Posts tagged "Seth Gamble"

Lolita from Interstellar Space (Review)

Lolita from Interstellar Space

Lolita from Interstellar Space
2014
Written and directed by Dean McKendrick

This is the USS Vladimir Nabokov, we’re being chased by an unknown vessel and requesting assistance!

Lolita from Interstellar Space is yet another erotic parody softcore feature from Synthetic Filmwerx, complete with science-fiction elements and featuring a load of the familiar actors and song queues you know and love from the Retromedia bunch. Despite the reins being handed over fully to Dean McKendrick, the films are still recognizably from the same production group, and Lolita feels like a comfortable pair of slippers.

An alien comes to Earth to learn all about humanity, and humanity’s favorite pastime – sex! Or killing each other, but that wouldn’t make a good late night cable movie, so that’s all thrown out in favor of the bumping of uglies. A good decision, in my opinion. Who knew that softcore films are more progressive than prime time television?

Lolita from Interstellar Space

This film just made a profit!


Lolita from Interstellar Space succeeds in having a group of characters who are flawed but still good people (except for Greg, who is just bad), lending some realism to their portrayals. Sarah, who likes fancy stuff, but likes honesty and not putting up with a bunch of crap more. Joe, who is aimlessly drifting through college, but stays away from dipping into the unscrupulous doings of his friend Greg. Brandy, who enjoys attention but is rather reserved. Lolita isn’t a super smart alien chosen for this unique mission, she’s a screw-up who goes because it’s a last-ditch effort to get a passing grade. And even then, she messes up and has to fix the problems.

This film does raise the question on if the aliens are sending students to different planets all the time for extra credit, and what are the long term consequences of this action? Could thousands of planets in the galaxy be receiving visits from this race in the form of students who are in danger of failing? And where to the advanced students go? Once again, the viewer must answer these questions for themselves. I am fully confident that this will be the main avenue of discussion for Lolita from Interstellar Space, and not the sex scenes. I’m also fully confident you knew I was kidding about that last sentence!

Lolita from Interstellar Space

All your insurance covers is hypnotherapy!


You also need to know that Lolita from Interstellar Space is based on the classic tale by Jules Verne! Wait…WHAT??? Damn you, Jules Verne!

Lolita (Anna Morna) – An alien student whose real name is Lo’Lee-tha (no one pronounces it that way on Earth), she is sent to Earth to learn about humanity to make up for her dismal grades. Lolita learns about humanity and a whole lot more, mostly stuff in the erotic category. Though she probably could have just googled all that.
Sarah (Christine Nguyen) – A cocktail waitress who likes expensive stuff, but likes responsibility even more. Strong willed. Roommates with Brandy and Joe.
Brandy (Karlie Montana) – A candy striper at the hospital, enjoys her patients and her roommates, Joe and Sarah. Enjoys Joe a bit more than Sarah.
Joe (Seth Gamble) – Joe is on his third term as a senior, will he ever graduate? Who knows. He’s a bartender at the same bar Sarah works at, and is friends with Greg.
Professor Zarren (Nick Manning) – Lo’Lee-tha’s teacher at graduate school, Professor Zarren sets up the special study course that allows her to still earn the credits she needs to finish with a degree. Nick Manning plays Professor Zarren stiffly and like he can’t open his mouth fully, giving him an alien feel. Because he’s an alien.
Greg (Chad White) – Greg is Sarah’s no-good boyfriend, who lost his job while cheating on her (thus hasn’t told her that he’s fired), spends money he doesn’t have on her, then cheaps out and renegs on promises to her. Also, he’s a jerk, if you haven’t picked up on that yet.
Mr. Reynolds (Alec Knight) – A patient at the hospital who hits on Brandy, because he’s so bored lying in a bed all day.

Lolita from Interstellar Space

I think she knows we’re only in this chemistry class to learn how to break bad!


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 29, 2014 at 7:35 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Stacked Racks from Mars (Review)

Stacked Racks from Mars

Stacked Racks From Mars
2014
Written and directed by Dean McKendrick

They got all this way before they realized they left Grandpa back at the gas station!

Earth is once again the target of alien conquest and alien lust in Stacked Racks from Mars! Invading aliens are always coming to Earth with plans to invade, and plans to have fun shore leaves, which almost always result in the aliens choosing not to invade. If there’s one thing humans are known for in the galaxy, it’s fucking anything and everything that comes to Earth. ALF, ET, Predator, Mac – they all pulled in tons of tail! Where do you think Disney gets the raw components for their latest generation of kids from?

Stacked Racks From Mars

Oh, forget the plot, let’s just make out!


Stacked Racks from Mars is another femalien invasion movie where alien ladies possess the bodies of Earth ladies and proceed to go on a sex spree. This time, the ladies specifically say they were conscious the entire time while the aliens use their bodies to have sex with random people. However, they don’t seem to be shocked at all by the experience of being possessed and coerced into situations of rape, and are instead more mad at their husbands, who have sex with the alien women. That’s a neat trick to try to dismiss the fact the women are being raped, and unfortunately I have to give demerits to Stacked Racks from Mars because I’ve never been comfortable with these scenes, and prefer everyone being totally down with getting down. At least this time the women are freed, unlike in Housewives from Another World, where they are trapped forever while the aliens control their bodies.

Stacked Racks from Mars is cartoonish in nature, with several scenes that are played up for ridiculousness. The ending especially, which gives off Benny Hill vibes and deflates what should be more serious repercussions. If you miss that spaceship set that gets used a lot in low-budget features, it makes a reappearance, complete with a sex scene on the table. All the other classic Retromedia/Synthetic Filmwerx stuff is present, from the usual core cast (with a few newbies) to the familiar music.

Stacked Racks From Mars

Wait, sex with aliens causes impotency???


Vala 27 (Erika Jordan) – Experienced commander of infiltration and invasion missions for her empire. Despite her battle-hardened persona, still likes to engage in pleasures of the flesh in the local fashion.
Isis 15 (Christie Stevens) – Fellow female alien conqueror. Is very interested in the pornographic transmissions of the Earth creatures. This is her first conquest/recon mission.
Veronica (Beverly Lynne) – Customer service representative at Merton Products. Is married to Jim. Upset that her husband is always working on the weekends. Is possessed by Vala.
Stephanie (Sophia Bella) – Fellow employee at Merton Products. Is married to Mike. Also upset that her husband is always working on the weekends. Is possessed by Isis.
Jim (Voodoo as Alex Boisvert) – Drone worker at Merton Products who is always busy on the weekends at work, but he’s really busy doing something mysterious with Mike. Married to Veronica. Very bad at hiding, and at acting calm.
Mike (Seth Gamble) – Drone worker at Merton Products who is always busy on the weekends at work, but he’s really busy doing something mysterious with Jim. Very good at hiding, but not at acting calm.
Mr. D’Angelo (Ryan Driller) – Arrogant boss at Merton Products who doesn’t respect his workers, their wives, or potential HR and lawsuit problems that come with sleeping with the wife of an employee who is also an employee.

Stacked Racks From Mars

But we have no shelves, how can we stack?


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 6, 2014 at 7:50 am

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Hidden Treasures (Review)

Hidden Treasures

Hidden Treasures
2013
Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by David Ashton

Hidden Treasures

Call me Poison Ivy because I basically am Poison Ivy.


Hidden Treasures is an interesting film, because the lead woman Elizabeth is manipulative over her former roommates/lovers, who eagerly go along with whatever weird junk she’s selling. They then drag their girlfriends into the mess, and commit a million sins that would end any relationship immediately. You have to take some of the scenes with a huge iceberg-sized grain of salt that anyone would go along with the shenanigans.

Initial premise aside, Hidden Treasures is an interesting “erotic thriller”, I use thriller because it’s not really any other category. We know Elizabeth is manipulative, but we don’t know how much, or if she’s even the most guilty party.

Hidden Treasures

I’m just gonna dig some shallow graves, nothing suspicious or anything!


Someone does know something about plants (I haven’t determined if Tina Hawthorne is the real name of the writer of the bulk of Mainline Releasing’s films), because in addition to some of the lingo straight out of wikipedia is some actual plant knowledge. Maybe it’s just watching this film while in the middle of reading a book that also has a character who mentions plants by their scientific names all the time (the book is Caliban’s War by James S.A. Corey), but I don’t really do that. But again, I can barely remember the common names for the different heirloom plants I have growing in my garden without saving the seed packets. It’s probably easier when you have someone you can talk plant shop with, but my wife and I are the only people we know who garden.

Sadie Katz’s character Cat is the plant enthusiast here, while Elizabeth Pierce’s father made his fortune in alternative medicine herbal plants and has a lush garden (tended by hunky gardener Jackson, who also knows a lot about plants.) Plants play into the plot with the characters continually talking about them. But there is also a bunch of missing jewels that Elizabeth’s late father somewhere on the property, which is the excuse she uses to bring in her old sex pals Mason and Chris. Judging by what happens next, its as if the characters are convinced the jewels are hidden on one of their bodies, because they keep getting naked and exploring around each other.

Hidden Treasures

Look, buddy, the title is a metaphor about relationships in addition to referring to the stashed away jewels!


It’s hard to break down Hidden Treasures because you have to believe that Cat and Rachel would put up with their idiot boyfriends dropping everything to go help out an old hot friend who they probably had lots of sex with. And neither girl is too pleased, Rachel is openly hostile, while Cat attempts to be positive but runs into interference from everyone, including her boyfriend Mason, but not Jackson. Hmmm…. But basically the lesson is don’t be a manipulative horror and don’t be manipulated by said horror.

Elizabeth Pierce (Michelle Maylene) – Elizabeth’s rich father just died and she gets two of her old lovers to come help her find missing secret jewels. She’s also sleeping with both of them and the gardener Jackson and her dad’s death is very very mysterious. See Michelle Maylene in Sexy Assassins, Cougar School, The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad, and Twilight Vamps Lust At First Bite
Cat (Sadie Katz) – Mason’s girlfriend who is dragged along to Elizabeth’s house, but is soon enthralled by all the rare and medicinal plants in the yard. Is not enthralled by Mason banging Elizabeth. Sadie Katz can also be seen in Birthday Sex. Credited here as Buffy Green.
Jackson (Chad White) – The gardener who has grown most of the rare plants at the house. Is also good at sewing his oats with two of the female cast members.
Mason (Seth Gamble) – Architect who is dating Cat, but is “friends” with Elizabeth from back when they were roomies. He is unfamiliar with common plant names and cares not to learn. Not a faithful man. What do you expect from someone named after a jar? Seth Gamble is also in Booty Hunter.
Chris (Ryan McLane) – Another of Elizabeth’s “friends” who spends his free time cheating on his girlfriend Rachel with Elizabeth. Yet he’s somehow the least worst of the two guys Elizabeth brings in. Ryan McLane is also in Naughty Reunion
Rachel (Alyssa Branch) – Chris’ girlfriend who is not happy with the weird scenario of bringing him and her to his old flame’s house, nor at her getting kicked out of rooms constantly by Elizabeth.
Cop (David Page) – He’s a cop!
Other Cop (???) – He’s also a cop!

Hidden Treasures

How could you take me to a house with a warped funhouse mirror??? Mom was right about you!


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 12, 2014 at 8:40 am

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Booty Hunter (Review)

Booty Hunter

Booty Hunter
2012
Written by ???
Directed by Count Matevossian

Booty Hunter

Just where is that damn booty at??


From the depths of late night cable comes Booty Hunter, a film about hunting booties, I guess. Actually, it’s about some women (one of which is a skipchaser for her bail bonds company) tracking down their old flame to warn him he’s in trouble. And many characters get some booty, and I don’t mean pirate treasure.

Booty Hunter is helmed by a crew of fake names. From director Count Matevossian to producer Mr. Acid to editor Sticky Fingers, the only real names are the actor credits (and even then at least one isn’t credited!) I have no clue who Eros Filmz is, there is no information that I was able to track down that wasn’t people talking about Booty Hunter, and they don’t seem to have any other film out. The entire production is a mystery, a mystery that maybe you can solve, if you like to solve mysteries or are someone who worked on the film and want to spill the beans. Me? I’m just going analyze and review, because I got a million other films to get through.

Booty Hunter

Booty delivery!


The weirdness of Booty Hunter‘s creatives hiding their names is amplified by the film having creative sections. There are two keen montages – a “life in the fast lane” montage and a chase sequence deliberately designed to be confusing. Both showed editing and creativity that softcore features often lack. A weirder quirk is the sex scenes having slow motion segments, something that was popular in the 90s but I haven’t noticed as much recently. The number of scenes is frequent, but their lengths are shorter, as Booty Hunter tries to rush through it’s plot while still delivering lots of naked people.
Booty Hunter

How did someone manage to hit the side of my car parked nearest to the curb???


Unlike other films that all seem to take place in the same two or three fancy million dollar homes, Booty Hunter‘s homes look more rustic, more working class dwelt in. They aren’t cleaned up, there is clutter everywhere, old furniture and appliances. They feel real, like the houses the characters would be at. Not everyone has the super expensive stuff, nor keeps the house largely bare. Many people have junk all over the place, and characters who spend all day having sex with random people aren’t going to stop to do some light vacuuming. That just gets in the way of the sex! The realness of the houses adds to the hotness of the sex scenes, because they shatter down the fantasy aspect and bring it back to the real. Booty Hunter could be happening in your living room this very moment. Are you sure someone named Maxx isn’t having sex on your carpet floor right now? Go check, quick!

I am an advocate of a diversity of film production companies in a niche, because that leads to more creativity and a stronger pool of films on the whole. One-off entries like this get my attention because they offer something different, even if it utilizes many of the same actors (who are familiar faces to watchers of Jim Wynorski or Mainline Releasing films) So it’s important to support Booty Hunter‘s existence. The film itself delivers some entertainment, but in the end, it doesn’t come together as well as I would have liked. But I would be interested in more Eros Filmz productions, decided the mystery group wants to continue the mystery…

Booty Hunter

Detective Booty Hunter, LAPD!


Nikki (Brandy Aniston) – A skip tracer for BH Bailbonds, hired to track down her old flame Maxx, and does a good job, locating his apartment only several days after she’s hired. Good thing the mob is even worse at their job!
Joanie (Angie Savage) – Joanie is one of Maxx’s former flames, who hires Nikki to track him down before the mob. Also she prioritizes having sex with Nikki to tracking down Maxx. And she knows more of what Maxx did than the mob people. Basically, she’s a mastermind, but not evil.
Maxx (Dale DaBone) – Maxx is this guy who has sex with a lot of women, but is so lovable that they all love him regardless. He just oozes charisma. Or so the film tells us. Maxx is emotionally immature and a criminal, but by the end of the film he reforms and becomes responsible. That’s our Maxx!
Heather (Alia Janine) – Heather is suggested to keep an eye on Maxx by Mob Guy, offering her a large sum of money. She decides the best way to do so is to seduce him. After sleeping with Maxx and explaining he “borrowed” her car, but being extremely unconcerned about it, she disappears from the movie.
Ashley The Pizza Girl (Ash Hollywood) – Ashley is the new pizza girl on the block, and increases her delivery time by spending far too long at Maxx’s apartment. Because they’re getting it on! I’d make a joke about not forgetting the bread sticks, but that would make no sense. In fact, why did I even write that? Ignore that writing about a bad joke!
Cowboy Hat Dude (Seth Gamble) – He’s a dude in a cowboy hat who thinks he’s gonna score with Nikki, until she reveals she’s bringing him back to jail! Dude, that’s why you should never have sex if you’ve missed a court date.
Mob Guy (???) – An angry mob man who has tracked down his former employee, Maxx, who stole a bunch of money. Except he didn’t really track down Maxx, because otherwise the film would be over before it began. No clue who plays this guy. Could he be the editor, Mr. Acid? Yes, let’s go with that.

Booty Hunter

Just checking your teeth for booties!


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - January 25, 2014 at 6:53 pm

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , ,