Live a Little, Love a Little
Live a Little, Love a Little

1968
Written by Michael A. Hoey and Dan Greenburg
Directed by Norman Taurog

Someone’s too excited about Elvis’ naked body. Then again, anyone being excited at all about Elvis’ naked body is a scary, scary thing.
Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll, starred in 31 motion pictures between 1956 and 1969. He did it because he loved movies, and his management loved money. Every movie rolled out with a tie-in album that promised a lucrative pot of gold, and while Mr. Presley desired to be another Brando, his management fashioned him instead as a low rent James Dean. A rebel with a cause, and that cause was a bag covered in dollar signs.
I’ve been watching through the Elvis filmography the last couple of months, half because I find dated cultural artifacts fascinating and half because I’m a total glutton for punishment. The films he’s mostly remembered for are big gaudy musicals like Jailhouse Rock and Viva Las Vegas, but these are, politely, the tip of the iceberg.

It’s always an awkward love triangle when there’s a Darren involved.
Usually he’s a pretty typical character: race car driver/airplane pilot/bon vivant who is a part time singer and a bit of a sex machine who gets himself in a bit of trouble. If I told you there was a film where Elvis was fighting his brother in the Civil War, would you be surprised? One where he was mistaken for a spy and chased around the world? One where he plays a Native American in redface? One where he plays a dual role and both Elvises chase around a bunch of sexy bumpkins through the Appalachians?
And I’m only listing out ones that I’ve seen. For all I know, there’s an Elvis movie out there where he plays a giant poodle. Hell, this one comes close.
I’m not going to write about every Elvis movie for TarsTarkas.Net, but I wanted to highlight a few of the most unbelievable. Because maybe if someone believed me when I talk about these films, if someone else knew the pain involved in just how bad some of these are… maybe they won’t be quite so painful.

If you stick with me through these reviews, you may pick up on the fact that most Elvis films have a view of women that nowadays is considered slightly more mature than those held by most cavemen.
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Brutus, Dick Sargent, Elvis Presley, Michelle Carey, Norman Taurog, Sterling Holloway
Dragon Fury (1995)
Dragon Fury
Written and Directed by David Heavener

“Welcome to Motel 6. Do you have a reservation… TO DIE?”
So the Apocalypse happened back in 1999. I know, you probably missed it; I know I did. But it happened, and Los Angeles split from the continent by the fault line and was hit by a plague. By some strange voodoo, this resulted in the remnants of the city becoming entrenched in a mix of medieval pageantry and ninja violence.
Well, if any post-apocalyptic city is going to devolve into a bad action movie, they’re right, L.A. would be the place.
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Categories: Good, Movie Reviews Tags: Chona Jason, Chuck Loch, David Heavener, Deborah Stambler, Films of Troma, Richard Lynch, Robert Chapin, T.J. Storm
Tuesday Never Comes (1993)
Tuesday Never Comes
Directed by Jason Holt
This is going to be a review that begs for the angry comment. Once I misinterpreted a character’s inflection in Beauty and The Boss (1932) over at my blog and I got a three paragraph response which basically called me an Obama/Bush-loving atrocity-condoning socialist.
I need that here. I need someone to point out to me what actually happens in Tuesday Never Comes and I need them to do it quick because this may be a wholly inaccurate review and I’ll never know about it. Then again, anyone else watching may come across a different interpretation by design; maybe this movie is whatever you want it to be.
The reason for the confusion is that a good three quarters of the dialogue in this film is muffled beyond recognition. The other quarter is either screamed or comes from a man who has what can generously be called ‘the fakest Irish accent in the world’. By comparison he makes Chief O’Hara sound vaguely Russian.
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Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews Tags: Erik Estrada, Films of Troma, Jason Holt, Karen Black