Sex is Zero

aka Saekjeuk shigong

2002

Eunsik–Our Hero. Will have more trials set upon him in this movie than Job.
Eunhyo–Love Interest

Sangok–Hot Jerk
Jiwon–Rich Girl
Hot Friend with dirty dirty mouth, my favorite of the Hot chicks
Yoonkyoung–Other Friend
Hyunhee–“Michigan fan”, Virgin Friend
Effeminant Boy
Another Guy
Sex Doll Guy
Chansu–a Horndog

Korea takes a stab at sex comedies in the vein of American Pie and Porky’s,

Opens to alternating shots of girls working out and guys putting disgusting things in a bowl of alcohol, all to the Gogo’s We Got the Beat. Our Hero Eunsik wakes up the next day in a pool of his own vomit. this will be the least degrading thing to happen to him all movie. Luckily, bug sprayers come along to hurry up the degrading acts, and Our Hero mistakes the cloud for a fire and leaps out the window, to Matrix effects! This does give us time to get a quick glimsp at the cast.

Our Hero Eunsik is then checking out porn with his roommates, Horndog and Effiminant Boy, when a mouse rudely interrrupts them, and thanks to Another Guy who walks in with a sex doll. Our Hero almost swallows the mouse, a la Tom Green. Later in the cafeteria, he notices Eunhyo and she gives him a free show of her panties. Michigan basketball is also popular among female Koreans if you believe the jersey one of them is wearing. We are then treated to multiple shots of asian girls in bikinis by the pool, which i have no problem with.

Followed by a sex scene between Jiwon and Sangok, the rich girl and jerk rich boy for our movie, complete with naked Jiwon. We then find out Our Hero is part of a group of some type of martial art that beats each other up lead by sex Doll Guy. The group has no where to practice. But that is not important right now, it is time for Our Hero to eat a sandwich full of fried cum and rat poison. For some reason, i think it was supposed to be funny, but then he ran around eating the sandwich being chased by his friends, except for Sex Doll Guy who decided this would be a good time to have sex with a doll. (when ISN’T it? Am i right? No? I didn’t think so…). So they pump Our Hero’s stomach. He then gets blamed for grabbing on Eunhyo on the subway instead of the chikan (subway pervert, the Japanese name for it, i have no clue what they are in Korean) and gets kneed in the groin, causing him to have gigantic testicles. While at the hospital Eunhyo visits and gives Our Hero the keys to the gym her and the Aerobics team practices in to use for his weird club. Through this, Sex Doll Guy hooks up with Eunhyo’s Nazi Aerobics instructor.

Eunsik is then used by Jiwon as a demonstration that she is hotter than Eunhyo (lie), so everyone goes clubbing. Sudenly Sangok the rich jerk shows up so he can start dating Eunhyo (which is bad, since he already is banging Jiwon and Our Hero is in love with Eunhyo), and the otherrs pair up, and Eunsik is left alone, but not before getting beat up by the club’s employees, including the chikan has his friend. Chansu and Yoonkyoung end up at a hotel where he removes her shirt while she is passed out. You might be thinking this is date rape, but it is in fact just wacky hilarity! (actually, it is date rape and in America he would be in jail being date raped himself like he deserves!). The Hot Female Friend with the Dirty Mouth hooks up with Effeminant Boy, who “puts it in the wrong hole” ruining that night (but at least we get to see the Hot Girl naked!!!). Michigan fangirl hooks up with Another Guy after she gets done puking, and she hurts her arm choking his chicken after refusing to have sex.

Next day, Jiwon and Eunhyo smack each other over Sangok, and Jiwon is “embarassed” to have to talk to Sangok about him dating another girl. Since she is stupid, she doesn’t just drop his sorry behind. Our Hero Eunsik tries to cheer Eunhyo up by dunking his head in water or something, but that just results in her making out with Sangok. Back in the Boy’s Dorm, the roommates are putting some liquid viagra in a can of soda for some reason. One guess as to who will be drinking that accidently later. The Another Guy has decided to use some of the Viagra to make Michigan Fan get all randy (yes, date rape and drugging women to have sex with them, this is comedy gold!), but Nazi Aerobics Instructor drinks it instead. Back at the dorms, Our Hero drinks the viagra, Eunhyo and Sangok knock boots, and Nazi Aerobics Instructor gets all hot and bothered. Also, the Chikan and his friend are robbing the rooms, and watch Eunhyo and Sangok. Sangok then leaves to inform Jiwon that she is a bad girlfriend for not letting him sleep with other girls (The NERVE of her, really….), and Eunhyo is almost caught in the boys dorm, runs into Eunsik’s room while he is jacking it, then orders him to get her stuff from the next room, so he sneaks out on the windowsill, where he runs into the Chikans, and someone sees them and the cops come, and now Eunsik is in a hostage situation. They all fall to their doom and Eunsik is in the hospital again.

After this, the movie takes a sharp turn into THE MOST DEPRESSING COMEDY OF ALL TIME!!! Eunsik wants to get something for Eunhyo’s birthday so he and his buddies earn money by being male strippers, and have a surprise party for Eunhyo where they push a cake in her face. But they failed to contemplate that Eunhyo was knocked up, and the jerk Sangok tells her to take care of it. What is a sex comedy without a tragic abortion plotline, am i right? So that stud Sangok goes and has sex with Jiwon, which i would complain about him being a jerk except for the fact it was anohter excuse to see the actress playing Jiwon naked again. According to this movie, college age women need a guardian with them when they have an abortion, so Eunhyo invites Eunsik (who thinks it is a date). There is then a really graphic and surprisingly real representation of an abortion room. Eunsik tries to cheer up Eunhyo for the next week while she has to be in bed, but she may miss the National Championship for the Aerobics competition.

So the Aerobics Competition starts, Eunsik is there because his weird martial arts club was invited to show them beating each other up during one of the breaks. The movie has also decided that it will now show hundreds of girls running around in spandex and therefore no longer needs to show nudity, which is another example of the flawed logic of this film. After spandex padding, Eunsik and his club perform, and he gets whacked on the head by a hammer when he notices Eunhyo show up. Unfortunatly, performing causes her to bleed uncontrolably and she ends up in the hospital. Eunsik beats up Sangok and everyone who ever watched this movie cheers and dances for joy. Unfortunatly the friends stop Eunsik from beating him up completely.

Much later Eunhyo shows up at Eunsik’s place and Eunhyo admits she loves Eunsik. Then the building catches on fire and they jump out the window. The End. Although Korea is quickly becoming the goto country for quality films, this is a small aberration that doesn’t translate well. And it’s the most depressing comedy in the universe.

The Trials Upon Eunsik:

• Drink bowl of cigarette butts and booze and spit
  
• gassed
  
• jumps out window
  
• teased by girls
  
• eats sperm and rat poison
  
• mistaken for chikan, kicked in balls, balls become bull sized
  
• loses the girl he loves to stupid rich jerk
  
• drinks bottle with liquid viagra in it
  
• Eunhyo walks in on him masterbating to computer porn
  
• caught in hostage situation
  
• fly bugging his fruit jam filled hair
  
• must deal with abortion mess
  
• hit on head with hammer
  
• Can’t beat up Sangok completely
  
• beat over head right after fight
  
• Eunhyo walks in on him licking ketchup off of crotch of poster
  
• building catches on fire

Rated 6/10 Sex is Zero girls (and our lonely hero)

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