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Airplane vs Volcano brings the battle we've all been waiting for!

Airplane vs Volcano

Just when you thought disaster movies couldn’t be wacky enough, now they’ve gone to fight mode! Airplane vs. Volcano is not a weird double feature of unrelated films, but instead the new Asylum films where a plane is trapped by a bunch of volcanoes. Because that happens. Don’t laugh, or you will be the one trapped on a plane surrounded by volcanoes!

At least they aren’t surrounded by Sharknadoes!

When a commercial airliner is trapped within a ring of erupting volcanoes, the passengers and crew must find a way to survive – without landing.

Never fear, Dean Cain himself is there to save the day! Also Robin Givens, who is the fiercest volcano battler the world has ever seen! No trailer I could find as of yet, but there is still time!

James and Jon Kondelik wrote and direct. This is their first co-directing film, but both have been involved in numerous Asylum productions from editing to writing to casting.

Airplane vs. Volcano hits DVD/VOD May 27, 2014, and might even see a limited theatrical run on March 28!

Maybe next time Airplane will fight Mecha-Volcano!

Asylum link

Asylum breaks out the Jailbait

Jailbait Asylum

Asylum is back again, with their own take on the women in prison genre. Based on the graphic novel 17 & Life: Jailbait, Jailbait features a young girl thrown behind bars and forced to deal with practically every exploitation film’s vision of a women’s prison. Of course, they’re comparing it to Orange in the New Black, because never waste an opportunity to cross-promote!

After killing her stepfather in self-defense, Anna Nix is sent to a juvenile detention center. As she struggles to survive in a world of girl gangs and predatory guards, Anna must fight her dark side and stay above the fray.

Here is the slightly NSFW trailer – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR-ouRYzlm8

Jailbait stars Sara Malakul Lane (Sharktopus), Steve Hanks, Shannon Walters, David Brite, Samantha Cardona, and Erin O’Brien. It’s directed by Jared Cohn (Atlantic Rim, 12/12/12)

Jailbait releases February 18, 2014

Asylum link
Image via

Kite – What in the ever loving…?

Kite India Eisley

Kite is a live-action adaptation of the anime Kite, which had a dubbed American release with a lot of things edited out, but the uncensored version features lots of graphic underage nudity/rape and violence. That alone should throw up a bunch of red flags, but put your flags away for a moment because they released a trailer and preview (featuring several scenes) that make the American version look like a gigantic fiasco.

Kite is about a young girl whose parents are murdered, and she’s turned into an assassin by corrupt cops to take down other bad people, and to get revenge on who murdered her parents. Of course there are other teenage assassins running around, and almost every character is played by a white person but keeps their Japanese name. Except Sam Jackson’s character, who gets a name change.

It looks like they copied scenes almost exactly, leading to weird things like the over acting old lady and lots of funky anime hair colors. I’m sure someone saw Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass and decided that a whole movie on the concept would be golden.

But it is terrible! Don’t take my word for it, they threw up almost ten minutes of the film for you to make your own decisions. It’s called freedom of choice!

Cast:
Samuel L. Jackson as Karl Aker
India Eisley as Sawa
Callan McAuliffe as Oburi
Russel Savadier as Old Boy
Jaco Muller as Kratsov
Liam J. Stratton as Sawa’s Father
Keci Eatock as Young Sawa

Kite is directed by South African director Ralph Ziman of Gangster’s Paradise: Jerusalema fame. I hope he has another project lined up already.

Cyborg X, Mythica, and One Shot – more from Highland Film Group!

Cyborg X

Highland Film Group is one of the cool companies featured in this years American Film Market post, and like many other companies, they didn’t bring every genre film in production to the show (or at least I missed them upon my initial sweep!) Thus, here are some films from Highland that also deserve to be noticed!

Highland Film Group was also responsible for: The Adventures of Roborex, Hunted: Battle of the Drones, K9 Adventures: Legend of the Lost Gold, and the possibly hitting the theaters Barely Lethal.

Cyborg Xlink

FROM DIRECTOR KEVIN KING (ZOMBIE HUNTER)

That’s all the information we got. But the concept art above answers every question you could possibly have about Cyborg X, except why it isn’t already made for them to take your money. This is where I joke that I haven’t seen the first 9 Cyborgs, though I actually have seen Cyborg and Cyborg 2, which sort of makes me sad that Cyborg 2 was so not very good.

Mythica link

In pursuit of adventure, a young aspiring wizard, Marek, and his ragtag group of companions — a muscle-bound warrior, a vivacious elven thief, a beautiful priestess healer, and a half-orc assassin — set out in search of fame and fortune, becoming an unlikely squad of heros along the way. Romance, danger, and magic abound.

It’s another person’s D&D campaign in movie form!

FROM THE CREATORS OF ORC WARS, PALADIN: DAWN OF THE DRAGON SLAYER, THE CROWN AND THE DRAGON & ZOMBIE HUNTER

Yeah, okay. But I am a sucker for these crazy dungeon fantasy films. Let’s make it crazy and action-packed, so no one has time to realize we’re watching LARPers run around a National Park! I have faith.

One Shotlink

When Kyle Matthews, an elite Sniper from the World Defense Force, is trapped in enemy territory – his skills are put to the test as he attempts to survive against a whole armada of Cerulean soldiers, Hell bent on wiping all humans from existence. But when a beautiful Cerulean woman is shot and left for dead by her own kind, Kyle must chose between his own life and the life of one of the very beings he is out to kill.

Damn Ceruleans, you can never trust them. Except when you fall in love with them. So I suggest everyone who isn’t currently in love fall in love with a Cerulean and end this war. It’s the best way, really.

STARRING
Matthew Reese (THE DESCENDANTS, OSOMBIE)
Nichelle Aiden (DRAGON LORE: CURSE OF THE SHADOW)
Kevin Sorbo (“Hercules: The Legend Continues)

Kevin Sorbo continues to star in any film where lunch is provided. At this point he’s no longer a real video rental draw in my eyes, but perhaps he has enough of a loyal fanbase to still command star billing.

Mythica poster

One Shot poster

Bootleg Ultraman IS Red Jade!


Ultraman is a hero everyone loves, and the best way to love someone is to produce films with mysteriously similar characters. Enter Red Jade, a new upcoming film that looks like some of the latest Ultraman movies, except now it’s in Hong Kong and his name is Red Jade. Also the monsters look bigger and there are more alien ships. Probably a lot more random people being slaughtered.

Red Jade is from Worldwide Film Entertainment, and is fully funded to hopefully show up in 2015. The effects sizzle reel is above, there is not other information about Red Jade at this time except the poster and plot blurb:

An archeology student and his professor who find that vandals have loosened a ferocious earth-bound monster wrecking havoc on the city of Hong Kong, then discover a talisman that turns the young scholar into a super-hero.

Regardless of the snark, I shall be watching, and I demand it be entertaining! Because I’m the kind of person who can make demands.

Worldwide Film Entertainment via BeyondHollywood

Red Jade movie

Piranha Sharks swarm in 2014!

Operation post news articles about films that are on the production company websites I found while writing other articles continues with what might be the best score from Red Sea Media! Piranha Sharks! Directed by Leigh Scott! Yes, that guy who did all those Asylum films before he struck out on his own. Now he’s back with some Piranha Sharks, because tiny sharks are better than normal sharks. It’s a fact, Jack! Go look it up in the factionary! Piranha Sharks stars Collin Galyean, Josh Hammond, John Wells, and Noel Thurman, and is probably destined for SyFy if everyone is smart.

Great white sharks bio-engineered to be the size of piranhas with the purpose of living in rich peoples exotic aquariums, terrorize New York City when they get into the water supply and do what great white sharks do best.

What great white sharks do best is applied calculus, strangely enough. But I’m sure it will be exciting!

You can see an FX test at this link. Click it, you know you want to!

Via RedSeaMedia

Piranha Sharks