Batman: Assault on Arkham (Review)

Batman: Assault on Arkham

Batman Assault on Arkham
Written by Heath Corson
Directed by Jay Oliva and Ethan Spaulding

Batman Assault on Arkham
DC Animated has hit some sort of weird divergence where the films are either really good or really bad. Batman: Assault on Arkham fits in the really good category, even though it reduces Amanda Waller’s character to too simplistic of a bully villain. That’s a shame, as Waller is one of the greatest comic book characters, a high-ranking official who runs her own show outside of the normal good and evil duology, and is capable of standing up to the greatest heroes and villains.

Assault on Arkham becomes unlike a lot of the animated super hero fare because it features a team of scummy villains, who have no qualms about killing people and spend half the film trying to betray Waller and each other.

the Suicide Squad is a group of criminals with heavy sentences who are sent on dangerous missions in return for time being shaved off their terms. As the teams are largely made up of sociopaths, they don’t get along and have trouble working in teams. The fighting and backstabbing just adds to the fun of watching the villains work as they push towards their goal. Waller uses the team to take down threats that can’t be dealt with by normal means and need to be off the books, often ignoring what may be bigger problems to achieve her own goals.
Batman Assault on Arkham
This is as much a Batman film as a Suicide Squad film, so Batman runs around looking for a dirty bomb the Joker has to try to stop it from exploding. That means he crosses paths with the Squad more than once, especially since Harely Quinn is part of the team, despite her insistence that she and the Joker aren’t together any more. As the Squad has to break into Arkham to retrieve a flash disk and the Joker is interred in Arkham, he does end up becoming part of the story, especially when things begin to go haywire.

The Suicide Squad consists of Deadshot (who is concerned only with getting out so he can spend time with his young daughter), throwing expert Captain Boomerang, Harley Quinn, ninja Black Spider, ice queen Killer Frost, Killer Croc ripoff King Shark, and guy not to get too attached to KGBeast. Deadshot serves as the alternate main character, who keeps the team focused on the mission despite their various distractions like ex-boyfriends and marksmen rivalries. The Deadshot presented here is just professional enough to make a compelling main character. Captain Boomerang serves as his less moral counter and constant thorn in his side as Boomerang’s competitive and antisocial streak causes him to see Deadshot as an enemy.
Batman Assault on Arkham
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Bratz Diamondz (Review)

Bratz Diamondz

aka Bratz: Passion 4 Fashion Diamondz

Directed by The Devil Himself!

The Bratz toy line is the worst toy line to hit the shelves in the history of girl’s toys. I do not make this statement lightly. Bratz are accurately criticized for sending the wrong message to young girls, and that message is “become a materialistic bitch who dresses like a whore.” You see, these women have a passion, for fashion! Fashion seems to be wearing midriff-bearing clothing, while your face makes you look like an Anime schoolgirl who was attacked by a collagen injector on their lips. The Bratz line has one good point, it makes all the people who waste time attacking Barbie for giving girls the wrong message look like idiots. Barbie at least got elected president, was a doctor, a veterinarian, and an astronaut. That’s like 40 years of school training she finished by age 35. Barbie even got more realistic proportions a few years ago. Bratz have done nothing but put on fashion shows and sing in a terrible band. Bratz dolls are proportioned like the spawns of the devil, with their oversized head so large it should crush their micro-pixie bodies. I’ve meet female gymnasts with more defined curves.

Bratz toys include such brains-destroying lines as Bratz, Bratz Kidz, Bratz Babyz, Lil Bratz, Itsy Bitsy Bratz, Bratz Boyz, and Bratz Petz. Bratz Babyz had their own thongs until public pressure had them converted to full-covered panties. Don’t forget to give your Bratz Baby her own “Brattoo” at the Brattoo Parlor playset. I hear tramp stamps are popular on swingsets these days. Bratz have also spawned their own television show, and several direct to DVD movies. Bratz Rock Angelz and Bratz Genie Magic will also be rotting on your local video store shelf, along with the abomination called Bratz Babyz. Recently released is Bratz Fashion Pixiez, and soon a live action Bratz film. For those of you who hate Bratz like I do, remember that the factory workers in China who create the dolls make a whopping $0.17 an hour during their 94 ½ hour weeks. It seems the Bratz creators have a Passion 4 Exploitation. The MGA company (the makers of Bratz) denies that story,

Another nail in the coffin of this movie is the fact that I can’t figure out what exactly its name is supposed to be. Bratz Diamondz seems to be the name, but the DVD cover and almost all references to it has “Passion 4 Fashion” crammed into the middle of it. In addition, the plot line revolves around some sort of reality show, where a British character named Byron Powell hosts. I can’t imagine who he could be based on. The Bratz girls compete against the girls of Your Thing, a rival fashion magazine to the Bratz fashion magazine. Yeah, like any of these girls can write their name, let alone a magazine article. The plot alone gets dumber and crazier as we go on, which we will be there every step of the way. Why? At this point I no longer know. Bratz has destroyed much of my mind. Thank goodness I stayed away from the Bratz Babyz movie, or I would have been killed.
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