Empires of the Deep hits trailer, and what a glorious trailer it is…

[adrotate banner=”1″]For me to POOP ON! Empires of the Deep is a $130 million China coproduction that looked like it would be a turd from their overblown “3D” press junket announcing the fiasco to the inexperienced Chinese new rich investors looking to buy their own under the sea Avatar to the parade of directors the film went through (Jonathan Lawrence, then Catwoman director Pitof, and finally Michael French, unless he got replaced because I stopped caring who is in charge now), the whole thing has been a giant megadisaster of SyFy original movie proportions.

Empires of the Deep is the ego trip of Jon Jiang, one of the richest men in China thanks to his real estate deals that you can be assured are 100% on the up and up. Reality cannot stand in the way of realty, thus Jon Jiang decided he wanted to be the best movie maker ever! Thus, he dreamed up the ultimate movie adventure, a Greek tale about a dude who falls in love with a mermaid and also there is a giant fish war. In spectacular 3-D!

The fantasy adventure, set in ancient Greece, tells about a young man’s adventure in the undersea mermaid kingdom in order to save his father, while encountering ferocious sea monsters and gets involved in large-scale battles in the seabed between mermaids, monsters and demons. Kurylenko plays the Queen of the Mermaid Empire and stars opposite lead actor Steve Polites and Chinese actress Yanfei Shi.

Maxx Maulion is also in this flick, he’s familiar to the citizens of SomethingAwful’s Cinema Discusso forum when he popped in to promote his flick Tony Tango, which makes this film even weirder.

As you can see from the trailer, they totally got their $130 million worth! I hope whoever stole the $115 million that wasn’t spent on the effects is enjoying his vacation on the tropical island.

Empires of the Deep
Empires of the Deep
That sounds Unawesome!

Catwoman (Review)


Halle Berry as Patience Phillips/Catwoman
Benjamin Bratt as Tom Lone
Sharon Stone as Laurel Hedare
Lambert Wilson as George Hedare
Frances Conroy as Ophelia
Alex Borstein as Sally
Directed by Pitof

A movie destined to fail, 12 years after Michelle Pfeiffer starred as Catwoman in Batman Returns they finally crank out the spinoff. Except it’s not really a spinoff. We don’t know what it is, exactly, except painful. All of the Catwoman backstory from decades of DC comics is thrown right out, in favor os some multiple Catwomen throughout history garbage. I guess Pitof saw Catwomen of the Moon and decided he liked it. Or not. This movie was plagued with production premonitions of it’s terribleness. It took years to develop, and when Berry was finally signed, it looked like maybe there was something good going on. It was all lies and false hopes. The announcement they were ditching all Batman references was a bad sign, and then Catwoman was announced to not be Selena Kyle but instead the never heard of Patience Phillips. It wasn’t a complete wash yet….

Then the photos of the costume hit.

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