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15 year old's diary turned book Popular: Vintage Wisdom for a Modern Geek will be a film

Betty Cornell

15 year old Maya Van Wagenen has had her eighth grade diary optioned for a film. Pause for the 5% of people who find out about this news who immediately leap in front of a bus. For the rest of us, let’s read that the diary actually has a plot that sounds like it’s from one of those quirky books that occasionally get optioned: a teen girl uses a 1950s advice book to try to fit in at school. And the diary she wrote at the time was then published by Penguin (as Popular: Vintage Wisdom for a Modern Geek), which sort of kills the idea that Dreamworks is reading dozens of random teenage girls’ diaries. So props to Dreamworks for not being as creepy as the worse-written versions of these articles seem to make them.

Van Wagenen

found social footing by following such advice as: always wearing white gloves, using pearls as a fashion accessory; and never forgetting that a girdle can be a girl’s best friend. The most important lessons conveyed were timeless ones like being open and honest, and kind. She found that each social clique was distrustful of the others, and that all of the kids bore similar insecurities. She was able to find common ground and feel for the first time like she belonged.

To cover their bets, Dreamworks also optioned the 1950s advice book, Betty Cornell’s Glamour Guide For Teens. Shockingly, it does not seem to be in stock at Amazon, so consult your local Goodwill. Though from that synopsis, does she really find that she belongs if she’s some sort of social butterfly wandering around from clique to clique known as “That 50s girl”? Though I’m sure her newfound fame from the book and movie deals will go a long ways to ensuring she stays popular. At least until she tries a 1960s guidebook and goes all hippie. No one likes hippies.

If anything, Van Wagenen’s story is good enough to possibly motivate certain people to finish the books they started long ago and then abandoned by the wayside, which is a constructive offshoot. Now aren’t you glad the bus service is terrible and one hasn’t come by for you to fling yourself in front of?

via Deadline.

Polite Elephant

When will Polite Elephant have his day?

RiffTrax Live presents Santa Claus Conquers the Martians on December 5th!

RiffTrax Santa Martians

RiffTrax Live will be back in theaters for another special event, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians! This will be the third MST3K version of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, as it appeared on the original show, and has a Cinematic Titanic version as well. There is just soooo much ground to cover on that awful, awful film. Droppo, the awful robot, the terrible polar bear costume, Droppo, Droppo, Pia Zadora, and Droppo. The problem will be trying to breath while all the crazy and all the riffing happens. Luckily, Christmas is the time of miracles, so you might not die while watching Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. If that is a blessing, or a curse, depends on your point of view. While I had no interest in Night of the Living Dead, I’ll be at this RiffTrax Live event, guarenteed!

Just in time for the holidays, RiffTrax Live is back in select movie theaters nationwide for a hilarious never-before-seen take on a true family “classic” – Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!

On Thursday, December 5, join Mike, Kevin and Bill for an uproarious riff on one of the most popular titles from the MST3K catalog, broadcast LIVE at 8:00pm ET / 7:00pm CT and tape-delayed to 7:00pm MT / 8:00pm PT.

This one-night event will be your only chance to see the guys target this holiday masterpiece with their trademark commentary on the big screen, so get your tickets TODAY before your location sells out!

Ghost Breakers

Kim Ah-Joong is a famous cat burglar in Catch Me (캐치미)

Catch Me Kim A-Joong

Catch Me – 캐치미 (Kae-chi-mi) is an upcoming Korean film involving a elite criminal profiler who is chasing a famous cat burglar, who turns out to be his first love. My PS Partner‘s Kim Ah-joong (김아중) plays Yoon Jin-sook the famous burglar, while actor Joo Won (주원) plays the police officer Lee Ho-tae. Film newcomer Kang Min-jeong (강민정) also has a role as Na Min-jeong, though there is no other information as to what that role is. Lee Hyeon-jong directs his first feature with Catch Me.

The original filming title was Only You (온리유), and Catch Me will release in December.

via

Catch Me Kim Ah-joong Joo Won

A Street Fighter Picnic brings the rice and the pain!


Don’t you hate when you are just chilling at your gender-swapped Street Fighter picnic and suddenly Sagat shows up and causes trouble? I know I do. Also these girls are not big fans, hence the furious action that takes place.

A Street Fighter Picnic is a video from ReallyCleverAndroids, who do youtube sketches, because that’s what the kids do these days. In my day, we just set fire to phone books in the woods. A simpler time… What is neat is most of the scenes were shot in two hours! Imagine how good it would be if they had three hours!

If you liked this, you can double feature it with the gender-swapped stuntwoman Family Guy Epic Chicken Fight video! See, this is a thing now.

A Street Fighter Picnic Cast:
Dhalsim-Soni Araylnn
Guile-Vi Nguyen
Ryu-Kandyce Phung
E.Honda-Kimberly Hamilton
Ken-Tory Steele
Sagat-Tracie Garrison
Chun Li-Lenny Tran

Filmed/Edited By: David Hoang

Assisted By:
Michael Rivera
Alex Rodriguez
Jonathan Le

Street Fighter Picnic

Street Fighter Picnic

Street Fighter Picnic

Confessions of a go-go girl

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Confessions of a go-go girl
2008
Written by Lenore Kletter
Based on the play by Jill Morley
Directed by Grant Harvey

Confessions of a go-go girl

Nietzsche said “One repays a teacher badly if one always remains nothing but a pupil.” Hence I have stripped off that schoolgirl costume!


Lifetime Channel is a gift to the movie world. It’s been constantly creating and showcasing an array of original dramas and has one of the most prolific content creation legacies of a channel in history. Of course, most of their film output is despised by critics if they even bother to think of them, because most critics wouldn’t know a good film if it married them while after the suspicious deaths of its three previous wives. TarsTarkas.NET is not afraid to do whatever it takes to find cinematic gold, even if we have to watch a channel for….women! I kid, I kid. But people who have an aversion to Lifetime films are just missing out on a whole barrel of fun! From Cyber Seduction to Social Nightmare, Lifetime is magical. Their films are so popular they got their own spinoff network! Even SyFy can’t boast of that feat. Thus, in celebration of Lifetime, we shall now watch this film about go-go dancing.
Confessions of a go-go girl

Post-Modern Times


Confessions of a Go-Go Girl has an amazing title and an amazing plot, following innocent rich girl Jane McCoy as she’s lured into the increasingly sleazy world of go-go dancing, parts of which correlate with your favorite stories about women becoming strippers. But this isn’t stripping, it’s go-go dancing. It’s totally different. Go-go dancing can be shown on tv!

This go-go movie has the decency to be partially self-aware, sections which I’m guessing are legacies from the stage play it’s based on. Because huge other chunks are not self-aware at all. As the play “True Confessions of a Go-Go Girl” by Jill Morley sounds biographical, things were probably enhanced for television dramatics, much as a character attempts to enhance her chest via a character named Dr. Double D. As we shall see, neither option turns out too well, but Confessions of a Go-Go Girl does manage to entertain in a schlocky way, and you can see it as how Jane McCoy gains her confidence. Part of the fun is wondering just when her family is going to find out what she’s doing, and how bonkers their reactions are going to be. Because her family is pretty terrible. Not terrible in a dysfunctional way, but terrible in an afunctional way. Dad is overly controlling and angry, Mom is upper crust oblivious, her brother is a puritanical tyrant, and her boyfriend would faint if he saw a woman in a short skirt. Jane needs these stereotypes as family members, which allows her to set out on her journey where she meets all the other stereotypes in the stri– I mean, go-go dancing world. Jane even becomes a stereotype, but that’s for a purpose. As Jane is in acting school, she creates a character persona that becomes her dancing persona. Soon the lines blur, which is Jane, and which is Dylan? Better keep dancing until you figure it out…

Confessions of a go-go girl

Time to feel guilty for being a perv!


Jane McCoy (Chelsea Hobbs) – Jane is your boring rich girl whose life is all planned out for her. Even Jane’s name is Plain Jane! But Jane suddenly wants to be an actress, and that throws her nutty parents into a tailspin of crazy! She continues in her quest, turning towards the easy money of go-go dancing to pay the bills after she’s cut off, then sticking with the dancing as it gives her confidence. But it’s skirting the line of danger, and Jane may just cross over into doom! Jane dances under the name Dylan.
Angela Lucas (Sarah Carter) – The seductress who lures Jane into the world of go-go, all part of a recruitment scheme to get some of Jane’s tips. Angela doesn’t want Jane cutting in on her action, but also wants Jane to succeed, which leads to weird dichotomies. Angela’s loser boyfriend also steals all her money, driving Angela back to drugs, bad work ethics, a downward spiral that takes half of the film to crash, and a shock ending no one except everyone saw coming. Angela dances under stage name Aurora
Nick Harvey (Corbin Bernsen) – The owner of the go-go club Jane starts working at. Is actually fare and pays his girls a decent wage, which is why he’s a fictional club owner. Probably Corbin Bernsen’s greats role ever (excluding Star Trek)
Donna Mercer (Rachel Hunter) – Veteren dancer who is approaching the expiration date. Gives advice to the new girls, but is also the target of everyone’s ire when they aren’t in a good mood. A single mom of a teenager named Elizabeth. Donna makes everyone’s costumes because she’s a rocking sewer. Has got it going on.
Confessions of a go-go girl

The worst bachelor party ever

Mortal Instruments becoming a franchise due to "popular demand"

Jemima West Isabelle Lightwood

In the sequel, I will have TWICE as many tattoos!


In what is widely assumed by everyone to be a desperate attempt to not lose millions of $$ on sets, costumes, and actor pay that was committed to a Mortal Instruments: City of Bones sequel before the original was released to dismal numbers, production on Mortal Instruments: City of Ashes has resumed. Don’t worry, the spin is in!:

Martin Moszkowicz, Constantin Film’s head of film and TV, said Clare’s massive fan base has responded positively to the adaptation and that Constantin is determined to continue the franchise.

“The fan response, from the blogosphere and the thousands of mails we have received, has encouraged us to keep going,” Moszkowicz told The Hollywood Reporter. “It’s been overwhelmingly positive, in contrast to some other YA titles.”

Yes, it was the fans. Of which there wasn’t enough to even get the film over $100 million worldwide. But never fear, a tax writeoff of a failed sequel will probably keep Constantin Films around for a few more years. Or just end the company. Either way, the public wins with another ridiculous Mortal Instruments movie, though City of Ashes does not provide as many dirty jokes as City of Bones. For shame, Mortal Instruments!

It is assumed the entire cast will be back, they were even scheduled to start filming in September before everything was halted. I would wager on a rushed shooting schedule, lower budget, and weirder advertising for City of Ashes. Will this gamble pay off, or will it crash and burn like the Percy Jackson sequel? Only time will tell…

Remember: Never forget Cassandra Clare! Because her fanfic origin will be repeated again and again over the next decade.