Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead

aka ゾンビアス Zonbiasu

2011
Written by Noboru Iguchi, Ao Murata, and Jun Tsugita
Story by Tadayoshi Kubo
Directed by Noboru Iguchi

The horrible secret of Bush’s Baked Beans…

While normally a fan of the Japanese ultra-gore films and Noboru Iguchin in general, Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead ends up sucking ass! What is should be a bunch of fun and ridiculous scenes instead gets bogged down by far too much melodrama, and the replacement of poo for the blood splatter scenes. Which isn’t done in a creative way, and instead rely on the fact that there is lots of poo around for the laughs. Poo may be funny in concept, but in practice it gets boring really fast. While other films like Helldriver and Mutant Girls Squad mix their films with a greater theme, Zombie Ass fails to successfully do that, either. There is a vague theme of bullying that rarely comes in to play, and doesn’t parallel with the zombie tapeworm invasion tale going on. The obvious subtext of body image is barely addressed and would have resulted in a much better film. The ending battle with a flying girl versus a monster is nothing we haven’t seen before, either. It took four people to write something so bland!

Funnily enough, this method of transportation has begun to catch on in crowded Tokyo

Zombie Ass‘s few pluses include the design of the tapeworm parasites, they have a brain on them that make them look like the creatures from Fiend Without a Face. I do not know how intentional this homage is, but I hope it was very. I will also score a point for the final monster looking like a sock puppet Jar Jar Binks, because that effect is bad enough it became funny. But besides that, I do not need a heroine who is sad all the time because she didn’t bother to save her bullied sister, nor every other character either being horrible or dating someone horrible. Most of the cast are the type of people who die first or second in a movie, and it was annoying seeing them continue to live beyond their expiration date. I was rooting for the poo to drown them!

Meesa mutant butt zombie, okeyday!

Even the appearance by regulars Asami Sugiura, Demo Tanaka, Yuya Ishikawa, and gratuitous nudity don’t save Zombie Ass from going down the drain. You’re gonna want to flush this load as soon as it’s dropped off at the pool. This film doesn’t have much to go on, and this is no smear campaign. Zombie Ass could be more Charmin, and that’s the bottom line. Despite the brown-nosing, Zombie Ass is only a #2. You might want to log off now, these puns sure are on a roll!

Megumi (Arisa Nakamura) – Our heroine. Her younger sister Ai died due to bullying, and Megumi was unable to act to stop it. So now she studies karate all day to be strong to make up for failing to save her sister. She’s also very introspective. Aya (Mayu Sugano) – Megumi’s good girl friend, and the only non-annoying character in the film. So you know she’s going to die. She’s dating scuzzy guy Take, whose main hobby is cheating on her with other girls. Maki (Asana Mamoru) – Megumi’s controlling and vain friend, whose idea it is to go find some tapeworms so she can look thinner. Has no problem with getting it on with Aya’s boyfriend. Is entitled and spoiled, the perfect host for the Queen Parasite. Asana Mamoru is a Gravure model also known as Asana Kouno. Sachi (???) – Young sick daughter of the mad scientist who is raising the tapeworms and feeding them to her to help keep her leukemia in remission. Is deranged and has a fondness for knives and for killing people. Can communicate with the Nekurogedoro due to the large amount of their chemicals in her body. Sachi’s Dad (Kentaro Shimazu) – Sachi’s mad father who set up this crazed scheme to help her live longer. Cares about nothing but having his daughter live longer, no matter how many lives it costs. Queen Nekurogedoro (A puppet) – The boss of the mutant parasite tapeworms dubbed nekurogedoro, the Queen resides inside of Maki until such time that she pops free to battle Megumi. Can fly, and teams up with Sachi. This puppet is my favorite part of the film. Yep.

Okay, Star Wars Prequel Abomination, I got the cure!

Zombie Charlie the Tuna!?!

Megumi is hanging out with her friends, who are the type of cross-sampling of stereotypes that would never be friends in real life. Popular slutty girl Maki gets the bright idea to go find some tapeworm parasites to infect herself with so she can lose a few pounds and finally become a model. So they whole group goes to the woods: Megumi, Maki, good girl Aya, Aya’s scuzzy boyfriend Take, and wormy guy Naoi.

The heroes search for parasite gold causes them to cross paths with a zombie town. The town’s only human inhabitants is the young Sachi and her crazed scientist father. Of course there is a secret, and the secret is Sachi’s dad infects her with the mutated tapeworm parasites and then cures her, because the parasite juices help keep her leukemia in remission. Sachi’s dad is harvesting the parasites on the townspeople, and lets them run wild, all in the name of saving his daughter. That’s called love, people.

The group of kids are all infected by parasites at this point (the ones that didn’t eat them earlier get infected by Sachi’s dad feeding them eggs) and try to escape, only to be slaughtered either by the waves of zombie townspeople or by the creatures growing inside them. By the time the tapeworm parasites are known, they zombie townspeople begin running around butt first, and often have tapeworm heads popping out of their butts or acting as the grossest tentacles ever in a Japanese film. And, yes, that thing that happens with tentacles seems to happen with these tapeworm tentacles.

By and by, everyone is dead except Megumi, who has watched her friends die just like her sister died, with her helpless to stop it. though this time it was because of overwhelming odds, not lack of doing anything. Megumi can control the parasite inside her, and uses it to battle the creatures.

The filthiest image on TarsTarkas.NET!

You’re a shotgun, BANG! What’s up with that thing?

Infected Maki has the Queen parasite inside her, and it splits her head open like that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation “Conspiracy“. The resulting monster is goofy, and teams up with a knife-welding Sachi to battle Megumi. Megumi uses the power of her disturbed gut to fly in the air by the power of farts, and the two sides fight. Will Megumi finally gains the confidence she needs to save the day by killing the monster, even though everyone is dead? Eh.

Zombie Ass drags and flounders, taking far too long to get going, and not rewarding when it does. A scene with Maki having bad diarrhea at an outhouse with a zombie guy at the bottom takes like five minutes to get to the ten second joke. Other times, things just stop so Megumi can be sad and introspective. I’ve never been a fan of this type of melodrama, but it does have a place…in an actual drama, not a horror comedy! And if they were doing a thing about bullying, wouldn’t it make sense to have some actual bullying be the thing Megumi overcomes? Like bully tapeworm zombie monsters? Eh.

Here I write all broken-hearted, watched Zombie Ass and my head smarted…

Live tapeworm isn’t really that weird to eat when you think about some food out there. P’zones, anyone?

He’s being attacked by killer gas pumps!

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Straining so hard she’s gonna pop an eye vein!

I’m sure this zombie flesh wound won’t result in this character’s death…

Home Alone…with my ASS?!?!?!

Zombie Ass uses actual footage from your birth! How did they get the tape of you being born?!?!?

Scary tacky wall art!

That’s not how you use a telescope!

I’m here to do the circumcision!