Lady Chatterley’s Daughter

Lady Chatterley’s Daughter

aka Lady Chatterley’s Ghost

2011
Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Juan Medina)

Lady Chatterley's Daughter
Look, it’s a magical butterfly! Flap flap flap!

Despite a few interesting touches, Lady Chatterley’s Daughter is slow going and takes too long to get to the plot, what little plot their is. It’s not absolutely terrible, but it’s part of a pedigree of of Bikini films that everyone admires, so higher standards must be held. In that end, Lady Chatterley’s Daughter fails to deliver an interesting story, and will more likely end up with late night Cinemax watchers asleep on the couch.

Lady Chatterley's Ghost
This ain’t how you bust ghosts!

As the well-worn tome shown during the opening credits attests, D.H. Lawrence’s 1928 book Lady Chatterley’s Lover has had quite an influence on erotic literature (and other erotica!) And now it will vaguely influence this film! Senator Reed Smoot said of the original work: “I’ve not taken ten minutes on Lady Chatterley’s Lover, outside of looking at its opening pages. It is most damnable! It is written by a man with a diseased mind and a soul so black that he would obscure even the darkness of hell!” Needless to say, it’s import was banned before being fought over in the courts (where the book and others like it prevailed in 1959 and was allowed to both be imported without censor and published in the US.)

Lady Chatterley’s Daughter marks some of the transition between Retromedia and Synthetic Filmwerx, as Retromedia still has the opening production company clip, but Synthetic Filmwerx’s name appears as well in the title credits.

Lady Chatterley's Ghost
Talk to the hand, because the face is busy boning a ghost actress who haunts a book to save my marriage!

Sandra (Holly Sampson) – Lonely housewife married to Charles. Spends her days reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover over and over again. Holly Sampson is also in the Emmanuelle 2000 series, including Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise, as well as the whole Tiger Woods scandal thing.
Charles Maitlin (Randy Spears) – Successful estate lawyer married to Sandra, but also getting some side action with Connie. Which he doesn’t know is part of a larger plan. Randy Spears is a Bikini movie regular in addition to his other softcore and hardcore work.
Connie (Jessie Lunderby) – Constance goes by Connie, and shows up as a live-in maid, but is also Charles’ mistress. And she’s a ghost! Spoilers. Jessie Lunderby reads all her lines like they’re a run-on sentence. Which sort of works in giving her an other-worldly feel. Constance is also Lady Chatterley’s first name in the novel.
Sophia (Cassandra Cruz as Vanessa Brink) – Sandra’s friend who both does not believe in tarot cards but also constantly does tarot card readings. It is a mystery! Cassandra Cruz is the star of Bigger the Pole, the Tighter the Hole; Gov Love: The Eliot Splitz-her Story; and Club Satan: The Witches Sabbath.
Keith (Nick Manning) – The handyman/gardener for the Maitlin household, and Sandra’s fantasy lover probably because he’s the only other male around. In real life they are good friends, but not good enough for Keith to warn Sandra fishy things are happening after having sex with Connie. Nick Manning is also in The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad
Lady Chatterley's Daughter
Windows 8 requires a constant wifi connection to your post-it notes!

Continue reading

Tiger Woods and the 7 Mistresses

[adrotate banner=”1″]As the Tiger Woods scandal gets bigger and bigger, it seems Woods gets a new mistress every day. Now, I don’t really care who Tiger Woods has sex with, but since one of the many many women he has been banging turned out to be Holly Sampson, I just have to write up the TarsTarkas.NET connection in order to generate cheap web hits and therefore more ad revenue. ‘Tis the season to exploit Woods! Anyway, before Holly Sampson was a Woods Mistress or a porn star or an escort or someone with terrible breast implants, she was Emmanuelle in a series of films that included Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise! Thus, TarsTarkas.NET was there first. Take that, Mainstream Media! Maybe now you can report on real issues. Ha, yeah right, who cares about the economy imploding when there are supposed Tiger Woods naked sell phone pictures?!

Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise (Review)

Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise


2000
Starring
Holly Sampson as Emmanuelle
Shauna O’Brien as Maggie Henson
D.J. West as Philip Henson
Anthony Skordi as The Sultan
Gabriella Hall as Ashley
Brad Bartram as Matt
Robert Donovan as Justin
Aysia Lee as Keiko
Directed by Kevin Alber (as Ura Hee!!)

Everyone knows Emmanuelle. Okay, almost everyone. Originally from a book, The Joys of a Woman by Emmanuelle Arsan, the series has grown, evolved, been ripped off, and moved into many different forms. The original Emmanuelle film debuted in 1969, titled Io, Emmanuelle, and most people have never heard of it. They have heard of the 1974 version, which starred Sylvia Kristel, and probably many of the other versions with a revolving door of actresses. Being a high class film that also involved a woman exploring her sexuality, it is safe to watch with your girlfriend, at least more safe than Interracial Gangbang Vol. 18. Emmanuelle spawned many sequels, most of which were in name only, and a long running series of rip off films titled Emannuelle, note the singular M in the name. These films usually starred Laura Gemser, who is often called the Black Emanuelle. There is also a randomly titled Yellow Emmanualle, and an “Emmanuelle” shows up during Bruce Lee’s journey through Hell in The Dragon Lives Again. Modern versions of the Emmanuelle films flourished with the advent of cable TV and new actresses, as well as a cable series with Sylvia Kristal reprising her role, telling stories to a fellow airline passenger that allowed younger girls to play her in flashbacks to have buckwild sexcapades. Modern series of Emmanuelle include the Emmanuelle in Space series and Emmanuelle 2000, which is the subject of this review.

The Emmanuelle 2000 series is a group of films that look suspiciously like episodic TV episodes combined with some random connecting material. Co-creator Rolfe Kanefsky said at The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive (http://www.asstr.org/~JR_Parz/FavMoviePageUpdate1.htm):

As for the concern about Emmanuelle and Pretty Cool. Here’s the back story. Alain Siritzky wanted to make a series of Emmanuelle films that ripped off “Being John Malkovich”. I came up with the structure for the series concerning the headband and necklace to make the whole concept portable. I also thought that the inventor should be a cripple to give the series more heart. By entering the mind of someone else, they can experience things that they can’t normally because of the wheelchair. Looking back now, this was a bad idea for an erotic series. HBO didn’t like the idea of a handicapped person and only aired one episode.

Similar Emmanuelle series include Emmanuelle in Space (7 films) and Emmanuelle’s Private Collection (1 film released so far: Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula) There are 8 films in the Emmanuelle 2000 line:

  • Emmanuelle 2000
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle’s Intimate Encounters
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Being Emmanuelle
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Jewel of Emmanuelle
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle and the Art of Love
  • Emmanuelle 2001: Emmanuelle’s Sensual Pleasures
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle Pie (a reedited overseas version of Pretty Cool, with sex scenes added to make it Emmanuelle. There is a sequel in the works but I don’t know how related it is)

Background information is cool, but let’s get on with the recap!!!



Continue reading