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Avalanche Sharks go to all the best spring breaks!

Fangoria has the new trailers for Avalanche Sharks, a pseudo-sequel to Sand Sharks, except this time the shark can travel through snow instead of sand. As you can imagine, this crap is going straight to SyFy. Spring Break! WoOOoooOOO!!!

As we mentioned last time about Avalanche Sharks:

Director Scott Wheeler(Transmorphers: Fall of Man, Celebrity Sex Tape) gives us Avalanche Sharks! Yes, it is another movie about a shark in the snow:

Spring break in the mountains: snowboarding, beer, drunken co-eds in bikinis. As the yearly Bikini Ski Day party descends on a small mountain town, something lurks beneath the snow. When an unwitting rider causes an avalanche, it awakens a huge, menacing, pre-historic Snow Shark! With a newfound taste for human flesh, the Snow Shark picks off the snow bunnies mercilessly. Cut off from help by mountainous terrain and blinding snow, the local sheriff must make an unlikely alliance with a motley crew of snowboarders to take down the Snow Shark before the white hills run red with blood!

Avalanche Sharks stars a whole bunch of attractive ladies judging from the imdb pictures, though only Erika Jordan is familiar to me. Besides her, we got Emily Addison, Kate Nauta, Kelle Cantwell, Erin Ross, Mika Brooks, Nicole Helen, and Patrizia Cavaliere.

Avalanche Sharks

Spring Break! WOOOOoooOO!!

Avalanche Sharks

Spring Break? WOOOOoooOO!!

Avalanche Sharks

WOOOOoooOO!!!

Golden Bat

The Golden Bat

The Golden Bat

aka 黄金バット aka Ogon batto
Golden Bat
1966
Written by Susumu Takaku
Directed by Hajime Sato

Ogon Batto
The Golden Bat is one of the best movies of all time. The Golden Bat is one of the craziest movies of all time. The Golden Bat is one of the funnest movies of all time. The Golden Bat is the reason movies were invented. You will watch The Golden Bat, or he will beat the tar out of you with his cane, laughing all the while!

A dreamlike haze of crazy costumes and duplications and maniac villains and monsters, The Golden Bat drags the tokusatsu genre to a surreal edge, pushing the boundaries of what a sane child would accept as proper plot progression while making great use of the black and white cinematography to give a gothic noir flavor. Sinister characters get shadows cast over them unnoticed by the good heroes. The set design is a wild 60s psychedelic take on pulp science fiction while using the light and dark contrasts to make the alien seem alien. Director Hajime Sato would later go on to direct the Bava-esque Goke – Bodysnatcher From Hell. Sato can take a straight scenario and bend it into a warped world, He would later put this pulp science fiction experience to work as a television director on Captain Ultra, which also features crazy surreal aliens that would be right at home in The Golden Bat.
Golden Bat
Ogon Bat/Golden Bat was created in 1930 by writer Ichiro Suzuki and artist Takeo Nagamatsu for use in Kamishibai, a storytelling device where an entertainer would narrate a story for children as sequential wooden cards illustrate the exciting things that are happening. The Kamishibai merchant would make money by selling candy to the children who attend his shows. Kamishibai declined after World War 2, but a few story tellers still exist in tourist zones. The practice is said to date back to Buddhist monks in the 12th century, but the modern version used to entertain kids has it’s roots during the depression as a cheap way to entertain and make money.

Golden Bat is considered the first Japanese super hero due to these tales, and many more were created over the years (including adaptations of American heroes) Some of the art is collection in a few Kamishibai books, and slides are available for download on specialty Kamishibai sites. Ogon Batto would then appear in manga tales.
Golden Bat

Golden Bat made his first film appearance with 1950’s Ogon bat: Matenro no kaijin (Golden Bat: Frankenstein Skyscraper). After thisThe Golden Bat film, 1967 saw an anime series, and the last official film adaptation was 1972’s Ogon Batto ga yattekuru (Golden Bat Shows Up), where a fat and stupid Golden Bat does presumably unfunny things. Neither of the other two films are easily available for watching, probably due to the lack of Sonny Chiba. There is an unofficial Korean Golden Bat film called Yong Gu and the Golden Bat (영구와 황금박쥐 – 1992) which is one of those awful awful Korean children’s films that you should never watch.
Ogon Batto

Golden Bat (voice of Osamu Kobayashi, performer unknown) – Hero of Atlantis, Golden Bat took a nap because one day humanity would need him. It turns out they did, and thus he wakes up just in time to fight Nazo. Golden Bat beats people with his cane because that’s what cool people do.
Akira Kazahaya (Wataru Yamagawa) – Amateur astronomer who discovers that planet Icarus has gone off it’s course and will smash into the Earth. This is all you need to do to suddenly become invited to join the Pearl Research Institute and fight evil with science. Which Akira joins and does.
Bat (Himself) – Golden Bat’s bat, who lives as a pendant on Emily and acts as a calling device and spy for Golden Bat.
Nazo (Koji Sekiyama) – the self-proclaimed ruler of the universe, this four-eyed lunatic wants to destroy all other life in the universe so he will be the only life. Somehow that has given him followers who can’t put 2 and 2 together. Nazo’s latest target is the Earth. He hides out in his base, Nazo Tower, which can shoot lasers. Nazo can shoot lasers from his eyes and has a flying claw hand. In the pulp series, Dr. Erich Nazō (ナゾー) runs a crime syndicate based on world domination and wears a mask that resembles this alien form.
Keloid (Yoichi Numata) – Giggling maniac with a burnt face who likes torture. Is the chief goon of Nazo. At one point he impersonates Dr. Pearl. Yoichi Numata also appears in Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion and the first two Ring movies.
Piranha (Keiko Kuni) – Female goon of Nazo who impersonates Naomi for an extended period in an attempt of sabotage. She fails and is killed by Nazo. Keiko Kuni appears in Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion
Jackal (Keiichi Kitagawa) – A wolf man complete with hairy uniform, he is more of a shock troop of Nazo.
Nazo’s goons (various) – Dressed in all black, these faceless goons are disposable troops sent in service of their evil master.

Ogon Batto

Godzilla Marvel 19 cover

Godzilla #19 (February 1979)


Godzilla Marvel 19

Godzilla: Violent Nudist


Godzilla #19 – With Dugan on the Docks! (February 1979)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin

When last we left Godzilla, he was tiny size and loose in New York City, having just defeated a rat in ultimate combat. But to reuse an obvious joke, Godzilla was drinking milk, and soon grew up to child size. Just the size that Godzilla and Robert and run around together like they’re pals. Thus the central premise of Godzilla #19. If you are completely lost with Marvel’s Godzilla, we have a Godzilla Marvel Splash Page.

Robert now has to lead the child-sized Godzilla through the city without being seen, to get to a safe zone before Godzilla grows any bigger. Needless to say, this is easier said than done.

The cops spot them and give a short chase. Robert realizes he has to disguise Godzilla, because New York City cops in the Marvel Universe are going to stop anyone who looks non-human.

Godzilla is now wearing a trench coat and hat while walking down the street. This disguise is one of those ridiculous disguises that Marvel heroes have traditionally worn that would fool nobody. This whole sequence reminds me of some panels of What The-?! #25:

What The 25

No one suspects!


This is 1970s New York City, so the pair are quickly mugged! You would think that muggers would known not to mug obvious superhumans in disguise, but apparently not. A quick shot of fire breath solves that problem.

It’s Godzilla War Journal all of a sudden up in here…

The Godzilla Squad is dejected, having found neither hide nor hair of Big G, and yet Rob and Godzilla walk right up to them. Godzilla whips off his disguise, this is the second time he does this (first was against the muggers) and it seems someone really liked that idea.

Godzilla then grows to seven feet high as Dum Dum and Gabe attempt to capture him. At one point Godzilla hits Dum Dum and the sound effect is “SPAM”!

Godzilla then wanders away, because that’s what Godzilla does best in this series. Of course, Godzilla will continue to grow and be loose in New York City, and that won’t sit well with some Marvel Heroes, as we shall see next issue…

Godzilla Marvel 19

A Knights Tale 2: A Godzilla’s Tale

Wobots Christmas

EchoLight Studios – Rick Santorum’s Christmas Gift


Remember when Rick Santorum ran for president to try to change the Google search results for his name? Well, after that, he took a job as CEO at EchoLight Studios, a Christian film studio known for producing Christian film (duh-doy!), including the beloved A Wobots Christmas.

Well, Echolight Studios is hitting the news again, first for their upcoming theatrical release The Christmas Candle, based on best-selling Christian author Max Lucado’s book and featuring singing sensation Susan Boyle.

Nothing out of the ordinary ever happens in the small village of Gladbury — except at Christmas. Legend has it that every twenty-five years an angel visits the village candlemaker and touches a single candle. Whoever lights the Christmas Candle will see their request granted on Christmas Eve. But in 1890, at the dawn of the modern age, all that is about to change. With the arrival of David Richmond (Hans Matheson), a skeptical, young minister, Gladbury’s humble candlemaker, Edward Haddington (Sylvester McCoy) must fight to preserve his family’s legacy. When the Christmas Candle goes missing, the miraculous and the human collide in the most astonishing Christmas the town of Gladbury has ever seen.

The Christmas Candle releases November 22.

But now Echolight Studios is making headlines for another reason – infighting! Yes, amazingly enough, Rick Santorum can’t play well with others, and that has caused tension with the upper management of Echolight Studios, including the firing of two higher ups – Echolight chief global strategist Christopher Morrow, and Echolight president Bobby Downes. Morrow refused to give Santorum financial information about a film called Hoovey that lead to a bunch of hooting and hollering and firing, while Downes was bad talking Santorum to anyone who would listen – including backers of the studio – and got the axe for that. Then mysteriously the Echolight Facebook Page suddenly went on an anti-Santorum rant, and Rick Santorum responded by filing lawsuits against the two men.

Now, I will say that as CEO, Santorum should have been given the financial information about Hoovey, and the fact that he wasn’t is very suspicious. Bobby Downes has been identified as a founder of Echolight Studios before, but now Santorum is claiming no such thing, despite the press release announcing Santorum’s hire saying Downes was. A glorious mess this lawsuit will be, I pity the judge that has to read all the case files. This has the potential to seriously impact more entries in the Wobots series, which is where I draw my line in the sand! Give me more Wobots!

A Wobots Christmas

Whoa! Bots!

For the Triumph of Evil Sleepy Hollow

Sleepy Hollow S01E03 – “For the Triumph of Evil…”

For the Triumph of Evil Sleepy Hollow

Why can’t the horse be headless too?


Sleepy Hollow “For the Triumph of Evil…”
Story by Phillip Iscove
Teleplay by Jose Molina
Directed by John F. Showalter
For the Triumph of Evil Sleepy Hollow

I hate it when I get dirt in my contacts…


“For the Triumph of Evil…” expands the universe of Sleepy Hollow while still giving a mostly contained story. Side characters and back stories are introduced and expanded, and a creepy nightmare villain haunts Abbie Mills. We get more of Abbie’s sister Jenny, who has been in and out of mental institutions thanks to the encounter both girls had as children. Abbie’s lies over the experience literally come back to haunt her.

Overall, this episode was sufficiently creepy, with a dream villain who did disturbing stuff while looking like he stepped out of a Guillermo del Toro film. Ichabod is starting to get some good lines while still getting his required culture shock of the episode. Did I mention people had their eyes turned into exploding sand??? Because that was some freakasaurus rex material right there! Don’t worry, Abbie and Ichabod teaming up with an American Indian used car salesman to go all Dream Warrior on the Sandman is like a low rent Inception.

For the Triumph of Evil Sleepy Hollow

Just when you think I’m going full Sarah Conner, I’m only in one scene!


The largest strengths is on Abbie’s regret over betraying her sister all those years ago, of covering up that she saw a blurry demon in the woods and letting Jenny be taken away by the men in white suits. Abbie lets slip that they were foster kids that finally had a good home, and it is not hard to realize that after all Abbie went through, she did not want to risk losing her new family, even if it meant losing her sister.

Now, is this a cool thing to do? Heck no, it’s downright terrible. At the very least she should have told her sister to deny deny deny. Or maybe said something like being groggy when they woke up so maybe they were seeing things and Jenny isn’t crazy. Though Jenny gets hauled away very quickly by creepy guys, almost like they were waiting for any excuse to throw a kid in an asylum. The repeated shots of Jenny pleading with her sister to agree with her statement was harrowing, and having that as a memory of a loved one pleading with you would be disturbing. It being on repeat thanks to a dream revenge monster is a nightmare I’m glad I don’t have to live with. Because I betrayed all my siblings while I was in a separate room. Ha ha, suckers! No nightmares for Tars!

For the Triumph of Evil Sleepy Hollow

From the writers who created those racist Transformers, huh?

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera

Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera

Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera
1963
Directed by Barry Mahon

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera

I was photographing naked women before Mary Tyler Moore ever threw her hat in the air!


Those of you unfamiliar with Bunny Yeager are probably at a loss as to why she has several films following her around on her job. Until you learn her job is taking cheesecake photos of naked women at a time when there were few photographers making a living at that job and even fewer women photographers making a living at that job.

Anyone who has spied an old old issue of Playboy (or a newer issue reprinting some of the old photos, or even random Tumblr reblogs) are probably familiar with her work without even knowing it. Though Bunny did spend a little bit of time in front of the camera, her fame came from being behind it and getting large supply of women taking tasteful photographs. Bunny’s strength was her womanhood, which made her 1000 times less creepy when she approached a girl to ask if she would model, as opposed to some greasy-looking old guy. The most famous of her many models was Bettie Page, and Yeager’s iconic photographs of her wearing a leopard print bikini (made by Yeager herself!) helped turn Page into one of the biggest pin-up models in history. Yeager is also credited with taking the famous shots of Ursula Andress in a white bikini on the set of Dr. No.

Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera takes great pains to let us know that Bunny doesn’t consider what she’s doing exploiting women, but in fact elevating them and freeing them from set rules of society. They are able to slip free from their defined roles, given an opportunity to make money, and even their boyfriends who object to the idea often warm up when the pictures are shown or the money paid out. The threadbare plot involves convincing a young woman to pose, as she wants to earn extra money so her and her beau can get married quicker. The girl is given the ability to make her choice of marriage quicker than if she didn’t have the ability to get naked for money. One could argue that it is a shame that educational and employment opportunities for women in the 1960s were such that taking it off was the only real option for some, and I will not deny that. Nor will I deny that many of those problems still exist today. But I will not deny that women and men have the right to strip off if they so desire. As we see in the film, Yeager did all this with a family, able to go out and do photo shoots because her husband Bud worked at home as a print artist (magazine and album covers and such).

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera

Director Barry Mahon spends 20 minutes of this nudie film showing how cool he is.


Director Barry Mahon is a story all to himself. The man who directed the Thumbelina’ portion of Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny? Barry Mahon. Mahon was born in the US, but joined the Royal Air Force in 1941 and became an ace on his 98th mission, which also saw him getting shot down and captured. He was interned at the POW camp Stalag Luft III (the camp from The Great Escape) where he escaped twice and was recaptured twice. After he was rescued in 1945 and the war ended, he became the personal pilot for Errol Flynn, and then became involved in the entertainment industry as Flynn’s manager. Mahon’s commpany, The Production Machine, was on the forefront of modernizing production, pioneering use of spreadsheets and computers to handle production work. He also directed an amazing array of films: oddball pro-Cuban Revolution fake documentary Cuban Rebel Girls (featuring Errol Flynn narration!), awful nudist films such as The Beast That Killed Women, propaganda-fest Rocket Attack U.S.A., filmed children’s plays The Wonderful Land of Oz, Jack and the Beanstalk, and Santa and the Three Bears (through his Childhood Productions company), strange erotic films such as Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico and Fanny Hill Meets the Red Baron, and this pseudo-documentary film about Bunny Yeager then puts himself and his airplane in the middle of it. It’s also interesting how he portrays himself as a jetsetting playboy when script girl Clelle Mahon is Barry Mahon’s wife. Mahon followed up Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera with Bunny Yeager’s Nude Las Vegas.

The credits are a mix of models who have drifted to obscurity and pseudonyms that aren’t fooling anyone. Yanka Mann? Irish O’Brien? There is also a Rusty Allen credited, but if she is the famous Rusty Allen, I cannot say. Bunny operates out of Miami, which at that time was a mecca of the tiny but fierce adult entertainment industry. After the Supreme Court allowed filming of nudity on nudist colonies, Florida’s great weather year round and mock-vacation culture (people would work all summer up north, then use the money to live in Miami during the winter) was the perfect place to film and photograph. Like many of the nudie cutie flicks, Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera is awash with padding. From long shots of various girls posting for photographs to a strange side quest to Key West, the script seems mostly improvised and then narrated over after the fact. Even the tiny bit of plot – the dilemma of if potential new girl Terry’s boyfriend will be okay with her posing in the buff – is a minuscule conflict at best.

The print is chopped up with sound samples missing, but it is probably the only copy left, so stop complaining!

Bunny Yeager (Bunny Yeager) – Our heroine. We follow a typical few days for Bunny as she picks up potential models, strives to take the perfect shots that will win her a fat purse, and spends time checking in on her husband Bud (I am guessing he is the Bud Erwin in the credits) and their kids.
Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera

Dudes in the 1960s were totally turned on by this. I guess. No wonder everyone did drugs!