Sexy Wives Sindrome (Review)

July 18, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Sexy Wives Sindrome

2011
Written by Steve Goldenberg
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)

Let’s do all the Seven Deadly Sindromes!

Sexy Wives Sindrome IS a Jim Wynorski joint, baby! So it follows all the Wynorski touches that make his films unique, from camera angles that peer around womens’ bustlines to characters acknowledging the camera. That also means we got a whole host of Roobie Breastnut songs making up the soundtrack (and, yes, Pussy Pussy Bang Bang IS in the film!) Additional music is also done by Chuck Cirino, as some of the scenes that use a score to help enhance the mood or are more serious just wouldn’t play right with Roobie Breastnut songs blaring.

The core of Sexy Wives Sindrome is relationship therapists who conduct unorthodox fantasy solutions to couples’ problems, which usually involve a lot of sex, and usually involve the therapist herself in a lot of the sex. You would think this would be a gross violation of ethical practices and cause a whole host of legal issues, but it turns out things are even more weird and bizarre than you could possibly imagine, yet the solution also resolves all the lingering problems. I think it’s hilarious how everything worked out in the end, and how the conclusion basically destroys any long ethical argument I could bring up, hence there won’t really be one for this review. I know, I know, you are all disappointed. You better hope the next one doesn’t have a game-changing twist!

What do you mean there isn’t a fireplace, only a big microwave???

There is plenty of pseudopsychological mumbo jumbo going on to justify some of the relationship issues. It basically boils down to couples loving each other and trying to keep things interesting for each other. You could argue that letting other people into relationships can potentially cause lots of drama, but let’s face it, these couples are all pretty much swingers anyway, so they know the score.

Coffee is the real sexy sindrome!

The title Sexy Wives Sindrome comes from the made up syndrome discovered by one of the characters about how men become afraid of their attractive wives because they are so attractive and the men just can’t handle the possibility of losing them. None of that is really worked into the relationships in the film, but it’s the title so it’s important.

But enough about your Psych 101 class, it’s time for the Roll Call!

Side effects include anal black tar discharge???

	Dr. Anderson / Jane Grabowski (Julie K. Smith) – Please don’t reveal the secret of Dr. Anderson really being Jane Grabowski! Okay, the secret’s out. Not like it wasn’t 100% obvious, Dr. Anderson didn’t even have a first name!! Works at the sex clinic, has a libido set to ludicrous speed!
	Nurse Kayla Belmont (Cindy Lucas) – Nurse and general office organizer at the clinic, spends the majority of her time having sex with the patients or the doctors.
	Mark Reed (Frankie Cullen) – Married to Diana, a boring stockbroker who loves his wife, so of course they are having problems.
	Diana Reed (Erika Jordan) – Married to Mark, worried about her relationship because Mark really loves her.
	Professor Jones (Michael Swan) – Owns the clinic where all the on getting gets on. Wrote the book on SWS – Sexy Wives Sindrome – thus the title pun is his fault! Get him!
	Shug Fisher (Tony Marino) – Oh, that guy.
	Lucy Saunders (Angie Savage) – One of the wives looking to improve her marriage at the clinic. Gets into fights with Mandy, because, why not?
	Mandy (Rebecca Love) – One of the wives looking to improve her marriage at the clinic. Is using a polar bear fantasy, according to the doctors. We actually see her having sex, but no polar bear is involved. Hmmm…
	John Saunders (TJ Cummings) – Lucy’s husband who is helping improve his marriage at the clinic.
	Mrs. Berg (Glori-Anne Gilbert) – Wife helping to improve her marriage with blindfold narration roleplay.
	Mr. Berg (Frank Harper) – Husband helping to improve his marriage with blindfold narration roleplay.
	Carol McGuire (Diana Terranova) – Murdered woman seen only in flashbacks.
	Scuzzy Guy (G. Gordon Baer) – Hides in the bushes spying on the Reeds, he works for Professor Jones.

Which one is the sexy wife, and which one is the sindrome?

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Bikini Time Machine (Review)

July 15, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Bikini Time Machine

aka Rewind Time Machine

2011
Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Juan Medina)

I traveled through time and now my period is all messed up!

Bikini Time Machine says it all, except no one is in bikinis. But there is a time machine, and a lot of people nude and having the sex while not in their proper time periods, so it all works out in the end. Unless you are a bikini purist, in which case I’ll just have to ask you to leave.

Bikini Time Machine is smart in that it approaches time travels in an interesting format. No one physically travels through time. But their brain’s biorhythmic electrical impulses are sent to the past, which temporarily manifest themselves in physical form, so you can “interact” with the past. I put interact in quotes because thanks to a quirk in the time travel method, a side effect is time travel turns you incredibly incredibly horny, thus most visits leave only the time needed to have sex before the session ends. This is very convenient for a softcore movie! The machine is called a “Memory Experience Generator” by its inventor, Professor Wells. As all the time travelers are women until the very end, it is not mentioned if men would be similarly affected (and as that could have lead to some disturbing scenes if the film didn’t end where it did, it’s probably for the best.) The other thing related to time travel is the whole adventure is monitored by Professor Wells via a video monitor. For scientific purposes, of course!

You gotta get me outta here, pal! Spielberg has my whole family hostage, forcing us to make movies!

	Lara Clayton (Joslyn James) – Owner of the Lost Cafe, surprise recipient of a huge lease bill or else she’ll lose the place. Her desperate attempts to fix the problem are foiled by J.B. Watergate and his son Teddy, until she gets the final laugh.
	Sara (Kylee Nash) – Waitress at the Lost Cafe who gets involved in the time travel fun. Easy going and doesn’t like jerks. Bathtub enthusiast, friend of hippies.
	Professor Wells (Michael Gaglio) – Professor who has invented time travel via projecting your brainwaves into the past in solid form. Hires young ladies to do just that, while he observes their adventures. Is fired for his radical research, but that doesn’t stop him. Obviously named after H.G. Wells, writer of The Time Machine
	Teddy Watergate (TJ Cummings) – Spoiled son of J.B. Watergate, hired by his dad to foil Lara’s attempts to pay off her lease. Feels a little bit guilty, but not guilty enough.
	J.B. Watergate (Ted Newsom) – Ruthless businessman owner of a chain of nudie bars and property all around LA. Wants to put in even more nudie bars, especially one where the Lost Cafe is.
	Purvis (Trish Cook) – J.B. Watergate’s assistant who helps him deliver his lease announcement against the Lost Cafe and warns him that they might still come up with the money.
	Kandy (Jenna Presley) – Student of Professor Wells who is time traveled to the castle, and has sex with the Princess. Which means she has one up on that chump Mario!
	Dean Potter (Sal V. Miers) – Professor Well’s furious boss who enjoys firing people in ways that probably violate school policy.
	Ken (Tony Marino) – Oh, that guy.
	Hippy (Nick Manning) – Just a far out guy who scoped a groovy chick who appeared in his bedroom one fine day. After freeing their love, the choice chick peaced out and our hero is left to wonder if he was wigging out.
	Princess (Sarah Vandella) – Just your normal 1780s princess sitting around waiting to have lesbian sex with time travelers.
	Marcia the Masseuse (Tasha Reign) – Teddy’s masseuse is more than masseuse.

Adjusting the space heater has never been more fun!

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Monster of the Nudist Colony (Review)

June 26, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Monster of the Nudist Colony

2014
Written by James Rogers and Bruno Kennedy
Directed by Louis DeWalnut (as Steve Goldenberg)

Even the Monster is nude!

Monster of the Nudist Colony blends monsters and softcore sex mayhem into a wondrous combination that’s now available on your local premium cable channel. Monster of the Nudist Colony is a direct parody of The Beast that Killed Women, directed by schlock exploitation master Barry Mahon! Not only have I seen the film, but the Something Weird DVD paired with The Monster of Camp Sunshine was the first Something Weird DVD I ever bought. If you’ve never seen the various nudie cutie films of the 1960s, filmed back when it was legal to film naked people only on a nudist colony, and with nothing frontal below the waist, then prepared to be bored silly (example: Nude on the Moon) There are endless shots of people walking (with strategically placed towels), sitting (with strategically placed towels), and playing games like volleyball (with strategically placed towels!) The Beast that Killed Women shook up the formula a bit by adding a monster killing women (Barry Mahon in a gorilla suit) that substituted for the sexual release that endless shots of nudists playing volleyball would not deliver. In a way, it was one of the Roughies, the name for underground nudie flicks made soon after the exodus from the colonies that had increasingly violent edges (an example we’ve covered is In Hot Blood)

How does a gorilla know how to tie knots so well?

Thankfully, Monster of the Nudist Colony avoids all that violent stuff. The guy in a gorilla suit may gank women, but only to tie them up and make them dance for him! Honestly, it makes the film better, because this is supposed to be a silly parody, we don’t need violent acts perpetrated against women with what may be subtextual racism getting in the way! If anything, Monster of the Nudist Colony is a little too on the nose for it’s subject, to the point where it runs out of plot and fills the last 15 minutes with an all star super orgy. That certainly has the ending dance party seen on subpar animated films beat! If you pay attention, there is plenty of references to nudie flicks: people walking along nature trails with towels, a character who’s totally anti-nudity until they learn to cut loose and be nude, something threatening the security of the nudist colony, and even the occasional visit from law enforcement. What is different is all the sex sex sex! Nudie cuties weren’t allowed to have sex scenes, and official nudist colonies shy away from the sexual aspect of nudity, focusing on freedom. Monster of the Nudist Colony ignores all that and has Circle Double D’s Nudist Colony basically one step away from Hedonism II! Sidenote: the Double D’s Nudist Colony is filmed at the Malibu Dry Gulch Ranch.

And, sorry bigfoot-human sex scene fans, the Monster does not have sex with any women until he has been returned to human form. You might like Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot instead!

The Librarian from Top Secret!, the prequel!

The film features extensive soundtrack work by RooBiE BreastNuT, not only working through the majority of their songs available on iTunes, but featuring a few news ones (including on that sounds written specifically for Monster of the Nudist Colony!) There is even a cameo by Roobie Breastnut herself! While fan favorite song “Pussy Pussy Bang Bang” is not used, you can hear: “I Want Your Love”, “Girls Like Girls”, “This is the Lust”, “Johnny Lapdance”, “Yeah, That’s Triple X”, “Porn to Be Alive”, “Peeping Jon”, “Hypnotika”, “Dance Dance Dance”, “Nudist Camp”, “Suck on This” and many more that can be found on Roobie Breastnut’s iTunes page!

Director Louis DeWalnut is a pseudonym for Steve Goldenberg, who has worked with Jim Wynorski on several of his softcore adventures. The writing is credited to James Rogers (I couldn’t figure out his prior credits) and Bruno Kennedy (co-writer of some of the Busty Cop movies)

What do you mean, you don’t think Ferris Bueller and Cameron Frye are the same person???

	Arch Hammer (Frankie Cullen) – Detective Arch Hammer is totally against being naked, but is totally for solving mysteries. Thus this mystery at the nudist colony disturbs him, but he can’t deny his police mentality, and goes in search of the mysterious Monster. There, he encounters a world he never knew, and if he ever drops his pants, will become part of that world. But will he?
	Mary Hammer (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – Arch’s wife, who is a bit more of a free spirit than him. So free she disregards things like marriage vows! But it’s all good in the land of naked sex orgies…
	Lucy (Angie Savage) – Lucy runs the nudist colony because the owner is missing and it’s also her job. She doesn’t discriminate, she has sex with the employees and the customers!
	Heather (Lexi Belle) – Nudist club member who has fun time relationships with some of the other members, and attracts the attention of the Monster.
	Joe (Ryan McLane) – Nudist club member who has a way with women. He’s sort of a jerk who keeps pushing Heather aside to run away faster from the Monster, and later puts the moves on Dana.
	Mike (TJ Cummings) – The porter at the nudist colony who gets luggage and makes drinks and has sex with everyone. The SoftcoreReviews boards said this might be TJ Cummings’ last softcore film!
	Dana (Bridgette B.) – Nudist club member who enjoys sunning herself, music, and sex.
	Tina (Samantha Ryan) – Nudist club member who is makeout friends with Dana. Captured by the Monster and forced to dance.
	Kerry (Britney Young) – Nudist club member who has a thing for Mike, which she expresses physically.
	Monster (Rickey Ricardo Smith) – The mysterious monster who terrorizes the camp by spying on all the sex going on, and occasionally stealing women for dance parties. Phases in and out of being human while the ladies dance. May or may not be connected to the missing heir Jonah Trout, who was put under an ancient Indian curse.
	Jonah Trout (Tony Marino) – Oh, that guy.
	Bonnie (Hannah Reilly) – Brunette woman who is walking in the woods with Crystal that enjoys a good argument and a good woods lesbian sex session.
	Crystal (Amber Ashlee) – Blonde woman who is walking in the woods with Bonnie that also enjoys a good argument and a good woods lesbian sex session.
	Cop (Roobie Breastnut) – A visiting cop who stops by to let the nudist crew know they need to lay off all orgies while monster reports are running rampant!
	Tennis Fan (Bailey Beetleman) – It’s a guy who looks more like what the average nudist colony member looks like. And he likes tennis! Bailey Beetleman also produced.
	Creepy Squirrel Puppet (himself) – These woods carry unspeakable horror. You don’t want to know! Stay on the marked paths.

She’s secretly the Hamburglar!

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills

November 16, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills

2012
Written by Dean McKendrick
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

When will us busty housewives get to bust a move?

While I usually am gung ho for the Fred Olen Ray films, Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills left a sour taste in my mouth. During the film, the main character hypnotizes a female character and essentially rapes her, and causes her to be raped several other times. It’s all played as “magical control” where the woman suddenly becomes super horny and can’t help herself. But it is rape. And that’s not cool, nor does it make Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills a fun film to watch with your significant other.

There is a group of people who enjoy scenes where women are brainwashed or hypnotized or drugged into becoming incredibly horny and thus needing sex right this instant. Some of it undoubtedly spurs from the time-honored tradition of going out, getting drunk, and getting laid. With a little alcohol in their system, inhibitions drop. All of the depictions feature women who are enthusiastic about the sex they are about to do no under their entire free will. There is an undercurrent that all these women would be banging left and right if they could, so these effects just let them do what they want to do. Others seem into it because it is a form of humiliation of the woman, that she somehow deserves to have sex with random guys because she has lots of sex anyways. That points to a deeper problem, and much more disturbing. Now, this is fiction, no one is actually being raped, and fantasies are fine as long as they are fantasies. Some fantasies I can do without seeing depicted in the media I consume.

It’s not the first time this scenario has shown up in a Fred Olen Ray film – Bikini Jones features a scene where she’s essentially drugged, a character in Bikini Pirates is possessed by a ghost and gets it on, Tanya X in The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. is literally drugged and raped, and the female characters in Housewives From Another World are all taken over by time-traveling aliens and essentially consumed(murdered) by them. All of these scenarios are terrible, and though you can try to argue excuses for some of them, they are what they are. They do make things unenjoyable, and I am at the point where I don’t want to watch them anymore. I was heartened because of something that happens in 2013’s The Super Sex Program that throws these on their ear, so maybe things are changing.

They really shouldn’t have split The Hobbit into 37 different films…

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills not only has a rapist main character, but almost every character is a bad person. It’s a weird movie where the only somewhat decent character is a hired killer. Most characters are scummy and excuse their bad behavior, while Carmine the killer is honest about being a bad person. That doesn’t save him from suffering the same fate as many of the other characters, frozen in place for an unknown time period. Their ultimate fate unknown, as Dave Nelson and his wife leave to be miserable elsewhere. While Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills seems like it’s making a stand against mindless consumerism, that point is lost beneath the layers of terrible behavior.

	Doug Nelson (Eric Masterson) – Former famous traveling hypnotist turned jaded psychic, who soon inherits a big house in Beverly Hills that turns out to be just as problematic as not having a big house. He’s also big into hypnotizing women to have sex with him.
	Kate Nelson (Kelli McCarty) – Used to be an actress, now he’s jut a washed up pretend psychic working with her washed up pretend psychic husband, dreaming of her glory years and wishing she had piles of cash to blow on useless junk.
	Patricia (Beverly Lynne) – Cranky spoiled housewife of Peter who spends all her time talking down to everyone, especially her new favorite target, Doug. Ends up hypnotized and then teaming up with a hired killer.
	Peter (Ted Newsom) – Tycoon in the oil business, because you can’t have Beverly Hills without oil. Unless it’s 90210, which I don’t think has oil. They did have the Peach Pit, which is like oil. Okay, maybe it’s not like oil, but let’s pretend it is like oil. Pretending is fun!
	George Hemwell (Billy Chappell as Tony Marino) – Oh. That guy.
	Amy Hemwell (Kylee Nash) – George’s wife, who is usually falling out of her dress. Was even going to sleep with Doug until he turned out to be a blackmailer! Probably the most well-rounded of the characters despite being amoral.
	Carmine (Evan Stone) – Killer hired by George to take out Doug Nelson, except he goes to the wrong house and gets involved with Patricia. Despite being a murdered and becoming an unwilling rapist, he’s a pretty decent guy who helps unravel the mess going on.
	Griswald (Michael Gaglio) – Friend of Doug’s late aunt, who is also teaching Doug a lesson. Dough is one of those people who needs like 1000 lessons, so Griswald is going to be busy for a long while…

Worst OKCupid date ever!

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Housewives from Another World

July 29, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Housewives from Another World

2010
Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Yes, it is all so clear now how Honey Boo-Boo is a good show.

It’s been far too long. We need an application of Fred Olen Ray, STAT! Thankfully, Housewives From Another World is here to deliver us from the torment, the torment of not seeing one of Ray’s bikiniverse films on TarsTarkas.NET recently. Don’t laugh, this is a recognized medical condition. In that I edited it into a Wikipedia article on medical conditions before I was banned for “trolling”. But how is spreading knowledge trolling? Wikipedia is the true monster.

Housewives From Another World features invading aliens who possess some local women in hopes of sabotaging a satellite launch to prevent a war that ends up destroying their species. These women never regain control of their bodies, and are essentially dead. The aliens would declare that it’s all in the name of saving countless lives. So a moral choice is presented: Is it worth killing a few innocent people in order to prevent a genocide? Obviously, the aliens have made their choice. But did they really have to kill the women as they gain control of their bodies? And why not just gain control of Max, the designer of the satellite, and use his knowledge to sabotage all chances of it being launched?

Oh, great, someone wake up Bruce Willis…

It’s also interesting so see that the aliens travel back in time to Earth, instead of going to warn their own people to get them prepared. Or maybe they do, we just don’t see those characters. After all, some of the alien women leave at the end (with Max), and they must be going somewhere. The aliens may have advanced technology, but they have dubious planning skills (unless their technology only allows them to travel to Earth in the past!) and who knows what their time meddling may have done to history. Technology from the satellite may have saved the galaxy at some point, but the whole thing is tossed to save their skins. And let’s not even talk about how this would be a minor setback at best, human technology can easily catch up and eclipse the work of one man. Though that might mean the time sequence to discovery and war is very quick, perhaps enough that they will be able to develop defenses (heck, there might even be a Team B that is warning their own homeworld!) or even arming their own side, who may come to conquer Earth instead.

These ethical and mysterious quandaries add intrigue to Housewives From Another World. Also there are naked people who have sex.

Cut loose like a deuce, another runner in the night

	Max (Frankie Cullen) – Works on the Orion Deep Space Satellite when he’s not cheating on his wife, Karen. Is the best worker in the program, and the boss constantly talks about how cool his is.
	Karen (Heather Vandeven) – Max’s loving wife, who is less than loving when she finds he’s been cheating around. Finds a meteor crater in a drunken stupor and is taken over by aliens from a distant world who are working to sabotage the Orion Deep Space Satellite to save countless lives.
	Carla (Christine Nguyen) – Fellow worker on the Orion satellite, but she’s nowhere near as good at her job as Max. Dreamy Max… But at least she’s better than Tom! Gets meteored last of the three female characters.
	Rita (Rebecca Love) – Unbright neighbor to Max and Rita, easily convinced to hop into bed with Max. Gets meteored and suddenly is much smarter. Because she’s an alien, and not Rita.
	Tom (Billy Chappell as Tony Marino) – Oh. This guy.
	Mr. Roberts (Ted Newsom) – Boss at the satellite company, he really rides his employees to do their all, but only Max is good enough to get anything done.
	Undercover Agent (Ron Ford) – This totally cool looking guy who is trying to buy the satellite plans off of Tom for suitcases of cash is definitely not an undercover agent for the FBI.

This is the only shower in all of LA!

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Pleasure Spa

February 24, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Pleasure Spa

2013
Written by Tim Sabo
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)

This ain’t how you meditate!

Jim Wynorski gives us another Cinemax softcore role in the hay with Pleasure Spa! While sometimes Wynorski’s softcore films are creative (Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders), other times we get what looks to be a film scrambled together with funds leftover from other films (also known as this film!) For Pleasure Spa, the usual small budget is even tinier, and every location is at the same house, though there is the occasional effort made to try to make us think we’re somewhere else. Let’s just ignore that the front desk scenes are obviously shot in the kitchen. And police captains have offices that resemble a home office in a spare bedroom. Luckily it’s a pretty nice house, allowing for a lot of room variety, and has a pool, a waterfall feature, and a tennis court! I wonder if this was rented from the owner, or if it is a place you can pick up relatively cheap in the aftermath of the housing crash. Heck, maybe it’s Jim’s house!

As an odd feature, there is a random scene in Pleasure Spa that cranks up the creativity and hints more could be going on. But it’s not dwelt on at all, so in the end it just becomes a random aside that makes the rest of the film look even poorer. There are the classic Jim Wynorski camera angles that emphasize certain characters’ ample…gifts. We do have the familiar Wynorski music by Roobie Breastnut, including fan favorite PuSSy PuSSy BaNG BaNG (capitalization according to YouTube standards.)

And suddenly everyone watching at home forgives the lack of budget…

But, you say, who watches these films for the plots? It’s all about the skin game. While I agree that is the case for 99% of the audience, sometimes I want a little meat with my potatoes. And though some of these softcore films have a surprising amount to say, Pleasure Spa doesn’t expand from its small boundaries. What little it does say has been said many times before by better speakers. It also keeps me from typing up eight paragraphs about how this is an allegory about the Spanish Civil War. It turns out the only advantage is the skin game. Speaking of which, let’s go to the Roll Call:

	Dusty (Cynthia Lucas) – The boss of the Happy Endings spa, which is not only a massage parlor, but a massage parlor where everyone gets a happy ending. It’s called truth in advertising, people!
	Shelly (Brandin Rackley) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings. A sadist at heart. Not too fond of doing desk duty.
	Lucky (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings.
	Cammi (Raven Alexis) – The receptionist at Happy Endings, but not adverse to putting on her work uniform and massaging clients herself. Her work uniform being no clothes.
	Anita (Reena Sky) – One of the trained massage therapists at Happy Endings.
	Candy Conners (Heather Vandeven) – The new girl who is hired during the course of the film. Her uncle is Mayor Carl Sloane.
	Mike Mathis (Frankie Cullen) – Cop who frequents Happy Endings, and gets his partner Tommy Hall hooked on the parlor as well. This is bad, as it’s their job to bust the place! Frankie Cullen appears in this “new” film because it was filmed before he retired from these films in 2011.
	Tommy Hall (Tony Marino) – Oh. That guy.
	Client Number 1 (T.J. Cummings) – Client of Happy Endings who comes pretty regularly, and doesn’t seem to understand police tape. Has no real name so I just made one up.
	Captain Crane (Michael Swan) – Police captain who just wants to bust that darn Happy Endings because he hates them. Hates hates hates hates hates them!
	Mayor Carl Sloane (???) – Mayor Sloane has an unusually close relationship with his niece, which seems to result from his rather liberal views on sexuality.

It’s true, island biogeography can be applied to mountain tops, isolated valleys, even fenced off yards!

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