Süper Selami

1979
Written by Yılmaz Atadeniz and Hikmet Eldek
Directed by Yılmaz Atadeniz

Who wants to watch a Superman parody where he’s a filthy old man and there is lots of softcore sex? Probably more people than you can imagine, hence the reason Super Selami exists and isn’t just a figment of your imagination! Aydemir Akbaş starred in a slew of softcore Turkish films through the 70s, many of which are probably ridiculously awful, but several of which are genre parodies. Thus the exciting Superman film that is Super Selami. There is also Astronot Fehmi, which is your typical weird guy goes to space and has sex with space babes movie, except Turkish.

This being Turkish cinema, the soundtrack is ripe with stolen songs: the James Bond theme, a disco Star Trek theme, and even an instrumental version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Several more songs sound familiar even if I can’t place them without help.

Aydemir Akbaş plays both the heroic Super Selami, but also the villainous Çengel. That way, he has twice as much screen time, four times as many sex scenes, and eight times as many eye rolls from yours truly. The rest of the roles are minor, and the women exist to either be evil or rescue bait, and all of them get naked a lot. There is a scientist working on something secret. He has a daughter named Ayşe, who is hot and Selimi’s love interest. The Professor’s assistant Nuray is a turncoat. Çengel has another evil girl named Emel on his payroll, mostly so he can have sex with her. Selami gets his powers from a mystical guru who lives in a cave. Everyone else is either a goon or even less important.

Super Selami is typical low budget smut, gaining interest only because of the fantastical elements of the Superman parody. It offers little of interest outside of historical curiosity, nor is it titillating. Luckily it’s so short, so my time doesn’t feel that wasted. A good rundown of all the times Turkey invoked Superman in their films can be found in our review of Süpermen Dönüyor. As usual with obscure Turkish fare, we went in native, without subtitles. But at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

Selami (Aydemir Akbaş) – Our hero is some dirty loser guy who flees into a cave and learns how to become a super hero from a mystical guru. The Super Selmai powers only work if he doesn’t have sex, which is sort of bad as this is a softcore film filled with naked women. Çengel (Aydemir Akbaş) – Villainous leader up to no good. “Çengel” means hook, which is the perfect name because he has a double-hooked hand. Has lots and lots of sex when he’s not up to no good. Unless you think having sex is up to no good, in which case he’s consistently up to no good. Wants to get a formula from the Professor, and resorts to kidnapping and spying to do so. Ayşe (Dilber Ay) – – daughter of the Professor (Muharrem Gürses) and love interest for Selami, even though he can’t partake in her love. She’s constantly being attacked or kidnapped by villains. There is a singer named Dilber Ay, I’m not sure if it is the same woman or not as this actress. Guru Superman (???) – – A guru who hangs out in caves in Turkey like all true gurus. He teaches Selami how to use the power of not having sex to turn into Superman with the uttering of “Shazam!” I think this is actor Kamer Baba but I am not certain.

Death to all mimes!