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Hercules: The Legend Begins Trailer


If you haven’t already, you have to watch the trailer for Hercules: The Legend Begins. No, not the Rock one, this is the one with Kellan Lutz as Hercules. And it looks like Gladiator meets 300 with about ten seconds of Hercules things. Also Hercules can whip lightning around, something so strong in the Hercules legend it seems to have been made up for this film.

This trailer hits all the classic “epic” trailer notes – a hero is sent off to war and becomes a slave, but rises through the gladiator ranks thanks to his skills of jumping high up into the air in slow motion and slaying all opponents. An evil king calls him a funny insulting name, he and his forbidden girlfriend make out in a lake (and he gets a necklace), and Hercules talks about how they are fighting for their lives. The real question is will this Hercules: The Legend Begins film be so generic it impacts The Rock’s Hercules movie? Whatever the effect, we have a contender for 2014’s most overblown production, and I’m hoping for a camp classic.

Hercules the Legend Begins Lutz

Hercules the Legend Begins Lutz

Hercules the Legend Begins Lutz

Win a Pacific Rim Blu-Ray! #PacificRim

Hey, who wants a free Pacific Rim Blu-Ray? It’s YOU, that’s who it is! Luckily, PartnersHub and Warner Brothers is giving me a copy to give away for free in exchange for putting that Pacific Rim App you see above all this writing on the site. This App is neat because of the mouse-controlled gifs letting you make jaegers dance. Like jaegers should.

So of you want to win Pacific Rim on Blu-Ray, all you have to do is email me ( tarstarkas [at] tarstarkas.net or use the contact form ) your name and address with “Pacific Rim” in the subject of the email by midnight October 24th, West Coast time zone. US and Canada only, sorry international readers. Maybe next time. And if you want, but not required, feel free to like us on Facebook, follow @TarsTarkasnet on Twitter, follow our Tumblr, basically social media the crap out of us so I feel important. I will pick a winner from emails received via random.org and forward the info to PartnersHub and contact the winner via email. I won’t be keeping the email addresses or real addresses for anything. It’s just that easy.

I know some of you follow multiple blogs that use the PartnersHub Apps for contests (I saw three other blogs I know doing the last contest I did) and you probably enter at all those sites. I certainly don’t have a problem with covering your bases, but it looks like PartnersHub has caught on:

Each household is only eligible to win 1 Pacific Rim Blu-Ray via blog reviews and giveaways. Only one entrant per mailing address per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you will not be eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.

So if you win the Blu-Ray from here and at another site, please let one of us know so we can pick another winner and share the wealth. It’s what Stacker Pentecost would do!

wb_pr_promo_01

RIP Skinemax!?!

Skinemax died of a broken heart.  Also rabies.  But mostly the broken heart.

Skinemax died of a broken heart. Also rabies. But mostly the broken heart.


Skinemax might be going the way of the dinosaur! Cinemax, that premium network best known for being the place to find late night softcore films, is getting a bit of a rebranding. As far as HBO president of programming Michael Lombardo is concerned, the Skinemax label will be done away with thanks to a plethora of original series. He even wants to terminate the nickname permanently!

Cinemax has seen an increase in original programming lately – including cool series Strike Back, Banshee, and The Girl’s Guide to Depravity. More are on the way, and it’s all part of a push by HBO to define Cinemax with its own brand. Cinemax has basically not done anything, yet somehow still got a large audience. Whether this was due to the softcore programming or something else is not dealt with. But HBO wants to turn Cinemax into another cash cow, so out goes the softcore and in comes the original shows.

Later Lombardo does relent that there will probably still be a bit of softcore. Why there isn’t a dedicated softcore premium channel from Cinemax/HBO I do not know. Cinemax does have a huge selection of softcore on their VOD. With the decline of DVDs and video stores, and the rise of VOD, a lot of traditional movie markets are in flux. Just how things are going to shake out is unknown at this time, but if Cinemax stops buying as many softcore films, there probably just won’t be as many softcore films, because as far as I know, Cinemax is one of the biggest domestic markets (overseas is a whole different ball game!) Other premium channels do have their own collections of softcore, but Cinemax was by far the best known purveyor. The changing shape of watching movies has played havoc with how some studios get profits, and stories I’ve heard lean towards streaming as not guaranteeing anywhere near the old numbers through DVD presales. But things evolve so quickly now, a new way to earn lots of money might show up realtively quickly, and things will get turned on its ear again.

Luckily I still have a whole bag of DVRed softcore flicks I need to get around to writing reviews for, so even if Cinemax gets blasted into the sun, I’ll have some content. But who will weep if we don’t get any more Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Sexual Quest, or Birthday Sex? Me, I will weep. The best part of these articles are the commentors confused that people enjoy softcore films and don’t just want to watch hardcore porn. It’s almost as if they don’t realize that they are completely separate types of cinema. While a bunch of softcore is trash, there are many good softcore films being made that rival mainstream tv with plots and concepts. Some of the work of MRG has been amazing for what issues the films is dealing with in addition to having all the required sex sequences. That is not something I want to go away, and hopefully money and ratings will convince Cinemax to integrate things more and keep softcore healthy. The last thing we need is softcore producing nothing but films like Torchlight Pictures, which were 3 minutes of plot and 70 minutes of boring softcore scenes. Won’t somebody please think of the softcore?

via Variety

The Thing 31 Godzilla sunset

Avalanche Sharks go to all the best spring breaks!

Fangoria has the new trailers for Avalanche Sharks, a pseudo-sequel to Sand Sharks, except this time the shark can travel through snow instead of sand. As you can imagine, this crap is going straight to SyFy. Spring Break! WoOOoooOOO!!!

As we mentioned last time about Avalanche Sharks:

Director Scott Wheeler(Transmorphers: Fall of Man, Celebrity Sex Tape) gives us Avalanche Sharks! Yes, it is another movie about a shark in the snow:

Spring break in the mountains: snowboarding, beer, drunken co-eds in bikinis. As the yearly Bikini Ski Day party descends on a small mountain town, something lurks beneath the snow. When an unwitting rider causes an avalanche, it awakens a huge, menacing, pre-historic Snow Shark! With a newfound taste for human flesh, the Snow Shark picks off the snow bunnies mercilessly. Cut off from help by mountainous terrain and blinding snow, the local sheriff must make an unlikely alliance with a motley crew of snowboarders to take down the Snow Shark before the white hills run red with blood!

Avalanche Sharks stars a whole bunch of attractive ladies judging from the imdb pictures, though only Erika Jordan is familiar to me. Besides her, we got Emily Addison, Kate Nauta, Kelle Cantwell, Erin Ross, Mika Brooks, Nicole Helen, and Patrizia Cavaliere.

Avalanche Sharks

Spring Break! WOOOOoooOO!!

Avalanche Sharks

Spring Break? WOOOOoooOO!!

Avalanche Sharks

WOOOOoooOO!!!

Wobots Christmas

EchoLight Studios – Rick Santorum’s Christmas Gift


Remember when Rick Santorum ran for president to try to change the Google search results for his name? Well, after that, he took a job as CEO at EchoLight Studios, a Christian film studio known for producing Christian film (duh-doy!), including the beloved A Wobots Christmas.

Well, Echolight Studios is hitting the news again, first for their upcoming theatrical release The Christmas Candle, based on best-selling Christian author Max Lucado’s book and featuring singing sensation Susan Boyle.

Nothing out of the ordinary ever happens in the small village of Gladbury — except at Christmas. Legend has it that every twenty-five years an angel visits the village candlemaker and touches a single candle. Whoever lights the Christmas Candle will see their request granted on Christmas Eve. But in 1890, at the dawn of the modern age, all that is about to change. With the arrival of David Richmond (Hans Matheson), a skeptical, young minister, Gladbury’s humble candlemaker, Edward Haddington (Sylvester McCoy) must fight to preserve his family’s legacy. When the Christmas Candle goes missing, the miraculous and the human collide in the most astonishing Christmas the town of Gladbury has ever seen.

The Christmas Candle releases November 22.

But now Echolight Studios is making headlines for another reason – infighting! Yes, amazingly enough, Rick Santorum can’t play well with others, and that has caused tension with the upper management of Echolight Studios, including the firing of two higher ups – Echolight chief global strategist Christopher Morrow, and Echolight president Bobby Downes. Morrow refused to give Santorum financial information about a film called Hoovey that lead to a bunch of hooting and hollering and firing, while Downes was bad talking Santorum to anyone who would listen – including backers of the studio – and got the axe for that. Then mysteriously the Echolight Facebook Page suddenly went on an anti-Santorum rant, and Rick Santorum responded by filing lawsuits against the two men.

Now, I will say that as CEO, Santorum should have been given the financial information about Hoovey, and the fact that he wasn’t is very suspicious. Bobby Downes has been identified as a founder of Echolight Studios before, but now Santorum is claiming no such thing, despite the press release announcing Santorum’s hire saying Downes was. A glorious mess this lawsuit will be, I pity the judge that has to read all the case files. This has the potential to seriously impact more entries in the Wobots series, which is where I draw my line in the sand! Give me more Wobots!

A Wobots Christmas

Whoa! Bots!

The Cheating Pact cribs onto Lifetime!

The Cheating Pact

Wait, it’s still cheating even if I don’t get caught??!


In The Cheating Pact, high schoolers conspire to cheat to get good test scores. But someone ends up dead and another framed. What to do? The answer should be…to cheat death! But it’s not because someone was asleep at the switch. So the plot:

Three high school students, Heather, Kylie, and Jordan, under pressure from their parents to get into good colleges, convince a shy but very smart girl, Meredith, to take the College Entrance Test for them. After Meredith gets a low score on one of the tests, she winds up dead in a mysterious accident, and now all three kids are suspects in her murder. Heather soon finds that she is being framed for Meredith’s murder by the other two and must team up with her mother, Brenda, to prove her innocence.

Don’t these kids know they should have joined a Cheaters’ Club instead? Oh, wait, that turned out bad as well…

My favorite part of the trailer on MyLifetime is that one of the guys looks like a rejected Taylor Lautner clone.

The Cheating Pact stars Daniela Bobadilla, Cynthia Gibb, Paula Trickey, Jamie Luner, Laura Slade Wiggins, Bruce Thomas, Max Carver, and Laura Samuels. It airs September 28th, and remember that this is the final film of the Watch and Win Sweepstakes where you can be bribed to watch Lifetime Channel!