Just when you though parkour was as dead as the Cullen family, suddenly movie executives have decided to bring it back to life, reboot werewolf bike messenger style! Or something. Whatever it is, we’re getting Taylor Lautner as a bike messenger named Cam who becomes a parkour guy who owes money to the mob. But that’s not the dumb part:
He gets introduced to parkour by a sexy stranger after he crashes his bike.
Sexy parkour! I hope the Punisher makes a cameo and remembers to bring his rocket launcher. You know Tracers will be good because it will build on all the action movie breakthroughs Lautner brought to Abduction.
If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you’ve been getting the occasional awful Kickstarter link, which is always a good laugh. But not everything film related on Kickstarter is awful (yes, that shocked me, too!) and here is a film that looks like it could be awesomely awful cool, in a cheesy crazy low budget way. I especially like how passionate director/writer Patrick A. Prejusa is, and how excited he gets when showing off all the low budget things he is doing to try to make REDD look like it cost way more than it does. I also like how he’s only asking for a moderate amount of money, not the tens of thousands of dollars I’ve seen many less-ambitions projects trying to get. And get a load of this plot!
PLOT:In the year 2233, a dark energy is emanating from the forests of Magic Valley bringing into our world dark creatures and evil monsters. Meanwhile the GRIMM Corporation nearly has control of the U.S Government and The Planetary Alliance and seems to be ignoring and maybe even enabling the growing darkness. It’s up to one lone R.E.D.D. Agent to defy Grimm forces and fight her way through, Vampires, Werewolves, and Zombies, and get to the center of the forest to confront “The Grandmother”, before evil consumes the planet.
Sure, fairy tale stuff is all the rage, but this hypes it up to a crazy level. And though zombies are overdone, the real monsters here look to be the werewolves, especially the werewolf with a laser eye. You know, I’ve got laser eyes, and I know what you’re thinking. It comes as no surprise, Christmas lights are blinking…
Here is the pitch video:
April Crum is REDD
Chris Plouffe is SMITH
Amanda Elizabeth is BETH
Eve Butler is RICK
Jennifer Russoli is CARTER
Alethea Delmage is SNOW
Nick Karner is SIMON WELLER
Richard Gaither is CHAPEL
Brooke Hamrick is ANNIE
Danielle Motley is ELIZABETH GRIMM
Ron Rice is DARYL
Written, Directed, Produced, Edited, and Scored by
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have announced their next film will be…The Starving Games! Yes, they’re parodying The Hunger Games. And also Avengers, Harry Potter, and Sherlock Holmes. Because they hate us. Seltzberg will kill us all…
No word on if this is the continuation of their 3D flick, or if that one is still on the backburner…
Clifford, the gigantic freak canine whose appearance has delighted children for decades and somehow has not caused him to be drown in a lake by crazed religious nuts as some sort of demon dog, will soon be a feature length commer– film from the people who brought you The Lorax – Illumination Entertainment and Universal. Matt Lopez of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice fame will write the script. He’s also attached to the Asteroids film that we’ve heard little about lately. But I’m sure that’s because they’re just taking their time to make it so good!
Norman Bridwell’s Clifford the Big Red Dog books first were published in 1963, and were previously a well-loved PBS series featuring the voice of John Ritter.
June looks like it will be one of the best months for SyFy films since Chupacabra Were-Vampire vs. Space Quake Snake. And while that film might not exist yet, these four new films do exist and will bring a world of hilarity and awesome to the small screen:
June 9th brings us Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Check out your Snookies and J-WOWs vs ocean death, and pray that the Jersey Shore loses big time. Only sharks can save America from Snooki’s baby! Jack Scalia and Paul Sorvino star, while the Jersey characters have names like TC “The Complication”, BJ, J-Moni, and Nooki. John Shepphird (Chupacabra Terror) directs.
Next week on June 16th is Piranhaconda – Jim Wynorski’s new flick about the Part Snake! Part Fish! All Killer! Michael Madsen and Rachel Hunter star, and the title alone is worth a view! The trailer recently popped up.
June 23rd gives us Arachnoquake – the awesomely titled film where and earthquake causes giant albino spiders to get unleashed upon the Earth to attack Tracey Gold, Ethan Phillips, Bug Hall, and Edward Furlong.
Griff Furst directs, he’s proven he can direct a fun SyFy flick (and be fun as well when he shows up in one of his dad’s films)
I couldn’t find a trailer, so here’s an interview with Furst and some of the cast:
And finally June 30th gives us Bigfoot, which is notable because Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams are following the Tiffany/Debbie Gibson route and teaming up for a SyFy film where they play rivals! Sherilyn Fenn, Howard Hesseman, and Alice Cooper also star.
Needless to say, the DVRs are being set as we speak to make June the SyFyest month of them all!
Do you like found footage horror movies with pornography?
Do you like found footage Christian horror movies with an evil box of woods pornography?
Then you will love HARMLESS! The movie about evil porn and how it is evil. Check out the trailer, drop a couple thousands in funding, and we’re off at the races! Rich Praytor is the creator.
Harmless is a feature film shot in the popular found footage style. It’s the story about a husband and father and his battle with a box of porn that is found in the closet. Once opened, the box of porn begins to torment the family, much like a poltergeist. It’s sort of a social commentary on how pornography can destroy a family. Actual home movies and interviews tell the story of the terror the family faces when a box of pornography is opened and something is unleashed.
