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Sugarbabies Lifetime

Sugarbabies (Review)

Sugarbabies

Sugarbabies Lifetime
2015
Story by Becca Topol and David DeCrane
Screenplay by Becca Topol
Directed by Monika Mitchell

Sugarbabies Lifetime
First they sugared the daddies. I said nothing, for I wasn’t a daddy. But then they came to sugar the babies. And I was like, “Seriously, Lifetime?” This is the third film they’ve shown this year where young, nubile girls decide the best way to pay tuition is to get it on with older men for buckets of cash. It’s like the college girls banging old dudes for tuition money films are racing the Unauthorized 90s TV Show Story films for who can flood Lifetime’s airwaves the most! We’ve seen it with Suger Daddies and with Babysitter’s Black Book, and now we dip into the pool for a third time.
Sugarbabies Lifetime
Sugarbabies runs a lot of the same numbers as we’ve seen before. Hardworking and smart Katie Woods (Alyson Stoner) arrives at the university and excels at classes, but her working class background means she can’t afford to pay for an expensive but competitive interning opportunity. Luckily for Katie, she’s made friends with Tessa Bouillette (Tiera Skovbye), a wannabe model who is living the high life thanks to an older (and married!) man paying all her bills. We see her initiate Rochelle Cranston (Sarah Dugdale) into the Sugar Babies website (cheered on by fellow sugar bowl enthusiast Sasha (Eva Day)), and thanks to being at the right place at the right time, Katie is introduced to the rich and charming James Smith (Giles Panton) by Tessa.
Sugarbabies Lifetime

When Cookie Met Sally Sesame Street

When Cookie Met Sally teaches you to wait your turn!

Sesame Street is popping out with the movie parodies again this year. Their latest is When Cookie Met Sally, a parody of When Harry Met Sally that teaches children to wait their turn and not be impatient. After several attempts, can Sally teach the impatient Cookie Monster to wait in line and stop cutting people? Probably, it would be sad if they didn’t. And they are sure to include an “I’ll have what she’s having” joke, except sans orgasms. Because this is a kids’ show, after all. Don’t be impatient for orgasms, didn’t you learn anything from Cookie Monster? It’s like you didn’t watch the video embedded above.

Cookie and Sally are two very different people. Cookie is messy and impatient. Sally is neat and calm. Can Sally get Cookie to wait his turn by playing a game? Can they actually become friends?

I do enjoy the Guy Smiley photo cameo, and a photo of the puppet of Detective Munch from Law and Order: Special Letters Unit! Cameos!

With this parody of a retro flick, the future entries could be from any era, which is cool for film fans like us! I can barely wait for the next one, but luckily I have learned a few things about patience…

River Raft Nightmare Lifetime

River Raft Nightmare cascades down Lifetime!

River Raft Nightmare Lifetime

River Raft Tip #1: Leap out of the boat randomly in shallow, rocky water!


River Raft Nightmare (aka Eyewitness) brings the excitement of being chased by killer convicts while river rafting to your living room! This is why you should never go river rafting, and instead stay inside and watch tv movies on Lifetime all day. Has anyone on Lifetime ever been attacked while watching a Lifetime movie? Of course not, I rest my case. Anyway, a mom and daughter get attacked by evil evil men, can this mother and daughter team defeat these evil evil men before their do more evil evil things? I sure hope so, otherwise this will be very depressing!

A mother and daughter’s white-water rafting trip becomes a nightmare when they encounter three escaped convicts searching for a hidden satchel of stolen cash. Separated from their rafting party, alone on an isolated river, they must struggle to survive against overwhelming odds.

Maybe Meryl Streep with show up with some advice about dealing with crazy killers while river rafting!

River Raft Nightmare is written and directed by Fred Olen Ray, which shows he’s still out there making movies like a champ, and gives me hope that RRN (that’s what us cool people call the film) is something great and fun.

RRN stars Bridgit Brannaugh, Ivan Sergei, Tim Abell, Leah Bateman, Daniel Booko, Perry King, Stephanie C. Allen, and Ted Monte. It premieres Saturday, September 5th on Lifetime!

Here is a trailer that for some reason has several seconds of black screen before the trailer actually starts!

via Lifetime!

Nosh of the Titans Sesame Street

Cookie Monster goes Greek in Nosh of the Titans!

Furius and his pal Pegafish (the flying fish) are on his way to meet his dad at the top of Mount Olympus Diner, when he’s stopped by that cow with snakes for hair, Moo-dusa! Not only does looking at Moo-dusa turn you into stone for 2 whole seconds, but she’s also gone all Riddle of the Sphinx and has a test that Furius must pass. He needs to pick out which of various covered dishes contains the snake cakes to feed her hair. Can Furius learn to pay attention long enough to remember details about the lids to solve the riddle and not get turned into stone, and therefore go to meet his pop and “Release the Cracker”? Find out in Nosh of the Titans!

As usual, I attached a bunch of images and even an animated gif of Moo-dusa, because the world needs more moving images of a cow with snake hair!

Moo-dusa Nosh of the Titans Sesame Street

野獣の青春 Youth of the Beast

Youth of the Beast (Review)

Youth of the Beast

aka 野獣の青春 aka Yaju no Seishun aka Wild Youth
野獣の青春 Youth of the Beast
1963
Written by Ichiro Ikeda and Tadaki Yamazaki
Based on the novel by Haruhiko Oyabu
Directed by Seijun Suzuki

野獣の青春 Youth of the Beast
A random stranger coming to town to pit two rival groups against each other is a classic story done well in a variety of genres, and with Youth of the Beast we get the story set in the swinging 1960s yakuza beat, with director Seijun Suzuki determined to make the visuals by themselves a grand spectacle. Joe Shishido and his cheeks take their usual place as a Suzuki lead, as Shishido’s Joji Mizuno waltzes in to lead the sides to their collective dooms.

so what makes Youth of the Beast worth watching like similar tales Yojimbo, Red Harvest, Django, A Fistful of Dollars, or even The Warrior and the Sorceress? Aside from the story being well told again, there is the great Seijun Suzuki visuals. Suzuki starts showing off his boredom with the nonstop yakuza films by tossing in a bunch of visual flair. He must have had fun, because his films only seemed to escalate from here. Youth of the Beast opens with a bleak black and white scene of solemn police investigating a double suicide, a cop and a woman, the only point of color (and life) being a red flower. This sharply contrasts with the vibrant color and exciting city life full of laughing girls, violent fights at the drop of a hat, and a jazzy soundtrack that immediately follows, as Joji Mizuno beats through some Nomoto yakuza thugs to rob their money and blow it at their club.
野獣の青春 Youth of the Beast
The energetic club is full of life, sin, and sound, while the Nomoto yakuza bosses who control it observe though soundproof one way mirrors, giving the mirth a surreal quality. Mizuno’s ease of dispatching the thugs gains the interest of the boss, and after a bit of interrogation and some display of weapons skills, he’s on their team. Then just as quickly, Mizuno is ratting everything out to the boss of the rival Sanko gang. As he’s out for revenge against the groups that ruined his life, breaking them apart piece by piece becomes a fun game.
野獣の青春 Youth of the Beast

Fatal Flip Lifetime

Fatal Flip is a Lifetime housing crash!

Fatal Flip Lifetime

If this movie doesn’t end with a house literally being flipped on someone, demand your money back!


Just when you thought it was safe to watch those shows about awful people flipping houses with cheap construction and selling to gullible fools for ridiculous prices, now Lifetime has turned them into a Fatal Attraction situation! Fatal Flip has some first time flippers find out that they should have used Angie’s List when vetting their contractor, leading to probable fatal consequences! Someone call Mike Holmes to fix this housing mess, stat!

Jeff and Alex had a simple plan: buy a rundown house, make some repairs, sell it for a profit. But house-flipping can be expensive, and when the young couple partner with Nate, a handsome contractor with a dark past, they get more than they bargained for.

Fatal Flip stars Dominique Swain, Mike Faiola, Michael Steger, and Tatyana Ali, who is the only character I will care about as Ashley Banks rules. The film is directed by Maureen Bharoocha, and written by her and Ellen Huggins. This is Bharoocha’s first feature directing job and the first feature either women have written.

Fatal Flip premieres Saturday, August 29th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime