Recommended! Godzilland – Learning How To Count

aka すすめ！ゴジランド – ～かず1・2・3

1994

Do you know how to count? Of course you don’t! It’s hard! Numbers are bad! They each one is a different amount, who has time to count all these numbers? Luckily, Gakken Video and Godzilla are here to help you learn things like numbers and what to do with them. So prepare to get numb, people!

These Godzilland episodes have opening credits with lots of stuff not in the two episodes. Was this all planned but abandoned videos or just a highlight reel to make the series seem more like an actual thing with the monsters going on constant adventures? Buddy, your guess is as good as mine! Confused by Godzilland? Check out the Splash Page!

Anguirus has made hot tea and cakes for Godzilla’s birthday party. Rodan smells them and demands cake even though Anguirus says to wait. Wow, is this the Rodan from Godzilla: King of the Monsters?

Meanwhile Godzilla bumps into Baragon and they discuss going to Anguirus’s for the party. Mothra also is on the way, while King Ghidorah has already arrived and the party begins.


Uh oh! Turns out Anguirus only made 5 cakes for 6 guests! Godzilla has no cake! And on his birthday, too! Godzilla is NOT HAPPY. We got tears, screaming, shaking, floating in the air, all the rage. Be glad there aren’t any tiny cities in Godzilland or he’d probably smash it up and murder everyone there.

Anguirus realizes he screwed up and gives Godzilla his cake, but now two of Ghidorah’s heads also want cake! This episode has advanced from simple numbers to philosophical questions as Anguirus asks a very important question on if King Ghidorah counts as 1 or 3 people. We could do a whole movie on this premise complete with cartoon kaiju singing songs about the identity of self, but that’s just glossed over as Mothra has brought three extra cakes so now everyone has food!

It’s eating time! The kaiju kids then ask Ms. Mothra to teach them all how to count.

During these scenes Anguirus repeatedly gets excited and bumps his spike shell against Godzilla, much to his pain. This is good because this chibi Godzilla deserves to suffer. Maybe he’ll learn some manners. Probably not, but at least we get some cosmic justice.

Counting from 1 to 10
The kaiju kids count up as Godzilla jumps on increasingly higher number of boxes tossed at him by Ms. Mothra. If you know how to count or know how to jump on higher and higher boxes, you got the idea.

Which Is Bigger?
Godzilla and Anguirus hunt mushrooms. King Ghidorah comes around to be nosy, and demands to know which one has the most. What a size queen! Godzilla has 5 and Anguirus has 3. Both vow to win the next round and gather more, ending up with Godzilla at 6 and Anguirus at 7. But now there are no more mushrooms, the darn kaiju have overhunted them and now they are extinct. Instead of dwelling on their shame of destroying a species and possibly dooming an ecosystem to destruction, they find a bamboo shoot and pick it, but it isn’t a bamboo shoot, it is obviously Baragon’s tail! Everyone laughs, ha ha ha!

Which Is Bigger? (Yes, two sections have this name)
Godzilla, Rodan, Baragon, Anguirus, and Mothra sound off for King Ghidorah so they can be counted in their position in line. They count back and forth enough that Godzilla falls alseep, a constant stream of bubbles rising from his nose into the sky. He is whistled away by King Ghidorah and the group marches on. King Ghidorah seems to be the drill instructor here precisely to avoid any questions on hif he would have to count off 1 or 3 times.

Number Order
A train drives around with a bunch of cars, each containing a kaiju and a number: 1 – Mothra larva, 2 – Godzilla, 3 – Baragon, 4- Rodan, 5 – Anguirus, 6 – King Ghidorah. Ms. Mothra flies overhead and the train stops at various points where a number is obscured, and the kaiju kids have the say the missing number. A good concept but the execution seems weird.

How Many and How Many?
More like how redundant and how redundant, ding dongs!
Godzilland has 10 windmills on a hill. Rodan and Baragon comment on the number of windmills and how they aren’t moving, then Rodan stars making them spin one by one due to wing flapping while Baragon counts off the number of moving windmills and the number of stationary windmills. Spoiler alert: Rodan collapses before he gets all 10 going! What a failure he is. Or at least that is what we would say if he didn’t then get up and flap so fast all 10 spin and then fly off the hill. So instead of achieving a goal, he just totally caused a bunch of property destruction in the name of counting and testosterone-fueled competition. That sure sounds like a kaiju to me!

The Big Numbers After 10
King Ghidorah is wearing sunglasses and purple polka dot bow ties on all three heads as a rap beat is dropped. This concepts rules even if the song is sort of not as rule-ish as the concept hopes. We first do 11 through 20, and then 10-20-30-40-50-60-70-80-90-100. At this point godizlla is on even biggr boxes and falls off but is caught by King Ghidorah. By now Japanese kids can count to a bajillion and no other country can come close to defeating them in the Math Olympics, all thanks to the power of kaiju!

Ms. Mothra is reading a magazine with her face on the cover wondering if everyone is good at counting now when a paper airplane letter from Godzilla hits her. Godzilla explains that he, Anguirus, and Baragon were fighting over a swing but then decided to take turns by counting (they call it a ladder lottery?) And now that he can count to 100 he wants 100 cakes next time. That’s our greedy bastard Godzilla!

After the credits there is a trailer for the Hiragana episode, including saying Godzilla has become a cute animation, but that advertising seems to imply he was transformed as a punishment instead of this just being a flashback concept. But that isn’t solidified until the second series of videos!

Rated 7/10

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