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The Thing 31 Godzilla

The Thing #31 (January 1986) and the Godzilla Marvel Legacy


The Thing 31 Godzilla

Godzilla, man, you got a drooling problem! It needs to be said…


The Thing #31 – Devil Dinosaur: The movie! (January 1986)
Writer – Mike Carlin
Penciler – Ron Wilson
Editor – Mark Gruenwald
The Thing 31 Godzilla

Godzilla just wants to be friend with his old metal pal!


Godzilla made one last official appearance in Marvel comics canon before disappearing into the ether. There have been several Godzilla-like creatures that will be discussed below, but as far as I can tell, they’ve never been officially counted as Godzilla. So let us tackle The Thing #31. The Thing is among the first comic books I ever bought. I bought two of those “comic book 3-packs”, one containing 3 issues of The Transformers and one with 3 issues of The Thing. While The Transformers became the series I would get every month and subscribed, The Thing became a series I would get in the quarter bins at comic shops, but it was still a good read (hence my buying them.) I was never that into the Fantastic Four, because Spiderman ruled all, but I often had extra money for cheap comics that would be good. Several images here are take from the Marvel Chronology’s entry of The Thing #31.

Ben Grimm (aka The Thing) goes to visit his friend, stuntwoman Sharon Ventura, who is working on a movie about Moon Boy and Devil Dinosaur. Ben likes Sharon because she reminds him of a lost love, Tarianna. Sharon Ventura would eventually become Ms. Marvel, be a hero for a bit, be a villain for a bit, and then get replaced by a Skrull. Welcome to Marvel continuity!

Ben arrives and starts attacking Devil Dinosaur, because he doesn’t realize it’s a robot! But he’s not the only one to make the mistake, as out of the sea arises the reason we’re writing this entry: Godzilla!

Yes, he’s actually called Godzilla! Looks like someone forgot or thought that The Thing would be too under the radar for Toho’s lawyers.. .Godzilla has escaped from captured jerkoff Dr. Demonicus, thanks to Godzilla’s cunning plan of distracting the evil Dr. with Iron Man’s suit so he could get captured, at which point Godzilla probably just wandered out of the undersea headquarters. Or maybe SHIELD got off their lazy duffs and raided the compound and Godzilla got set loose that way.

The Thing 31 Godzilla

How dare that coward Godzilla not mindlessly destroy the robot and instead leave when he realized his mistake!

47 Ronin

47 Ronin

47 Ronin

47 Ronin
2013
Written by Chris Morgan and Hossein Amini
Story by Chris Morgan & Walter Hamada
Directed by Carl Rinsch

47 Ronin

Oishi looked and saw a horrible edit job that brought dishonor to his clan


47 Ronin becomes the final financial disaster of 2013, schizophrenic mess of a picture that manages to be offensive on several levels while not having the simple decency to be entertaining (either good or bad) and sits mired in the muck of mediocrity. An untested director was suddenly given stacks of cash to make a big budget effects movie, and quickly things fell apart. After the studio stepped in, things somehow got more confusing. In the end, the only people happy are people who get happy when dumb things happen.
47 Ronin

Michael Jackson!


The 47 Ronin is a classic tale of true Japanese history that has enough events going on that a straight adaptation would easily work as a mainstream film, and has before. In fact, the 47 Ronin has be adapted so often there is even a term for genre that is the various adaptations of the work – Chushingura. Due to censorship laws, the original plays featured altered names and events, and some retellings are stylized adaptations that mix myth and history. A 300-style adaptation is not out of the bounds of accepted reality, and I do not fault the film for trying that angle, it could have been interesting had it been applied correctly. Dragons, strange beasts, golems, witches, bird people, ogres, and magic swords are elements of many successful films. But it is not to be.
47 Ronin

Good thing Kai and Oishi tricked those trolls into staying out until sunrise!


Reeves plays a half-Japanese half-British character who is raised by the Lord Asano, Kai is entirely made up and shoehorned into the story. From the narrative it’s clear Reeves wasn’t the original star and has had scenes added on, while Hiroyuki Sanada’s character Oishi is either ignored or suddenly the focus during random scenes. That disrupts an already cluttered tale simplified down for mainstream audiences, gives no characters enough development to give them dramatic weight, and many things simply happen for reasons never explained. The official story is new director Carl Rinsch originally had even less of Keanu Reeves, and was forced to do reshoots to beef of the role. The hints of studio interference are obvious – Reeves’ Kai suddenly had a love interest (the Princess Mika), was inserted into the final battle fighting a dragon (more on this in a bit), and spends a lot of the running time looking at other events.
47 Ronin

At least she takes good care of her teeth!

Temptress of 1000 Faces

Temptress of a Thousand Faces

Temptress of a Thousand Faces

aka 千面魔女 aka Qian mian mo nu aka Temptress of 1000 Faces
Temptress of 1000 Faces
1969
Written by Song Jin
Directed by Jeng Cheong-Woh

Temptress of 1000 Faces
This sexy Shaw Brothers crime caper has influences from the classic female-lead action films of yore, the 1960s Jane Bond films, James Bond, Eurospy, and even Fantomas! Temptress of a Thousand Faces meshes these sources all together into a terrific crime caper. One of those films where there are master thieves who can be anywhere and disguised as anyone. Even your mom! Okay, probably not your mom. Or is that just what they want you to think? You better call your mom an make sure, just in case. It’s the old master of disguise story, but with no need to worry about people being turtlely enough to join the turtle club. Because none of them are! Freaking lack of turtle love in Temptress of a Thousand Faces

The big switch is this time the thief is a woman. The thief being female throws the entire police force for a loop, as everyone is looking for a male master thief. I’m not sure why, almost every crime shown involves women, maybe the police have all taken stupid pills. It’s girl power, but only sort of. Of course, only another woman can take her down. Further continuing the gender bending, the police officer hero is the female Ji Ying, while her boyfriend Yuk Dat plays the Torchy Blane role of reporter who is on the case. But unlike Torchy, Yuk Dat doesn’t contribute to the solving of the case, just becoming yet another chess piece to be played by the mastermind and the detective.
Temptress of 1000 Faces
Temptress of a Thousand Faces was discussed before during our Infernal Brains episode covering the Jane Bond films. If you prefer your reviews in audio format, that’s your best bet, along with a whole history of the genre that won’t be repeated here. But if you love things written down, then feel free to read on! Or just look at the pretty pictures. Either way, hopefully you are convinced enough to track down a copy, because you will not be disappointed!
Temptress of 1000 Faces

Ji Ying (Tina Chin Fei) – Police office who is tired of all this Temptress of 1000 Faces crap and directly challenges her. Which turns out to be a big mistake. The only bigger mistake is when Temptress makes destroying Ji Ying’s life personal instead of just killing her. Ji Ying is a fierce fighter and crack shot, and often is fighting while in her underwear because stuff like that just happens in Temptress of a Thousand Faces.
Yuk Dat (Chan Leung ) – Journalist boyfriend of Ji Ying. While the media influence on Temptress is a theme, Yuk Dat is less of a driver and more of a cog in the machine, something that makes his character less important. In fact, it’s hard to remember much in particular about him.
Molly (Pat Ting Hung) – Newspaper reporter and photographer, and a major female character who doesn’t seem to fit in anywhere in the grand schemes of the regular characters.
Temptress (It is a mystery…) – Who could this mysterious female villain with a thousand faces be? It is a mystery, a mystery that only a mystery movie could solve. Luckily, this is a mystery movie, so expect it to be solved by the end of the movie!

Temptress of 1000 Faces

Iron Man 196 cover

Iron Man #196 (July 1985)


Iron Man 196 Godzilla

Cool how Dr. Demonicus didn’t even bother to look for Godzilla! (Jerk!)


Iron Man #196 – (No title) (July 1985)
Writer – Denny O’Neil
Penciler – Rich Buckler
Editor – Mark Gruenwald
Iron Man 196 Godzilla

All these potential cool monsters we will never see…


We skipped Iron Man #195 because Big G was a no-show. I’m sure exciting things happened. Or not. Jim Rhodes was talking with an Indian spirit guide or some nonsense last issue to cure his migranes. That continues as we start this exciting entry. He left his Iron Man armor behind in the mystical dimension you go to when you get Indian spirit guides to cure your migraines, and now he can’t go back to get it, because you can only go to that dimension once.

Hey, I don’t write this stuff! I just write about this stuff.

Yada yada, the armor somehow has formed up and is seeking something out. Expect something weird to happen.

Godzilla returns to Dr. Demonicus’s base with a mouthful of Stark’s old Iron Man armor that Stark ditched in issue 194. Dr. Demonicus pauses his work on making more mutant monsters to bring about Pax Demonicus in order to play around with the armor for revenge. Someone needs to learn to complete his projects before he begins new ones!

Because the wayward Rhodes Iron Man armor has returned to this plane of existence and is causing trouble, Stark grabs a bunch of parts of spare costumes from the Wes Coast Avengers’ closet and suits up to go investigate. Dr. Demonicus tracks him down and attacks wearing the old Iron Mas costume, but the alternate plane Iron Man suit joins with Stark and soon Demonicus is defeated and will be spending some time in the slammer.

And that’s the end of March of Godzilla 2013, once again I’d like to thank…

RING RING RING!
Oh, no!
RING RING RING!!!
Hello?
Yo! It’s The Ever-Lovin’ Blue-Eyed Thing! Did I ever tell you about the time Godzilla was in my comic?
Well, Mr. Grimm, we don’t have that comic, so we can’t..
Check your inbox, kid! I gotta go clobber some pizza while smoking a cigar or something! Yancy Street!
Okay, it looks like March of Godzilla 2013 will continue again for the second time! You can’t kill us, we’re like that stuff growing between the tiles in your shower!
Iron Man 196 Godzilla

Godzilla: Mastermind!

Treasure of the Amazon – New RiffTrax VOD!

Good news for those of you who enjoy your RiffTrax with more Donald Pleasance Nazi or copious amounts of nude Amazon native characters, because Treasure of the Amazon is here! Shockingly, I am well aware of this film and it’s ridiculousness. Pleasance had more than one adventure as a Nazi guy, enough we could have a theme night. Perhaps those will show up in the RiffTrax of the future. But for now, Treasure of the Amazon will have to satisfy. The director is the noted René Cardona Jr., who directed the prior RiffTrax film Bermuda Triangle, and also a favorite (not!) of TarsTarkas.NET, Night of 1000 Cats!

Journey with us into the heart of the Amazon in this cheesy adventure film from…1985? Really? 1985? You’re sure this didn’t come out in 1962? You’re sure. This came out two years after Return of the Jedi? A year after Temple of Doom? The same year as Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend? What, B:SLL is a very common point of reference for people. William Katt fans consider it his “understated masterpiece,” his Bob Dylan’s “Oh Mercy,” his Coppola’s “One From The Heart,” the Birdie the Early Bird of McDonaldland characters.

We apologize for the direction the previous paragraph took. Despite being filmed in 1985, Treasure of the Amazon is not “instantly woefully outdated,” it’s old school! It’s from a time back when men had beards, other men wore really tiny shorts, and other men wore diapers. When every voyage into the Amazon had at least one medieval friar on board. Add in a whole bunch of classic National Geographic style toplessness, Donald Pleasance as a treasure hunting nazi, a diva who alternates between a southern and British accent, and a cast that can’t remember whether they’re supposed to be alligators or crocodiles, and you’ve got yourself one mess of a movie.

Book a ride at your nearest discount seaplane emporium, strap on a bulky diaper of your own, and get ready to defile an ancient burial ground. What could possibly go wrong? Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill, (who all pony up the 80 bucks for free Prime shipping every year) for Treasure of the Amazon!

Attention: Contains a whole bunch of National Geographic style nudity.

What are you waiting for, get that nudity and Nazi stuff now!

Treasure of the Amazons RiffTrax

Robot Star Zangga jjanga

Robotstar Jjanga (Review)

Robotstar Jjanga

aka 로보트 스타 짱가 aka Roboteu seuta Jjang-ga
Robot Star Zangga jjanga
1988
Written and directed by Kim Yeong-han

Robot Star Zangga jjanga

This is your brain being sucked out by Robotstar Zangga!


NOOOOooOOOoooOOooOOOOoooOOO!!!! It’s more awful Korean Children’s cinema! Why do I watch this? Okay, someone requested Robotstar Jjanga, and it’s also the first part of a film series that eventually featured a Korean Batman. But in this prequel, the actor who goes on to be Batman (or Betaman) is an awkward teen who wets the bed. The Dark Knight Returns was never so gritty….wait, I think Batman did wet his pants in some story….

As usual with Korean Children’s movies, the main event is a “funny” fat guy who acts like a giant baby man. He turns out to also be an intergalactic hero who lives on Earth in disguise (and unaware of who he is) until he’s called back to duty, at which point everyone becomes cartoons and character designs are stolen from The Transformers. Hey, this might be the only chance you will ever get to see toy accurate Reflector menace humans! The flying space carrier Fortress Maximus has been used by Transformers canon (a fact I learned thanks to the Transformers Wiki) so that’s not as unique as it seemed. As someone who had the Reflector toy as a lad, it was sort of fun watching him stomp around before he was defeated by a fat guy and an annoying robot. My toy would never suffer such indignity!

Robot Star Zangga jjanga

Who’s insulting the size of my Megapixels???


Said fat guy is named Dung-dung (I’ve found a few names for characters who went nameless back when I reviewed the sequel), and he enjoys chewing gum and stealing food. He lives with a scientist and his misfit family, which consists of bratty children and a grown daughter named Su-Ji. There is also a robot (a guy in suit robot!) named Robokong, who is tolerable only because Dung-dung is so intolerable. Giving and taking, that’s what Korean children’s cinema does. You give your time and it takes your life…

As usual for obscure gems like these, the synopsis portion of Robotstar Jjanga is much larger, to better accommodate people who don’t want to sift through terribly designed Korean blogs to find the streaming videos of these old school films dubbed from VHS tapes. I really, really hate Naver. Hate. Hate Naver. HATE! But not as much as I hate Dung-dung.

Robot Star Zangga jjanga

There’s not even stairs here for this guy to fall down on!


Robotstar Jjanga is written and directed by Kim Yeong-han, the very same maniac who brought us Super Batman & Mazinger V and Hwarang-V Trio! Clearly Kim Yeong-han is a cinematic monster who needs to answer to his crimes. But unfortunately anyone who goes up against him will be forced to turn into a cartoon character and battle giant robots. This is sadly becoming a trend among terrible directors, protected by guardian robots in the realm of animation. Time to bring back Judge Doom so we can get enough Dip to save cinema!
Robot Star Zangga jjanga

The worst part is she isn’t even close to being the worst Star Wars EU character!


Dung-dung (Kim Hyeong-gon) – A gum-chewing manchild who used to be an ace space ranger before he abandoned his duties to live out the seven deadly sins. Dung-dung is a fairly accurate name.
Robokong (???) – The family’s loyal robot, who can transform into a more action-oriented version, but only when he’s a cartoon. Will occasionally do the “Beedy beedy beedy” thing that Twiki from Buck Rogers does.
Princess Sara (???) – Sara is a princess of the Star Planet. What kind of name is that? At least she isn’t from the Moon Planet. Because that would be ridiculous! Like all space princesses, she gets kidnapped a lot. She reminds Dung-dung of who he truly is.
Su-Ji (???) – The eldest daughter of Scientist, which he must have fathered when he was 8 years old or something. She accompanies Dung-dung and Robokong on their adventure, but then doesn’t do much after that.
Rest of family (???, ???, ???, ???) – Scientist, Older Boy who becomes Batman, Younger Boy, Girl in Pigtails. All our fun friends. I hope they all die.
Rust Queen (???) – The Queen of Rust has blue hair for some reason (anime), and also there isn’t a lot of rust around her. Her name is totally inaccurate, this movie is a lie, SAVE YOURSELF! RUUUUUUNN!!!!!!
Gohura (???) – The evil Rust Queen’s henchman. I don’t know if this is a translation thing of if the aliens have rejected gender norms, but in any event Gohura leads the goons that have captured Princess Sara on Earth and is defeated by Dung-dung and the annoying kid squad, largely due to goon incompetence.

Robot Star Zangga jjanga Reflector