Sex Pets

aka Lost and Found

2011
Story by Eddie Powell
Written by Mona Sunoy
Directed by Eddie Powell

I know you purposefully hid my dog to spend more time with me, but you did it while wearing a beret!

Hey, remember that movie Lost & Found, about a guy who helped his hot neighbor find her dog, while the dog was at his apartment the whole time? Well, a movie called Lost and Found was filmed in 2011, which was basically the hardcore porno version of Lost & Found. And thanks to the magic of creative editing and filming a few alternate bits, Sex Pets is the softcore version of Lost and Found. So, yes, Sex Pets is a softcore version of a hardcore version of a David Spade romantic comedy. You got to wonder how many films can claim the same thing, and my guess is a whole zero.

Yes, 19 boxes filled with framed pictures of me with my dog. Why does everyone thing that’s weird?

Sex Pets follows the same basic plot (though it doesn’t later get complicated like Lost & Found does) with a guy sick of the hookup culture making friends with the newly single hot girl next door and her friendly pooch. Egged on to craft a web of lies by his friend Steve, David lets Jen believe that her dog Boz is still missing after he’s found it just so he can spend more time with her. Because we have to make time for the sex scenes, the plot never gets too complicated, and you know from the start that Jen and David will end up together. The sex scene feature minimal music, often there is no noise except the acting of the actors. I would even say it is too quiet in the background.

Sex Pets is one of those films where I cared more about the plot than I did about the sex. Which is an odd thing to say about a movie called Sex Pets, but it is the truth. One thing Sex Pets does have is some cool cinematography. It looks amazing!

That’s the worst Mpreg Brony art I’ve ever seen!

David (Xander Corvus) – 20-something slacker tired of the hookup culture and looking for a relationship culture. But instead gets involved in a pile of lies with his neighbor, Jen, and instead of crafting a believable lie to get out of it easily, instead screws it all up. Luckily, the plot dictates he’s adorable enough for Jen to give him another chance. Spoilers. Jen (Allie Haze) – Newly divorced woman who now lives for her dog, Boz. Boz runs away because Boz likes to initiate complicated romantic comedy plots in his spare time. Ends up sending lots of time with nice guy David as he helps her find her dog, not knowing she’ll be ultimately betrayed. But Jen seems to like betrayal… Vicky (Kimberly Kane) – Steve’s girlfriend who realizes her boyfriend says and does dumb things from time to time, but is in love with him regardless. Also tries to correct the problems her boyfriend and David cause. Steve (Chad Alva) – Steve and his girlfriend Vicky spend almost their entire screentime playing video games. I would say this character was an exaggeration, but I know many many many many many many many many people his age who do the same things. Steve is the one who has the bright idea to lie about the dog to spend more time with Jen. Meg (Lexi Belle) – Jen’s friend, an overly-excited creative artist. Lexi Belle is the Anna Kendrick of softcore versions of hardcore versions of mainstream films. Roger (Tony De Sergio) – Meg’s boyfriend, who is somehow more weird. Girl 1 (Zoe Voss) – Woman David is having sex with at the beginning of the movie, who is not interested in a relationship. Boz (Boz) – Boz the dog is like always high or something. And then he gets lost. Jeez, Boz, get a grip!

Finally a film captures a true slice of life of 20-something America!