Tag Archives: Jeffrey Schenck

Kidnapped: The Hannah Anderson Story steals herself away on Lifetime!

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Kidnapped the Hannah Anderson Story Lifetime

I haven’t been this miserable since I ran away with that old guy and had to pretend I was kidnapped. I mean, since I was kidnapped!


[adrotate banner=”7″]I take back my statement last week about Lifetime’s lack of confidence in The Wrong Girl, because this week the links for Kidnapped: The Hannah Anderson Story are also broken! This is especially weird since Lifetime went the extra distance to provide more thank just a low-rez trailer, even including behind the scenes stuff! Not that you can get there from the main MyLifetime.com/movies site, mind you…

Based on a true story. On the afternoon of August 3, 2013, 16-year-old Hannah Anderson was abducted after finishing cheerleading practice in a San Diego suburb. When the bodies of her mother and brother were found in the burned home of family friend James DiMaggio later that day, an AMBER Alert was issued, and a frantic multi-state manhunt for Hannah began. For a week she was kept prisoner by the increasingly unstable DiMaggio as they made their way across the state. One week later, the two were found in Idaho and DiMaggio was killed in a shootout with FBI agents, leaving Hannah as the sole survivor. As the dust settled, questions began to emerge about the nature of the relationship between Hannah and her kidnapper. Was Hannah purely a victim of a depraved adult, or is it possible she was more complicit in the tragic events?

Ah, kidnapping conspiracy theories. Every internet commenter will feel justified now!

Kidnapped: The Hannah Anderson Story stars Scott Patterson (Little Big League), Jessica Amlee (Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus 3-D), Brian McNamara (I Know Who Killed Me), Jay Pickett (Guts and Glory: The Rise and Fall of Oliver North), Susie Castillo (Holiday Engagement), and Tim Abell (Snow White: A Deadly Summer ) It’s directed by Peter Sullivan (Christmas Under Wraps, High School Possession), who also wrote the story along with Jeffrey Schenck (Chupacabra vs. the Alamo) and Hanz Wasserburger (A Novel Romance), the latter also doing the screenplay.

Kidnapped: The Hannah Anderson Story premieres Saturday, May 23rd on Lifetime!

Photo via Hybrid LLC/Jack Zeman/Lifetime

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

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Chupacabra vs. the Alamo


2013
Story by Peter Sullivan and Jeffrey Schenck
Written by Peter Sullivan
Directed by Terry Ingram

Chupacabra vs the Alamo
That’s what you get for not having a basement!

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo retells the battle of the Alamo with a modern twist. And has an ending that might enrage certain people with an unhealthy Texas obsession, which gives it bonus points in my book. There is also Erik Estrada gunning down chupacabras while getting over his wife’s death and reconnecting with his distant children. But mostly chupacabras.

It’s one of the few horror films with a largely Latino-American cast. Spanish is sprinkled in in levels not unusual for a border town or a town with a lot of migrant workers. Both most of the police characters and most of the gang members are Latino, giving a wide slice of personalities.

Chupacabra vs the Alamo
Do you think Larry Wilcox could deal with these chupacabras? Please!

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo is not afraid to address issues of modern border life, from drug smuggling to Mexican gang violence to illegal immigration to the lack of concern in government response. You can easily see some symbolism in the invading immigrant chupacabras attacking heroes holed up at the Alamo on Cinco de Mayo. But inside the heroes are mostly Latino, and they’re fighting to save their homes. The chupacabras are not illegal immigrants, but crazed gang violence, represented in the monstrous form it deserves to be regarded as. Agent Carlos’s son Tommy spent time in jail for bombing a Mexican drug lord (actually for possessing explosives because they didn’t have proof he killed the man), but it’s revealed he did it to prevent the drug lord from killing more innocent people like his gang war was doing. The mix of ethnicities shows that everyone must come together.

Instead of the classic chupacabra image from witness descriptions that loos sort of like an alien grey with claws and spikes, we get a chupacabra based on those dead “chupacabras” that make the news every few years, which are really just foxes and dogs with mange. Thus, the fierce creatures tearing everyone apart are played by tiny dogs. If you ever wondered what would happen if the cast of Beverly Hills Chihuahua went feral and started chomping necks, now you can find out! As you can imagine, it makes the attack scenes range from ridiculous to ridonkulous.

This movie loves green-screening Erik Estrada on a motorcycle! Why not have the star of CHiPs driving around on a bike for most of the film? If you can, you must! Despite the craziness of the title and premise, some of the action sequences are pretty cool. Notably, Erik Estrada running through a high school blasting chupacabras with a shotgun. The ending also takes some guts, especially since it was filmed with the cooperation of the Alamo. The film knows it’s roots and gives us some winking nods to more famous genre films. Though symptomatic of many of the problems that plague SyFy’s low-budget creature features, there is an energy and fun with Chupacabra vs. the Alamo that makes up for it. The important thing for these films is to be fun and entertaining, and Chupacabra vs. the Alamo definitely is.

Chupacabra vs the Alamo
I’ll be chupacaback!

Director Terry Ingram is a veteran of genre films and shows, such as Ice Road Terror, the SyFy Ice Truckers vs. Monsters movie, as well as some episodes of Relic Hunter and Honey I Shrunk The Kids: The TV Show. Writer Peter Sullivan took a break from writing all his The Dog Who Saved… scripts to give us this masterpiece about dogs gone bad (He also wrote Christmas Twister!)

Agent Carlos Seguín (Erik Estrada) – Famed DEA agent and struggling single father since wife died two years ago on Cinco de Mayo. Instead of being a good parent, threw himself into his work. Is said to be a descendant of Texas hero Juan Seguín, who was at the Alamo and in most of the battle, but was sent out as a courier and wasn’t killed. His nickname is Jaguar.
Sienna (Nicole Muñoz) – Carlos’s daughter who is violating curfews left and right, and thus getting grounded left and right Not going to let being grounded on Cinco de Mayo stop her from sneaking out with the boy she likes.
Tracy Taylor (Julia Benson) – A new partner for Carlos, who is at first dismissed, but she proves to be rather brilliant and becomes a valuable asset. Is one of the first to recognize the menace for what it is.
Agent Dani (Vanesa Tomasino) – DEA agent that acts as sort of an assistant to Carlos. Thus she’s helping with most of the bigger attack sequences.
Tommy/Spider (Jorge Vargas) – Carlos’s estranged son and demolitions expert. Is upset that his father let him spend time in jail to straighten him out. Still upset over his mom’s death. Now hangs with a tough crew.
Brooke (Anja Savcic) – Sienna’s best friend who just has bad luck when it comes to attacking chupacabras. Is very good at ironing.
Chupacabras (CGI and dogs Loki and Duffy) – These rabies-infected chupacabra have crossed the border to search for new victims for blood sucking. There are dozens and dozens of them. Are immensely strong despite their small size.
Medical Examiner (David Nykl) – One of the most intense medical examiners ever. Knows the killed animal brought in is not a coyote but something else.
Crockett (???) – Alamo tour guide who is a descendant of Davy Crockett. Knows the Alamo inside and out and even knows secret rumors that help the team escape. No, there is no Tubbs.
Chupacabra vs the Alamo
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

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Jersey Shore Shark Attack

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Jersey Shore Shark Attack


2012
Written by Michael Ciminera, Richard Gnolfo, Jeffrey Schenck, and Peter Sullivan
Directed by John Shepphird

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Jersey Shore Shark Attack – The Thinking Man’s Movie!

A SyFy shark attack movie that has bite and legs. And no, not legs on the shark, that a different SyFy shark attack movie (or three). Jersey Shore Shark Attack has legs because people talk about it. Deservedly so. For Jersey Shore Shark Attack is more than just the run of the mill SyFy flick, it’s also a parody of a recognizable reality tv show brand. The Jersey Shore in the title is more than just a reference to the 1916 Jersey Shore shark attacks, it’s because all the main characters are based on real people from MTV’s Jersey Shore. We got a Snooki, a Situation, a J-WOW, and the rest of the crew that you have to think about for a minute to remember.

Not only is this a parody of Jersey Shore, they improve on the formula. The actors portraying the characters are much more real than the “real” people we see on the reality shows. They have hopes, dreams, and goals in life beyond getting drunk and laid. Mostly.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Ecco the Dolphin was a chump!

If anything, I hope Jersey Shore Shark Attack is the beginning of a new subgenre of SyFy flicks, the injecting of actors playing versions of more famous people. Who wouldn’t want to see a killer koala flick where they ravaged the Kardashians? Giant sloths very slowly menacing Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? 19 Kids and Count Dracula? Teen Moms vs. Mothman? John and Kate Plus 8 Legged Freaks?

Jersey Shore Shark Attack works because it’s fun. It’s fun to see people play exaggerated versions of other people, it’s fun to see people chomped by giant monsters, and it’s fun in that the film has fun. The bodies pile high, people get chomped left and right off of boats. There is even a class warfare element, the villains and their real estate plot are straight out of The Goonies! The odd mishmash of everything seems like it wouldn’t work, like the gimmick would get old. But the gimmick is there for the flavor, you could insert your regular SyFy stock characters (hot babe scientist, jaded lifeguard with a scarred past, Sheriff that the mayor won’t listen to) and this would still be a passable flick. But it is elevated to greatness thanks to the Shore. The Jersey Shore.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
It’s me on a typical Tuesday at 11 am!

Jersey Shore Shark Attack even stylizes itself as a fun flick, from the title cards for the main characters to all the soundtrack songs being all about partying (most songs have “party” in the lyrics somewhere, so much so that Andrew WK should probably sue…) It’s hilarious. There is even some dumb “Shore” acronyms like “ASS = alcohol sun sex” or “Backdoor Nooki”. Each scene in the film has it’s own title.

The general tone of the Jersey Shore is copied, as characters bicker among themselves. While at a dock they see a derelict boat, and then argue about which particular guy named Vinny the boat belongs to. The character BJ is constantly saying randomly ridiculous things and being seconds away from being shark bait at any moment, forever making you think they might start taking out the main cast.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
This shark was obviously Wile E. Coyote in a previous life!

Beyond the reality show ripping, there’s also the class warfare element as the working class Jersey Shore folks are in a heated territorial dispute with the rich 1% preps from the yacht club, whose stepfathers are the very ones in charge of the construction projects to “modernize” the shore and are attracting the sharks. The Complication’s father is also working class, but with authority, as a police officer. The business owner/developer Dolan (played by William Atherton, well known as villain Walter Peck in Ghostbusters) oozes sleaze and entitlement, while the Mayor Patrick Palantine (Paul Sorvino, who often plays mob characters) has his fingers in all of the pies. Heck, the mayor is even named after the evil Emperor from Star Wars! The entitled class elders are clearly villains with no hope of redemption. But…and this is an amazing but…their children, the very people that our Jersey Shore crew has direct confrontation and rivalries with, become friends with the heroes in the end. Lead by the example of The Complication and his friends to risk their lives to save both Nooki and the rich children (as TC says, because it’s the right thing to do) grants them friends for life among the upper class. Together, both rich and poor blow away albino sharks to save Jersey. The passion, the good character, and the heroism of the Jersey Shore crew make them respected heroes both because of and in spite of their origins. It’s the American dream.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
I’d take a Jersey Shore Red Dawn remake over the actual Red Dawn remake any day of the week.

You can even argue the sharks are ghost white because they represent the old rich white males that populate most of the upper class. Their deaths both by the working class and the children of the old rich white males is a shedding of the previous norms. Joey Fatone’s quick appearance both as a Jersey native who returns only to be devoured, because he didn’t return to improve the community, he returned because he had been devoured by the music industry and he was reduced to doing concerts in Jersey. His intentions were not pure, and he had to go. Ergo, the sanitized Jersey Shore representatives as characters are also better than their actual representatives in reality programming. Both because it’s easier to be of pure ideals when you are a fictitious character, but because the story demands that there be characters of pure heart and intention leading the charge. The Shore cannot be saved by those who care about themselves first.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Justin Timberlake actually acknowledged the rest of ‘N Sync???!?!

The Complication / TC / Gino Moretti (Jeremy Luc) – So called because when he’s around, things get complicated. As cool as it is to have a catch phrase about your life also be your nickname, TC proves he’s far more complicated than just a juicehead Guido as he leads his crew to defend Jersey from menacing albino sharks.
Nooki / Nicolina Angelique Santamaria (Melissa Molinaro) – TC’s on-again, off-again girl. She is a lot to handle, but isn’t a degenerate and has a good head on her shoulders, even if it is under too much hair.
Donnie (Joey Russo) – TC’s beer hat wearing, buff bod juicehead Guido buddy. Always ready to party and drink and lift weights and rescue people from sharks.
Paulie Balzac (Daniel Booko) – A non-Italian wannabe who respects the Guido lifestyle, particularly the aspect of saving people from sharks. Also probably a DJ.
J-Moni (Alex Mauriello) – Nooki’s pal who comforts her during her trials with TC. Is often prominently displaying her two ample assets.
BJ (Audi Resendez) – Nooki’s other pal who comforts her during her trials with TC. Often drunk and will randomly say ridiculous and awesome things.
Captain Sallie (Tony Sirico) – Bar owner that everyone at the Shore loves because he’s been there forever and knows all the Shore lore. His bar features free walnuts.
Bradford & Spencer (Grant Harvey and Dylan Vox) – Rich preps from the yacht club who have words and fists with the Shore crew.
Dolan and Mayor Patrick Palantine (William Atherton and Paul Sorvino) – The evil developer and the evil mayor who conspire to continue the destruction of the Shore because they’re evil.
Albino bull sharks (Albino CGI) – Albino bull sharks who cause havoc at Jersey Shore thanks to their bloodlust.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Get lost, Megalodon! No one is jumping into your mouth today.

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