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InMovie Reviews, Ugly

A Little Bit of Heaven

May 4, 2012By

A Little Bit of Heaven


2011
Directed by Nicole Kassell

There have been a few tries to put cancer in comedies in the past couple of years, most of which have had mixed-to-bad results, because cancer isn’t really that funny. So of course the next step is a weepy romantic comedy about dealing with cancer and finding love! Even weirder, it’s pretty much marketed as a romantic comedy even though is blurs more over into the drama category. But, despite the fact it’s getting awful awful reviews, A Little Bit of Heaven isn’t awful (or even awful awful), it’s far more complicated than that…

Marley Corbett is a carefree woman who seems like she has it all going on. She’s a young hip girl in the city, just scoring a big promotion and living life and partying. Working hard and playing hard. All that cliched jazz. Her biggest worry and biggest love is her pet bulldog, while men are nothing but a list of bootycalls. She has a whole cadre of friends who join her on her adventures.

But things aren’t going all that great in Marley’s life, unexplained loss of weight, bloody stools…something bad is on the horizon. After a visit to the very handsome Dr. Julian Goldstein, she’s diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Of course, Marley is too busy having fun to take any of this seriously. She shocks her friends with her announcement done in a flippant way, unaware or uncaring about the shock she put them through. Her attitude begins to have some cracks after a colonoscopy shows things are worse than they thought and the only hope in an experimental procedure that might work or might not. It’s also during this colonoscopy that she has her first vision of the afterlife…

InBad, Movie Reviews

Detention

April 13, 2012By

Detention


2011
Written by Joseph Kahn and Mark Palermo
Directed by Joseph Kahn

Fourth walls? Where we’re going, we don’t need fourth walls! Yes, it is time to review Detention, which I got to see at an advanced screening for free (Tars sells out again! Damn you, Tars Tarkas!) Detention is basically Scream by way of The Breakfast Club and Juno, with more references to the 90s than you can shake your beeper at! If you aren’t familiar with Joseph Kahn, then you need to drop everything (after you’re done reading this and every other article on the site) and go get his other film, Torque, the greatest street racing film ever made. If you think there is a top for things to be over the top, Kahn proves you wrong by going so far over we’re under again, and then even more over! Kahn’s career in music videos serves him well in creating a stylized whirlwind of awesome visual tricks, camera angles, text segments, flashbacks, and crazed editing.

Detention is a comedy, no doubt about that. But there is a killer on the loose, and following the tradition a popular girl is slayed in the opening sequence. Talking to the camera the whole while, she sets up the general feel for the film while spouting the kind of spoiled teenage nonsense you expect from and MTV reality show. So by the time she dies, you’re starting to believe in a higher power. The killer is dressed as “Cinderhella”, a character from the movie within the movie. The killings take a backseat for large parts of the film, our actual protagonist is another girl, who is about as popular as Casey Anthony Baby-sitters Club Adventures.

Riley Jones (Shanley Caswell) – This is what a Feminist looks like” declares her t-shirt written in Sharpie. Riley Jones is your sarcastic put-upon heroine who is the invisible dork of the school. Her futile crush on her longtime friend Clapton Davis is going nowhere, her life is a series of disappointments and disasters that her knowledge of 90s trivia and sarcasm can’t defeat, and worst of all, Cinderhella is trying to kill her. Shanley Caswell makes Ellen Page look like Kim Kardashian.
Clapton Davis (Josh Hutcherson) – The cool skater guy that all the girls want to love and be loved by. Clapton is a step away from being tossed from high school forever unless he saves the universe, a mean bully wants to kill him because he’s dating the bully’s ex-girlfriend, and he runs a website where he reviews…music. And, yes, Josh Hutcherson was in The Hunger Games
Ione (Spencer Locke) – A mindless cheerleader with a head that’s a steel trap for knowledge of 90s music, her passion for it claims Clapton’s heart. Ione used to be best friends with Riley until she suddenly change and Clapton became her man despite knowing of Riley’s crush. I think I enjoyed Spender Locke’s performance the most of all the actors, her portrayal of airheaded knowledge made you think she could keep up with the 90s reference zingers while still throwing around retro dance moves.
Principal Verge (Dane Cook) – The embittered and scarred principal of the high school, who has become the embodiment of hate for the student body. Anyone who falls behind becomes the problem that he needs to solve, permanently.
Time Traveling Mascot Bear (Himself) – Okay, I couldn’t find a good picture of the bear, but I already wrote this and am lazy. The mascot for Grizzly Lake High School is a stuffed grizzly bear that’s been there forever, and one of the characters turns it into a time travel device. Also the bear was probably sent here by aliens. Maybe.

InGood, Movie Reviews

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (Review)

March 31, 2012By

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel


2011
Written by Ol Parker (screenplay) and Deborah Moggach (novel “These Foolish Things”)
Directed by John Madden

In the West, our society doesn’t have the best track record in taking care of the elderly. In fact, it’s pretty awful in America to be old, with our bizarre obsession with the worship of youth. People spend billions trying to look younger, and old people are shuttered away in homes and retirement communities, ignored by their kids. Old people are written off as crabby grumps, except for the occasional “rockin’ grandma” stereotype. Quite frankly, it sucks. So when The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel started appearing on the trailer radar, you can imagine how quickly the youth of today ignored it and went back to Facebook on their smartphones. Which is a shame, because The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is a great film. It is uplifting and inspiring, a film that will make you feel good.

Once The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel began, we were in for a treat. A story that deals with the plight of older retirees, for whom the cards didn’t fall just right and through various financial, medical, or personal reasons have decided to spend their twilight years in India at a hotel designed to cater to their needs. (To outsource their retirement, as the hotel owner states!)

Once again, TarsTarkas.NET has sold out and attended another advanced screening for free, because we have the golden touch of acquiring free tickets from gullible studios! Take that, big money! Tracking down free screenings is becoming my favorite game, though the princess might be in another castle, I can often find tickets lying around her empty room…

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel features a wide array of awesome British actors and actresses, who I have seen in more movies than I can count over the years (I was going to count, and then lost count and gave up!) Instead of a paragraph explaining everyone, I’ll do it in Roll Call form, because that’s what makes TarsTarkas.NET feel like TarsTarkas.NET!

Evelyn (Judi Dench) – A widowed housewife, who let her husband take care of the financials and never asked questions. Thus she’s forced to sell her house to pay off his debts and move to India to retire, and to finally have an adventure. Her blog on her time at the hotel serves as narration and reflection.
Muriel (Maggie Smith) – A former nanny with a bad hip and a bad attitude to those of darker skin. But the only way to get her hip replaced quickly is through a hospital in India, thus her journey to the hotel and the Indian experience. She spent her whole life caring for another family that she didn’t bother with one for herself.
Graham (Tom Wilkinson) – A judge who finally retires after threatening to do so for many years. Graham grew up in India and returns to find the boy he grew up with and loved, only to cause drama among their families when they were discovered and Graham was sent back to the UK.
Douglas (Bill Nighy) – Douglas has been married to his wife Jean (Penelope Wilton) for 39 years, but their retirement is gone thanks to an investment in their daughter’s company that didn’t pan out, and their future seems bleak in an awful retirement community, until they decide to take a chance on the Marigold Hotel. Douglas loves India and grows beyond his useless henpecked self thanks to the country.
Sonny (Dev Patel) – Owner of the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel that he inherited from his father, the prior operator. Has big plans for the facility, but is stymied by lack of funds and lack of his mother’s enthusiasm of both his dreams for the hotel and the woman he wants to marry, a telemarketer named Sunaina (Tena Desae)

InBad, Movie Reviews

Mirror Mirror

March 29, 2012By

Mirror Mirror


2012
Written by Melissa Wallack & Jason Keller
Directed by Tarsem Singh

I killed and skinned a Bjork to wear her hide to this gala!

Mirror Mirror is the first theatrical Snow White movie of 2012 to hit theaters. Featuring Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen, and Tarsem Singh’s distinctive visual style of making every frame look like something you’d use as a desktop background, Mirror Mirror is a beautiful film. But beyond the exterior beauty, your enjoyment of Mirror Mirror will depend on how close you are to the target audience, primarily young girls and their mothers. Mirror Mirror is not bad, there is plenty of action and humor for everyone, but I can see that if I was a 7 year old girl, this film would be the awesomeness. Instead, it’s just good, not great. There are problems such as a few slow spots and a lack of suspense due to the Snow White story being so old and used that we all know the day will be saved, the Evil Queen defeated, and Snow will get her Prince Charming. It’s more of the journey, not the destination, that is important in these cases. While parts of the classic Snow White tale are used, some parts are glossed over, while other pieces are added after being weaved from thin air.

The next guy who calls one of us “Dopey” gets his knees cut off!

Differences abound immediately from the other Snow White, for instead of a Lord of the Rings inspired fantasy, Mirror Mirror is a live action cartoon. The only thing missing was talking animals! Between Tarsem Singh’s imagery and Eiko Ishioka’s costumes, the fantasy world of the fairy tale is alive and well on your movie screens.

Steve Jobs, you bastard!

The scenery is beautiful, from the CGI spectacle that is the castle sitting over the frozen lake to the snow-covered forest where danger may lurk behind every tree. The costumes are amazing, and I could spend thousands of words describing them all. But you really must see them to appreciate them. The opening sequence done in a puppet-style is marvelous, much appreciated compared to all the flat Flash opening sequences I’ve seen in films lately.

And once again, TarsTarkas.NET has sold out and went to an advanced screening for free!

Snow White and the Full Monty

Snow White (Lily Collins) – Snow White is the daughter of the King, who rules over a happy Kingdom. But he is lost when fighting a frightful Beast, and the Kingdom falls into the hands of his new wife, the Evil Queen. Snow is trapped in her room, never to leave the castle. Until one day she decides to… Daughter of Phil Collins, Lily Collins originally auditioned for the role of Snow White in Snow White and the Huntsman, which ended up casting Kristen Stewart.
The Queen (Julia Roberts) – The vainest woman in the world, The Queen runs through the Kingdom’s treasury like a hot knife through butter, driving the Kingdom to ruin and keeping it locked in a permanent winter. Her latest scheme is to marry yet another handsome prince to refill her bank account. And wouldn’t you know it, a handsome prince just happens to wander into the Kingdom…
Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer) – The handsome Prince who is in search of adventure, and he finds one in a Kingdom ruled by an evil Queen and the King’s rightful heir leading a rebellion consisting of dwarves. Also the Queen wants to marry him, even victimizing him with love potions. Armie Hammer plays the Prince so straight-laced and heroic that’s it’s amazing. You can almost see Cinderella and Belle fighting over him just off screen… Also Armie Hammer sounds like Arm & Hammer, so let’s put Armie Hammer in our fridge to see if he stops odors…
Brighton (Nathan Lane) – The Queen’s loyal servant, who was the loyal servant to the King before her. He doesn’t really like what he does, but doesn’t dislike it enough to do much of anything about it. His character is both literally and figuratively a cockroach, though he isn’t entirely evil.
Let’s kick that other Snow White movie’s butt!
21 Jump Street
InBad, Movie Reviews

21 Jump Street (Review)

March 9, 2012By

21 Jump Street


2012
Written by Michael Bacall & Jonah Hill
Directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller
21 Jump Street
21 Jump Street is a hilarious and entertaining action comedy that manages to be a police story, commentary on modern high school culture vs. just a few years ago, buddy comedy, and meta humor behemoth. It far exceeded the meager expectations I had going into it (in yet another advanced free screening for the public – Tars has sold out once again! Dammit, Tars, stop selling out!) Updating the original series seems like it would be easy, as the plot (cops that look young are sent undercover into high schools) is simplistic enough that one fears the script being from the land of Generic. But no one working on 21 Jump Street hitched a ride on the lazy train, instead they shot for the moon, and now the moon’s head is hanging above their fireplace.
21 Jump Street
When I was younger, I watched episodes of the original series, but for some reason I can’t seem to remember anything at all about the show. Even being reminded by Wikipedia and a few fan sites has refreshed nothing, so I’ll have to watch a few episodes to get memories back. Or maybe my mind has been overwritten with more Martian secret agent memories again…
21 Jump Street
Meta humor is strong in this one, with characters commenting on their behavior, Ice Cube as the angry black captain telling people to embrace their stereotypes, and various goofs against remakes and police film cliches/tropes. The high school setting becomes a playground for skewering modern teenage culture with the texting and viral videos while the cops become fish out of water on multiple levels, Schmidt suddenly becoming popular while Jenko is stuck with hanging out with the chemistry kids.
21 Jump Street

Schmidt (Jonah Hill) – Former school loser turned undercover cop who finds new-found popularity thanks to how things have changed in the past few years. Becomes too involved in his fake identity as things begin to spiral out of control. Besides starring, Jonah Hill helped write the story for this remake.
Jenko (Channing Tatum) – Former jock who doesn’t like to study, who is accidentally thrown into the honors classes when put undercover at school. Jenko was the name of the original 21 Jump Street CO for the first few episodes before he was killed by a drunk driver. If there was a connection mentioned, I missed it.
Molly Tracey (Brie Larson) – Eric’s girlfriend who becomes Jonah Hill’s love interest as he tries to infiltrate/befriend Eric’s group.
Eric Molson (Dave Franco) – Drug-pushing hippie with rich parents who ignore him. Starts becoming in over his head, but too arrogant to back down. Dave Franco is James Franco’s brother, and looks like an “If they mated” for James Franco and Zac Efron.
Captain Dickson (Ice Cube) – Dickson is angry, black, and a captain. And proud of it.

21 Jump Street

InGood, Movie Reviews

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

March 6, 2012By

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen


2011
Written by Simon Beaufoy and Paul Torday (novel).
Directed by Lasse Hallström

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a film about a ridiculous premise that becomes less ridiculous as the premise comes closer and closer to fruition. It is a journey of achieving what seems impossible if you just have a vision and drive (and unlimited money!) The film is very very British, complete with dry humor and accents that force you to pay attention. Based on the 2006 novel by Paul Torday, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen just sounded weird when I first heard of it, but a free movie is a free movie, so why not attend? And I enjoyed Salmon Fishing, so it was well worth it.

Once again, Tars has sold out and attended an advanced screening for free! But this time, they were peppering the Bay Area with so many free screenings of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen that it was hard to avoid wandering into one…. And as usual, we attend as members of the public and not as a critic, even though the critics get all the best rows reserved for them (and none ever show up! Lazy, lazy critics!) Director Lasse Hallström (Chocolat, The Cider House Rules) I have lost track of recently, though he hasn’t lost any of his charm since I last saw a film of his a decade ago. The film looks beautiful, with some gorgeous Scottish countrysides and Morocco standing in for Yemen giving us some great desert scenery.

Dr. Alfred Jones (Ewan McGregor) – a government scientist who acts in the proper British way. Stuck in life. But it is time for faith… No relation to the famous archeologists.
Harriet Chetwode-Talbot (Emily Blunt) – Investment firm member who is put in charge of the Sheik’s fishing plan. Emily Blunt tried fly-fishing for the first time on the set of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, and accidentally hooked Ewan McGregor’s dog Sid during her first cast. Sid has fully recovered, and Blunt vowed to never fly-fish again.
Bridget Maxwell (Kristin Scott Thomas) – Bridget Maxwell is the press secretary and supermom who is the character you will be talking about. Can engineer miracles with funding and government help, but is still working for the Prime Minster and always in search of good PR.
Sheik Muhammad (Amr Waked) – The eccentric Sheik who came up with the crazy plan about fly-fishing. Is a dreamer and wants to bring waht gives him peace to his people.

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