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InBad, Movie Reviews

Real Steel (Review)

September 30, 2011By

Real Steel


2011
Directed by Shawn Levy
real steel
Is Real Steel a Reel Steal? I don’t even know what that sentence would mean, but the answer is yes. Yes it is.
real steel
Since that opening makes no sense, let’s delve deeper into the robotic heart of Real Steel. Loosely based on a short story by Richard Matheson (author of I am Legend and Star Trek‘s “The Enemy Within”) that has already been made into a Twilight Zone episode, Real Steel instead goes more Rocky and more father and son bonding movie. And there’s also the Rock’em Sock’em Robots.
real steel
As every review will mention the Rock’em Sock’em Robots, I might as well, because that’s what everyone thought when they saw the first trailer. And that’s about all I knew going in to the free advanced screening (once again, TarsTarkas.NET sells out!) So it is pretty good with the fighting robots, except the fact the film is about a father and son bonding, the training robots to fight aspect is just flavor. And to sell toys. Toys that are similar enough that well-meaning grandparents will buy them instead of Transformers. Well, the world needs Go-Bots. But Real Steel is beyond Go-Bots. Real Steel is a flick with some heart. A flick where robots who don’t talk and are controlled remotely by humans have more personality that most of the robots in Transformers. A flick where someone cared about the story almost as much as the robot fighting scenes. It isn’t a great flick, but it isn’t terrible.
real steel

Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman) – A former boxer who is now a gambling robot fighter that owes money all over the place. Charlie continues to make dumb and hurtful choices until he finally learns to be a man thanks to his son and a robot.
Max (Dakota Goyo) – Charlie’s son he rarely thinks about and knows even less. Thanks to the death of his mom, he’s foisted onto Charlie for a while until his aunt and uncle can claim him (and Charlie can make some dough.) Like all kids of the future, plays video games and knows Japanese, despite looking exactly like Anakin from Episode I. Was also in Defendor.
Bailey Tallet (Evangeline Lilly) – Daughter of Charlie’s former trainer and current runner of the now-deserted gym (no one works out anymore because of robot fights!) Makes ends meet by fixing robot fighters.
Atom (Animatronics, CGI, and mo-capped Eddie Davenport) – Found in a junk pile, Atom is an old sparring bot fixed up and sent off to fight because no one will see it coming. Despite never talking and not even being alive, he’s the best cinematic robot of the year.
Zeus (Animatronics, CGI, and mo-capped Eddie Davenport) – Can’t you tell he’s evil? He looks like old school Megatron and he’s black and green, how much more evil can you be? The undefeated champ.

real steel

InBad, Movie Reviews

Footloose

September 22, 2011By

Footloose


2011
Directed by Craig Brewer
Written by Dean Pitchford and Craig Brewer

Why, yes, TarsTarkas.NET did get into another free screening, thanks for asking. Footloose is the first screening where we were given instructions that we were required to mention we went for free. As that’s part of the running joke about how TarsTarkas.NET sold out, that isn’t a problem. So are we still sold out? Read on, dear readers…

Standing in line waiting to get into the theater to see Footloose, something happened. My foot began to be loose! Was that budding excitement for going to see the movie? Nope, just a shoelace that came undone. In addition, the official Paramount film crew was there to tape people for commercials, causing us to feign excitement that we’re waiting to see Footloose. We were convincing enough the operator only had to redo filming several times!

Finally, we were let into the theater. Did you know that giving away free stuff is the most effective way to sway opinion to your side? And that food is the most effectively used free stuff? In totally unrelated news, there was a bunch of free swag on our chairs! We got a cup, a bag of candy, and an issue of Footloose Magazine! Finally, something to put next to my issues of Highlights and Tiger Beat! As for the candy, my wife got Smarties and a Butterfinger, and I got some weird colored circle disks. Lame. Strike 1, Footloose! I just stole another candy bag from one of the many empty seats, and got my Butterfinger. There was also a dance contest where they filmed a few people dancing to put up on the official Footloose website so you could vote for a winner to go to the premier in LA. The movie stars were supposed to be there as a surprise, but they were stuck in Phoenix due to plane delays. Strike 2, Footloose! Below I’ve put a photo of all the swag:

None of this could possibly influence me. Mostly because it wasn’t enough of a bribe! If I’m selling out, I’m going to demand top dollar! TWO Butterfingers!

“This movie is about being a little punk rock and bucking the system” says a designer in the free Footloose Magazine handed out right next to their $149.99 designer shoes from the Footloose movie.

The Footloose remake follows the original film closely. Very closely. So closely it eliminates one of the reasons to remake a film: to give a different take on the story. The names are the same, the plot is the same, the events that happen are the same, many of the clothes are the same (yes, ladies, they kept the red boots!) The opening sequence with the feet is the same, at least three of the songs are the same (probably more, I forgot to take count!) Director Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow) even filmed a speech before the film saying how he wanted to respect the original, they got original scribe Dean Pitchford to help write this new version, and the Footloose magazine is filled with people talking about the original film along with the new. I think the fear of being too different may have stifled their creativity, while remaining true to the original probably helped more than it hurt. It is a weird dichotomy that we’ll try to break down more below.

There are a few differences. Ren is more angsty, his mom is dead now (from cancer), the setting is now the deep south and you know it. The tractor race is dumped in place of a school bus roller derby race. Yes. That’s where the buses explode.

But forget all that, what people want to know is, is Footloose 2011 any good? And my answer is: sort of. There are a lot of problems, but it isn’t horrific. It’s perfectly adequate. I can see young kids today liking it just as much as we did as kids. But in a world of High School Musicals and Glee, I’m not seeing this resonate with the same music vibe.

Let’s meet the cast, then jump into the story

Ren McCormack (Kenny Wormald) – The new kid from the East Coast who is now stuck in the smalltown south after his mother’s death. Almost instantly runs afoul of the antifun laws, and leads a revolt against them. The authority figures don’t like him much, but as authority figures are jerks, who cares!
Ariel Moore (Julianne Hough) – Good girl gone bad in rebellion against her father after the death of her brother and the institution of new regressive laws. Ariel Julianne Hough was on dancing with the stars for several years and grew up near where the original Footloose was filmed in Utah.
Reverend Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid) – Father of a boy who died in an alcohol and dance fueled accident and acting patriarch for the entire town. Reverend Moore has a lot of worries, including his rebellious daughter. And then this new kid comes into town. Freakin’ new kids! Rev. Moore is presented more calm and Dennis Quaidy in this version of Footloose, which helps give his character a different light. You can see his pain and struggles, it is a good performance and the best acting in the show. His wife Vi is played by Andie MacDowell.
Rusty Rodriguez (Ziah Colon) – Ariel’s best friend since childhood, who is saddened that her friend has spiraled out of control after her brother died. Ziah Colon is a delight, and would be the best part of the film if it wasn’t for…
Willard (Miles Teller) – Willard is the character you will be bring up as you and your friends leave the theater and you awkwardly press to see if they liked the film or not, as Willard is easily the best part and is a safe jumping off point. He befriends Ren as soon as he comes to town and needs to be taught to dance like the original Willard (Chris Penn). Ziah Colon is like they took Shia LaBeouf and turned everything that makes Shia annoying into awesomeness.

A Dolphin Tale
InGood, Movie Reviews

Dolphin Tale (Review)

September 18, 2011By

Dolphin Tale

Dolphin Tale
201
Directed by Charles Martin Smith
Written by Karen Janszen and Noam Dromi
Dolphin Tale
TarsTarkas.NET scored another free advanced screening because we’re awesome, and this time we saw the family film Dolphin Tale in 3D. And once again we’re giving a positive review to a film we saw for free. Let’s the claims that we’ve sold out begin! Because they are all dirty dirty lies. One day we’ll see something awful…but not today.

Dolphin Tale is a good family film, and as it is loosely based on a true story it is one of those inspirational films we don’t have enough of. The major problem with films like these is making them feel good without becoming gigantic cheese factories. Dolphin Tale manages to avoid most of those pitfalls and presents us with a story that seems plausible. The film throws in some traditional storytelling arcs around a child protagonist in order to capture the largest possible potential audience. And it is a good choice, as it is hard to structure a story around a character that isn’t human and can’t talk except for squeals and whistles. Even SeaQuest DSV had to have humans around their dolphin!
Dolphin Tale
A fisherman and a child named Sawyer Nelson find a dolphin stranded on the beach, entangled in a crab trap and badly injured. The Sea Animal Rescue crew is called in and take the dolphin away, but the normally jaded and withdrawn Sawyer is strangely concerned about the dolphin’s fate and sneaks into the rehabilitation center. He befriends Hazel, the daughter of the doctor who runs the place, and soon is involved in the rehabilitation of Winter the dolphin.
Dolphin Tale

Sawyer Nelson (Nathan Gamble) – Sawyer has gone bitter since his dad ran off years ago, interested in nothing except looking up to his older cousin, remote controlled helicopters, and failing school. But finding an injured dolphin by the sea changes his life and gives him the first sense of joy he’s had for years. His mom is a single nurse Lorraine Nelson (Ashley Judd), who is your typical struggling single mom. Nathan Gamble is probably best known for being Commissioner Gordon’s son in The Dark Knight. His acting here is more muted, and fades in comparison to…
Hazel Haskett (Cozi Zuehlsdorff) – Dr. Haskett’s daughter who works at the Sea Animal Rescue hospital and befriends Sawyer. Good thing there was a kid his age! Otherwise Sawyer would have to find out about Winter via text messaging or something. This is Cozi Zuehlsdorff’s first film, and she acts rings around some of the other characters, though she does tend to overact.
Dr. Clay Haskett (Harry Connick Jr.) – Marine biologist who runs the Sea Animal Rescue hospital, father of Hazel, and swinging bachelor. His dad Reed is Kris Kristofferson, so he comes from a long line of cool. Dr. Haskett is too busy trying to save animals to worry about funding his hospital, which helps define the third act after the random hurricane.
Dr. Cameron McCarthy (Morgan Freeman) – Morgan Freeman pops up eventually as a doctor who makes artificial limbs. He’s enlisted by Sawyer to make an artificial fin for Winter.
Winter (herself, CGI, and puppets) – Winter is the dolphin who has a tale about losing her tail. Hey, I just got the pun in the title! Just kidding, I got it like five minutes ago…
Rufus (some Pelican and CGI) – The surprise standout of Dolphin Tale, Rufus shows up a lot in the film harassing various characters and stealing all the scenes he’s in. He also eats fish and lives on a roof, hence the name, Ceiling! I mean, Rufus.

Dolphin Tale

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

The Smurfs

July 24, 2011By

The Smurfs


2011
Directed by Raja Gosnell
The Smurfs
As someone who grew up with The Smurfs on tv and in comic books, I can say that I enjoyed them very much. I fondly remember watching the smurf cartoons over the years, and reading the various comics (favorite one – Astronaut Smurf, where all the other smurfs became Swoofs and it was a big wish fulfillment fantasy to help some random Smurf.) So like most young adults, I looked at the upcoming live-action Smurfs movie with trepidation – would yet another thing from my youth be turned into an embarrassment? Maybe even make me feel blue? (Sorry, was forced by law to add that joke!)

Thanks to the fact I’m awesome as smurf, the wife and I got to go to a free advanced screening of The Smurfs in 3D! But I’m not going to let a little thing like free tickets turn my review to a positive, any positive remarks are earned by the film the hard way: entertaining me. So sit back and enjoy TarsTarkas.NET’s first foray into reviewing a mainstream film that isn’t even out yet! Next up: Reviewing a film that doesn’t even exist yet (It Stinks!)
The Smurfs
The Smurfs first appeared in Johan and Peewit stories from the Belgian cartoonist Peyo (Pierre Culliford) in 1959, and they proved popular enough they were headlining their own stories and soon an industry. Smurfs are called Schtroumpfs in their native Belgium, so keep that in mind. The Smurfs are usually hunted by their main adversaries Gargamel and Azrael, Gargamel is a wizard who is after them for reasons that don’t remain consistent (originally it was to create the philosopher’s stone from them, then it became to eat them, then to turn them to gold, and then just pure revenge for the years of failure.)

The best parts of The Smurfs are when there are a whole pack of Smurfs. The opening sequence (also one of the few instances where the 3D is worth it) is awesome enough you want a whole movie set in the magical Smurf village and ancient kingdom. The village feels alive and like you could easily stmble across it in the woods one day and have magical adventures with your new three-apple-high blue friends. But soon enough we are sucked to modern New York City with only six Smurfs keeping us company.
The Smurfs

Like the Masters of the Universe film, Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time, and Aliens vs. Predators, budget restraints forces the film to bring the action to modern day USA. This concept has happened enough it’s been lampooned (in Disney’s great Enchanted), but it also disappoints those expecting a sweeping story set in the world of the Smurfs. And though Smurfs is a kids movie, there will be plenty of adults in the audience bringing those kids, many who grew up watching those same Smurfs Tra-la-la-la-la-la they’re way across their tv screens. Raja Gosnell has experience bringing cartoons to the silver screen, having directed the first two Scooby-Doo films (along with Beverly Hills Chihuahua!)

The main focus of The Smurfs is a bit muddled. Besides the Fish Out of Water story, he script tries to graft a Hero Arc into the film (with Clumsy), but it’s also competing with a Coming of Age Story, Proving Yourself to your Jerk Boss, and Realizing You Should Spend Time With Family and Not Work stories. So it’s sort of all over the place.
The Smurfs

Despite the mish-mash, the film isn’t a total loss, and I ended up liking it. Neil Patrick Harris is still charming despite some of his character’s bad writing, and Gargamel and Azrael help save large stretches of the film with both scenery chewing and cartoon antics (this is a cartoon-turned live-action film, after all!) The kids in the audience were paying enough attention at the end that they were really invested in the final battle.

Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters) – The 500 year old patriarch of the Smurfs, Papa Smurf watches over his children like the kindly old father everyone wishes they had. Papa Smurf also channels Roger Murtaugh, as he keeps saying he’s too old for this (neither time do they add “smurf” to the end, which makes the repetition of the line more annoying.) Jonathan Winters is perfect for this role, the voice is exactly what you expect Papa Smurf to sound like.
Clumsy Smurf (Anton Yelchin) – Clumsy Smurf is the ultimate kltz, but one day he will be a hero! Probably during this movie. Anton Yelchin is a nice choice for Clumsy, because of the character’s story arc you needed someone with a voice not recognizable. And it just so happens Anton Yelchin was in a bunch of movies recently…
Smurfette (Katy Perry) – Smurfette’s origin as a creation of Gargamel is kept in this film version much to my delight, and she is haunted by her origin even to this day. Besides the singular line “I kissed a smurf and I liked it”, Katy Perry probably could have been replaced by your mom and it wouldn’t have mattered despite the character’s large role in the film, as she brings nothing.
Brainy Smurf (Fred Armisen) – Brainy Smurf is the annoying know-it-all who is constantly smacked around by his brethren for being so annoying. And he still is, but he also does something actually brainy in the film.
Gutsy Smurf (Alan Cumming) – I guess because some of the writers worked on Shrek 2, they just needed to have a random Scottish smurf for no reason. Thus, we get Gutsy Smurf, who is basically Hefty Smurf in a kilt. And as Hefty Smurf is in the smurfing film, Gutsy seems even more pointless. Kids love jokes about haggis, I guess.
Grouchy Smurf (George Lopez) – Grouchy becomes slightly more than a character who just says “I hate [whatever you are talking about]”, but is still the least used of the main character smurfs. Loves green M&Ms
Gargamel (Hank Azaria) – Gargamel is the evil wizard after the smurfs, and Hank Azaria plays him to a T. He’s a cartoon character brought to life, and he’s awesome. Gargamel and Azrael save large sections of the film from complete boredom, and do it in style.
Azrael (Mr. Krinkle and Frank Welker) – Azrael is Gargamel’s cat and constant companion. Played by a real cat with plenty of CG enhancements, Azrael is one cool cat.
Patrick and Grace Winslow (Neil Patrick Harris and Jayma Mays) – The Winslows are the typical American family that the Smurfs end up crashing with as they deal with this strange new world. She’s got a bun in the oven, and he’s focus on work and full of worry.

The Smurfs

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