The Stepchild gets stepping to Lifetime!

The Stepchild brings back a Lifetime Tradition, Evil Men! This Evil Man probably killed the titular character’s dad and has set his sights on knocking off her and her stepmom as well! Thanks to some convenient amnesia, Ashley can’t tell if she’s correct about the Evil Man, or if she’s just paranoid. But she’s probably right. In a stunning twist, it is the stepmom who has red hair, not Ashely the stepchild!

After spending months in the hospital recovering from the physical and emotional injuries she suffered during a home invasion that claimed the life of her father and left her stepmother, Beth, injured, Ashley Bennett returns home to try to move on with her life. Plagued by fragmented memories of the night of the murder, Ashley begins to suspect that her father’s friend and business partner, John, who is now living with her and her stepmother, is up to no good and she enlists the help of her boyfriend to look into his behavior. When Ashley learns that John’s wife died in an unusual accident, she becomes convinced that John is behind her father’s murder and that Beth is in serious danger. However, Beth sees Ashley’s erratic and paranoid behavior as a sign of suffering from post traumatic stress. Is Ashley simply jealous of this new man or is John a cold-blooded killer? And if Ashley can remember everything from the night of the murder, will she be prepared to face the truth?

The Stepchild stars Lauren Holly (Dumb and Dumber) as Beth, Sarah Fisher (Degrassi: The Next Generation) as Ashley, Paul Johansson (Midnight Witness) as John, and Keenan Tracey (Sugarbabies) as Michael. It is directed by Roma Roth (their first directorial film, but they’ve been involved in film for years and executive produced Roboshark) and written by Roma Roth and Gemma Holdway (Are You My Daughter?, tv’s Killjoys)

The Stepchild premieres Saturday, March 12th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

the stepchild lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 12, 2016 at 12:43 am

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Nightmare Nurse puts Lifetime in intensive care!

Nightmare Nurse Lifetime
Nurses are almost universally kind and good. But we’re on Lifetime, so the nurses here are crazy! And this nurse is a derange stalker, who goes Florence Nightingale Effect on her patient, Lance. Problem is, she forgot to make sure it was okay with Lance, who is still devoted to his girlfriend, Brooke. So now Brooke is a target, and also someone stabs a needle into an iPad and Tracie Lords is running around. So, it looks pretty good!

After Brooke and her boyfriend Lance have a car accident, Lance’s leg injury requires him to be bedridden with at-home care. When an attractive nurse, Chloe, is recommended to them, she seems perfect for the task. However, when her troubled past comes to light, it becomes apparent to the happy couple that someone is out to destroy their lives.

Nightmare Nurse stars Sarah Butler(I Spit on Your Grave: Vengeance is Mine), Steven Good(Ashes), Lindsay Hartley(A Mother’s Suspicion ), Traci Lords (Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre), René Ashton (Double Daddy), and Jessica Morris(Timber the Treasure Dog) It’s directed by Craig Moss (The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It) and written by Jake Helgren (12 Dog Days Till Christmas)

Nightmare Nurse premieres Saturday, March 5th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 4, 2016 at 9:35 pm

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Damaged (Review)


Damaged Lifetime
Written by Riley Weston
Directed by Rick Bota

Damaged Lifetime
Over the decades, Lifetime has had hundreds of original movies with hundreds of characters who are stupid, crazy, vengeful, or just plain awful people. Yet Damaged features a main character who might be the dumbest person to ever exist in a Lifetime movie. Chris Klein’s Sam Luck makes decision after decision that make you question his judgement skills, endangering his marriage and his job, and everything ends in tragedy because he’s just a complete idiot. It’s a weird film where, while not sympathizing with the villain in the slightest, I feel the hero deserves almost everything coming to him. The only point of regret is his poor wife, who actually doesn’t deserve anything that happens to her (including being married to such a moron!)

I’ve praised Chris Klein’s acting in the past, he was the best part of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, rightfully knowing the film deserved only a ridiculously corny performance. He gives a similar type of performance here, making his character be oblivious and completely without a gauge to know appropriate behavior in public and in private. Sam Luck just sort of wanders willfully into bad situations, and then does his darnedest to pick the worst possible option that sets him up to fail both short term and long term. So let’s praise Chris Klein again, one of the few actors who could pull this character off successfully!
Tasya Teles Damaged Lifetime
Sam Luck is an English teacher at a high school and is married to Kate Luck (Tasya Teles, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever ), who spends most of her time working. They get new neighbors, who turn out to be a teenage girl and her absentee father (he’s never seen). Sam has no problems with wandering into their house during moving in day and striking up a flirty conversation with the young girl, which is really not the sort of behavior you want in a high school English teacher, or most adult men in general. Even weirder, Kate then also wanders into the house and discovers him talking to the young girl, apparently sees nothing wrong with her or her husband entering into other people’s property without their permission, nor her husband’s behavior with a younger, attractive woman. Sam is the kind of moron who thinks Taran Hathaway (Merrit Patterson) is a college student, until she does a Pretty Little Liars and walks into his classroom later that day.
Damaged Lifetime
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 15, 2016 at 7:18 am

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Wrong Swipe tinders another killer internet movie for Lifetime!

Wrong Swipe Lifetime

Why not date this random guy from online? Nothing ever goes wrong on the internet on Lifetime Channel!

Enjoy that headline pun, people! Just when you thought the internet was all done trying to kill you, the internet tries to kill you! Wrong Swipe is the latest offering from Lifetime about how the internet is dangerous, this time making Tinder the place of danger. So far 2016 has also seen a movie against Uber, which means Lifetime is on track to take down a different app each month. Take that, Dot Com Bubble 2.0!

Anna’s had a tough time getting close to people ever since her father died five years ago and her relationship with her boyfriend ended. Having lost interest in dating, she focuses on school and taking care of her mom and sister, Sasha. With Anna’s best interest at heart, Sasha creates a profile for her on Swipe—a new dating app that matches users via GPS. Though she is reluctant, Anna gives the app a try. Several potential suitors message her, but they all pale in comparison to handsome and charming Pete. Then Anna starts to get disturbing messages and notifications that a match is very close to her proximity when no one should be. Becoming anxious and paranoid, she pushes Pete away. Not knowing who to trust, Anna is pitted against a stalker who looks to be a match from hell prepared to kill for love.

Hmm… a stalker, or does the app have a problem with push notifications? It’s Lifetime, so of course it is a stalker! Never use the internet again, people!

Wrong Swipe stars Anna Hutchison (The Cabin in the Woods), Karissa Staples (Merry Kissmas), Rhys Ward (The Returned), and Blake Berris (The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down. It is directed by Matthew Leutwyler (The River Why), and written by Sophie Tilson (OzGirl) and Shanrah Wakefield (The Ladies & The Gents)

Wrong Swipe premieres Saturday, February 13th on Lifetime Channel! Be sure to swipe right on this one!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 12, 2016 at 1:36 pm

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Softcore actress Amy Lindsay appears in Ted Cruz commercial!

Amy Lindsay Ted Cruz Conservatives Anonymous

Wait, I meant to sign up for a Caribbean Cruise, not Ted Cruz!

It seems presidential candidate Ted Cruz has a problem, and that problem is being too lazy to Google the actors appearing in his commercials. Thus Amy Lindsay made an appearance in his Conservatives Anonymous spot, which is all fine and dandy except that she starred in a number of softcore movies. Cruz freaked out and yanked the spot, but not before it became a big new item (and he summarily released an Office Space parody video instead to try to cover this up!) We’re doing our part at TarsTarkas.NET to keep this in the news for two reasons: 1. Fuck Ted Cruz. 2. We’ve actually reviewed several Amy Lindsay movies, so this topic is relevant to our site!

BuzzFeed of all places broke the story:

“The actress responded to an open casting call. She passed her audition and got the job. Unfortunately, she was not vetted by the production company. Had the campaign known of her full filmography, we obviously would not have let her appear in the ad,” Tyler said.

Prior to the Cruz campaign pulling the ad, Lindsay told BuzzFeed News in a phone interview on Thursday that she’s a Christian conservative and a Republican. While she emphasized that she did not do hardcore porn and that she also appeared in non-erotic films, Lindsay said she thinks it is “cool” that an actor who has appeared in softcore porn could also appear in Cruz’s ad.

“In a cool way, then hey, then it’s not just some old, white Christian bigot that people want to say, ‘It could be, maybe, a cool kind of open-minded woman like me,’” she said of people supporting Cruz.

Though Lindsay initially told BuzzFeed News that the person at the campaign who hired her “absolutely knew everything that I had done,” she later called back to say that she realized that was not the case.

“I have clearly talked to the filmmakers and stuff and just to be clear, I assumed that they knew, but none of the filmmakers or the casting director knew about my complete filmography in the past that you’re talking about, so I was wrong in that statement,” Lindsay said, saying that she had assumed that an old friend of hers from an acting class who was present when she was hired was aware of her film history.

Amy Lindsay is rightfully peeved by the turn of events, so let’s ignore the fact that she aligns differently with this site and celebrate her filmography as reviewed here! We’ve encountered her three times: Bikini Airways saw Lindsay playing a former model turned lesbian who was looking for a rich guy to marry and take care of her. Insatiable Obsession featured Lindsay as a married woman plagued by a haunted house that held a secret. And Lust Sessions featured Lindsay as a love coach who helped her patients with their relationships, but also needed help on her own. (She was also on Star Trek: Voyager, which means she will live on forever in Trekkie circles regardless of her other films!)

Let’s keep Ted Cruz angry by keeping this is the news!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 11:31 am

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Stalked By My Doctor (Review)

Stalked By My Doctor

Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
Written and directed by Doug Campbell
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
The last Lifetime Original Movie of 2015 turned out to be one of the best! Stalked By My Doctor takes the standard creepy stalker narrative and gives us Eric Roberts as the stalk doc, and he knocks it out of the freaking park! Sometimes Roberts is wasted by directors who don’t know what to do with him, but the man loves to work and he is fantastic at playing unhinged characters, and delivers a performance to remember as Dr. Albert Beck. Dr. Beck is one of the most talented and famous heart surgeons in the world, but he can’t get women to give him a second date. Or even finish the first date, as he usually creeps them out by demanding marriage and them quitting their jobs so they can raise his kids in a foreign country. Dr. Beck doesn’t take rejection lightly, throwing fits of various degrees that usually result in damage to trash in alleyways, but occasionally cause huge scenes in restaurants where dozens of people witness him screaming at his latest date as she tries to escape.

The breakdown scenes with Dr. Beck unleashing his frustration as to why no one will love him are amazing. He’s convinced he’s a doctor, he’s a catch, he’s worthy of love, but is unable to see how he presents himself to the women, so he blames them for his struggles. He’s delusional, and the fantasies begin to creep into his reality, causing him to lose track of time. Despite this, he’s very good at keeping his cover of being an eminent heart surgeon and a respectable doctor. Things change when his latest obsession appears, brought into the ER one fateful night…
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
Sophie Green (Brianna Chomer is your typical high school senior, complete with a jock boyfriend, ethnic best friend, and admission to her number one college choice. But her idiot boyfriend, Ryan (Carson Boatman), has a hobby of texting while driving. This has already lead to a fender bender, and now it leads to a serious auto accident where both of them are ambulanced to the hospital. Ryan has a broken leg (and goodbye football scholarship!), while Sophie has a rip jamming her heart and needs surgery, fast. Dr. Beck is there to save the day, and to become enamored with Sophie. Bloody women with major medical problems are such a turn on for creepsters!
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 8, 2016 at 7:29 am

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