Zombie Ass – Toilet of the Dead

Zombie Ass is an actual movie coming out, from all places, Japan! Noboru Iguchi is the mad genius behind this title and film, which by all accounts will be yet another entry in his splatter gore genre that has made him a cult fan favorite around the globe. Zombie Ass will premier at Fantastic Fest 2011 in Austin.

I can’t read all the names on the posters, but Asami and Demo Tanaka are back, and it also stars Asana Mamori (Gravure Idol) and many more names that are too blurry to read and too close to nakedness to Google at work.

The synopsis from the Fantastic Fest website:

We are going to flush you! The most crap-tastic zombie movie ever to emerge from the sewers of low-budget filmmaking is finally upon us, and it’s from the perverted mind of cinematic madman and legendary ass-fetishist Noboru Iguchi, creator of THE MACHINE GIRL, ROBO-GEISHA and KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR! Given free reign by a generous, independent producer to plumb the depths of his toilet-obsessed imagination, Iguchi has created a splatter comedy guaranteed to warm the bowels of those with the stomach for it. Wracked with guilt over the suicide of her sister Ai, who was tormented by high school bullies, pretty young karate student Megu accompanies a group of older friends on a camping trip into the woods: smart girl Aya, her druggie boyfriend Také, big-boobed model Maki, and nerdy Naoi. Things start to go badly when Maki finds a parasitical worm inside a fish they catch – and wolfs it down alive, in the hope that it’ll help keep her skinny! Soon after, and not so unexpectedly in situations like this, zombies show up and begin to complicate things further. After they’re attached by a crowd of poop-covered undead who emerge from an outhouse toilet, the group seeks refuge at the home of strange Dr. Tanaka and his daughter Sachi. But unbeknownst to them, Tanaka has been conducting experiments on the parasites—and the zombies!—and has another fate in mind for the five strangers from the city. What’s the connection between the parasites and the zombies? And can Megu’s karate alone help them escape, or will she have to rely on the liberating power of farts to save the day? Featuring special effects by FF 2009-2010 guest Yoshihiro Nishimura, and some truly jaw-dropping contributions from Iguchi’s genius subconscious (parasite anus-zombies?!?), ZOMBIE ASS is a heaping plate of bad taste that may go down rough but is guaranteed to come out smooth and regular.

Zombie Ass
Zombie Ass

Source

Community Swingers

Community Swingers (Review)

Community Swingers


2006
Directed by Jeff Bay

Community Swingers is a softcore flick from Torchlight Entertainment, and it is from the large large group of pictures Torchlight dumped onto the world the last half of the aughts. If you have seen any of these films, you will note that they are light in plot and heavy in long long sex sequences. Oddly enough, Community Swingers differs from a lot of them, as it is not directed by Francis Locke (instead, Jeff Bay is credited, and let’s pretend he’s Michael Bay’s brother because, why not?) and there are not many scenes shot either in the desert or at the local hotel near the desert. But it retains many of the hallmark signatures that have come to define Torchlight films, including the ever-present music of Blade Simpson. He’s better than Sword Family Guy, but not as good as Katana SouthPark.

Community Swingers is not a good film. It is barely a film. The sex scenes are long. And I mean LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! They go on forever! Stringing the sex scenes together are a few bits of actual plot, most of which is in scenes that last only a few minutes (or less than one minute in one example.) The plot itself is very simple and is resolved by someone just answering a question. So very simple. As the script was probably one page single-spaced in Word, all the sex scene padding was needed to hit the running time. The actresses in the film aren’t bad looking, the extra characters also don’t look terrible. The sets must have had a budget of less than $1000, and there are technical problems like the ever-present boom mike. The boom mike has more scenes than most of the actors. There is little information about the film online, no real cast list, and no real release date. The 2006 date is a guess based on the DVD release, but there is a 2003 copyright claim in the credits. Looks like we’ll have to call in the Scooby Gang to solve this mystery!

I’m sure some of you are used to softcore films that have plots, actual actors, and charming qualities, but forget all you know or think you know. This is the world of Community Swingers! Not everything is bad, Nina Dolci’s acting is amusing and completely inconsistent (a good director could probably get a great performance out of her) and some of the sex sequences pull of their jobs of being erotic or hot, even if they get bogged down by the length. Though I can’t in good conscience give this high marks, I wouldn’t hold back people from watching it, I would just inform them as the what they would encounter when watching, which might even let them enjoy the film more if they don’t expect it to be something that it isn’t. As for the film, let’s get started swinging around the community!

Elaina (Mindy Vega) – Elaina enjoys the simple things. Nice clothes, condo lounging, reading Playboy, wearing bikini tops, having lesbian sex with any girl that moves, theorizing about the neighbor, and being converted from her homosexuality via dating someone rich. Mindy Vega runs her own webcam site, so Google her name if you want to see some stuff.
Jackie (Nina Dolci) – Jackie is Elaina’s best friend and occasional lover. Jackie also pounces on the men, especially male strippers, her dream date. Jackie also doesn’t put up with nonsense and likes to get to the bottom of things, but always believes in the worst of people she doesn’t like. In a dark alleyway, you would want Jackie in your corner against any and all that would stand against you.
Lance Taylor (Frank Anthony) – An artist who makes art by making a lot of noise.
Boom Mike (a boom mike) – The boomiest mike of them all becomes a major star in Community Swingers, as he stalks and lies in wait to pounce on the two female leads, ready to attack when the least suspect it! Look out, ladies!

One Buck Horror Volume 1 – Books I Done Been Reading!

One Buck Horror Volume 1
edited by
Christopher Hawkins and Kris M. Hawkins
featuring stories by
Ada Hoffmann
Julie Jansen
Mark Onspaugh
Mike Trier
Elizabeth Twist
cover art by Shawn Conn

Hey, it’s a bunch of short stories for a dollar? That sounds cool and cheap (EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m reviewing a copy gotten for free thanks to a coupon. Yes, say what you will!) because with the cost of printing, small anthologies would be considerably more than that. And though it is true that thanks to the internet, eReaders, eBooks, eMagazines, and Amazon and the like, there has been an explosion in self-published works of all genres. Following that, the 90% rule is in effect (90% of everything is crap!), and one must walk carefully to keep from hitting the dog poop mines.

But with 90% being terrible, 10% is good, and the volume of One Buck Horror reviewed here is in that top 10%. The various stories vary in tone and technique. This is the part of the review where I give short synopses, so here they are:

Jenny’s House by Ada Hoffmann – written first person in the voice of a child, an interesting choice for the first story presented to the public. It sets the mood for a somewhat playful, somewhat dangerous tone that One Buck Horror seems to be going after. Pretty neat, the foreshadowing not overwhelming, and the kid sounds like that kid we all knew on the playground growing up. Though in my generation he was probably talking about how he got to a super secret level of Super Mario Bros where everyone is naked.

A Lullaby for Caliban by Mark Onspaugh – My favorite of the stories, probably due to the setting at a traveling carnival and with the weird artifacts therein. The ending is a little unclear on if the character actually responded to the sales ad.

The Last Nephew by Elizabeth Twist – This one sounds like it could have been part of a grander story, but instead we just get a few pages near a climactic conclusion. Even with the brief visit, we’re drawn into the world. Probably a good choice to keep as a shorter story, because just what the “uncle” is doing would be hard to keep as a full story without it getting dragged out.

The Cornfield by Mike Trier – As someone who grew up in the midwest and has much experience walking around cornfields at night, the imagination going wild in the dark is a familiar element. And though what happens here never happened to me….it maybe could have. Okay, it couldn’t…..could it?

The Ginger Men by Julie Jansen – Another child point of view story, but written more mature even with the limitations of a child’s understanding in place. Some horrible voodoo things are going on that will make you swear off baking forever…unless you become one of the body snatched!

Overall, was pretty good, and I did not regret my purchase of $0. I would even not regret a purchase of $1. If you like creative horror stories, One Buck Horror is a good source. Available in multiple places such as Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords. For a rundown of links, visit the official site.
One Buck Horror

Books I Done Been Reading! name shamelessly stolen from Vault of Buncheness

Executive Koala

Executive Koala (Review)

Executive Koala

aka Koara kacho

2006
Directed by Minoru Kawasaki
Written by Minoru Kawasaki and Masakazu Migita


Executive Koala is a animal-suited joint from Japanese cult director Minoru Kawasak. His start in movies begane with low budget direct to video junk, but his genius became apparent even with some of the trash, as good jobs on manga films such as Maboroshi panty vs. Henchin pokoider lead to him getting financing for The Calamari Wrestler. He also gained fame with kaiju fans for The Monster X Strikes Back: Attack the G8 Summit, even if most didn’t like it. One of Minoru Kawasaki’s favorite themes seems to be putting anthropomorphic animals in human settings, be it wrestling squids, goalkeeper crabs, or wrestling beetles, Minoru Kawasaki just loves it. And so must someone, as the films kept making money for a while, but by Neko Ramen Taisho things had slowed down and he’s been less active recently with wacky fun films. I guess the market for animal suit films is the first to go when the economy implodes.

The focus here is on Executive Koala, the film about a koala who is an executive, as the title states, quite clearly. He also might be a murderer, and there is a lot of weird memory things going on. It’s a pretty good memory loss thriller, with a mystery that slowly unravels as we go along. The presence of the animal suits turn what is a Lifetime movie level script and elevate it into something memorable. We can all agree that Cyber Seduction would have been ten times better had the lead character been a wallaby.

Kawasaki’s exploration of genres with his unique convention of both parodying them with visuals, but playing it mostly straight, give his film an added quality that gave him a deserved cult following in the US. So let’s get going, shall we? Mustn’t keep the cult followers waiting…

Keiichi Tamura (???) – Just your regular desk job koala stuck in middle management of a pickle company. Spends most of his day being sweaty, shy, guilty, and weak-willed. His wife Yukari is long missing, and his new girlfriend Yoko is said to be murdered. Keiichi may also have a dark side coming out. We shall see!
Yukari (Elli-Rose) – Yukari is Keiichi’s missing wife. But Keiichi has begun to move on, even as rumors swirl that he murdered her. Then things happen… Elli-Rose (エリローズ/Eri Roozu) is a Japanese model/actress who also does DJ work.
Yoko Abe (Elli-Rose) – Yoko Abe is Keiichi’s new girlfriend. She totally doesn’t look like Yukari, just what are you implying? And it definitely isn’t a plot point!
Detective Ono (Hironobu Nomura) – A suspicious detective who follows around and harasses Keiichi, while his partner Kita seems less interested.
Mr. Kim (???) – Keiichi is given the job to babysit/keep happy the owner of Korean company Bae Foods, to help with a business deal. Mr. Kim has an assistant named Yu and owns Momo the flying squirrel. Practices Sinanju, a Korean martial art that’s actually the fake marital art from The Destroyer novels.
Convenience Store Frog (???) – Yes, even frogs are forced to be register jockeys in Japan. Luckily, this frog knows a thing or two about everything, and slips helpful notes into Keiichi’s bags.
The CEO of Rubbles Pickles Co. Ltd. (???) – Great, every time I invest in a company, they elect a rabbit as CEO! It’s crazy. And they squander the company profits in an attempt to get their hands on Trix!

The Worst Movie EVER breaks record

The Worst Movie EVER! is a film no one heard of until it made a staggering $11 on opening weekend. $11. That’s one ticket. Thus, it became the lowest opening weekend figure ever on BoxOfficeMojo! And internet fame was born. Thus, the producer of The Worst Movie EVER! is quick to jump on the gravy train, and you can now download the film for $5 from the official site. The official synopsis:

A robot alien. Angst-ridden teens. Cleavage-wielding soul takers. A dark overlord. A cross-dressing retard. A pregnant 14-year-old cougar. Macho scientists. Santa Claus. Yeah, this movie has it all.

Amazingly enough, director/writer/star Glenn Berggoetz is claiming he wasn’t the one ticket purchased, and has even started a search to find out who the unlucky bastard is. Shameless publicity stunt, or actual search? You be the judge!

Now, we’re normally not too keen on bad movies that try to be bad movies, because the best bad movies are serious efforts. But maybe, just maybe, we’ll watch this. Maybe.

The Worst Movie Ever

33D Invader stills and trailer – 蜜桃成熟時33D

UPDATE: Click here for a FULL REVIEW of 33D Invader!

33D Invader aka 蜜桃成熟時33D aka The Fruit is Ripe 33D has put out some stills and a trailer ahead of its September 22 release. And it looks like 33D Invader will be the official overseas title, but these titles change more often than a chameleon in a crayon factory. We got alien dudes, goofy effects, naked time travel, Macy Wu Qing-Qing, and a lot of getting it on, alien time traveling special powers girl style. Honestly…this looks more fun than 3D Sex and Zen. More stupid, but more fun.
Stills:
33D Invader
33D Invader
33D Invader
33D Invader
##D Invader

Trailer – Copy and past because there are butts and badly blurred boobage:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjLscVpff-c