Sugar Daddies (Review)

Sugar Daddies

Sugar Daddies
Written by Barbara Kymlicka
Directed by Doug Campbell

Sugar Daddies
The bread and butter of Lifetime movies are ridiculous scare films that show the danger of things like being pregnant, drugs, the internet, being involved in any way with a man, being involved in any way with a woman, or choking yourself to get high. So of course they have to chime in on the dangerous world of college-age girls sleeping with rich older men for money with Sugar Daddies. Spoiler alert: It’s dangerous!

Kara Jones (Taylor Gildersleeve) is your typical hardworking prelaw student who spends all her time waiting tables, working on papers, and having beer spilled on her. Oh, and she’s fired, because they hired too many people at the bar. She’s got no money and no job, thus can’t accept an unpaid internship somewhere that would rocket her future law career. Kara’s roommate Shawna (Ashley McCarthy) has no money problems, because she receives large checks thanks to the time she spends hanging out with a rich old guy. Real old. Old as balls. Old as balls that blast out dust. Into Shawna, hence how she makes her money. The lure of not being broke, dropping out, and being a waitress for the next decade is appealing to Kara, enough that she lets Shawna talk her into attending one of the meetup parties, which is packed with rich old guys and hot young thing. Kara gets uncomfortable, and she’s approached by a man named Grant Zager (Peter Strauss). Though he’s more charming than creepy, she still leaves. Grant remarks to his creepy bodyguard Peter (Timothy Brennen) that he loves a challenge.
Sugar Daddies
Grant is one of those guys who has enough money to always get his way, and with Kara having no money, her family having no money (her dad (James C. Burns) was injured at work and the insurance company screwed them over, leaving them with huge medical bills). Kara allows herself to be talked into going out with Grant once, which means a dinner date in San Francisco (which they fly to by private jet, though it’s still less impressive to me, who lives in San Francisco!) He also dangles a $5000 check in front of her, promising she’ll get one every month, if…
Sugar Daddies
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 16, 2015 at 7:52 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Gift of Miracles brings the presents to Hallmark Movies & Mysteries!

A Gift of Miracles Hallmark Movies and Mysteries

Hey, Mom had the secrets to find the Holy Grail hidden away in her diary!

Mysteries aren’t just figuring out who killed the person in town everyone wants dead, sometimes the greatest mystery is just life itself. Or, someone else’s life, and what they make of it. Citizen Kane became one of the greatest movies of all time based on the back of a mystery about the titular character’s life. Hallmark Movies & Mysteries brings a similar theme to play with A Gift of Miracles, as a daughter gets to know the mother she never knew by going through her belongings and returning “borrowed” items. The premise is intriguing and sounds like a fun distraction from a never-ending stream of mystery procedurals while still fitting into the concept of the channel theme. Outside the box thinking like this should be rewarded, and hopefully the movie lives up to the tiny hype I just gave it:

A pragmatic PhD candidate must let go of her logic when she finds a list of items to give
away written by the late mother she never knew. With the encouragement of her enthusiastic new mentor, she attempts to return everything on the list and begins to encounter unexplainable coincidences that lead her to understand the world’s smallest marvels have the greatest meaning.

A Gift of Miracles stars Rachel Boston (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past) as Darcy Miller, Rita Moreno (West Side Story) as Beverly, Jesse Moss (Iron Golem) as Nathan, Andrew Airlie (Look Who’s Talking Now) as Frank, and Sarah Jane Redmond (Sorority Wars) as Kathy. It is directed by Neill Fearnley (Daydream Believers: The Monkees’ Story) and written by Bart Fisher (How to Fall in Love)

A Gift of Miracles premieres Sunday, February 15, on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries Channel! It will be a nice cooling off movie after seeing 50 Shades of Grey at the theaters and the resulting action…

via Hallmark Movies & Mysteries/Bettina Strauss

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 12, 2015 at 7:57 pm

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Sleepy Hollow S02E11 – “The Akeda”

Akeda Sleepy Hollow

Frank Irving needs a glowing sword in every episode!

Sleepy Hollow “The Akeda”
Written by Mark Goffman
Directed by Dwight Little
Akeda Sleepy Hollow

90% of this show is people hiding behind trees

At times Sleepy Hollow defies expectations. So when the seven year long prophecy that has become the founding mythology of the show gets tossed on its ear, the fun is only about to begin. “The Akeda” will have consequences that flow into the rest of the series. The episode’s fundamental changes to the series are lessened by one twist being telegraphed too far in advance, and another being far less of a twist than advertised. Still, things get tore up, and our intrepid band of heroes face a daunting trial as the End of Days begins. And yet, they still spend an awful long time dawdling while supposedly on a time crunch. With this mid-season finale coming in at episode 11, it appears either the arc got squished a bit or dragged out some. Regardless, this episode was full of fun (and sorrow), becoming a kicking rad endpoint that is only the end of the beginning.

It’s Apocalypse Now! Molloch has risen, while Abbie and Ichabod rush with Methuselah’s Sword to strike Molloch down. But lightning takes out their car, and the phone that would call a cab. Darn that lightning! Luckily, motorcycles are now immune to lightning, but unluckily where they think Molloch is being risen, he ain’t. They do find and rescue Katrina, and at the same time capturing the Headless Horseman thanks to Methuselah’s Sword. The only problem is, the Headless Horseman reveals that if they use the sword to kill, the bearer of the sword will also die.

Thus begins one of several delays as they spend time making sure the sword will really do that, coming up with a plan to deal with that fact. The solution comes in the form of former Captain Frank Irving, who has already lost his soul and thus can’t sacrifice his soul and life via the sword. They also delay getting more weapons from Nick Hawley, and Ichabod and Katrina have some more wedding bickering as their relationship is still in rough seas. Katrina giving praises to the captive Headless Horseman Abraham van Brunt is also not well received.

Akeda Sleepy Hollow

Okay, okay, this is the last 50 Shades of Grey joke, I swear!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 8, 2015 at 11:32 pm

Categories: Television Reviews   Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Lash LaRue returns because YOU demanded it with Alien Outlaw – the new RiffTrax VOD!

Yes, YOU demanded it! YOU! We know who you are, Gary. Stop trying to deny you demanded more Lash LaRue. Because he’s here and he’s not going away. Lash LaRue is going through my fridge and eating my leftovers and snoozing on my couch. I’m sending you a bill for my couch cleaning, Gary!

With Alien Outlaw, you can see Lash LaRue, aliens who break the law, and gunfights with said lawbreaker aliens. These alien outlaws break all the laws, even Ape Law! Watch as they mockingly stroll into the Forbidden Zone! Luckily, alien lawbreaking jerks easily die to bullets and fishhooks. And if that isn’t enough to get you to order Alien Outlaw right now on, I don’t know what else to say!

When you see a title like Alien Outlaw, you know to expect one thing: a heavy focus on rural gunfighting shows and the agencies that book them to regional fairs. What’s that? You expect some quantity of alien outlaw activity? Well, there is some of that, sure, a small amount. But surely the next thing you expect is a healthy dose of elderly whipmaster Lash LaRue, sort of wandering around the set and shouting things at other characters? And that he’ll be shirtless at some point? Okay, good, glad we’re on the same page there at least.

When last we saw Lash LaRue he was fighting ancient Native American zombies over a sacred rental property in The Dark Power. This time he and his protégé, the young pantsless gunfighting phenom Jesse Jamison, are defending a tiny mountain community from alien outlaws – no, that’s not a typo, despite the title Alien Outlaw there are actually multiple alien outlaws in this movie. It’s also not entirely clear that they’re outlaws, and it’s even less clear why they came to Earth or what their plans are at any point in the story. But one thing’s for sure: they love old-timey Wild West gunfights! Because okay, why not!

Homemade Predator costumes, Lash LaRue AND his fat hillbilly sidekick buddy from The Dark Power, an alien killed with a fishing hook, what more could anyone ask for? For Lash to use the whipping talent that made him famous at some point in the movie, maybe? Good luck with that! It’s time for befuddlement and laughter, join Mike, Kevin and Bill for Alien Outlaw!

Alien Outlaw RiffTrax

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 6, 2015 at 4:08 pm

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All of My Heart is Hallmark Channel’s Valentine’s Day mega movie!

All of my Heart Hallmark Channel

This story is about our love affair…..with ice cream!!!

Lacey Chabert is the hardest working woman in direct to cable movies, and she once again has a starring role with the new Hallmark Channel movie All of My Heart. It’s one of those opposites attract romance movies, this time the twist being they live in the same house. This twist is sort of odd because that’s the plot of these weird anime games I see trailers for occasionally, about secretly having a powerful male roommate who may or may not become more than just a roommate. I’m not sure why I keep getting those game trailers as ads, perhaps due to my long history of living secretly in other peoples’ houses. Right now I am living in this family’s crawlspace and they are none the wiser!

A young caterer’s life suddenly changes course when she inherits a country home and learns she must share it with a career-obsessed Wall Street trader. At first, these opposites do not attract, but feelings begin to change when they find themselves having to work side-by-side to restore their newly acquired home.

Ed Asner should totally be playing his character from Up, just because I demand it. All of My Heart is the last of the five new romance movies Hallmark Channel is putting out for their Countdown to Valentine’s Day event, but don’t fret just yet, because I’m sure they’ll have a Countdown to St. Patrick’s Day event just next month! Or not. But when will we get leprechaun-themed romance movies???

All of My Heart stars Lacey Chabert (The Tree That Saved Christmas) as Jenny, Brennan Elliott (The Nanny Express) as Brian, Greyston Holt (She Made Them Do It) as Daryl, Daniel Cudmore (Warcraft) as Tommy, Ed Asner (Up) as Vern, and Heather Doerksen (Pacific Rim) as Casey. It’s directed by Peter DeLuise (Zapped) and written by Karen Berger.

All of My Heart premieres Saturday, February 14, on Hallmark Channel!

via Hallmark/Bettina Strauss

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 5, 2015 at 2:53 pm

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Back to School Mom enrolls on Lifetime!

Back to School Mom Lifetime

If doing extra credit is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Back to School Mom features a woman returning to college only to find out that the child she gave up long ago is one of her new best friends! It’s like getting a bonus diploma or something! No clue yet if there is some sort of crazy twist, like incest or the son is nuts or anything. It looks like it’s just a straight forward nice story of unexpected things happening. At least we know something good came from all those “Obama wants moms to go back to school” ads that littered the web a few years back!

Mary Thomas, a free-spirited musician, has spent the past two decades traveling the world, but at age 41 she decides to go back to college and finish her degree so that, for once, she can finally finish something she started. Back at her old university, she becomes close friends with her popular and charming “peer tutor”— only to learn that he is actually the son she gave up 20 years earlier.

Back to School Mom stars Kimberly Elise (John Q), Loretta Devine (Waiting to Exhale), Rick Fox (He Got Game), Garcelle Beauvais (NYPD Blue), Harry Lennix (The Matrix Reloaded), and Denzel Whitaker (Warrior).

The movie is directed by Christopher Erskin (Johnson Family Vacation), with Gerald Olson (The Bug Movie) writing the script. The movie filmed in South Africa.

Back to School Mom premieres Saturday, February 14, on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 4, 2015 at 11:58 pm

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