Sugar Babies brings more old men buying sugar to Lifetime!

Sugar Babies Lifetime

There would be less moral qualms if she just shoplifted the expensive textbooks! But then there would be no Lifetime movie…


The new Lifetime original movie Sugar Babies may be a bit of deja vu, because it is almost identical in plot to Sugar Daddies! But never fear, it is a completely different movie with completely different actresses selling themselves for money, and then consequences will never be the same!

Katie Woods just transferred from community college to Montlake University for their renowned art history program, but campus life is proving more expensive than Katie anticipated. In class, she meets Tessa and is introduced to Tessa’s high-class, expensive lifestyle… all paid for by her older, and richer, boyfriend Leo. While impressed by Tessa’s cultured tastes, Katie is skeptical about the relationships Tessa and her friends pursue– until Katie gets the opportunity of a lifetime to study in Florence, but realizes there is no way she can afford to go. She agrees to Tessa’s suggestion to join her on a double date and, against her better instincts, finds herself falling for Giles, a British businessman who is handsome, successful, and able to write a check to make Katie’s dreams of Florence come true. But Katie soon realizes that having a Sugar Daddy comes at its own price.

With all this sugar floating around, I predict we’ll soon see a Lifetime movie called Sugar Dentists. Okay, that joke was terrible. But at least we can be spared Sugar Babies being about actual babies made of sugar. Even if they make their dreams come true.

It is interesting that this is at least the 3rd Lifetime movie this year dealing with expensive tuition and girls doing things against their better judgement to pay for college. Maybe someone should hand out DVDs of these movies as protests the next time their local college tries to raise tuition again!

Sugar Babies stars Alyson Stoner (Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam), Tiera Skovbye (The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story), and Sarah Dugdale (Stolen Daughter). It is directed by Monika Mitchell (upcoming Pretty Little Addict), and written by David DeCrane (Guilty at 17), with the screenplay by Becca Topol (The Ramen Girl)

Sugar Babies premieres Saturday, August 15th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 14, 2015 at 10:33 pm

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Babysitter’s Black Book (Review)


Babysitter’s Black Book

Babysitter’s Black Book
2015
Written by Richard Kletter and Michele Samit
Directed by Lee Friedlander

Babysitter’s Black Book
Lifetime Channel’s Babysitter’s Black Book is the timeless tale young, innocent girls who go from the Babysitter’s Club to the Redlight Special Club, and then get a heaping helping of consequences and lessons learned. The girls deal with the new-found freedom and sense of thrills from getting lots of money, but having to look the wives in the eyes and hide everything from their parents and the school, while the drama bomb is about to go nuclear. The big question is which cast member will wind up either dead, or worse than dead. That answer is sort of left up to the viewer, as the fates aren’t as catastrophic as the typical Lifetime girls gone prostitute film (such as Sugar Daddies), but they still aren’t things your normal teenage girl wants to happen to them.

Ashley Gordon’s (Spencer Locke, Detention) school business project “Family Buddies” is basically a super version of the Babysitter’s Club repackaged as helper buddies/tutors for overworked parents. Her friends all earn money as employees, there is Janet Moss (Lauren York) the sporty girl, Gilli (Steffani Brass) the arty girl, and Rachel (Angeline Appel) the all-around star who the dad’s all seem to love. Hm… Yes, Rachel has taken it upon herself to expand Family Buddies’ business model, and soon ropes Janet into helping as well. Rachel and Janet are the more sexually experienced girls, while Gilli and Ashley are more reserved and have no intention of going along with their schemes (but don’t tell them to knock it off, either).
Babysitter’s Black Book
Ashley is the overachieving scholar about to become valedictorian (beating the rival girl, rich bitch Harper (Ashley Dulaney)), and worried about college admissions essays. That becomes small fries when the bombshell of her mom’s business failing and her parents raiding her college fund happens. Desperate for money (she doesn’t want to go to… GASP… COMMUNITY COLLEGE!), Ashley lets herself get seduced by the promises of dad Mark (Ryan McPartlin), who promises to help with books and tuition to his expensive alma matter, and all she has to do it let him go to pound town on her. After Mark tries to control her life and she drops him, Ashley is now in on Rachel and Janet’s sex for money business model. Gilli tries to go along with it, but ends up unable to do so and flees with her dignity.
Babysitter’s Black Book
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 11, 2015 at 7:32 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

With Fatal Memories on Lifetime, remembering can be killer!

Fatal Memories Lifetime

Hello, who is this? I told you I drink to forget, don’t you know what movie I’m in??!


We got repressed memories, hypnosis, murder, trauma, drama, broken pots, people being shoved onto a bed, and people screaming at the camera. Fatal Memories is Lifetime at its most drama intense, and from the trailer, it sure looks like a fun cornball of a feature! Super Serious Cop Lady sure looks serious, so I hope Concerned Sister figures out Crazy Sister isn’t the killer soon, because it’s obvious from the trailer that someone else is involved at least partially. But were they working with Crazy Sister?

Sutton’s life is turned upside down when her mother is stabbed to death and her sister April is the leading suspect in the murder case. Suffering from severe emotional trauma, with no memory of the events surrounding the murder, April is sent to an asylum. Upon April’s release, Sutton is certain of her sister’s innocence and is determined to put the past behind them, despite the police department’s lingering suspicions. But as the past resurfaces and events start to put her family in danger, Sutton begins to question her sister’s innocence and realizes that she has to get April to recover her memory to stop the killer from striking again.

Fatal Memories stars Italia Ricci, Magda Apanowicz, Shauna Johannesen, and Kevin McNulty. It is directed by Farhad Mann (Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace) and written by Crystal Verge (her first feature)

Fatal Memories premieres, Saturday, August 8th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 7, 2015 at 5:47 pm

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Black Coal, Thin Ice (Review)


Black Coal, Thin Ice

aka 白日焰火 aka Bai Ri Yan Huo aka Daylight Fireworks
Black Coal Thin Ice 白日焰火
2014
Written and directed by Diao Yinan
Black Coal Thin Ice 白日焰火
In the bleak urban atmosphere of a rapidly industrializing China, body parts begin to appear at a coal processing plant mixed in with the incoming coal shipments. Those thought responsible are found, and after a bloody conclusion, things seemed solved. Years later a new crop of body parts appear, and things get darker from there. A disgraced cop who worked on the original case must put aside his own demons long enough to figure out the who-done-it before he becomes the next set of parts showing up in coal plants.

Diao Yinan’s Black Coal, Thin Ice paints a murder mystery backdropped by the new urban China, the landscape coated in layers of snow that mask the grit below. Glowing neon signs provide an aurora of human habitation among the snow, lighting many of the key locations. But the glow doesn’t show the warmth of humanity, it’s an unnatural presence that makes the night time illumination otherworldly. The inhabitants have their own secrets and shady lives, and who did what and why makes the mystery akin to peeling onions.
Black Coal Thin Ice 白日焰火
Officer Zhang Zili is an up and coming investigator with the police, though the first sign of trouble is his wife leaving him. The investigation around the body parts in the plant yields the name of the victim, the widow confused as to why her husband was targeted. Robbery suspects are located, but thanks to one of them being armed many of the characters of the first act get wiped out, Zhang only barely escaping death by killing them.

Years later, Zhang Zili lives in an alcohol-fueled state of minimal functionality. His reintroduction is him having his motorcycle stolen while he’s too drunk to give chase. He’s burned every bridge at work, where he is a walking joke kept on because of fading goodwill over surviving the shooting incident that capstoned the murder investigation.

But then more body parts are found in coal processing plants. Dun dun DUNNN!!!
Black Coal Thin Ice 白日焰火
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 3, 2015 at 7:51 am

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Megaforce gets MegaRiffTraxed as the new VOD!

I can understand if you are confused, thinking Megaforce was already done by either MST3K or RiffTrax already, but that’s not the case. Only many, shockingly similar and goofy films of dubious quality. Now, Megaforce itself is the film of dubious quality that’s getting RiffTraxxed as the new RiffTrax VOD! And, yes, it is nutty and crazy. Join Barry Bostwick, Persis Khambatta, bandanas, Mad Max cars, and an unfortunate shadow as things get ridiculous with Megaforce. Buy it today at RiffTrax.com!

1982. The decade of the action hero was underway. Within years, catchphrase-mumbling sentient biceps like Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Guttenburg would come to dominate the cinemas. Audiences hungered for mayhem, bloodshed, and for a very brief period of time, Billy Zabka. What they got instead was Megaforce.

Named “Movie of the Year” by critics from a diverse array of publications including “Upsetting Jumpsuit Enthusiast,” “Dweeby Dirtbike Review,” and “Our Memories are Severely Clouded by Nostalgia Monthly,” Megaforce made film history by giving lead character Barry Bostwick both a funny headband and a funny hairstyle. They would prove to be the film’s most enduring legacy. Some viewers may criticize its paper-thin plot, tedious action sequences of no consequence, and overall cheap feel despite having a shockingly high budget for the era. To this we respond: funny headband and funny hairstyle.

Leaders of the Free World have issued denials of the existence of Megaforce, but then again, seven year old Johnny Roddy saw it on Beta it at a friend’s sleepover in 1984 and said it was “Almost as badical as Condorman!” Who are you going to choose to believe? (We would point out that there is a rumor circulating over by the curly slide that Johnny Roddy eats his boogers.) Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill (who do not) for the oft-requested RiffTrax of Megaforce!

MegaForce RiffTrax

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 31, 2015 at 6:08 pm

Categories: RiffTrax   Tags:

Cruel Gun Story (Review)


Cruel Gun Story

aka 拳銃残酷物語 aka Kenju Zankoku Monogatari
Cruel Gun Story 拳銃残酷物語
1964
Written by Haruhiko Oyabu
Screenplay by Hisataka Kai
Directed by Takumi Furukawa

Cruel Gun Story 拳銃残酷物語
Cruel Gun Story is a standout entry from the Nikkatsu Noir boxed set, possibly my favorite (with A Colt Is My Passport a close second) of the set, and maybe even one of the better Japanese noir flicks out there. A criminal is hired to lead a heist, but before you can say “setup”, there is an onion farm’s worth of layers of betrayals that spiral out of control into the inevitable conclusion. Part of the drama is not if certain characters will betray everyone, but just when and how they will do so. The mix of everyone looking out for themselves while things keep hitting the worst of all possible universes for outcomes suggests the cruel object isn’t the gun, but life itself for those who choose to live by it and anyone caught in the crossfire.

Joji Togawa is fresh out of the joint, but before he even has a chance to breathe, he’s being scoped out by a yakuza boss to run and armored car heist. Togawa is what he is, and ends up agreeing, though he’s big on saying how this is his one last job. So we know things aren’t going to end well. Togawa meets his team with his old friend, Shirai (Yuji Odaka), it includes Okada (Shobun Inoue) – a former boxer, and Teramoto, a big mouth junkie (and whose girl, Keiko (Minako Kazuki), tags along). Another member is rejected immediately when it’s revealed he easily spills his guts when threatened.
Cruel Gun Story 拳銃残酷物語
The target is an armored car full of 127 million yen in racetrack money, and guarded by motorcycle cops. The plan to snag the car goes off with only a few minor hitches, but that’s when things hit the fan and fall apart at the same time. The team is betrayed from without and within, leading to the survivors behind holed up while a swarm of yakuza blast their guns at them. The scope of the crime is enough that the entire country is looking for them, and there is nowhere for Togawa to hide. Even attempts to fight against the yakuza hunting them ends worse than things were before. Yakuza Boss Matsumoto’s (Hiroshi Nihonyanagi) son is kidnapped, but the other yakuza care more about the money than the boss’s son’s life.

The only way out is to flee the country, Togawa calling in a favor of Takizawa (Tamio Kawaji), who loved Togawa’s sister before she was crippled in an accident (and still loves her). Togawa’s sister sits in a home for the disabled, and despite her pleas for her brother to be good, she knows he’s gone and done something bad again.
Cruel Gun Story 拳銃残酷物語
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 27, 2015 at 8:04 am

Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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