Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills

2012
Written by Dean McKendrick
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

While I usually am gung ho for the Fred Olen Ray films, Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills left a sour taste in my mouth. During the film, the main character hypnotizes a female character and essentially rapes her, and causes her to be raped several other times. It’s all played as “magical control” where the woman suddenly becomes super horny and can’t help herself. But it is rape. And that’s not cool, nor does it make Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills a fun film to watch with your significant other.

There is a group of people who enjoy scenes where women are brainwashed or hypnotized or drugged into becoming incredibly horny and thus needing sex right this instant. Some of it undoubtedly spurs from the time-honored tradition of going out, getting drunk, and getting laid. With a little alcohol in their system, inhibitions drop. All of the depictions feature women who are enthusiastic about the sex they are about to do no under their entire free will. There is an undercurrent that all these women would be banging left and right if they could, so these effects just let them do what they want to do. Others seem into it because it is a form of humiliation of the woman, that she somehow deserves to have sex with random guys because she has lots of sex anyways. That points to a deeper problem, and much more disturbing. Now, this is fiction, no one is actually being raped, and fantasies are fine as long as they are fantasies. Some fantasies I can do without seeing depicted in the media I consume.

It’s not the first time this scenario has shown up in a Fred Olen Ray film – Bikini Jones features a scene where she’s essentially drugged, a character in Bikini Pirates is possessed by a ghost and gets it on, Tanya X in The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. is literally drugged and raped, and the female characters in Housewives From Another World are all taken over by time-traveling aliens and essentially consumed(murdered) by them. All of these scenarios are terrible, and though you can try to argue excuses for some of them, they are what they are. They do make things unenjoyable, and I am at the point where I don’t want to watch them anymore. I was heartened because of something that happens in 2013’s The Super Sex Program that throws these on their ear, so maybe things are changing.

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills not only has a rapist main character, but almost every character is a bad person. It’s a weird movie where the only somewhat decent character is a hired killer. Most characters are scummy and excuse their bad behavior, while Carmine the killer is honest about being a bad person. That doesn’t save him from suffering the same fate as many of the other characters, frozen in place for an unknown time period. Their ultimate fate unknown, as Dave Nelson and his wife leave to be miserable elsewhere. While Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills seems like it’s making a stand against mindless consumerism, that point is lost beneath the layers of terrible behavior.

Doug Nelson (Eric Masterson) – Former famous traveling hypnotist turned jaded psychic, who soon inherits a big house in Beverly Hills that turns out to be just as problematic as not having a big house. He’s also big into hypnotizing women to have sex with him. Kate Nelson (Kelli McCarty) – Used to be an actress, now he’s jut a washed up pretend psychic working with her washed up pretend psychic husband, dreaming of her glory years and wishing she had piles of cash to blow on useless junk. Patricia (Beverly Lynne) – Cranky spoiled housewife of Peter who spends all her time talking down to everyone, especially her new favorite target, Doug. Ends up hypnotized and then teaming up with a hired killer. Peter (Ted Newsom) – Tycoon in the oil business, because you can’t have Beverly Hills without oil. Unless it’s 90210, which I don’t think has oil. They did have the Peach Pit, which is like oil. Okay, maybe it’s not like oil, but let’s pretend it is like oil. Pretending is fun! George Hemwell (Billy Chappell as Tony Marino) – Oh. That guy. Amy Hemwell (Kylee Nash) – George’s wife, who is usually falling out of her dress. Was even going to sleep with Doug until he turned out to be a blackmailer! Probably the most well-rounded of the characters despite being amoral. Carmine (Evan Stone) – Killer hired by George to take out Doug Nelson, except he goes to the wrong house and gets involved with Patricia. Despite being a murdered and becoming an unwilling rapist, he’s a pretty decent guy who helps unravel the mess going on. Griswald (Michael Gaglio) – Friend of Doug’s late aunt, who is also teaching Doug a lesson. Dough is one of those people who needs like 1000 lessons, so Griswald is going to be busy for a long while…

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills opens with credits reminiscent of Sim City, computer generated skyscrapers that the camera pans through for the entire length, a sprawling metropolis that has no real life equal. This fantasy land is our setting, the endless high rises seemingly having nothing to do with the plot. Or maybe they do. Maybe this is some sort of computer generated world, separate from our reality. That’s why magic exists, that’s why characters can escape moral code with impunity. These characters are nothing but Sims. But even Sims can be miserable, even Sims can have awful personalities. And who hasn’t walled a Sim off in a a bedroom to die? Perhaps we should rethink our abuse of these computer generated creatures, less more events like those from Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills happen. Nah!

Doug Nelson used to be the Amazing Rinaldi, master hypnotist and psychic. Now he just works at a local corner psychic stop sans powers, but plus a wife who wants lots of expensive stuff. Kate makes Doug think he’s getting the psychic stuff accurate as a self-esteem boost, even going along with the hypnosis (where he commands her to have an urge to have sex with him), because why not? But she slips up and gives it away after the sex has completed.

Doug’s Aunt Bessie past away, and as she’s the one who got him into all this mystic stuff, she left them her mansion in Beverly Hills. Ka-CHING!!!

Doug and Kate move in, and instantly four neighbors are at the door as welcome wagon (with pie!) It’s Patricia, Peter, Amy, and George. The couples begin making the small talk. We soon learn that Patricia is a mega-bitch who instantly talks down to the Nelson family. George is a movie producer, releasing such classics as The Giant Slime Creature from Venus, 3 Head Monster from Planet X, and Scorpion Killer vs The Giant Sasquatch. All films I would watch in a heartbeat. Doug is guilted into trying to hypnotize Amy, but he fails again. Doug is invited to golf with the guys, while Kate invited to a shopping spree on Rodeo Drive.

Things seem to have gone relatively well, but Kate is upset that Doug brought up the hypnosis. She’s very concerned about making a good impression. Dave is annoyed that he has to go buy golf clubs as the couple begins to spend well outside their means.

Patricia has a “headache” so nothing will be going on in the Patricia and Peter house, but George and Amy are up for some fun and get it on.

Amy and Kate go on their shopping trip, chatting in the car. Amy brings up that George might have a business proposition for them, while Kate thinks it was a sex proposition at first. This scene is the most natural acting I’ve seen Kylee Nash be in one of these films, and completely different from how she usually acts. Her performance continues to be relatively solid and naturalistic through the whole film.

A guy in a tuxedo outfit comes into the house – he’s Griswald – and he’s talking about Elizabeth Nelson (Dave’s Aunt Bessie). She had asked Griswald to give Doug a gift – a jewel of hers that is actually magical and will give him hypnosis powers. He doesn’t believe it. Griswald warns to use the jewel for good and not evil, then vanishes for most of the rest of the film.

Patricia comes buy to borrow cooking sherry, and Doug hypnotizes her on a lark. He tells her if she hears someone say “wait” three times, she’ll have the uncontrollable urge to have sex with them.

So Doug begins his journey as a rapist, and also facilitates Patricia being raped by all sorts of random dudes. But first he tries it out for himself.

Afterwards Doug sends her off and gets sad that Kate bought a ton of expensive stuff. Kate says they have to buy lots of stuff to fit in in the neighborhood, an acceptance of shallow consumerism that would be terrible had her husband not just raped someone, now it’s just annoying gravy.

Doug is opposed to using the jewel to rob, but not about rape. I guess you got to have some sort of morals, right? Bleh.

Later Peter plays with the jewel and accidentally hypnotizes himself, and Doug hypnotizes George so he won’t be confused – and finds out George is going to take all Doug’s and Peter’s film investment money, as he steals from his own productions. This will be a huge chunk of change from Peter that George is planning to walk away with. Thus Doug blackmails George for two million dollars or he threatens to tell Peter. So robbery isn’t okay, but rape and blackmail is okay. Got it.

Amy takes a shower and takes care of “female business” – aka she gets it on with herself. George then comes in ranting about Doug. George is not gonna pay, even if he could (all his money is tied up overseas!)

Wait, a strip club? Suddenly Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills takes a break from the plot to watch a woman(Jade Starr, who also plays a stripper in The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad) shake her money maker for stacks of cash for extras/crew members! Several of which I recognize from other productions. The strip club is also where George and Amy meet a hitman named Carmine to pay $50,000 to kill Doug. Carmine also licks Amy, which both repulses and excites her.

Carmine is given an address but ends up at the wrong house – Peter and Patricia’s house. He’s snooping around inside, waking up Patricia (Peter just thinks she’s having a panic attack) and she starts beating Carmine with a bat. He screams “wait, wait, wait!” and suddenly she has an uncontrollable urge to have sex with him. Which she monotonely states repeatedly, and Carmine is all too eager to go “okay!” Unknowing that he’s being tricked into becoming her rapist, making Carmine a victim as well from Doug’s little display of power.
After the deed is done, Patricia finds out what Carmine is up to, and schemes a scheme of her own

everyone gathers at Doug’s for another cocktail party, and Patricia has Carmine stashed upstairs. She goes to get him so he can intimidate George into spilling the beans, but Amy spies them. Patricia has Carmine grab her, but Amy says “wait wait wait!” and suddenly Patricia has an uncontrollable urge to have sex with her. Which happens. Carmine at first watching, then undressing and joining in.

And Kate takes George off to the kitchen to request a part in his new film, she’s eager to audition – which means having sex on the kitchen countertop! At this point Doug and Peter are the only two left in the living room, Doug only mildly curious as to why Kate and George wandered off, neither wondering about the other two women, nor noticing all the moaning or rhythmic slapping and pounding noises.

Kate and George return, Doug wondering why they didn’t get them drinks (the nerve!), when Samantha, Amy, and Carmine come down and Carmine tells everything that has happened with regards to the scams and murder attempts (George calls Carmine a lummox!) Soon everyone reveals they’re broke and trying to rip each other off. Samantha starts choking out Peter for being broke and Doug freezes everyone except his wife Kate via the magic crystal.

Doug then uses the magic as an excuse for all his bad behavior, and Kate quickly also uses it as a scapegoat for her cheating. Both decide they hate the house and everyone in Beverly Hills, and leave to go home, leaving the magic stone in Amy’s cleavage. As they go, Griswald appears and takes the stone, says “Lesson learned” and hinting there will be a next lesson. He also declines to release everyone, so I guess they’re all frozen for eternity.

How did anyone really learn a lesson? Doug and Kate just blamed all their personal failings on the magic jewel and the awful people who are their neighbors, neither really did any sort of self-introspection nor did they learn or grow from their experience or face any consequences for their unethical actions. They just abandoned everything to go make the same mistakes again.

Rated 3/10 (Jade Starr, logo, eyes of terror!!)

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