Hide your Peach Pits, because the sharks are coming to the most famous zip code in America, and they’re hungry! The amazing director of A Talking Cat!?! and the 1313 series (or for us old school fans, Beach Babes from Beyond and Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000!) David DeCoteau is bring us 90210 Shark Attack, and it features a bunch of people like Nikkie BreAnne Wells, Donna Wilkes, Rachel Rosenstein, Stephanie Shemanski, Jeffrey Decker, Braden Bacha, and Judson Birza. I can’t help but notice none of those names are Beverly Hills 90210 cast members. Seriously, why isn’t Gabrielle Carteris on board? She could still be playing a high schooler, because why not?
90210 Shark Attack is scheduled for an October 2014 release. Until then, we just have to enjoy this cool poster, and hope DeCoteau brings his A-game.
Gangs of Wasseypur Part I
aka Gangs of वासेपुर
Written by Akhilesh Jaiswal, Anurag Kashyap, Sachin K. Ladia, Rutvik Oza, and Zeishan Quadri
Directed by Anurag Kashyap
Gangs of Wasseypur is an epic tale of the rise of the mafia in the Wasseypur region and tells of generations of families in conflict. The massive story originally was a single 319 minute film, but has been split into two parts for release, as few theaters would risk a 5+ hour film. The sweeping tale is consistently entertaining, with memorable characters and a fluid storyline that never seems too complicated despite the massive amount of characters, locations, and history of the Wasseypur region (whose history is just as complicated as the Khan-Singh rivalry!)
Anurag Kashyap is the force behind the Gangs of Wasseypur films, directing as well as helping to produce and write. Kashyap had been interested in doing a gang epic for years, and after hearing about the real life gang warfare and rise of the mafia in Wasseypur, he found a tale to tell. The story loosely follows real events, starting just before India’s independence in 1947 and concluding in near modern day. It is essentially a revenge tale, but not in a traditional sense.
The events spanning time show the economic shifts of India modernizing. In the 1940s, wood is the first item of value, then the real power becomes the coal mines. By the 1970s, it’s gasoline that becomes important, and soon after the Khan family is cornering the iron scrap economy, the conflict over this running through the second film. There is even a takeover of fishing rights just as an aside.
The long tale introduces a huge amount of characters as it passes through the decades, as people enter and exit the lives of the Khan family. Each major character gets a title card, and every character is unique with their own personalities, and just who lives and dies and when and where happens as it would in life, with characters you don’t expect dropping away and others suddenly thrust into larger roles. Everything is done in a manner that just feels like you’re watching true events and not a story punched up to be more Hollywood.
Good, Movie Reviews Tags:
Akhilesh Jaiswal, Anurag Kashyap, Anurita Jha, Harish Khanna, Huma Qureshi, India, Jaideep Ahlawat, Jameel Khan, Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Pankaj Tripathi, Piyush Mishra, Reemma Sen, Richa Chadda, Rutvik Oza, Sachin K. Ladia, Satya Anand, Tigmanshu Dhulia, Vineet Kumar Singh, Zeishan Quadri
Written and directed by “Surendra Hinabar”???
Only Desi Spiderman can get your whites white!
Desi Spiderman is ridiculous, but it knows it is ridiculous, and some of the things that are crazy are intentionally done so for comedic effect. Other things are just weird and who knows why they are that way. That’s what you get when you get a film that is a very localized production that blurs the line between fan film and local production. Desi Spiderman was made in Ghaziabad, India, and brings to mind the Superman film from Supermen of Malegaon. So in that spirit we are happy to watch Desi Spiderman and the ridiculousness there in. Because it is ridiculous.
Desi Spiderman: More Patriotic Than You!
Desi Spiderman’s costume makes him look like a luchador by way of Dr. Seuss. He wears a red turtleneck sweatshirt, white gloves, gold spider mask with eye holes cut out, black pants and brown belt, gold shoes, and white circle with text in the middle of the red sweatshirt. The text is “Kanha Milk”, which I think had a sponsorship deal to help fund the film. But I’m not 100% sure, because there isn’t a lot of information about Desi Spiderman
Suck on this, Spiderman 3!
Surendra Hinabar is the name I found listed for writer/director/song lyrics, so hopefully that’s correct because I’m running with it. I don’t have any other names for the cast list, but whoever plays the Desi Mary Jane does a hilarious job of ridiculous faces during the fantasy musical and wistful daydreaming sequences. PAL Films is generic enough I can’t find anything about it. If it wasn’t for YouTube, this would pass one without being known by the outside world, which would have been a shame. What I think is the director’s YouTube Channel
(labeled Navneet Singh) promises another film, but hasn’t been updated in two years. Maybe someday…. But until then, Desi Spiderman
No one supports the Broncos in my town!
||Desi Peter Parker (???) – A childish man who plays games with children all day, then accompanies Desi Mary Jane during her walks. She feels he is a failure at a protector, which saddens him until he’s given the power of Desi Spiderman!
||Desi Spiderman (???) – The hero India needs. The hero Desi Mary Jane deserves. Desi Spiderman punches bad guy after bad guy after bad guy. And does the laundry! Thanks to his Desi Spiderman powers, he can now date Desi Mary Jane. Desi Spiderman’s greatest power is teleportation, which he does all the time because that’s what real spiders are known for. Be sure to drink your Kanha Milk.
||Desi Mary Jane (???) – Local woman who falls for the only available young man who isn’t a criminal, Desi Peter Parker. That is, until that dreamboat Desi Spiderman shows up and saves her. Luckily, they turn out to be the same guy. Spends most of her time daydreaming musical fantasy sequences, walking, and getting sexually harassed by random goons. And for some reason, the director will randomly zoom in on her boobs.
Hey, I just realized you’re not El Santo!
aka Shaani aka Shani
Written by Agha Nazir Kawish
Directed by Saeed Rizvi
Pakistan goes science fiction for this take on 1984′s Starman movie, Shanee! Of course, it has to get Pakistani cinemaed up first, which means it is full of lots and lots of violence! Shani, Shaani, Shanee, however you want to spell it, is billed as Pakistan’s first science fiction film (and actually is, as far as I can tell) The entire film was a result of Saeed Rizvi, who directed, photographed, and did many of the visual effects. Rizvi started doing effects when he was directing commercials, This was the first of three effects heavy films Saeed Rizvi completed, followed by Beheaded Man/Sarkata Insaan and Mysterious Island/Talismi Jazeera (a Russian coproduction).
Shanee is the first big budget science fiction effects film for Pakistan, and was designed to rival the bit 1980s US effects films like ET, Close Encounters, and Star Wars. It doesn’t quite live up to the hype. There are practical models, glowy aliens, video toaster effects, cartoon lasers and beams and glowy eyes, animated bats, animated crocodiles, a guy with a retractable knife arm, and fakey skeletons. Plus real owls and cobras, and lots and lots of explosions. Even the credits are designed to look like the ones from Superman
Whenever anything interesting is happening, the Shanee theme will blare, the refrain becoming annoying very quickly and unintentionally ridiculous soon after. Now the damn song is stuck in my head and has a good chance of being my last words when slipping from the mortal coil. Damn you, Shanee… There is a limited amount of songs in Shani, but not the no songs that the director claims in interviews. Shanee won a couple of Nigar awards (the Pakistani equivalent to the Oscars) including Best Film, Best Director, and Best Supporting Actor for Asif Khan.
Shanee is an Urdu language film Thus we’re forced to dive in without subtitles. But this is TarsTarkas.NET, and we don’t need no stinking subtitles! Luckily, the film is easy to follow without subtitles, and the few points that were confusing were easily cleared up by the review at the sadly now defunct TheHotSpotOnline.com, accessed through Archive.org. Also because it is Urdu, there isn’t a straight translation of the title, so for opening credits sake we’re calling the film Shanee, but the main character Shani, to avoid confusion by only being a little confusing. Got it? Good! Now let’s get Shaneed!
||Shani (Sherry Malik) – Shani was horribly murdered by Shamsher Khan during a failed attempt to bring down the criminal. But now he’s back, because an alien went into Heena’s house, saw a picture of Shani, and then transformed into him. No one seems to notice Shani acts like a weirdo except briefly when he declares he doesn’t want to get married. And this includes Shane using his strange alien powers on people. Shani even saves Korans from falling on the ground, because that’s what super powered aliens do! Sherry Malik was a model before he made this film, and then he moved on to obscurity.
||Heena (Babra Sharif) – Local villager Heena mourns the death of her fiance and lives at her parents house, at least until her beloved Shani is back, in strange alien form. But who cares, even if you have an alien baby with the imposter, it’s still love and all. Babra Sharif played the villainess Dolly in International Gorillay, at least until she’s seduced by the power of our awesome heroes and goes good.
||Shamsher Khan (Asif Khan) – A bad guy who controls the local area with a bunch of armed goons. Involved in thuggery, theft, murder, and human trafficking. Also he beats his girlfriend. Really hates Shani, and shocked that the guy he killed is not back and impossible to defeat. At one point his arm gets ripped off, and he has it replaced with a retractable knife arm, which makes him awesome. Asif Khan played the villain in Cat-Beast/Da Khwar Lasme Spogmay, and was sporting a mustache.
Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags:
Agha Talish, Asif Khan, Babra Sharif, Mohammad Ali, Nayyar Sultana, Pakistan, Sabiha Khanum, Sherry Malik, Urdu, We don't need no stinking subtitles
The Minecraft film will just be a remake of Troy!
Minecraft is an open world game that I know mainly from playing with my young nephew and conspiring to get him to blow up hours of his hard work in game. I mean, to have fun. Yeah, that’s the ticket. And tickets to movies is what Warner Brothers wants you to buy, snatching up Minecraft and comparing it to the amazing Lego Movie
. But Lego Movie
‘s awesomeness comes not because it is a familiar property filled with familiar properties, but because the story has heart. The familiar properties are just like M&Ms in your McFlurry.
MineCraft doesn’t have Batman or retro Spacemen or even decades of nostalgia as an aide, so Minecraft is already coming in behind the curve. But there is potential there. Minecraft videos cloud my YouTube feeds, many with six digit views stats despite being hours long and looking very boring. It has a rabid fanbase among young kids and people who like watching Twitch streams, so there is an audience, as long as the script and story doesn’t turn out to be ridiculous and stupid. But has Hollywood ever made a bad movie? Obviously not!
image via PlanetMinecraft
Brunei is not really known in the world cinema front, in fact I can’t really think of a film from Brunei. In fact, until 2013, there wasn’t really a film from Brunei made after 1968, which was well before the country gained its independence. The 2013 film What’s So Special About Rina? (Ada Apa Dengan Rina) was the first release, and other Brunei films are in production, including a female-led martial arts drama called Yasmine.
Yasmine follows the titular heroine and her dream to become a silat champion, the martial art popularized from the The Raid films. Newcomer Liyana Yus will play Yasmine, whose goal at martial arts is first to attract the attention of a boy, but soon grows into something bigger. Yasmine will be directed by Siti Kamaluddin, who produces along with her brother and cowrote the story. Kamaluddin and her brother Khairuddin Kamaluddin have a successful advertising company and have made the plunge into the film world. Jackie Chan collaborator Chan Man-Ching is directing the action sequences and helps with the 5 hour a day training regimen of Liyana Yus.
Siti Kamaluddin explains some of the difficulties of starting film production from scrap and importing talent and equipment:
“The equipment is rented from Malaysia, the crew is mixed: our sound and audio department is from Indonesia, then we’ve got Hong Kong and Chinese crew for technical,” she says, listing it all on her fingers. “The art department is from Malaysia but the head of production design is Australian. My DoP [director of photography] is Australian. Chan Man-Ching is from Hong Kong. We have talent from Indonesia and Malaysia. I’m Bruneian, my line producer is from Malaysia, and it’s been a challenge getting extras. Normally you’d go to talent for this stuff but that doesn’t exist here, so we have to do it all ourselves: advertising, calling schools, sending text messages.”
The film has completed filming and will be released at some point in 2014.