Dirty Blondes From Beyond (Review)
Dirty Blondes From Beyond
2012
Written by Dean McKendrick
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
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How to sum Dirty Blondes From Beyond up in one picture
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With a lot more special effects than I thought they’d bring, Dirty Blondes from Beyond rockets the Bikini films closer to epic space opera status while still providing plenty of softcore situations. 2012 is also a banner year for the bikini flicks because some of the old school crew has returned, Evan Stone and Voodoo! And there is plenty of new talent on display, plenty of goofy, scifi, sexy adventures, and plenty of heavy breathing.
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Bikinistar Galactica!
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Dirty Blondes from Beyond follows the tradition of taking a genre film plot and turning it into a softcore erotic parody. Featuring two alien girls on the run, they wind up on planet Earth, where strange creatures called tripods exist. As there are no men on their planet, you can guess what the tripods they constantly refer to are. There are several other jokes that are pretty good, including secret government agents named Smith and Jones (along with their own name running gag!) There is no connection to Dirty Blondes or Dirty Blondes 2 despite the similar name (because this is a completely different production company!), so any hope of seeing that franchise in space is dashed. Not that we need more installments of those borefests. Dirty Blondes From Beyond does a great job of blowing them out of the water.
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Who set up this candelabra so it would drip wax all over the shelf??
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As usual, let’s get this Cinemax Skinemax event bagged and tagged! On with the Roll Call…
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Stand by for our rap song about Dirty Blondes From Beyond!
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The iconic visual poetry of Dirty Blondes From Beyond!
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Planet Raptor: Raptor Island 2 (Review)
Planet Raptor: Raptor Island 2
aka Raptor Island 2
2008
Directed by Gary Jones
Written by Steve Latshaw
Remember that SciFi Channel movie Raptor Island and how it was one of the worst SciFi Channel movies ever, the raptors just stood there and got shoot, and the whole thing was a complete mess? Well, it got a sequel! Don’t you feel your harsh criticisms of the original are now unjustified? Of course not, there is no reason for this sequel to exist. And yet it does. And it is set in space.
Yes, OUTER SPACE!
Well, Critters, Friday the 13th, and Leprechaun did it, so why not Raptor Island? That also gives you the excuse to rip off Aliens wholesale with the excuse it is in the future, thus it is a homage or something. So IN THE FUTURE Raptor will still be eating people, because that is what they do. And SciFi Channel will be airing Shark Attack 46: Megalodon in Space.
Director Gary Jones worked with Sam Raimi on two of the Evil Dead films, and has since become a genre director of his own right. Writer Steve Latshaw has been around for years, previously encounter here in The Curse of the Komodo. Neither of them have much to work with due to the limited budget, and are forced to resort to stock footage and abandoned towns. The film reeks of a small budget, it even has problems with the American flags on the uniforms. Sometimes the American flag has forty stars, and sometimes only 35! It looks like in the future America lost a few states, or they are in a state of quantum flux, probably due to more raptors. Schrödinger’s states.
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Jason X (Review)
Jason X
2000
Starring
Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees/Uber-Jason
Lexa Doig as Rowan
Chuck Campbell as Tsunaron
Lisa Ryder as Kay-Em 14
Peter Mensah as Sgt. Brodski
Jason Voorhees returns for the tenth go around, this time, in space! Yes, in the grand tradition of Critters 4, Leprechaun 4, That one Hellraiser movie, Pigs in Space, and Dracula 3000, this horror franchise has to cut it’s teeth on the depths of space as well. And what lovely teeth they are. Teeth, that just look amazingly like Aliens. Heck, the screenwriter even named a character after a character from Alien, Dallas, who he played in this movie. Basically, we got Jason taking the place of facehuggers and tongue-stabbers. We get some neat bloody kills, some future technology jokes, a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously, a body count bigger than all the other films (I’m guessing the space station had a lot of people on it), a hot lead, Uber-Jason, lame puns, naked babes, and hot machete action. Let’s dive in!
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Chuck Campbell, Franchise in Space, Jason Voorhees, Lexa Doig, Lisa Ryder, Peter Mensah
Leprechaun 4: In Space (Review)
Leprechaun 4: In Space
1996
Starring
Warwick Davis as the Leprechaun
Brent Jasmer as Brooks Malloy
Guy Siner as Dr. Mittenhand
Jessica Collins as Dr. Tina Reeves
Rebekah Carlton as Princess Zarina
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. as Sticks
The Leprechaun series reaches new heights as we venture into the final frontier. Star Warwick Davis is no stranger to being in a galaxy far, far away, and soon makes the rest of the cast regret their decision to ever cross a leprechaun and his gold. One of the first of the horror series to have a sequel set in space in the far future, this one is tongue and cheek over the top, completely borrows from several movies, throws in almost every sci-fi cliche imaginable, and yet somehow manages to be an enjoyable movie. How this was accomplished is a mystery to me. The fact that it was pulled off is one of the miracles of modern times, or maybe it was just the luck of the Irish. Why is the Leprechaun in space in the first place, you may ask? The answer is a closely guarded secret. Because it doesn’t exist.
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Brent Jasmer, Debbe Dunning, Franchise in Space, Guy Siner, Jessica Collins, Leprechaun, Miguel A Nunez, Rebekah Carlton, Warwick Davis