Yep, we’re doing videos now! TarsTarkas.NET enters the 21st century, ten years too late. Oh, well. Please enjoy our cheap puppets and cheap jokes!
Discount Puppet Explosion 411 – Two teams compete to give the best reviews of bad movies. In this episode, Team A takes on the video game movie Tekken. Who will win the fabulous prizes? Who will be blasted off to the moon? Who cost less than $1 in materials to build? Find out as Discount Puppet Explosion 411 plays out…
Visit us on Youtube! We’re also going to post the videos here because we can.
Riddick 3 is on its way, said to be more Pitch Black than Chronicles of Riddick. Vin Diesel won’t get to filming it until he finishes with Fast and Furious 5. THR had some plot details that sound straight out of my five year old self, so hopefully they are fake: the script features the character — the most wanted man in the galaxy — left for dead on a barren alien planet, dealing with “trisons” (three-legged bisons) and “mud demons.” He must then contend with two squads of bounty hunters, one of which ride rockets called jetcycles.
Friedberg and Seltzer are back!!! NOOOOOooOoOOoOooooO!!!!! They are helming something called LA Art Movie, which besides being absolutely awful might also be a major Twilight Spoof. It will still be absolutely awful.
Those of you who like Jim Wynorski softcore flicks will be thrilled to hear about Para-Knockers Activity, an upcoming erotic parody of Paranormal Activity that you knew was going to happen.
Thanks to the commute time of work eating up two hours a day (that’s ten hours a week!) for at least the next few months, movie news is going to suffer. Thus, out from that comes larger news bites posts instead of individual posts for every bit of news that comes along. We shall still be selecting news via the patented TarsTarkas.NET selection method: whatever the heck we want to until we get bored or distracted.
So let’s bring on the movie news!
Hot Tub Time Machine looks like it will be awesome. The trailer embedded below is the safe for work trailer, but you should probably also check out the NSFW trailer somewhere.
Big Money Rustlas is not just a juggalo movie, it’s a prequel to a juggalo movie! It will be absolutely awful. Kill your children if you like this film.
What fighting video game franchises are left that don’t have terrible movies made of them yet? Tekken gets scratched off the list, making me hope the Primal Rage movie will be out by the end of the decade. Isn’t there supposed to be a giant bear in Tekken?
Speaking of crappy fighting video game movies, Mortal Kombat will get another film. This is where I would make a joke about someone needing to put a fatality on this film franchise if that joke wasn’t way too obvious.
Hong Kong is coming out with four (!) competing films about Guan Yu. We have the Benny Chan directed Louis Koo vehicle Legend of Military God, Yang Zi’s Military Saint Yun Chang, Liu Heng’s Guan Gong, and Guan Yun Chang, which may star Donnie Yen if he accepts. Wait until 2011 when Hong Kong will produce 12 biopics of Yan Wang just because they can.
Finally, for all you monster fans, SyFy (sigh…) is having a contest to Name That SyFy Movie! Obviously this movie about Demons in the Holy Land needs to be named Sasquatch vs. Crocodile.
