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Viva Riva

SuperMechagodzilla on… WALL•E and Robots

Not to agree with Jeferoo, or resurrect an old topic, but eating and shitting imagery is very important!

Compare best-ever computer animated movie WALL•E with a debacle like Robots. When Wall-E extrudes a cube of trash from his waste port, he grunts like he’s taking a little robot dump. He also survives by ‘eating’ solar power and parts of his fallen comrades. (when his foot is worn out, he heads to the junk/grave-yard and attaches a new one).

The attaching of a new foot to restore the decaying one blurs the line between eating, clothing, and surgical modification – making some really subtle points about prosthesis and identity. Taken to a logical extreme, Wall-E himself is a Ship of Theseus, where his identity somehow persists despite all his original parts being replaced.

There’s a lot of fun with gender in the movie as well. Despite the masculine name, Wall-E tries on a bra, wears makeup, contemplates a wedding ring… But he does so naively and playfully, because these concepts are alien to him. His gender is fluid, and he doesn’t have a sex: the waste port serves as a generic orifice that both he and EVE share.

Wall-E ‘consumes’ media by putting it in his port – but then displaying it in his home instead of simply ‘digesting’ and ‘shitting’ it. The home thus serves as an extension of himself, a body whose parts he modifies, the same way he swaps out his parts.

The Robots robots eat gears and shit the worn gears, drink oil and piss used oil. Larger components are called ‘upgrades’ and serve as a metaphor for healthcare.

There’s literally a scene where Ewan MacGregor’s character gets a penis attached. (Robin Williams also has his lower half swapped with a female one, at one point, to his chagrin). Washroom doors display a plug or socket to denote ‘men’ or ‘women’. However, the robots reproduce by purchasing a kit that comes in a cardboard box. (How does cardboard work, in a world without trees?) There’s a scene where MacGregor tinkers to build a tiny homunculus in his bedroom, and gets embarrassed when his parents walk in. It’s a masturbation scene! ‘Sex’ and ‘childbirth’ are weirdly simultaneous here – and asexual.

There’s also the important distinction that oil is not merely a substitution for ‘water’ in this narrative, since the robots also use literal water to clean things and put out fires. They cannot subsist on water alone. They need to purchase drinks by the can or bottle, from larger companies. The hero’s goal is also to start a small business to supply cheaper gears (food/healthcare) to meet the demands of lower-income consumers. The film also, unlike Wall-E, draws a hard line between clothing and prosthesis. ‘Medical’ upgrades change you, while clothing is ‘merely cosmetic’. There’s a gag where a buff robot has his ‘shirt’ torn off to reveal just a spindly, naked(?) (exo)skeleton.

Where does the massive amount of used oil-piss go? Where do the drains lead? And from where do all these private companies obtain their fresh oil?

Robots’ use of food and shit imagery is then rather insidious. With few exceptions, everything in the Robots world is privatized, and the only alternative presented is a ‘capitalism with a human face’. You can’t just go down to the river and scoop up some oil, or collect rain-oil. In some ways this is accurate – the ideology is all-pervasive and inescapable. But in a more accurate way, it’s normalizing.

The scene where MacGregor gets his robot penis attached functions as a sort of reverse castration, but why have male and female genders determined by sexual organs at all? Why is MacGregor’s mom a housewife?

Wall-E is of course very concerned with what happens to the garbage.

source

Wall-e

Viva Riva

The Husband She Met Online creeps around on Lifetime!

The Husband She Met Online

Worst wedding since Kim Kardashian’s last wedding


How many movies is it going to take before people stay away from the internet??? Hopefully no one will ever learn, and we will continue to get crazy movies that explain how everything and everyone related to the internet is evil! In that spirit, Saturday is the premiere of a new amazing Lifetime movie The Husband She Met Online, about an innocent woman who meets a man online. Spoiler alert: He’s EVIL!!!!!

When hotel event planner Rachel breaks up with her boyfriend John for cheating on her, she decides to go looking online for a new boyfriend. In the expanse of cyberspace, she meets a charming, wealthy man named Craig, who at first, seems perfect. He’s attractive, fun, romantic, and he’s been successfully running his mother’s global real estate company while his mother, Doris travels the world. But Craig is far from perfect. He’s obsessive and controlling, and once he sets his sights on Rachel, he has no plans of ever letting go…

The Husband She Met Online stars Jason Gray-Stanford and Meredith Monroe.

REMEMBER: Stay away from the internet!!

via Lifetime

The Husband She Met Online

Never date someone from the internet who is friends with street magicians!

Dhoom 3

CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story premiers tonight on VH1!

CrazySexyCool TLC VH1

Take a break from that waterfall chasing that you were warned against to watch the premiere of CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story on VH1 tonight! You must remember TLC – T-Boz, Left Eye, and Chilli – and how they were ubiquitous with 90s music. But between the Grammys and platinum albums and MTV videos, there was a lot of drama, both intra-group and against the record companies. And you might remember a certain someone’s house being set on fire. CrazySexyCool documents the entire saga, running from one drama to the next. With how much has happened, things must proceed at breakneck speed.

Drew Sidora plays Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins, Keke Palmer is Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, and Lil Mama plays Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes. Also starring is Donny Boaz as TLC’s manager Bill Diggins, Evan Ross as Dallas Austin, , Carl Anthony Payne II as L.A. Reid, and Rochelle Aytes as Pebbles Reid.

Both the director and script have good pedigrees – Charles Stone III directed Drumline, and screenwriter Kate Lanier wrote What’s Love Got To Do With It, Set it Off, and Beauty Shop.

A supertrailer is available at VH1’s website.

The Doll Squad and The Astral Factor – Cinematic Titanic Trip Report

Cinematic Titanic Doll Squad Astral Factor

Like every good Mistie with cash to spare, I went to the Cinematic Titanic farewell tour, as the group gives their last hurrah due to their individual careers being busy enough to not allow the proper time for their show. The leg hit San Francisco in the historic Castro Theater, featuring a double header of The Doll Squad and The Astral Factor. Unfortunately, J. Elvis Weinstein was sick, so Cinematic Titanic featured host Dave “Gruber” Allen filled in for his spots. And also did a very spot on Josh impression for most of his lines.

I attended the show along with Sheldrake from Pre-Code.com and Hellburger (his writing can be found on Can’t Stop the Movies) and his wife (the latter two were also at the Monster Squad screening earlier in the day.) We had a grand time hanging in the Castro between shows, as San Francisco was having an uncharacteristically nice day (which soon turned to a windy fest as we waited in line!) Despite a small ticket snafu that seemed to affect everyone who ordered online, soon we were seated with killer seats.

Before the show there was the usual Castro organ playing, a signature event before every Castro screening. As we readied for The Doll Squad, the crew did their warmup acts. Gruber did a dance interpretation to a pop song. Frank did a monologue of jokes about where he was in life (he’s currently writing/performing for Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell on FXX) Trace and Mary Jo performed an old Dutch play while Gruber did “riffs” badly – which was the humor. Then the show was to begin and Joel the introductions.

If you have not seen The Doll Squad, know that it skews towards the better of Ted V. Mikels’ work. Which is to say that it is ridiculously awful. Someone is sabotaging rocket launches as blackmail against a Senator, so a gigantic 1970s computer spits out that “The Doll Squad” is the perfect group to find out what is going on. Some of the initial girls that their leader Sabrina (Francine York) recruits end up dead – graphically, as Mikels gained fame for gorey films. Eventually Sabrina recruits women faster than they can get killed off, and the team sets out to solve the mystery of who is blackmailing and why. This involves a lot of running around, sneaking around, and bumbling around. Things end up in a protracted gun battle for the finale that takes place in almost complete darkness. It’s not surprising at all to learn the entire sequence was filmed over one night. There is a lot of repetitive machine gun firing as scores of guards are mowed down. Sabrina manages to change her outfit in every scene, every single one is a crime against fashion, even for crazy 1970s fashion. Noted Star Trek villain Michael Ansara plays the heavy, a rogue CIA agent bent on unleashing a mutant strain of the bubonic plague upon the world because he’ll get rich or something.

Favorite riffs include swipes at almost every ridiculous outfit Sabrina shows up in, as well as Joel yelling “SLEEP!” every time the disco-ball scene transition device is used – and it is used a lot. The Doll Squad is an amazing bit of cheese, but those not familiar with that type of film quality run the danger of becoming bored or sleepy. But with an energetic Cinematic Titanic crew firing off jokes, things turned into a laugh riot. The only real complaint I have is the sound levels weren’t balanced well in the beginning, making it hard to hear the riffers over the sound of the movie. That seemed to be corrected as the film continued.

The second feature was the 1970s astral projection police mystery The Astral Factor, which is as exciting as that description indicates. If anything, The Astral Factor is a far inferior film to The Doll Squad, but those qualities also make it ripe for riffing, and it provided a huge target. I would rate The Astral Factor show as better, because the film is asking for it.

Before the show we got the preshow entertainment of a short film by Trace, which was a song and dance number where Frank is rebuilt into a Frankenstein monster. It featured cameos from the entire cast and even Bill Corbett (who is even selling brains in his first scene – making him a literal brain guy!) and was a fun little video. I have no idea if it is available anywhere. Gruber did another dance number (to Britney Spears’ Lucky), and Frank did some reviews of summer movie blockbusters – which he explained he had to think they all sucked because his job depends on everything sucking! Joel came out for introductions, at which point his mike was not working, so he did a mini Q&A while things got fixed. People kept asking obscure questions about specific MST3K jokes that Joel had no idea of the answer to, explaining how the fans watched the show way more than the performers because to them it was work, and you don’t relax from work by watching videos of work. It’s an explanation that is honest, but he also showed that he still has watched episodes recently as he picked episodes from both his and Mike’s tenure for favorites (episodes he picked for a recent screening.)

Things got working again and away we went. The Astral Factor is pure 1970s boring pacing, complete with new age stuff like mind powers. A criminal has supernatural powers, allowing him to become invisible and has telekinesis. He escapes, and goes on a killing spree against the women that helped convict him after he killed his mother and other women.

We follow Lt. Charles Barrett as he tries to solve the case, deal with his girlfriend Candy (who never seems to be wearing pants!) and his annoying partner Holt, who is constantly clicking a pen. Constantly. The entire movie. One scene, Barrett grabs his pen and replaces it with a pencil, and the crowd goes crazy. Elke Sommer is also present as a bitter drunken woman and one of the killer’s targets. Things plod along until the killer is electrocuted, which somehow causes him to be sucked away to another dimension. Which basically means no evidence to explain to anyone just what the crap was going on.

Favorite riffs include the captain who looks like Blackenstein – causing monster growls whenever he appeared onscreen. There was an amazing piece as the hero slowly drove on the freeway to one of the women in danger, as well as a boat chase where the hero just falls off of the boat while trying to disembark. The Astral Factor is one of those films that looks like it belongs on television, probably filmed on tape to save money.

Both films probably will never make it to dvd in Cinematic Titanic form, so unless someone gets a bright idea (like recording a commentary that can be downloaded from a website!) this might be the only time I’ll get to see these films riffed by Cinematic Titanic. So it was a special and bittersweet show.

After the show there was a free signing by the cast, but as it was around 1 am and everyone was tired, it wasn’t the most energetic atmosphere. Still, everyone was friendly and sincerely grateful at the support shown. I got more signatures for my Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, and got to shake everyone’s hand. So all in all, a great night. So a final salute to Cinematic Titanic, long may she live on DVD and streaming video.

And occasional reunion shows, please????

Monster Squad 25th Anniversary Screening Trip Report

The Monster Squad Castro

Who didn’t grow up with The Monster Squad as one of their favorite films? Okay, everyone who isn’t a boy in my age range. But beyond that, The Monster Squad is awesome and has held up to become a beloved cult classic, even as it bombed at the box office. Thanks to the magic of home video, everyone begged their parents to rent the film over and over again, even recording it off of HBO and wearing their tapes down watching it again and again and again. I love The Monster Squad, and it was nice to finally be able to see it on the big screen with a nice digital print for the 25th anniversary presentation. I was joined at this show by Hellburger and his wife. And, yes, everyone cheered when Wolfman was proved to have nards!

Cast members Andre Gower, Ryan Lambert, Ashley Bank and director Fred Dekker were on hand to introduce the film and answer questions at the end. The Q&A featured a Rothschild conspiracy theory question (The 1st ADA was Richard Luke Rothschild) that totally confused Fred Dekker and sent me into fits of laughter that someone would even ask such a ridiculous question. But it’s good to know that Monster Squad is part of the global conspiracies you hear so much about. You can sort of tell from all the clues in The Monster Squad: Dracula has three brides, the Trilateral Commission is three-related. The five classic monsters each represent a different point on the five-pointed pentagram. The Gillman obviously represents the Reptillian overlords. Stephen King rules, that is part of the conspiracy. The requirement of a virgin to unlock the portal to limbo is a reference to how only the pure of heart can defeat the banking cabals. The Monster Squad is a key to defeat the unseen forces that shape this world…unless it’s false flag propaganda designed to give out inaccurate strategies to keep us all slaves!

I’m on to you, The Monster Squad!

Her movie Spike Jonze

Beast of the Bering Sea airs Novermber 9th on SyFy, and Stonados will finally air November 23rd!

rawr

Beast of the Bering Sea you will probably recall us mentioning as Bering Sea Beast. Cassie Scerbo and Jonathan Lipnicki play sibling prospectors who disturb a colony of amphibious sea vampires in an underwater cave. Then people die. Asylum is the creative team.

Those of you who pay attention to what SyFy airs might recall that Stonados was once prepared to smash up the airwaves April 27, but was pulled at the last minute because it took place in Boston, which has suffered a terrorist bombing that week. Stonados was pushed back, but the scheduled reairing on June 27th didn’t take place, either. Despite Stonados appearing overseas, it has yet to be broadcast in America, but is back on SyFy’s schedule for November 23rd! Finally, we will see Stonados!

(and for a certain unnamed big site that thinks Stonados was greenlit in response to Sharknado, you are dumb. Stonados was originally scheduled for April 27, far before your boring site had even watched a SyFy flick!)

via DreadCentral