Honeymoon From Hell is a Lifetime travel nightmare!

Just when you thought you were done with being Newlywed and Dead, suddenly the Honeymoon From Hell starts! This time, it isn’t because of a marriage to a mystery person, but because of a random stalker terrorizer who will probably turn out to have a connection to one of the newlyweds. So maybe it is a marriage to a mystery person after all! We shall see! My advice is not to get stranded at a bed and breakfast during a hurricane. It’s called The Weather Channel, people. Use it!

Actually it is a ghost story movie, because Honeymoon From Hell was originally called The Legend of Alice Flagg, based on the actual ghost story tales of Alice Flagg! Finally, it isn’t the internet or evil people that are the enemy, but dead evil people!

While honeymooning in South Carolina, Julia and Rivers McCoy are terrorized by an unknown assailant when they are stranded at a bed & breakfast during a hurricane. Are they victims of an elaborate prank, or is someone—some thing—after them?

Honeymoon From Hell stars Lexi Giovagnoli (12 Dog Days Till Christmas), Adam Hagenbuch (The Brittany Murphy Story), Catherine Hicks (Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home), Cameron Richardson (Alvin and the Chipmunks), Christian Brunetti (Obamaland), and Ciara Flynn (Online Abduction). It’s directed by Jake Helgren (Varsity Blood) and written by Ralph McCloud (producer on A Dogwalker’s Christmas Tale) and Jake Helgren.

Honeymoon From Hell has been rescheduled to Saturday, July 16th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

Honeymoon From Hell Lifetime Alice Flagg

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 1, 2016 at 10:17 pm

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Newlywed and Dead betrays vows on Lifetime!

Newlywed and Dead Lifetime

Stop marrying people who have huge paintings of the spouses they murdered, people!


Lifetime returns to the bottomless well of stories about people who marry people without knowing who they really are with Newlywed and Dead, as yet another naive young woman marries a guy who turns out to be a crazed murderer. Whoops! At least her movie’s title rhymes! When will women learn that all men are evil and they should stay away from all men forever? Also all women are evil, so stay away from them as well. Basically, become a hermit, it’s the Lifetime way!

Young newlywed Kristin begins to doubt her husband Jay’s love when his aunt and rival is found murdered. Kristin starts to investigate the death, and Jay’s checkered past, only to become his next target.

Newlywed and Dead stars Shenae Grimes-Beech (90210), Samantha Ferris (The Gourmet Detective: A Healthy Place to Die), Venus Terzo (Baby Sellers), Brent Stait (Final Destination 5), Lindsay Navarro (Girl Fight), and Laci J. Mailey (Falling Skies). It’s directed by Penelope Buitenhuis (Not With My Daughter) and written by Linda J. Cowgill (Opposing Force) and Rhys Davies (There’s Always Two)

Newlywed and Dead premieres Saturday, July 2nd on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 7:29 pm

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Shoktir Lorai (Review)


Shoktir Lorai

aka শক্তির লড়াই
Shoktir Lorai
????
Written by ???
Directed by ???

Still better than the remake

Robocop gets remade by Bangla cinema, and the result is far from the worst Robocop film. Shoktir Lorai (শক্তির লড়াই) takes the basic premise of a murdered man being rebuilt into a robot who fights for justice, adds an evil counterpoint built by the villains, and throws in as many other Bangla tropes as they can to bring about a movie that is amazing and ridiculous while still being as Bangla as possible.

Bangla cinema is full of over the top characters and over the top action films, and it’s amazing just how naturally science fiction fits right in. We’ve seen a prior example of Bangla robots battling it out with Machine Man, and that film even stole some of the same parts of Robocop that Shoktir Lorai did! (though it was mostly stealing from Terminator franchise!)
Shoktir Lorai
As usual with these rarities, the review is a longform synopsis with commentary and we’ve included plenty of pictures and animated gifs. Thanks to Bangla cinema being so rarely written about in English, the cast and character names are partial guesses, and there are no subtitles to speak of. But at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! I can’t seem to tell if this film was originally made for television or if it had a theatrical run, but television is where it first caught my attention as someone uploaded a clip to YouTube, and after that it was only a matter of two years of searching before I located a copy. Basically, any rare film you can’t find in less than an hour will probably take years to locate, that’s the disparity of rare cinema. So if people can fill in the blanks on who Shahin Alam and Notun are as well as all the actresses/actors who are nameless, it would be a great help!
Shoktir Lorai

Dr. Johan Buchi (Danny Sidak) – Our Hero is a do gooder scientist who tries to do the right thing and stand up to criminals, but just ends up putting his family at risk. The villains get their revenge and Johan is 99% murdered, but is rebuilt into…
Robocop (Danny Sidak) – Dr. Johan Buchi is back in Robocop form, rebuilt by his father in law to be a powerful cyborg that just so happens to be handy to use as a blunt instrument of revenge. He at first doesn’t remember anything except having a sense of justice, but eventually remembers his family.
Wife (Munmun) – Dr. Johan Buchi’s wife and Dr. Mola’s daughter. I couldn’t figure out her name, which is a real shame. Her and Johan have a daughter who might be named Lita, but she gets killed early in the film. Supports her newly Robocopped husband’s excursions of vengeance where he beats up the criminal underworld. Oddly she didn’t have her daughter rebuilt into a cyborg warrior, a shame because we missed out on Kindergarten Robocop! Munmun was also in Banglar King Kong
Dr. Mola (???) – Tubby Buddy! It’s good to see a familiar face, this guy who is in practically every Banglar film we watch! This time he’s a famed scientist who works on cyborg technologies and rebuilds the nearly dead Dr. Buchi, as well as Julie, into cyborg super powered people.
Inspector Suhil (???) – A heroic cop who tries his best to clean up the mean streets, which might happen now that a cyborg is throwing piles of criminals into his police station every night. Is sort of in a relationship with Charmine.
Charmine Mola (???) – Wife’s sister and Dr. Mola’s younger daughter, she has a carefree attitude and playfully flirts with Inspector Suhil, though she also flagrantly breaks the law while doing so with no remorse. Does little to advance the plot besides adding two songs.
Sharif Mohammad (???) – The grey haired businessman villain whose criminal empire blunders across Dr. Johan Buchi, so they order him wiped out when he refuses to not testify against them. Is incredulous when Robocop starts smashing up all his stuff.
Julie (???) – Sharif Mohammad’s girl who he shoots so she can have Robocop-ish powers of her own, though she’s more of Wonder Woman with super strength and bullet-deflecting metal bracelets. Her soundtrack is punctuated with crows shrieking which is awesome.

Shoktir Lorai
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 28, 2016 at 12:21 pm

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The Wrong Child steps up to Lifetime!

It seems like every week some long lost missing child returns to a family and destroys it. Well, every week on Lifetime, that is! The Wrong Child continues this wonderful tradition, but gives us Vivica A. Fox and Gary Daniels as the couple who get an unexpected bonus kid out for revenge! At least this time they aren’t also being murdered by the internet, so it’s only family drama.

Wealthy in her own right, Renee is happily married to the apparently successful architect Charles until Andrew, who claims to be Charles’ son, shows up on their doorstep. Charles seems suspicious of the teen, but Renee and her daughter are ready to welcome him with open arms — until they both realize that Andrew is a sociopath with an old grudge and a penchant for murder.

The Wrong Child stars Vivica A. Fox, Gary Daniels, Robbie Davidson, Stevana Jackson, Tracy Nelson, Helene Udy, and Alissa Latow. It’s written by Matthew Jason Walsh (The Wrong Roommate, Petticoat Planet) and directed by David DeCoteau! Yes, that David DeCoteau! The A Talking Cat!?! David DeCoteau!

Weirdly, there is no trailer nor stills to be easily found, so enjoy the film poster.

The Wrong Child premieres Sunday, July 26th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

The Wrong Child Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 24, 2016 at 9:40 pm

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Center Stage: On Pointe pirouettes onto Lifetime!

Center Stage On Pointe Lifetime

Ballet sure has changed a lot since I was a kid…


Lifetime dumps a ton of movies off this weekend as well, it’s like they’ve been saving them up and are now on a spending spree! First up is the second sequel to the movie Center Stage, a film you may not even know had a first sequel. Well, it did, and sequel 2 continues the story of ballet, but not in the Black Swan way. Center Stage: On Pointe features the return of Nicole Muñoz as Bella Parker, the sister of the last main character, Kate, and the trials and tribulations of being a top dancer in ballet. It looks like Rachele Brooke Smith is back as Kate, though I don’t know how big her part will be as she isn’t even mentioned in the Lifetime blurbs. There is actually several returning actors including Peter Gallagher and Kenny Wormald, and the film features Dance Moms star Chloe Lukasiak.

A valued patron tasks Johnathan Reeves with taking the American Ballet Academy (ABA) in a new direction that combines contemporary styles with ballet. Reeves enlists his top dancers/choreographers Tommy, Cooper and Charlie to recruit modern and ballet dancers to compete at a Dance Camp training intensive with the winners gaining entry into the ABA. Tommy’s lead recruit is Bella Parker, the younger sister to renowned ballerina Kate. Bella, a natural modern dancer but whom struggles with ballet, is at first reluctant but decides to enter the program to try and prove herself and get out from under her sister’s shadow. Alongside other top dancers, including Gwen, will Bella have what it takes to make the cut?

Center Stage: On Pointe is directed by Director X. Yes, that’s his name, Director X., the period is part of his name. This is his first feature film, though he has directed a lot of music videos. No one seems to list who wrote the film, so it will be a mystery for now! It stars Nicole Muñoz, Peter Gallagher, Sascha Radetsky, Kenny Wormald, Ethan Stiefel, Barton Cowperthwaite, Maude Green, and Chloe Lukasiak.

Center Stage: On Pointe premieres Saturday, June 25th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 7:09 pm

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Rockula (Review)


Rockula

Rockula
1990
Written by Luca Bercovici, Jefery Levy, and Chris Ver Wiel
Directed by Luca Bercovici

Rockula
It’s the final of the three films in the Dean Cameron trilogy brought to us by Midnite for Maniacs (the others being Summer School and Ski School), and while Rockula doesn’t have “School” in the title, it does have a lot of songs, so if you ever wanted to see a vampire Elvis impersonator, Rockula has you covered!

Right off the bat (ha!) you know Rockula is going to be great because it has animated opening credits. Well, maybe not great, but it can’t be worse than Catalina Caper, the lowest-grade movie with animated opening credits of them all. Most others rate far higher, and Rockula is some fun fun cheese that if you saw while you were a young, impressionable child, you will have fond memories of for the rest of your life. If you are first exposed as a cynical adult, you’re probably going to be far less amused.
Rockula
I do remember Rockula from cable as a kid, but not overly so, it’s one of those movies that sort of blurred together with several other films to create a sort of super film that never existed. So Rockula can’t live up to the hype of the most memorable moments of a dozen or so films. But it does have its charm, and Rockula is a movie that deserves a chance.
Rockula
Ralph is a good vampire boy, in that he isn’t bloodthirsty, he can’t even stand the sight of blood, and just wants to play his music. Also he’s forced to relive a curse again and again because long ago he failed to save the life of his beloved Mona, and ever since history keeps repeating herself as she gets reincarnated, only for them to be destined to meet, fall in love, and for her to swiftly be killed off by a ham bone due to the reincarnated rage of a pirate. It’s a curse, except this time there is the added danger that he knows it might be the last time through.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 21, 2016 at 11:53 am

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