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Baytekin Fezada Carpisanlar Turkish Flash Gordon
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Baytekin Fezada Carpisanlar (Review)

October 22, 2010By

Baytekin Fezada Carpisanlar

aka Flash Gordon’s Battle in Space

1967
Directed and written by Sinasi Özonuk

So Turkey is the land to go to for awesome pop films from the 1960s and 1970s that skirt the boundaries of copyright infringement. Okay, they cross the boundaries and then moon the boarder guards. The tragedy is for every awesome Turkish film like Turist Omer Uzay Yolunda, the Kilink films, and Aysecik and the Bewitched Dwarfs in Dreamland, there are many lost Turkish films like Fantoma Istanbulda Bulusalim (Fantomas: Appointment in Istanbul), Binbasi Tayfun, and Ucan Kiz. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel that is lost Turkish films, and that light is…MTV Turkey. Yes, MTV Turkey. MTV Turkey has taken to showing a fantastic Turkish film every week, and somehow they keep playing films considered lost forever! It’s amazing, it’s awesome, it’s crazy that MTV is actually worth watching for the first time since they canceled Sifl and Olly! Even if it is the Turkish MTV, it still rules.

Baytekin fezada carpisanlar (Flash Gordon’s Battle in Space) is a 1967 film that cult movie lovers like me who don’t speak a lick of Turkish only knew through gritty photos from magazines from 1967 and had written it off as something we’d never see. Boy, I love being wrong! This film is totally awesome! Just don’t expect the special effects to be up to par with Hollywood, this is Turkey we’re talking about! Everything in the film is either cardboard or a dirty rag! Even the actors! The ray guns blasts are scratches on the films, the vessels are flying saucers hanging from strings, and backgrounds are paintings. Lots of sparklers, smoke, and repeated shots let us know when space battles are happening. Guys on a viewscreen are really in the next room talking through a window.

Hey, this film si so recently rediscovered, no one has made fan subs yet! But at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! The names in the roll call are guesses combined with what little information there was about the film.

Baytekin (Hasan Demirtag) – Baytekin is Flash Gordon! He’s just a mild mannered guy who has giant temper tantrums, gets tossed in jail, kidnapped by space thugs, and leads a revolution against a space tyrant. Hasan Demirtag was also in Fantoma Istanbulda Bulusalim, Zorro disi Fantoma’ya karsi, and played Tarkan in a film that came out before the more famous Tarkan films with Kartal Tibet.
Dale (Meltem Mete) – A rebel spy who helps Baytekin escape and becomes his love interest. Meltem Mete was also in Kadin dusmani and Mandrake Killing’e karsi.
Taranta (???) – A big bald dude who kidnaps Baytekin from jail and forces him to become a space hero. Not immune to rocks.
Ming the Guy Who May or May Not Have Mercy (???) – The evil guy who is evil and thus everyone fights against him. Take that, evil guy!
Rock Men (various) – The rockiest guys you ever did see! Did you know rocks are made of cloth and have zippers? Now you do. Use your newfound knowledge for good, not evil.
Wolf Cave Dudes (various) – A triumph of special effects.
Giant Muppet Carnivore (a Puppet) – The best thing ever filmed. Ever.

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Örümcek (Review)

March 13, 2010By

Örümcek


1972
Directed and Written by Taner Oguz

The last time we had a Turkish Spiderman, he was a pot-bellied, bushy-eyebrowed psychopath who had nine lives and it took the combined might of Captain America and El Santo to take him down. This Turkish Spiderman goes by the name Orumcek and dresses like he was on the way to Space Cadet school and took a detour down wacky hero alley. His costume would not look unusual dressed upon a Japanese super hero such as Prince of Space of Space Chief or Starman.

Like most Turkish films of the era the print is tore up and there seems to be chunks of it missing. That’s what happens when the military takes over and no one cares about cultural preservation of your countries film history. At least the negatives didn’t get melted down for the silver nitrate, like so many other films now sadly gone.

Even with only one hour of film remaining, there is quite a lot going on. So much that I am sure some of my guesses are completely wrong. This is without subtitles, but at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! The main plot has to do with treasure thieves, but there is gun running, wine running, and bad nightclub singing. I think there might be undercover agents in the evil gang, but just who they are I am not sure.

Turkish films made around this time are all heavily influenced by American serials, and when combined with the normal Turkish quirks such as every guy having mustaches and being macho macho men, the super hero films all come out with their own distinct flavor. Be it Turkish Phantom or Turkish Phantom, it is undeniably Turkish. Orumcek is Turkish for spider, so to be Spiderman he would be Orumcek Adam, but that ain’t the movie title so we’re just calling him Orumcek. Is he strong? Listen bud, he’s got TURKISH blood!

There looks like there is one more Turkish Spiderman film, which probably no longer exists (I can’t find my links to the photos of the film or its title and production year.) There is also a 1966 Turkish crime film called Orumcek Adam, but that does not appear to be a super hero film.

Orumcek/Spiderman (Hüseyin Zan) – Orumcek is a space cadet or something. I give Turkey props for having this super hero not being just a costume copy but in fact his own man. Orumcek has his SpiderMotorcycle that has a machine gun built into it. Orumcek punches jerks, bangs women, and kicks Peter Parker in the butt. I like how Orumcek has both goggles and a visor
Erol (Hüseyin Zan) – He is Spiderman! He’s also a guy who gets beat up a lot. Okay.
Main Female Babe (???) – The main female character whose entire job is to take care of Erol and get into danger so Orumcek can save her. Works as a nightclub singer because that makes the movie longer.
Bald Villain Guy (???) – The evil mastermind behind the treasure theft/gun running/wine smuggling/whatever they are doing. He may be named Shep or something similar. He is responsible for Spiderman 3 being so horrible, and also for the franchise being rebooted. Don’t gorget the Spider Clone saga and One More Day. What a jerk!
Evil Biff Tannen (???) – What is Alternate 1985 Biff Tannen doing in Orumcek? Whatever it is, it isn’t good, as he’s evil here, too! That Biff Tannen, always trying to pull a fast one…
Evil Blonde Girlfriend (???) – Bald Villain Guy’s girlfriend who is so loyal she has sex on the floor of a cave with another guy.

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Kizil Maske (1968 Dir. – Tolgay Ziyal)

November 22, 2008By

Kizil Maske

aka The Red Mask aka Turkish Phantom

1968Sinematurk Link
Directed by Tolgay Ziyal
Written by Alpay Ziyal

Another Turkish version of the Phantom, and another film called Kizil Maske! It looks like Turkey was so busy ripping off intellectual property that they started double-dipping! A different movie means everything changes, so now Kizil Maske is actually in Africa like the comic. We know this thanks to the very racist African natives who beat drums. Kizil Maske’s costume is completely different, and now he has a loyal dog companion instead of several employees. Kizil Maske changes into three costumes through the course of the film, which is two more than the other Kizil Maske.

As I mentioned in the last Turkish Phantom review, there are three Turkish versions of the Phantom, two of which are entitled Kizil Maske and were released in 1968, the third is KIZIL MASKE’NIN INTIKAMI, which came out in 1971. As the third movie has little to no information about it, I cannot say if it is directly related to either of the originals. As this is the second Kizil Maske, it is sometimes designated Kizil Maske 2 or Kizil Maske (2) when both are listed. We live to be confusing, so we won’t. Nyeh! Director Tolgay Ziyal also directed the Turkish version of Captain America called Binbasi Tayfun (1968). His sister Tora Ziyal was Gul Dukat’s daughter, but was killed by Damar during the Dominion retreat from Terok Nor. And now you know the rest of the story.

If you want to learn more about the real Phantom comics, go to Google or something, we have better things to do than be your personal information specialists. Okay, maybe we don’t, but we still ain’t gonna do your work for you! Just kidding. Time for some more patented Phantom Phacts: The Phantom’s Skull cave is guarded by members of the Bandar tribe, who shoot people with poisoned arrows. Totally not racist. The Phantom’s costume is colored blue in Scandinavia, red in Italy, Turkey, and formerly in Brazil, and brown in New Zealand. Celebrate diversity. Kit Walker is the given name of the current Phantom (Number 21). One more Phantom and they go bust, so the Dealer will win. There is a Phantom TV series that was produced in India in 1997 called Betaal Pachisi. Okay, that’s enough Phantom Phacts. Thank goodness.

With a whole new cast, we get a whole new plot, in which Kizil Maske is recruited to help after something gets stolen and it turns out to be a conspiracy. What is stolen? I have no idea. It is very hard to tell, and the lack of subtitles kept the plot from being explained. So my theory is they stole the MySQL database for TarsTarkas.NET, because that is very valuable and worth hiring a super hero from another continent to sort out the mess. I remember when The Jokester stole our database in 2005, luckily we hired Starman to kick his butt!

So the plot explanation will be filled with conjecture, speculation, and outright lies due to the lack of subtitles. Just like usual! At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

Kizil Maske aka Fantom (Ismet Erten) – They will call him both Kizil Maske and Fantom in this film, but we will stick with Kizil Maske because it is used most often, and using a consistent name is less confusing. He is a different character than the other Kizil Maske, most noticeably he keeps his secret identity secret, instead of parading around his face like an idiot. He also has a completely different costume, and a secondary costume for detective work (plus a aquatic third costume seen at the end.) Got to make those different actions figures. Kizil Maske brings his faithful dog Sheeta with him, because dogs are cool.
Diana (Nebahat Çehre) – Diana is some hot chick who knows Kizil Maske somehow, gets him hired, and gets kidnapped by the bad guys who are really people she trusts. Then Kizil Maske leaves her to go back to Africa. Sorry, Diana, you were just this week’s woman.
Semih Bey (Erol Tas) – Semih Bey is a friend of Diana and involved in the plot somehow. His house had a safe that gets robbed, you see. Erol Tas not playing the villain? That can’t be right!
Gülgün (???) – He is sleepy a lot. He also uses a gun because he is one of the villains in disguise. Not that I was fooled. You can’t trick me, Gulgun! I see through your niceness. Just handcuff yourself and go to the police station.
Ahtapot (???It is a Mystery!!??) – The evil villain who is secretly one of the other characters! Another film with a mysterious bad guy who’s face isn’t seen (because he is a main character) with a hot babe in skimpy clothing. We have seen this before. All he needs is a cat…
Crazy Girl (Gulgun Erdem) – Ahtapot’s main squeeze, and a bona fide psychopath. Enjoys hanging out in a bikini, petting the cat, and burning tied up girls with cigarettes! She also enjoys getting killed by her boyfriend, at least I hope so because that’s what happens…
Cat (???) – YES!! All villains need a cat! Ahtapot became 10% cooler, which I admit only puts him at 3.28% cool, but still… The cat is so cool he just gets petted by the hot chick all day. Yes, this film has hot chicks petting pussy! (Here come the weird Google search strings…) The secret joke there is cats like to play with string. Okay, it isn’t a joke, but just pretend it is.
Sheeta (???) – Sheeta (I think that is the name) is Kizil Maske’s loyal dog, who doesn’t really do anything in the film. I believe he is supposed to be the mountain wolf named Devil from the comic strip.

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Kizil Maske (1968 Dir. – Çetin Inanç)

November 19, 2008By

Kizil Maske

aka The Red Mask aka Turkish Phantom

1968 SinemaTurk Link
Directed by Çetin Inanç

The Phantom was pretty much the first costumed super hero to have a daily strip in the newspapers. Created by Lee Falk in 1936, the strip continues yet today. The Phantom’s base of operations is the Skull Cave located in the African nation of Bangalla. The Phantom passes down his mantel from father to son for several generations. There is a 1943 serial, which is probably the inspiration for these films, as well as an unofficial follow-up The Adventures of Captain Africa, which was originally going to be a Phantom serial until it was discovered they didn’t have the rights anymore! Check your contracts before you pour money into a project. This is your tip of the day. More information on The Phantom can be found on the internet, maybe you should Google it or something. This isn’t a website that gives you stuff on a silver platter, it is TarsTarkas.NET!

Okay, fine, here is some more Phantom Phacts for you: The Phantom was created by Lee Falk after the success of Mandrake the Magician (who also appeared unauthorized in a Turkish film where he fought Kilink: Mandrake Killing’e Karsi), Falk continued to work on the strip (with brief interruptions) until his death in 1999. The Phantom was the first superhero to not have his pupils show up when wearing a mask. The Phantom operates out of the Skull Cave, and all the previous Phantoms are buried there. Never leave a Phantom behind is their motto. Semper Phantom. The Phantom has three helpers, a mountain wolf called Devil, a horse named Hero, and a trained falcon named Fraka, who must love Battlestar Galactica. He also has dolphins, but dolphins are only good as bonus meat in tuna cans. The current Phantom is #21. The Phantom has two rings, one on each hand. One ring is used to mark his friends, while the second marks his enemies (marks made by punching the enemy in the face!) I am not sure how the friend ring marks work, but I am guessing not the same way.

There are three Turkish versions of the Phantom, two of which are entitled Kizil Maske and came out in 1968. If you think that is confusing, just remember that most of this information I had to decipher from articles written in Turkish! This is the first Kizil Maske, and the other 1968 one is sometimes designated Kizil Maske 2 or Kizil Maske (2). The second film seems to be made to try to bite off the first one, in some sort of Antz/A Bug’s Life or Deep Impact/Armageddon contest. The third Kizil Maske movie is KIZIL MASKE’NIN INTIKAMI (The Phantom’s Revenge), which came out in 1971. As the third movie has little to no information about it anywhere, I cannot say if it is directly related to either of the originals. If you have a copy, send it to me, because that will save me a lot of time looking for it. We are all about being lazy here at TarsTarkas.NET.

This entry was produced, directed, and written by Çetin Inanç, the protege of Yilmaz Atadeniz (who gave world the Kilink films.) Inanc went on to produce a whole ton of Turkish films, both craptacularly awesome superhero fair like this, and more modern stuff that includes violent action films. Kizil Maske translates to Red Mask, in case you were wondering. Remember how in old serials fights would break out all the time randomly, and last like five minutes? That’s pretty much this film. Long fights, lots of manly action, and Turkish men being men. No subtitles, either, because who needs those? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles! It is not like you need a flow chart to follow the plot: The bad dudes are bad, and the Phantom punches them for an hour or so. The end.


Let’s meet our exciting cast:

Kizil Maske ‘The Fantom’ (Irfan Atasoy) – Kizil Maske comes to Turkey from Africa to beat the crap out of bad dudes who are up to no good, making trouble in the neighborhood. Kizil Maske gets in fight after fight after fight and Memo gets scared. But Kizil Maske saves the day instead of moving to Bel Air, because that is the coward’s way out. Kizil Maske doesn’t bother to keep his real face hidden, which is pretty weird at times. But you get used to it. Irfan Atasoy was in a lot of the Turkish pulp films including two Kilinks, Casus Kiran, Kara Cellat, and Maskeli Seytan.
Sezer (Sezer Güvenirgil) – Daughter of the Professor, because all wizened old professors have incredibly hot daughters who date heroic super hero types. Thus, she is the love interest! Gets kidnapped, because that’s what happens to women in Turkish films.
Panter (Faruk Panter) – Hercules is alive and working for Kizil Maske. As Robin to Kizil Maske’s Batman, Hercules gets into scrapes and battles along side his friend, beating up countless goons and creeps. I am guessing he is named Panter because he pants like a dog while fighting his foes. Or the fact he doesn’t wear pants. Either one.
Memo (Sami Hazinses) – A comic sidekick/butler character who is like Alfred, except incompetent. Too bad for him. He is our comic relief, but in times like these relief is the last thing you want. I’d prefer Turist Omer over this guy.
The Professor (????) – The Professor who has created a magic formula that makes plants grow o full size with just a drop. Thus evil dudes want to kidnap him, for some reason. Maybe they work for some evil agribusiness. He may be named Professor Bennin, but then may be not, as it is very hard to decipher that crazy moon language the Turks speak in. I am not sure who the actor is.
Danyal (Ahmet Danyal Topatan) – A bad guy who wears a goofy hat most of the time. Helps Al Kapon Arif kidnap and kill all over Turkey. He is secretly a cop who is good, so don’t hate him too much. And spoilers.
Al Kapon Arif (Yildirim Gencer) – Head bad guy. I don’t know if he is supposed to be the real Al Capone or just an admirer. He is evil, and also tries to rape girls on trains. Because he is evil. Yildirim Gencer is in so many films your brain will explode. To prevent damaged craniums I am not listing any here.
Suzi (Suzan Avci) – A bad woman who is bad. Because even the evil dude needs a woman. There is someone for everyone, even Match.com has a section for women looking for criminal masterminds. Suzan Avci was in several of the Kilink films and a billion other films, sometimes being the hot evil babe, and sometimes just the hot babe.
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Bedmen Yarasa Adam (Review)

September 22, 2008By

Bedmen Yarasa Adam

aka Turkish Batman

1973, SinemaTurk Link
Directed by Savas Esici

Bedmen Yarasa Adam
I want a car, chicks dig the car.

Turkish Batman! Turkish Pop Cinema is one of the treasures of the modern world. There are so many gems just waiting to be discovered, and so many lost pearls that you never know what you will run into. Turkish Star Wars? Turkish Star Trek? Turkish Ninjas? Turkish Wizard of Oz? Turkish Super Heroes? These are only some examples of the radical output of bizarre and amazing films from the 1960s to the early 1980s that came out of Turkey. At times, you hear rumor of films, but are unable to establish their existence. This Turkish Batman film, Bedmen Yarasa Adam was known to still survive, but actually getting a copy was a different matter. Batman also appeared in the Turkish film Fantoma Istanbul’da Bulusalim, mentioned in Pete Tombs’s Mondo Macabro but seemingly existing nowhere on the planet. There is also a Turkish Batgirl film called Ucan Kiz, of which I have only seen the poster for. Maybe one day they will show up. This deterioration of Turkish film history is a terrible tragedy.

Bedmen Yarasa Adam
Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods!

Did you know that Batman drives around Turkey as a hired detective, investigating the murder of girls, and nailing every chick in the Ottoman Empire? Because that’s the real Batman. Turkish films are big on masculinity, the men are all manly men, there are big manly mustaches, the women are all supermodel hot and melt like butter on an oven when they get a load of these manly Turkish studs.

Bedmen (Levent Çakir) – Bedmen strikes fear into the hearts of evil-doers in Turkey. He also strikes the fires of passion in the loins of all women who see them, because Bedmen gets more play than a Tonka truck! Women lines up to lie down for the classy caped crusader, that’s when he isn’t beating the snot out of criminals, or standing around while they commit suicide. The best Batman ever. Actor Levent Çakir played in dozens of Turkish genre films. Check out his resume here.
Robin (Hüseyin Sayar) – AKA Bedrobin, but we will just call him Robin. The Boy Wonder here likes to flip around. His entire fighting technique is to flip and flip and flip. Imagine the female gymnastics team after downing some cocaine-spiked lattes. Robin can’t get laid, because he’s Robin. I am only 75% sure that this is Hüseyin Sayar.
Bruce Wayne (Levent Çakir) – Bruce Wayne here might really be named Gordon, but we’ll still call him Bruce Wayne because it is confusing otherwise. He’s a sexy man who the ladies can’t resist, because, he’s freaking Turkish Batman! Everyone knows it, so it is less of a secret identity and more of an alternate identity. By the time you have finished reading this bio, Turkish Bruce Wayne has seduced three women.
Dick Grayson (Hüseyin Sayar) – Very excited to see naked women. Very excited. Very very excited. Is not see doing much without Bruce Wayne, because I imagine he’s busy with something involving a special sock, lotion, and well-worn magazines.
Bald Guy (Altan Günbay) – An official guy of some importance. Killed early on, only to return as the evil villain. Spoilers.
Main Girl (Emel Özden) – The only girl not gunned down or naked, so of course she is the love interest. Despite the fact Bedmen has several love interests prior and during his courtship of her. Better head to the free clinic after a night of passion with Bedmen!
Cat (???) – A cat. All evil villains need a cat, and this one does. The cat spends all of his time looking off camera at his owner, who the cat is itching to jump over too. This cat knows who feeds him his tuna, and isn’t about to sit in some actor’s lap. All hail the cat!
Bedmen Yarasa Adam
I’m Batman!
Buyu
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Büyü (Review)

November 6, 2006By

Büyü


2004
Starring
Nihat Ileri as Professor Hodja Ekrem
Özgü Namal as Sedef Ekrem
Dilek Serbest as Ceren
Ipek Tuzcuoglu as Ayse
Ebru Ürün as Zeynep
Ece Uslu as Ayden
Okan Yalabik as Cemil
Directed by Orhan Oguz

Watch Büyü and you will die, die, DIE!! Well, the theater will burn down! Okay, one theater, during opening night. And you might not die. In fact, no one died. But the movie is still cursed! Or not. Well, it sucks, so maybe it is cursed… Yes, the Opening Night Premiere truthfully ended in an inferno of the theater, but everyone got out okay. This fueled the curse speculation that lead to Büyü becoming a smash hit in Turkey. Note to self: burn down theater at premiere party for new independent film about a cursed film that burns down theaters in Turkey, make millions! Büyü is an attempt at some more serious horror, a shift away from Turkey’s history of goofy film. Instead, they borrow from some more obscure Western films and combine it with their own folk lore. Büyü, or Buyu as well call it from now on for ease of typing, translates to “Magic”, specifically Black Magic-type spells. The specific black magic is a ghost that slaughters a whole expedition of Turkish Archeologists, all of which but two are hot Turkish women. Turkey may have some problems, but their archeological departments must be funded to the hilt to attract all these hotties. Maybe they all think they’ll run into Harrison Ford or something. Some things never change in Turkish cinema, even back in the wild 1970’s and 1980’s they still packed their films full of bodacious babes, and the tradition lives on with Buyu and Valley of the Wolves: Iraq. Both films also have lots of blood and gore, another Turkish tradition. Some things have changed, though, for Buyu obviously is a more expensive offering than such cult films as Kilink or 3 Dev Adam, but it lacks the sense of fun and enjoyment those films offered. In that fact, Buyu is far much more of a failure than the Turkish Pop Cinema disasters that Turkey is better known for in the cult circles.

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