• Home
  • Category Archives: Movie News
Sharknado 2 poster

Sharknado 2 teaser trailer!


Because why not?

Sharknado 2: The Second One – Wednesday, July 30 at 9PM – In Sharknado 2: The Second One, the sequel to last summer’s global pop culture sensation, a freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished iconic sites – and only Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) can save the Big Apple. The movie, directed by Anthony C. Ferrante from a screenplay by Thunder Levin, also stars Mark McGrath, Kari Wuhrer, Vivica A. Fox and Judah Friedlander, with cameo appearances including Kelly Osbourne, Judd Hirsch, Perez Hilton, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Andy Dick, Robert Klein, Sandra “Pepa” Denton, Biz Markie, Downtown Julie Brown, Richard Kind and Kurt Angle, among others. Sharknado 2: The Second One is a production of The Asylum.

Yes, we’ll be watching.

Sharknado 2 poster

Sofia Grace Rosie Royal Adventure Poster

Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure Trailer


If you enjoy kids that appear on the Ellen show and kids who meddle in British politics while still supporting a monarchy in the 21st century, then you will love Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure! Released recently direct to VOD, you can check out these young ladies and their very British adventures doing things British. Or you can not, which is what I’m doing. But you need to be warned, and warned quickly, lest you make a mistake and watch this film unprepared. Perhaps you kids will demand to see it, and you’ll give in, thinking it can’t be worse than Annoying Orange. Oh, how wrong you are. You will long for the days of that Fred guy. But don’t take my word for it, watch the trailer…

Sofia Grace Rosie Royal Adventure Poster

Balala the Fairies

The Balala the Fairies series (巴啦啦小魔仙) is something you need to be aware of!


Because, why shouldn’t you be aware of Balala the Fairies, a Chinese television series turned movie series about magical fairy girls that are an amalgamation of Sailor Moon, Winx, Tinker Bell, and Harry Potter? It’s just 100% natural that this is a must-know franchise! Especially since they’re already on movie #2, which released in January in China. Now the films are inching towards broader releases. You can already find episodes of the show fansubbed online, and that means the barriers of entry to the Balala world is crumbling. Crumbling like a fairy who is on life support because the audience won’t clap!

Let’s just ignore the fact the young actress who stars in Balala the Fairies: The Magic Trial (巴啦啦小魔仙之魔法的考驗) is named Daisy Cakes. Because, seriously? I play you for this, AngelaBaby!

The first film is Balala The Fairies (巴啦啦小魔仙):

After a few months, when Mei-xue (美雪) and Mei-qi (美奇) were at stargazing camp with a few friends, they saw some meteorites shooting in the sky that crashed onto the earth. When Mei-xue (美雪) and Mei-qi (美奇) went to check things out, they found a strange but pretty looking stone with a badly wounded bird, they took the bird home to look after it. But they ended up to have found Xiao-lan (小兰)back from Fairyland, why is that? There is going to be another mission to finish!?

And it’s followed by 2014’s Balala the Fairies: The Magic Trial (巴啦啦小魔仙之魔法的考驗), which features some fairy idiots letting an emo idiot loose in the real world. There’s also a plot about a girl who isn’t popular being upset at the fairy girls, who appear to be acting all snotty. I support the girl who is mad at the fairy girls 100%, even if she’s teamed up with Sorrow Potter or whatever the villain’s name is.

This film made $2 million and will probably show up in the US soon. You can find the TV series fansubbed all over YouTube (if you dare!) and there will probably be more and more films, as there is a whole toyline to support! It’s called market saturation, people!

Balala the Fairies

Shanti Dynamite Loads

Erotic star Shanti Dynamite to get her Bollywood due!

Shanti Dynamite Loads

Erotic model (or “porn star” if you’re writing headlines!) Shanti Dynamite is set to make her Bollywood debut in the upcoming film Chal Doctor Doctor Khelein! She’ll just have a featured role as an item girl, not a starring part, but that’s all the producer needs to get all sorts of free press. Hey, wait a minute, Rupesh Paul tricked me! Why, that guy…

Yes, producer Rupesh Paul has cast her, but he’s known to push boundaries. Aside from getting his first featured denied by the censor board (The Temptation Between My Legs), Paul directed Kamasutra 3D, an upcoming 3D erotic film that has made a lot of money already just from presale rights. It also claims to be the first Indian movie shot entirely at sea (on two custom-made boats) and mentions the Oscars several times in the trailer. So, yeah. Take everything with a grain of salt. Yes, I’ll watch it when it’s available. Because that’s what I do.

Chal Doctor Doctor Khelein is a comedy thriller about medical students and stars Saurabh Kumar and Sonel Singh. It is directed by Saurabh Malik. There have been articles about this since 2013, but if you haven’t heard it, it’s news to you!

Shanti Dynamite is following the footsteps of adult actress Sunny Leone, who debuted in 2012’s Jism 2 and has gone on to to appear in several other Indian films.

After doing some research, I’m pretty sure Shanti Dynamite is not even a porn star, just a woman who is naked and does erotic stuff. But as stated above, porn star makes for better headlines, and so it is reported as such everywhere. Except for TarsTarkas.NET! We do a search on Google, thus making us the leading news source in the universe. It’s easy to be this good when everyone else is so bad!

via Times of India

Bikini Model Academy

Time to enroll in the Bikini Model Academy!


Bikini Model Academy is an upcoming film from New Films International, and looks tailor-made for people who grew up watching ridiculous beach/bikini movies on late night cable. Bikini Model Academy stars Gary Busey, because when you think bikinis, you think Gary Busey! Okay, the weird uncle character has a long and storied history in films where people start bikini-related businesses.

Bikini Model Academy also stars Morgan Fairchild, who is no stranger to showing up in films of dubious quality and being awesome in them. Further cast members include: Benjamin Stone, Phillip Andre Botello, Michelle May, Olivia Alexander, Andriana Manfredi, Meg Barrick, Tara Rice, Clark Gilmer, Emily Bedford, Sina J. Henrie, and Jayda Berkmen.

When T. J. and Benji, two California twenty-something, best buddies, lose their girlfriends, they start a home grown Bikini modeling academy, to make money and meet new girls, in this wacky comedy from New Films Cinema. With a little help from T.J.’s Uncle Seymour, (Gary Busey) the guys begin recruiting pretty girls, until their old grade school enemy, Grub Snout, who owns his own modeling school, tries to shut them down. International Celebrity, Morgan Fairchild, plays the Celebrity Guest Judge, at a hot and funny Bikini Pose-Off competition between the two schools. May the hottest team win!

Writer/director Straw Weisman not only wrote Red Scorpion 2, but he did uncredited work on Cyborg 3: The Recycler. You all knew there was three Cyborg movies, right? Well, you’re wrong, because they’re is FOUR Cyborg films, though Cyborg Nemesis has no official release, IIRC. Weisman has also helmed American Beach House for New Films International, which also looks like a retro throwback 80s/90s beach sex movie.

Now I haven’t seen these films enough to know if they are like the bikini scheme movies of old and are dripping with nudity, or if they are more PG-13. But it does look like there is far more plot than your typical recent softcore film. We shall see what we see when we see it.

via New Films International
New Films International Facebook
New Films International Twitter

Bikini Model Academy

I like bikinis!


Sharktopus

Sharknado Week on SyFy!

Sharktopus

Coming at you 7 tentacles a week!


As summer begins to heat up (puns like this are why they pay me the big bucks!), SyFy is breaking out the original films again, now accompanied by lots of marketing gimmicks for maximum saturation of targeted audience age ranges. On that note, the Sharknado rocket blasts off again with the announced Sharknado Week, which will feature not only Sharknado 2, but the first of the new Sharktopus sequels, and the SyFy premiere of Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark! The full PR release is below, complete with all the information you need to make Sharknado Week on SyFy the best Sharknado Week ever! Don’t forget that the RiffTrax crew are doing their special event on Sharknado on July 10th!

HIGHLIGHTS OF SYFY’S SHARKNADO WEEK (ALL TIMES ET/PT)

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark – Saturday, July 26 at 9PM – When the U.S. government creates an exact robotic copy of the original mega shark, this new mecha shark runs wild – with only the original mega shark standing in the way of global destruction. A production of The Asylum, the movie stars Christopher Judge (Stargate SG1) and Elisabeth Rohm (American Hustle). TV movie.

Sharkmania: The Top 15 Biggest Baddest Bloodiest Bites – Premieres Sunday, July 27 at 9PM – This original documentary special takes a light-hearted look back at the 15 best shark movie bites of all time. Comedians, actors and celebrities including Ian Ziering, Brooke Hogan, Richard Moll, Downtown Julie Brown and Mark McGrath discuss their favorite scenes – fun, ridiculous and frightening – from classic shark movies such as Jaws to the outrageous Sharktopus and Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. A production of Associated Television International. Executive producer: Jim Romanovich. Producers: Dan Goldman, David Stephan. Consulting producer: Robert Corsini.

Sharknado 2: The Second One – Wednesday, July 30 at 9PM – In Sharknado 2: The Second One, the sequel to last summer’s global pop culture sensation, a freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished iconic sites – and only Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) can save the Big Apple. The movie, directed by Anthony C. Ferrante from a screenplay by Thunder Levin, also stars Mark McGrath, Kari Wuhrer, Vivica A. Fox and Judah Friedlander, with cameo appearances including Kelly Osbourne, Judd Hirsch, Perez Hilton, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Andy Dick, Robert Klein, Sandra “Pepa” Denton, Biz Markie, Downtown Julie Brown, Richard Kind and Kurt Angle, among others. Sharknado 2: The Second One is a production of The Asylum.

Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda – Sunday, August 2 at 9PM – In this new Roger Corman movie, the child of Sharktopus goes toe-to-toe with the latest science experiment “Pteracuda” – half Pteradactyl, half Barracuda – in a battle for monster supremacy. A production of New Horizons Pictures, the movie stars Robert Carradine (Django Unchained) and Katie Savoy (Living with Models).

Via Deadline