to a Volkswagon Beetle chassis, has been rotting in a lot in Wisconsin – at a property on County Highway J between Irma and Gleason in Lincoln County. That is, until it disappeared, prompting a police investigation, news reports, and the sad news that Schultz Recycling in Merrill had taken parts of the vehicle as scrap metal weeks ago. Thus, the giant spider is dead, though it can take solace that it outlived many of its costars, even it it was nothing more than a rusty skeleton.

The Giant Spider Invasion was released in 1975. Directed by Bill Rebane, the film gained a new following when it was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Packers!

via WSAW

Na Cha Seven Devils

4CLOSED – Lifetime Movie Network brings foreclosure terror!

4closed jamie kennedy

Tonight (8-30-2013) is the premiere of 4CLOSED on Lifetime Movie Network. A happy couple buys a foreclosed home, only to find the previous owner is Jamie Kennedy! Worse yet, it’s a crazy Jamie Kennedy! Even more unbelievable, he’s a murderous stalker who wants his house back! Yes, screw the banksters, the real villains are their victims, who then lash out at innocent people who just want to buy a house. It’s Pacific Heights for the new millenium!

As this is Lifetime, we know it’s an evil man doing all this. Evil, evil men.

4CLOSED stars Marlee Matlin, Jamie Kennedy, Alex Frnka, and Paul Sorvino

Na Cha Seven Devils

Uwe Boll takes Postal 2 to Kickstarter

Uwe Boll Boxing

Which online critics will he beat up this time???


Having run out of Nazi gold and tax loops, Uwe Boll is turning to the next best thing: getting money for free! Thus, he’s taken his latest film, Postal 2, to Kickstarter to get some of that sweet sweet crowdsourcing dollar! $500,000 to be exact. Now, Postal is considered by some to be Boll’s best movie, because he went balls deep on the offensive-o-meter. Myself, I’ve been too far jaded by the internet to get offended at much of anything anymore, and honestly haven’t bothered to watch much of Boll’s output (though I hear he’s improved and even made Assault on Wall Street – the only movie with the stones to blame the actual people behind the economic meltdown!)

Boll knows he’s considered a joke hack and isn’t taking this serious at all:

About the Movie

POSTAL 2 will finally destroy the filmindustry and the world we are living in. We could name the movie also HONEY BOOBOO must die ….but so many people deserve to die. Why starting with a child? Did Osama die? We know. And why the Navy Seals were too stupid to land a helicopter on a free field? Why did Building 6 collapse? We explain. Why is Obama is like Bush? We show you.

Where the money goes

The money goes all for cocaine for the stars down the nose.

Honesty is refreshing.

Now this:

POSTAL 2 will be a controversial comedy in which we take up current political issues. We take the biggest scandals of our democracy, like the happenings about Julien Assange and Edward Snowdon and show that there is no difference between our democracy and the prison camps in Russia or China. We show that through this massive monitoring our communication data is not safe anymore! We want to make a movie which is totally uncensored, pointed against everything and everybody, against every political party and every religion. There will be no survivors.

Promises something big, but can Boll deliver? Probably not, but if you like to give money to see a man try, you can Kickstarter the heck out of him.

Bride with White Hair Part 2

Social Nightmare slams faces into sinks on Lifetime!

Social Nightmare

OMG I can’t solve this Candy Crush Saga level! It is such a Social Nightmare!!!


My friends, have you ever had a…..SOCIAL NIGHTMARE??? Someone posted things…on the internet…under your name? And did you get a face full of sink? Lifetime knows, and their new film Social Nightmare will expose the dark side of internet-related sink injuries!

An A-student’s life is turned upside-down when inappropriate status updates and photos appear on her online profile. She claims she is being set up, but no one believes her. Her only solace during this crisis is her mother, although even she admits that she’s not looking forward to being all alone once her daughter leaves for college. Now she must figure out who is hacking her profile before her reputation and chance to get into a good college are ruined. Maybe it’s her ex-boyfriend, a jealous friend competing for the same scholarship or someone far more dangerous than she could have ever imagined.

Gee, who could it be? The mom. It is a mystery we will never solve. The mom. I guess I’ll have to tune in on August 31st on Lifetime to find out who the evil person is (her mom) and find out what mystery is preventing her from changing her password, deactivating her account, creating a separate account, not telling her mom her password, or avoiding all sinks.

(PS the bad guy is her mom!!)

Social Nightmare airs August 31st on Lifetime. It stars Daryl Hannah (as the mom!), Kirsten Prout, Chloe Bridges, Brandon Smith, and Rachel True
Lifetime site