Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 207 – Fire in the Heart

2001 Official Site
Directed by Dave Mason

Forget your Faith of the Heart, I got Fire in the Heart! Fire! Fire! That’s cool!. We have secret kids and things borrowed from a Next Generation episode. Plus a character’s hair is still obviously dyed. Which one? Well, figure it out! Do I have to do all the work for you? Pretend it’s a Slylock Fox or something. TarsTarkas.NET is promoting personal responsibility.

Speaking of personal responsibility, also guess which major character wasn’t being very responsible as to where he was sticking his p-due without a rubber raincoat! I hope he doesn’t get Space AIDS, which is like regular AIDS except aliens burst from your chest.

Captain Ian Quincy Knapp (David W. Dial) – Still Angry! His brother was killed by the Dominion, and left Captain Knapp angry! Had a mysterious encounter during the Dominion War (The Dominion who killed his brother) with mystery aliens that made him angry, and now that he commands Deep Space 12 and the USS Excelsior he can take out his anger over his brother’s death with flaming kill-lasers. Did I mention his brother was killed? Commander Elizabeth Shelby (Risha Denney) – Stop standing in Shelby’s way or I’ll kick your butt! Shelby’s back and being Shelby and stuff. Counselor Myra Elbrey (Barbara Clifford) – Betazoid, used to teach at the Academy. Survivor of the Grey attack on the USS Rutledge. Has a dog named Mr. Scott. Occasionally blonde. Ensign Ro Nevin (Arthur Bosserman) – Science officer and Ro Laren’s brother. His hair is now more frosted than tiger-endorsed flakes! Ensign Jenna McFarland (Adrianne Lange) – Half-Trill, Half-Human, all Navigation. I still don’t know if she has a worm in her belly. Is always there if you need the ship steered. Has amusing stories that she never gets to finish due to the plots developing. Her uncle’s name is Rufus. Lt. Cmd. Robin Lefler (Joanne Busch) – Chief Engineer, and still dating Wesley Crusher despite the fact he ran off after last season. You may remember Lefler when she was Ashley Judd on the actual The Next Generation show. Has a bunch of laws that she will recite until you pull out a gun and kill yourself. Lefler’s Law Number 244 is “Recite laws until everyone dies!” Lt. Luko (Terence Schoshinski) – Who is this dude? – Luko is the replacement for Lt. John Martinez who is off doing…something…maybe they’ll explain it when he returns later in the series. Luko was on Voyager, so we know he’s used to being on ships run by morons. But he was also in the Maquis, so never trust him. As for a security officer, he gets shot and contributes to the death of a main character in his first appearance. Nowhere to go but up. Luko is a Bre’elian, which is funny because it rhymes with alien.

Guest Star Roll Call

Traya (Crystal Huerta) – Captain Angry’s unknown daughter, Daughter Angry, who was secretly birthed by her now dead mother after Captain Angry was all “love ’em and leave ’em” or something. So they have a secret mission to rescue the child because I guess there is no Department of Child Services in the 24th century. Chief Enan Kiril (Rob Caves) – A Trill guy on the bridge who is played by show driving force Rob Caves. Is there a worm in his belly? Let’s cut him open and find out. Where is my lightsaber? Dr. Anderson (Suzy Kaplan) – Dr. Henglaar can’t possibly help everyone on the Deep Space 12/USS Excelsior crew by his lonesome, especially when he needs his regular mud baths. And then there is hiding from Deep Space 12’s meat processing plant, as they want to turn Henglaar into hickory-smoked bacon. Mmmmm….hickory-smoked bacon. So Dr. Anderson is the other doctor, the one who is related to Neo.

Luko is taking some girl to Deep Space 12 while flying a Maquis raider, when suddenly they are attacked by a bunch of flying saucers using TIE Fighter engine and weapons effects. These are the Grey, who you read about in one of the many other adventures of the Hidden Frontier crew, so this shouldn’t be new to you. The girl is Traya, and she doesn’t seem to be in the same cockpit as Luko because all her comments are weird. I think some dialogue got edited between shootings. Luko starts to blast a few of the saucers, and the the USS Excelsior shows up and shoots some more. Yes…kill…destroy…murder!

The USS Excelsior waits until the credits are over to beam the two aboard, and gets their nacelles blasted for the effort. Said nacelle blasting causes the Excelsior to lose warp capability. Captain Angry is totally angry about this and doesn’t even listen to Shelby. The other Grey saucers must have bugged out or something as no one is bothering to shoot at the ship any more. Maybe the Grey are like dogs and got distracted by a space squirrel.

Ensign Ro is even more of a bottled blonde than before! Is he or isn’t he? Only his hairdresser knows for sure. And us, because it is a totally obvious dye job. How many of you are old enough to get that joke, which I only know thanks to Mad Magazine? Maybe I can work in a Spy vs. Spy joke so this review is totally current!

We find out that Traya is Captain Angry’s daughter, something I didn’t see coming because she is so calm and non-angry. Luko goes to the bridge and argues with Shelby, who isn’t being told who Luko rescued despite figuring out Luko was on a secret mission in uncharted space. Captain Angry didn’t know the girl existed, her mom was a resistance fighter resisting the Orion syndicate and left without telling him she was pregnant, and then died when Traya was young. Captain Angry is angry about all this and goes to the bridge, luckily he is also being called to the bridge at the time because more fighters are coming.

The Grey ships start ramming into the Excelsior, but the engineering team doesn’t care about that, they are still worrying about some glitch that is why they can’t warp out of there. They are awfully calm for being on a ship that is being rammed. Now the internal communications are down and Captain Angry is trapped on Deck 18. He is angry, and angrily heads to the bridge. On foot.

Hey, the episode turned into that one episode of TNG where Worf delivered Molly! They even have a kid running around.

The bridge crew wakes up and starts fumbling around, then suddenly notice that Shelby is injured and needs to get to sick bay. The other dudes on the bridge are Luko, Ensign Andrew Barrett, and Jenna McFarland.

In 10-forward, Myra Elbry helps the wounded, including a guy wearing an Andorian wig (but no makeup) and a dude with a huge white afro. He must be from the Harlem Globetrotters Planet. Elbry tells Traya that Captain Angry is a private man. That’s the polite way of saying Captain Angry is an anti-social jerk who hates other people.

Fire explodes on the ship and now engineering has more problems. This is like a really really bad day for engineering. Where is Toby Witczak when you need him? Oh, that’s right, dead. Somehow Traya is also a genius in rigging emergency communications, she is so good at it we don’t even see her do it until after Luko tells Captain Angry about it.

10-forward was threatened by the exploding fire, but now they are all rescued by Lt. Luko. Barrett is sent to repair a power relay and a fire that was in the phaser cannon is put out, then the cannon is ejected by the bridge. Wait, why not just eject the cannon while it was still on fire? Eh…

Power comes back on because of that, and the bridge instantly knows what is going on all over the ship thanks to time saving writing that skips over them looking at status updates and briefings. The USS Excelsior is joined by some other ships and flies away.

And there is a monkey crew member!!! Holy crap, a chimp guy! I demand more Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy!

Dr. Anderson fixes Shelby’s injuries, as Dr. Henglaar was off getting another nose job or something. Shelby is upset because she couldn’t complain about things, but I stopped caring. Get back to being ambitious, Shelby!

And learn how to be a dad, Captain Angry! Do I have to give everyone on this show advice? Only Chimp Guy is so cool he doesn’t need advice. Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy! Chimp Guy!

Chimp Guy!

Rated 5/10 (Fire, bruises, Damage, The greatest character of all time, White Wig Wounds)

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