Starman Attack From Space

1964

This movie is edited from 2 episodes of the Super Giant serials of the 1950s. (this one being episodes 5 and 6, JINKO EISEN TO JINRUI NO HAMETSU and UCHUTEI TO JINKO EISEN NO KEKITOTSU) If you’ve ever seen Invasion of the Neptune Men or Prince of Space then you have a good idea what Starman movies are like, and know to proceed with caution. For those of you who haven’t been to the world of Japanese 50’s superhero sci-fi, it is a frightening journey into madness and shame. Or at least very similar to modern day Power Rangers or Ultraman type shows, except no one grows big, and there is usually only one good guy who is invincible and kills hundreds of evil Bad Dudes. So strap yourself in and prepare for the ride.

Evil vaguely Nazi aliens from the Sapphire Galaxy (henceforth known as Sapphirians) are on a mission to conquer the galaxy. To do this they must first conquer Earth. For some reason. Also Earth seems to be the first planet they’re going to try to conquer. Anyway, the Emerald Planet gets wind of the dastardly deed, and dispatches their agent to Earth, a robot called STARMAN! Starman is equipped with a GLOBEMETER, which enables the wearer to fly through space, detect radioactivity, and to speak and understand every language on Earth (but does it speak Klingon?). Starman heads off to stop the Sapphirians! So he attacks a Sapphirian ship (ignore the string) but is forced to abandon his attack when a shower of meteors come. Starman heads toward Earth to find out who is betraying mankind.

Meanwhile on Earth, Dr Yamanaka and his research team are having problems with their equipment, which is part of a starship being built as a ship of peace to explore outside of the solar system. Parts of the ship are mysteriously being destroyed. Dr. Yamanaka’s children Kiyoro and Riyoichi are sent in the city to buy a solenoid for the spaceship. But someone right before them in line buys all the solenoids in town, and the children decide to follow him to see what he is up too. They manage to tail him to a graveyard, where he enters into a secret passageway down a gravesite. The kids prepare to get the police, but are captured by other agents and are taken below grounds as well.

One of the Hired Goons returns to the island where the starship is being constructed and delivers a letter from the children, and threatens their deaths if the scientists do not cooperate. Also one of Dr. Yamanaka’s assistants is a traitor, then lengthily explains what the Sapphirians are up to. The Sapphirians are building a new rocket, and they need Dr. Yamanaka’s engine to power their ship (shouldn’t intersolar space aliens have rocket engines? Especially if they are trying to conquer the galaxy? Who’s planning their attack, Bozo the Clown?) The world leaders meet to discuss the situation. Starman shows up in dapper atire to tell them what is up and give another plot rehash.

The Sapphirians put Dr. Yamanaka and his children and an assistant named Asari into a machine to control their minds. Starman detects the Sapphirians spacebase (but not the big spacebase) and goes to attack, but they evade by going Mach 80. However, Mach 80 is not fast enough, and Starman boards their vessel and begins kicking Sapphire butt. And on Earth the Sapphirian ship launches (with Earth Engine) and Starman detects an even larger space vessel, the Sapphirian Surpreme HeadQuarters. The head of the Sapphirians, Bundar (BUNDAR???), orders their new Rocket to head to Orbit EF— the orbit that takes it near the DEATH STAR! (not that Death Star, this Death Star is just some random star that happens to be in our solar system but none of us know about it, yet it is really hot.) Starman uses deductive reasoning to figure out the ship is powered by Dr. Yamanaka’s engine and that he and his children are hypnotized, despite having no possible way of knowing. The Sapphirian ship nears the Death Star, and Starman must follow despite being worried his steel body will melt. Then hypnotized Dr. Yamanaka is ordered to fire missiles at Starman, one of which hits him and he crashes on the surface of the Death Star (right next to Porkins).

The ship lands on Sapphirian Surpreme HeadQuarters. The mind control wears off of daughter Kiyoro and Asari. The Sapphirians issue an ultimatum to Earth demanding surrender and destroy a Himalayan mountain. The Humans refuse to surrender, so they destroy Downtown New York, downtown Paris, and one single building in Tokyo. (going a little light on Japan, are we? And Starman is really dropping the ball on this adventure.) Asari and Kiyoro escape and dress as guards as the search for a way to disable the space station. If the humans get control of the single rocket, then the Sapphirian Surpreme HeadQuarters will not be able to defend itself (wait a minute, a gigantic space ship cannot defend itself against a tiny rocket, and has no other rockets to help? I’ve seen games of Chutes and Ladders with more strategic forethought.) The humans disable the missile room, and the Sapphirians begin to search for them. They capture Kiyoro and the son Riyoichi and will execute them along with Dr. Yamanaka, when STARMAN reappears! Starman single-handedly beats up fifty-some guards. He then shoots a whole bunch more. After thirty more dead Sapphirians, they realize they have guns also and start shooting at Starman, but to no avail. While Starman is killing them all one by one, all the hostages escape to the rocket except Kiyoro, who is taken to the back room. Also, they bother to changer her clothes from the guard uniform back to her space hostage clothes. They call the spaceship and threaten to kill her unless the hostages surrender. But communications go out, and then Kyoro escapes by stealing a machine gun, then holes up in a room, and effectively uses cover, and kills a host of evil guys. Man, this chick is a whiz with a machine gun! I think I’m in love… She is a non-stop killing machine.

Back in the rest of the spaceship, Starman is still killing troops. And killing troops. And killing troops. Sometimes, Sapphirians turn into dummies on “invisible” wires after they die and Starman throws them across the room. After the long long long long long long long long long long long fight sequence, Starman finally rescues Kiyoro, but the Starship has already launched, but then Starman just flies her up to the rocket. Then the spaceship rams the Sapphirian Surpreme HeadQuarters, causing massive damage, then ram it again and destroy it. Then Starman waves goodbye, and the day is saved. Except for the millions dead on Earth, but hey, they died off camera so screw them!

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