Wild Things 3: Diamonds in the Rough
2005
Starring
Sarah Laine as Marie Clifford (Rich Girl)
Sandra McCoy as Elena Sandoval (Bad Girl)
Linden Ashby as Detective Michael Morrison
Ron Melendez as Dr. Chad Johnson (Forensics Guy)
Dina Meyer as Kirsten Richards
Remember that movie Wild Things, which had a bunch of plot twists and murder? Oh, so you only remember the threesome scene. Well, good news for you. This is the same movie. There are a few differences, indeed, but they basically just renamed all the characters. Instead of Denise Richards or Neve Campbell, we get Susan Ward and Leila Arcieri. Who are they? Well, they work for cheap, that’s who they are! ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR!!
Sorry about that. Wild Things 3 is so similar to Wild Things 2 that I almost wrote the same review. I probably could get away with it, since they used almost the same script. Except they must have used a photocopier that was low on ink, so a few pages were faded and they filled in the rest with their big named star, Dina Meyer, who fills in the role of “someone who has actual acting talent” that was provided by Isaiah Washington in WT2. I’d call the writers a bunch of thieves, except they stole from themselves as they are guilty of writing WT2, and are moving on to write Single White Female 2, which the world needs, as Single White Female had so many unanswered questions. “Will she be single forever?” “Will she be white forever or get reversed Michael Jackson disease?” and “Will we get more movies where people are killed by high heeled shoes?” These modern day heroes are going to answer some of the questions that have plagued mankind for a decade.
So what is the difference besides Dina Meyer? Well, first of all, there are diamonds instead of stock options. These diamonds are worth $4 million. Keep in mind the last movie netted $69 million for the villains, this movie will net only four, probably five times the budget. Also, the girls here are much much much hotter than in WT2. That’s all you need to really know. We start out with the two big diamonds being shown, and Rich Girl is caught in a legal battle with Step-Daddy over their custody.
Following a nearly identical assembly from the other films (except Dina Meyer mentions rape), Rich Girl is on the Diving Team, this movie’s excuse for getting characters in bikinis and wet. Bad Girl has that innocent look with deep down badness that just drives me wild, and she’s forced to be the towel-girl for the diving team for her probation. Bad Girl catches Step-Daddy’s eye, and after perving on her for a while, he invites her to the party at Rich Girl’s house later. At said party, Step-Daddy is threatened by not one but TWO angry Latino men. See? Different! The party is also the first appearance of two major characters in this film: Rich Girl’s nipples. They are in almost every scene she’s in, and they are in the party scene due to her toss in the pool that turns her shirt as transparent as Brittney Spears’s actual lack of talent is to everyone who is not a 12 year old girl (wait, parts of the WT2 review is leaking back in here again…)
Bad Girl shows up and Rich Girl throws her into the pool and they fight there until Step-Daddy breaks them up. Step-Daddy kicks everyone out just like the last movie, but unlike the last movie now takes Bad Girl to a building he’s construction and starts perving on her. The next morning Detective Morrison arrests him for rape. Yes, Johnny Cage has returned, he was even at the repeat assembly from earlier. Dina Meyer just happens to be Bad Girl’s parole officer, and helps her through her rape crisis. A New Forensics Guy (not the dead one from the previous film) helps identify a bite on Bad Girl’s chest as Step-Daddy. The position of Forensics Guy has been downgraded from Harvard Looking Guy to X-Games Reject Guy. Step-Daddy looks like he’s gonna go down in flames at the trial, until Rich Girl tells him that they can sell the diamonds for money to bribe Bad Girl into changing her story. Step-Daddy agrees and stops challenging Rich Girl’s claim on the diamonds.
Yep, you guessed it, it’s all a ruse, and it’s THREESOME TIME! Bad Girl comes over and her and Rich Girl begin the beast with two backs. Back number three is provided by….Forensics Guy! Yes, the shock in the movie is it’s the exact same person as the last movie! How lazy can you get? Now, Marie Clifford and especially Elena Sandoval are way hotter than the previous girls from WT2, and Marie is really naked, while Elena Sandoval has a body double for the closeup scenes yet is naked in the background. Basically, they combined every detail about the previous two threesomes except there is no champagne in this one.
Now that the betrayal has been revealed before the trial is even over, now we get more trial where Bad Girl still says that Step-Daddy raped her, but uses wording similar to what Dina Meyer said earlier in the assembly. That makes Dina Meyer know she’s lying, and the cops trying to figure out what’s going on begins. They confront Rich Girl and her nips, then confront Forensics Guy. Both of them start freaking out, and Forensics Guy looks like he’s gonna get killed again…wait, something different is happening. Forensics Guy drugs Rich Girl and steals the diamonds. Rich Girl awakens and calls Bad Girl and they go hunting for some Medical Examiner.
Medical Examiner is racing down a narrow strip of highway that is surrounded on both sides by swamp canals, and on one side Bad Girl is chasing him on a hovercraft. Medical Examiner is smug, up until he notices Rich Girl barreling down at him from the opposite direction. Ignoring that it’s impossible for her to have gotten ahead of him, he veers off the road, and is suddenly in the middle of a forest. He runs off, as Bad Girl and Rich Girl give chase. Bad Girl suddenly has an ankle bracelet that goes off, alerting the police that she’s out of her probation range. Police being Dina Meyer, who was about to get it on with Detective Morrison until she was saved by the bell. Or the beeper. Forensics Guy gets himself shot, and Rich Girl tells Bad Girl to dump the SUV in the swamp while she goes to meet the buyer. Bad Girl is less than thrilled with this plan, and learns the hard way how hard it is to dump a body while on a time limit before the police arrive. They find her in a compromising position, and she’s got no choice but to go with them.
Rich Girl meets with the buyer, who informs her the diamonds are fake. Rich Girl is pissed, but not as pissed as she will be when she finds out the police are using Bad Girl to set her up for the murder of Forensics Guy. Step-Daddy’s lawyer decides to help Rich Girl get the diamonds in exchange for some extra dough, and reveals the real diamonds are in Step-Daddy’s safe. Step-Daddy gives the combo to Rich Girl in exchange for a full confession from Bad Girl that she lied. She does, which means Bad Girl is going to go away for a while, unless she can get Rich Girl to spill the murder beans. They open the safe, but Bad Girl pulls a gun on Rich Girl and a shootout begins. Cops Detective Morrison and Dina Meyer enter the fray as well, and at the end of the day, Rich Girl is shot dead by Dina Meyer. It’s all over now.
Of course it isn’t over! Bad Girl claims there were no diamonds in the safe, but we know better. We know even better when Detective Morrison gets a visit from Internal Affairs. It seems Dina Meyer has vanished, along with Bad Girl and $300,000. Bad Girl also turns out to have never been on probation, but a normal girl who just happens to be adopted. Adopted because her mother gave her up as she was a product of rape. Her mother being a young Dina Meyer. Her father being a young rapist Step-Daddy. Step-Daddy was celebrating with Mother/Daughter who then reveals the truth, just after he’s taken some Date Rape drugs of his own, which cause his instant death as he falls off a cliff. So, to all potential rapists out there, don’t give the girl the date rape drugs while she’s on a cliff, or things will get messy.
Well, that’s the end. Like the others, Wild Things 3 ends with the credits showing more betrayals and how things worked, and has a naked shower make out scene, which is the highlight of all the credits for all the movies. Who cares who the Best Boy is when girls are kissing? This is much better than WT2, but still can’t hold to the original. The original is only good due to it’s originality, and as the sequels just rehash, they lose the shock value. WT3 makes up for most of it’s problems by having the hottest stars in the direct to video sequel market so far. Maybe Single White Female 2 will break that mark, but I doubt it. And now a handy chart showing what was repeated for this film that was in one of the others:
This movie gets a higher rating than the last due to the hotter women, however, the fact the script is a weak xerox copy of the previous movies drags the rest of the ratings down. The “Diamonds in the Rough” title (well, the DVD title, the title screen just says “Wild Things 3“) reminds us of Aladdin where we get the “Diamond in the rough (Diamond in the rough)” statement.
Rated 4/10 (Diving Item, Blacklighted Panties, Gratuitous Nude Girl, Forensics Teeth)
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