No, he’s just…cleaning their vents. Yeah, that’s it!
Lifetime breaks out the creepy with Boy in the Attic (formally known as Secrets in the Attic), the story about a boy who secretly lives in a family’s attic, and of course the daughter falls in love with him because drama. Unlike other movies about a weirdo secretly living inside a house, this one might not be a serial killer. Maybe. He’s framed, or so he says! But is he???
The script is by Christine Conradt (from a story by Ken Sanders), which is great because she is the Queen of Lifetime Original Movies, so you know it is going to be full of ridiculous Lifetime tropes and twists!
A teen girl and her mom inherit an old house… but little do they know that a mysterious person is hiding in the attic — a teen boy who has been living there for months. When the girl finally meets the boy, she falls in love with him and agrees to keep his hiding place a secret from everyone, including her mother. But when she finds out that he has been falsely accused of murder, she must decide if she will risk everything to protect him.
Boy in the Attic is directed by Paul Shapiro (Spring Break Shark Attack) and stars Abbie Cobb (The Unauthorized Beverly Hills, 90210 Story), Gina Holden (I Didn’t Kill My Sister), Iain Belcher (Preggoland), and Max Lloyd-Jones (The Unauthorized Beverly Hills, 90210 Story). Yes, that’s right, two actors from The Unauthorized Beverly Hills, 90210 Story reunite and now we can warp reality and make this film into 90210 fanfic! Huzzah!
Boy in the Attic premieres Saturday, August 20th on Lifetime!
aka 黒い賭博師 aka Kuroi tobakushi 1965 Original Story by Toshio Nomura
Directed by Ko Nakahira (as Yasushi Nakahira)
Among the lesser known Japanese 1960s film series in the West is the “Gambler Series”, thanks to it never getting any sort of proper Western release. But thanks to the magic of fan subs, the sixth entry in the franchise, Black Gambler, can now be enjoyed by those of us who track down world cinema. The films are obscure enough it is hard to find much about them in English, but basically heartthrob Akira Kobayashi is a master gambler who gets involved in various intrigues thanks to the world of gambling. Most of them are unconnected besides the title and gambling theme, and there were eight in total. I’m not sure if every entry involves international spies and revenge by gambling, but I can guarantee this is the only 1960s Japanese gambling movie where the master villain is a Jewish gambler who used his gambling money to fund the Nazis in World War 2. I’m not even sure where to begin with that revelation, except to laugh out loud like I did when it was announced. As usual, the international gang of goons go up against the cool and suave Japanese hero, and let’s just say you should always bet on Akira Kobayashi (sorry, Wesley Snipes, pay your taxes and maybe we’ll bet on you again!)
At this point, Akira Kobayashi was more of a lone wolf bad boy, but here he is also a suave playboy gambler, which means he got to stretch his acting muscles a bit. Director Ko Nakahira/Yasushi Nakahira is probably best known in the west for Crazed Fruit, Summer Heat (basically a remake of Crazed Fruit he directed for Shaw Brothers), and the first two Rica films. He was yet another director who had trouble with Nikkatsu’s restrictions on creativity, thus leading to his split from the studio and directing film in Hong Kong under the name Yang Su Hsi.
aka 암살 aka Amsal 2015 Written by Choi Dong-hoon and Lee Ki-cheol
Directed by Choi Dong-hoon
Despite the years of ups and downs, South Korea cinema continues to deliver great films, even if it isn’t at the breakneck pace that it once had. And deliver Assassination does, giving us a great wartime espionage tale with a core group of interesting players to follow. Characters battle and scheme, motivated by their honor, for some the honor of appearing strong and powerful more alluring than the actuality.
Assassination wins not because of the action sequences of the story of a ragtag group of unlikely heroes battling against a gigantic evil Empire, but because of the scenes of characters interacting. A heroic sniper, bounty hunters with consciences, and traitors that put their own power above their nation and peoples’ survival battling it out is well and good, but I’m going to remember Ahn Ok-yun sitting in a diner next to Hawaii Pistol where they concoct a fantasy of being a couple in order to evade detection by the Japanese army. Or Hawaii Pistol recounting how he killed his own father and wanting to spare Ahn Ok-yun the same fate. Or a traitor wiping out anyone who threatens to expose him because of he doesn’t want to die. The little bits in the larger whole where characters switch from the stereotypes you think they are to fully fleshed out beings.
Assassination spins its web of spies and intrigue before setting up the next big action scene that causes the surviving players to shuffle around and prepare for the next web. Choi Dong-hoon was best known for his heist films, including the international hit The Thieves, and while Assassination is a different genre, it still has the large cast and multiple story angles all coming together. It even follows some of the same story beats, with a mid-movie action sequence (or heist) that everything was working up towards, but it turns out it was just the beginning of the second half of the film with a smaller but larger staked sequence to follow.
Isn’t it just like a typical man to be waiting in your car smoking while you don’t notice he’s sitting back there because you are blind?
Don’t you hate it when you are a politician’s wife and your affair suddenly turns into a dangerous stalker situation that threatens to destroy everything? Lifetime has heard your pain and given us Indiscretion, in which Mira Sorvino deals with the struggle we all go through!
In director John Stewart Muller’s steamy and stylish psychological thriller, Mira Sorvino stars as Veronica, a politician’s wife whose brief affair with a troubled young artist comes back to haunt her when he begins to infiltrate every part of her life. While her husband and daughter are away, New Orleans psychiatrist Veronica Simon enjoys a weekend fling with Victor (Christopher Backus), an alluring young sculptor. But after Veronica calls off the affair, Victor refuses to let go and will stop at nothing to have Veronica for himself. Just how far will Victor go to get what he wants, and is there anything Veronica can do to stop his mad obsession before it destroys her family?
Indiscretion stars Mira Sorvino, Cary Elwes, Christopher Backus, Katherine McNamara, LisaGay Hamilton, and Melora Walters. It is directed by John Stewart Muller (Fling) and written by Laura Boersma (Fling) and John Stewart Muller.
Indiscretion premieres Saturday, July 23rd on Lifetime!
If you want a whole pack of shark movies to tide you over for the summer, then SyFy has got you covered with their Sharknado Week! Not only are we getting a fourth Sharknado film, but there are tons of other shark films being aired, including a few other premieres. Everything is detailed below, including a copy/paste of their press release. And not everything has a trailer yet, so BOOOO!!! First the new films:
Atomic Shark premieres July 24, with further airings July 27 & July 31.
What’s worse than a hungry shark? An atomic hungry shark, of course.
Atomic Shark is directed by Griff Furst (Ghost Shark) and written by Griff Furst and Jack Snyder (Fatal Exam) It stars Rachele Brooke Smith, Jeff Fahey, David Faustino, Bobby Campo, and Isaiah LaBorde
I’ve never seen a bad Griff Furst movie, they’ve all been fun and amazing, so Atomic Shark will be the must-watch film of the group! The poster suggests that there is a big bomb strapped to the shark, so that should be awesome!
Dam Sharks! premieres July 25 and is reaired on July 31.
Sharks in a dam. The worst.
There isn’t a lot of information about Dam Sharks! yet, but it’s directed by James Kondelik, Jon Kondelik the brothers who directed Airplane vs. Volcano and Age of Tomorrow, and stars Matt Mercer, Kabby Borders, Robert Craighead, Ashton Bingham, and Eric Paul Erickson. It’s from Asylum, so it should be good fun.
Ice Sharks premieres July 26 with further airings July 29 & July 31.
A group of ravenous sharks break into a military base, forcing all the scientists to escape before they are eaten alive.
It’s directed and written by Emile Edwin Smith, who is an ice expert, having directed Asylum’s Age of Ice! Kaiwi Lyman and Edward DeRuiter star. Don’t you hate it when sharks break into buildings, especially sharks that swim through ice? I sure do…
Planet of the Sharks premieres July 27 and is reaired on July 31.
In the near future, glacial melting has covered 98% of earth’s landmass. Sharks have flourished and now dominate the planet, operating as one massive school led by a mutated alpha shark.
Sadly we don’t get a world where man evolved into sharks, but maybe someone will still damn everyone all to hell (or damn then to Dam Sharks!) It’s yet another Asylum flick, this time directed by veteran Mark Atkins (a bunch of Asylum films including Princess of Mars!) He wrote it along with Marc Gottlieb (Cousin Howard), and Alex Anlos, Brandon Auret, Stephanie Beran, Angie Teodora Dick, and Lindsay Sullivan star.
Ozark Sharks premieres on July 28 and is reaired on July 31.
A picturesque family vacation to the Ozarks goes sideways when a group of bull sharks show up to take a bite out of the town’s big fireworks festival.
Shark Island director Misty Talley returns with more shark bait, along with writers Marcy Holland (Caught) and Greg Mitchell (SnakeHead Swamp). Good writing crew so hopefully something fun is done with the film besides just being a bunch of redneck jokes. Ozark Sharks stars Laura Cayouette, Dave Davis, Allisyn Ashley Arm, Michael Papajohn, Ashton Leigh, Thomas Francis Murphy, and Terence Rosemore.
Sharknado: The 4th Awakens premieres July 31. Yes, they made a fourth one. Yes, I didn’t bother with the third one, and might not bother with this one, but who knows? At least they didn’t get into a gigantic fight with a union or pack the film with a bunch of right wing nuts this time. But still…
And the rest!
3-Headed Shark Attack (July 25 at 7p/6c; July 28 at 5p/4c; July 30 at 11a/10c)
Cruise passengers fight to survive when a hungry, three-headed great white shark tries to feed on them.
Atomic Shark (July 24 at 9p/8c; July 27 at 7p/6c; July 31 at 12p/11c)
What’s worse than a hungry shark? An atomic hungry shark, of course.
Bait (July 27 at 1a/12c; July 29 at 5p/4c)
A powerful tsunami sends ocean waters rushing into an underground supermarket, prompting the terrified shoppers to fight for their lives as vicious man-eating sharks glide down the aisles in search of a fresh meal.
Beast of the Bering Sea (July 26 at 7a/6c)
Two siblings hunting for gold get more than they bargained for when they strike an underwater cave that’s occupied by sea vampires.
Bermuda Tentacles (July 27 at 11a/10c)
An elite Navy rescue team is dispatched to the Bermuda Triangle after Air Force One goes down with the president on board. Unfortunately, efforts to save the commander in chief end up putting the entire country at risk from a vicious sea monster.
Beyond Loch Ness (July 27 at 9a/8c)
A cryptozoologist in search of the infamous Loch Ness monster discovers that the malevolent, 40-foot-long reptile from Scotland has traveled to Lake Superior via an elaborate series of subterranean tunnels, and that she’s brought her hungry offspring along for a feeding frenzy.
Chupacabra: Dark Seas (July 29 at 3:30a/2:30c)
A ship’s crew takes on a scientist’s latest discovery: a mythic Caribbean creature. Featuring John Rhys-Davies, Dylan Neal and Giancarlo Esposito.
Croc (July 26 at 9a/8c)
A crocodile hunter (Michael Madsen) tracks a reptile menace at a beach resort.
Dam Sharks! (July 25 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 10a/9c)
Sharks in a dam. The worst.
Dark Tide (July 24 at 11p/10c; July 25 at 2:30p/1:30c; July 28 at 11p/10c)
A renowned shark expert attempts to recover from a tragic diving mishap by taking a wealthy businessman swimming with the deep-sea predators, only to get stranded in a dangerous feeding ground known as Shark Alley.
Dinocroc vs. Supergator (July 24 at 9a/8c; July 28 at 3a/2c and 11a/10c)
Enormous reptiles escape from a research facility on a tropical island and feast on unwary tourists, culminating in a clash between a prehistoric crocodile and a monstrous alligator.
Dinoshark (July 24 at 1p/12c; July 26 at 11a/10c)
A dinosaur-shark hybrid terrorizes a resort in Mexico and it’s up to a young fishing-boat captain to stop it.
Eye of the Beast (July 27 at 7a/6c)
A giant squid terrorizes a small fishing town after overfishing causes a shortage of food. Featuring James Van Der Beek.
Ghost Shark (July 27 at 5p/4c; July 29 at 1:30a/12:30c)
Two locals work to uncover the truth about their town’s dark past in hopes of putting a stop to a ghost shark that can hunt on land and in the sea.
Ice Sharks (July 26 at 9p/8c; July 29 at 3p/2c; July 31 at 3a/2c)
A group of ravenous sharks break into a military base, forcing all the sceintists to escape before they are eaten alive.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack (July 25 at 3:30a/2:30c)
Sharks menace the Jersey shore on July 4th weekend and it’s up to the locals to stop them.
Lake Placid 3 (July 25 at 11p/10c; July 26 at 3p/2c)
A game warden (Colin Ferguson) moves into his aunt’s lakeside cabin with his wife and young son, and the little boy feeds the resident baby crocodiles until they grow up into monstrous predators that become a menace to the family.
Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (July 25 at 1a/12c; July 26 at 5p/4c)
A new sheriff has a big problem on her hands when a poacher unleashes the wrath of giant crocodiles in this fourth installment in the franchise.
Malibu Shark Attack (July 27 at 11p/10c; July 29 at 1p/12c)
A tsunami brings goblin sharks to Malibu after a massive wave cuts lifeguards and construction workers off from dry land.
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (July 28 at 1a/12c; July 28 at 1p/12c)
Two colossal prehistoric monsters terrorize the California coast while battling for supremacy of the sea. Featuring Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson.
Mega Shark vs. Kolossus (July 25 at 5p/4c; July 26 at 11p/10c)
Russia’s search for a new energy source accidentally reawakens a giant robot doomsday device from the Cold War. But that isn’t the only threat to humanity when a new Mega Shark swims onto the scene.
Ozark Sharks (July 28 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 8a/7c)
A picturesque family vacation to the Ozarks goes sideways when a group of bull sharks show up to take a bite out of the town’s big fireworks festival.
Piranhaconda (July 24 at 11a/10c; July 25 at 8:30a/7:30c)
A piranha-anaconda hybrid terrorizes a movie crew after a scientist steals an egg from the creature’s nest.
Planet of the Sharks (July 27 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 1a/12c)
In the near future, glacial melting has covered 98% of earth’s landmass. Sharks have flourished and now dominate the planet, operating as one massive school led by a mutated alpha shark.
Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators (July 28 at 7a/6c)
A Louisiana family live to regret dumping a bad batch of moonshine into a nearby swamp when it transforms the bayou’s alligators into dangerous mutants on a killing spree.
Robocroc (July 25 at 12:30p/11:30c; July 28 at 9a/8c)
A crocodile is transformed into a killing machine that’s let loose in a water park.
Roboshark (July 28 at 3p/2c)
All hell breaks loose when a great white shark sinks its teeth into an alien space probe in the Pacific, creating a Roboshark that invades Seattle and devours everything in its way.
Sea Beast (July 27 at 1p/12c)
Mythic creatures from the deep sea emerge to feed on the residents of a sleepy bay village. Featuring Corin Nemec.
Shark Assault (July 25 at 1:30a/12:30c; July 25 at 10:30a/9:30c)
At the whim of a wealthy madman, a group of strangers is forced to confront a gauntlet of deadly sharks on his island compound.
Shark Attack (July 29 at 9a/8c; July 30 at 1a/12c)
A marine biologist (Casper Van Dien) investigates the death of a colleague who was attacked by a hammerhead shark off the coast of Africa, where the scientist discovers some unsettling news about the creatures’ new eating habits. Featuring Ernie Hudson, Jenny McShane, Bentley Mitchum.
Shark Attack 2 (July 29 at 11a/10c; July 30 at 3a/2c)
A shark expert, a hunter and a scuba diver join forces to kill mutant great white sharks that are terrorizing a shoreline metropolis. Featuring Thorsten Kaye, Nikita Ager.
Shark Killer (July 27 at 3p/2c; July 29 at 7a/6c)
A deep-sea diver accepts a shark-hunting assignment from his criminal brother, who wants to recover a missing diamond.
Sharknado (July 30 at 7p/6c; July 31 at 2p/1c)
A freak storm brings hundreds of vicious, man-eating sharks ashore in Los Angeles and a group of friends struggle to steer clear of their violent and destructive path.
Sharknado 2: The Second One (July 30 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 4p/3c)
In this sequel, Fin Shepard and April Wexler are the only hope for saving the population and iconic landmarks of New York City when a freak weather storm unleashes a whirlwind of vicious, man-eating sharks on the Big Apple.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (July 31 at 6p/5c)
The entire East Coast comes under threat when shark-infused storms wreak havoc on Washington, D.C., and Orlando.
Shark Night (July 29 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 9a/8c)
Vacationing college student Sara (Sara Paxton) and her friends fight for their lives against man-eating sharks during a trip to her family’s island cabin.
Sharktopus (July 24 at 3p/2c; July 30 at 1p/12c)
A scientist (Eric Roberts) working for the military develops a monstrous shark-octopus hybrid, which goes on a killing spree on the resort beaches of Mexico after the mechanism that controls the beast is accidentally destroyed.
Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (July 24 at 5p/4c; July 30 at 3p/2c)
A shark-octopus hybrid confronts a beast that’s half pterodactyl, half barracuda.
Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (July 24 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 5p/4c)
The aquatic villain faces off against another hybrid beast created by a mad scientist.
Snakehead Swamp (July 26 at 1p/12c)
Genetically altered snakehead fish bring terror to the swamps of Louisiana.
Snakehead Terror (July 27 at 3a/2c)
Mutant, amphibious snakehead fish feast on humans as they close in on a Maryland village where the only obstacle is the local sheriff (Bruce Boxleitner). Featuring Carol Alt, William B. Davis and Ryan McDonell.
Supergator (July 25 at 6:30a/5:30c)
Brad Johnson and Kelly McGillis star in this big-reptile flick about a team of geologists menaced by a monstrous alligator in Hawaii.
Swamp Shark (July 28 at 7p/6c)
An animal-smuggling deal gone bad puts a man-eating shark into a swampy backwoods river, where it stalks swimmers and boaters and imperils the town’s annual Gator Fest. Featuring Kristy Swanson and D.B. Sweeney.
Zombie Shark (July 26 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 11p/10c)
A perfect getaway weekend turns into a nightmare for four friends who find themselves fighting for their lives against an experimental shark.
RiffTrax is ten years old, and to celebrate they put together their latest RiffTrax Live event packed to the gills with most of the cast of MST3K, leading to an amazing entry of RiffTrax Live. Not only do we get Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett, but they are joined by Mary Jo Pehl, Bridget Jones Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff, Joel Hodgson, and newcomer Jonah Ray, making this the largest collection of MST3K alums performing at the same time ever! Some of it even helped erase the bad taste that was left in the mouths after the MST3K revival Kickstarter that came as news for practically everyone in the original cast except Joel, but mostly it was just a hilarious time that was one of the best RiffTrax Live events ever!
From the start there were MST3K songs during the preshow slides (usually it’s a mix of funny songs from various artists), and the large volume of slides referenced a lot of RiffTrax episodes over the years including things like Setting Up A Room, Manos, and Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. There were even references to a some of the RiffTrax VODs I haven’t even had time to watch, which shows not only how behind I am on RiffTrax watching but also how familiar I am with bad cinema that I recognized what they were from. That’s a weird thing to be happening, but it is.
To start, each group of riffers got their own short, followed by the megariffing session where everyone came out. Mike, Keven, and Bill started things off with a ridiculous mess of a car safety short – A Talking Car, about a careless child brought before a tribunal of talking cars, one of which seems to want to feel that kids blood ground beneath its tires. Luckily for the kid, the two cooler-headed cars prevailed and we aren’t witnesses to child murder. Not that I would have been sad had this annoying child been destroyed. The kid is accompanied in the dream car tribunal by his loyal dog (it is unclear if the dog is also dreaming this), and the dog will growl and bare its teeth practically every time the old cranky car that wants the kid dead talks. Later the trio also tackled Shake Hands With Danger, a ridiculously gorey safety short that I saw them do live years ago and it was just as hilarious this time out.
Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl paired up for a short about the kitchen of the future in a modern home, and how you women can conspire to teach your husband to buy you a new kitchen. Which in this case meant buy a new house with a new kitchen inside it! It featured Darren McGavin (best known to modern eyes as the dad from A Christmas Story) as the husband, and of course there were plenty of references to that as well as other good lines. Mary Jo and Bridget have become a regular team at RiffTrax with their own series of shorts that focus more on the types of films they’d make the girls watch in home ec back in the 1950s.
Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu were up with More Dates for Kay, which I think is supposed to be a followup to the MST3Ked short What To Do On a Date. A hapless young lady who mopes around at home complaining that she doesn’t have a boyfriend gets a talking too from her older (married!) sister, who talks about her friend Kay (why this married, older woman is friends with a high schooler is not addressed!) The advice switches from basically go out and have fun and meet people and be friendly to the bizarre like do favors and pretend to be interested in every random boy that comes along in the off chance one asks you out. Also, the sister is totally not approving of Kay’s calling of boys. Frank and Trace straddle the border of working dirty with some of their lines (the short makes it soooooooooooo easy to turn everything sexual it’s crazy!) and Mike, Kevin, and Bill even joke about how Frank is dying to go blue but can’t. Probably the best riff of the night.
Jonah Ray and Joel Hodgson come out for Americans At Work: Barbers, an AFL-CIO joint about how barbers and hairdressers are totally valuable workers, and also women take forever to look good. There was a hilarious running gag with a hairdresser who looked like Frankenstein that just got funnier and funnier. Jonah did well and showed he’ll do a good job as the new MST3K host, despite a line flub that got its own riff by Joel.
Then it was time, the Riff-a-palooza! Everyone came out for a special short with the 1950s Superman selling saving stamps to young children! Shockingly, though we finally got Joel and Mike riffing at the same time (and everyone else!), this wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, because the short itself was pretty darn tepid. Far too talky and not enough cheesy. Luckily, they seemed to pick up on this while putting the show together because we got a second short that was also riffed by everyone, and it was a recurring favorite: At Your Fingertips: Grass! That short is so awesome it alone is worth the price of admission, even with a lot of repeated lines. And now we can finally find out if corn is grass or not!
Before I got I want to also mention there was a ten years of RiffTrax highlight video that was great and hopefully shows up online somewhere (and also reminded me there are a few of the mp3 riffs I haven’t watched yet, either!) Overall, this show ruled, the non-Superman shorts were largely amazing, and it was great seeing the old gang back together, even in a new together form. Hopefully this leads to more collaboration between the groups with more RiffTrax and more guest spots on the new MST3K. If you are someone how is more cautious with what you spend your money on but are a nominal fan of MST3K, it is well worth your dollars to go either see the rebroadcast or get the VOD when it is released.
Disclosure: I donated to the Kickstarter for this RiffTrax.
